Hollywood Arts: A Beacon of Hope

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

Chapter 21 (Trust and Patience)

"Okay, now hit the targets." Jason crouched before her, holding up two large square pads for her to strike. The sun was bearing down on his bare arms and chest, highlighting the pools of sweat in the indentations of his body. His upper jacket was tied around his waist.

She had a similar issue with the heat and was wearing a black sports bra with knee length shorts. Her ponytail clung to the sweat on her back. "Montana. You'd think it wouldn't be hot in Montana." She exhaled and leaned sideways to the right, lifting her right leg up off the ground and kicking the left pad with a swift blow.

"There's a heat wave going all over the country right now. Dad sent me a letter saying it's burning up down in California right now." Her sister said something similar, and to that effect she informed Trina that not only does Jade not sweat, but she got so hot that she started to sweat at one point-and wound up crying.

Over the last month, they were spending a lot of time together and building both her skills and relationship. It got to the point where she wasn't attempting to fight off the growing feelings that she had for him, but it did make things very distracting for her.

Even now with all this heat and sweat on their bodies, Trina could not stop gazing at the glaze that covered him. She tore her gaze to their surroundings and smiled at the creek running past them to the right. They were standing in a private, but open clearing where grass was growing tall and flowers were littering the ground. "We've been practicing all damn day, Jason." She straightened herself and exhaled slowly. "Can't we take a break? Besides, it's too damn hot."

The left corner of his lips tugged back and he lowered his arms. "Yeah, you're right. Besides, you've already gotten your belt and your endurance is getting a lot better." He tossed her a water bottle and she uncapped while hastily pulling it to her lips.

When she pulled it away she drew a heavy sigh. "It's two belts below you and my endurance still isn't as good as yours." Not to mention he wasn't a black-belt yet.

"Give it time."

"Time? I've done nothing but give it time. I give everything time." He raised an eyebrow and she sank to the ground, sitting down cross-legged style. Jason sat beside her and looked at her with concern. "Lately it's patience I'm trying to learn. Patience with my mom-who is too terrified to come out and say anything. Patience in trying to move ahead in life so I can support my sister." She slipped her hands through her hair and clenched her eyes as her temples throbbed and her head pounded. "I've tried to be patient in figuring out who my family is, in trying to come out of whatever 'shell' people say I have, and even trying to date again."

"I wouldn't rush you, and I don't think anyone expects you to rush into anything. Whether it's a romantic relationship, a relationship with your mother, or just life in general." He set one arm around her shoulders and lifted his hand to her right wrist, taking it gently into his and moving it away from her face.

Her eyelids drifted open and her body trembled as her gaze moved into his. "I'm still scared, Jason. I don't want to let my defenses down now, I don't want to focus on myself when I know I need to take care of Tori…when I know that men let you down."

"Have I let you down?"

Her heart began to flutter and she shook her head. "No, but…you might." His chest expanded and his words came out quietly, calming her anxious nerves.

"When have I given you that impression?"

"You haven't. It's just what I'm used to. I remember when I was three…hiding behind the couch when Mom and Dad would have their screaming matches. I remember Dad coming after her, after me…after Tori…" Her body's trembling increased and a whimper fell from her lips. She leaned sideways into Jason and he gently rubbed her arm.

"It's okay."

"I…remember mom crying as she gave us up. We've been through a lot of foster homes-some were abusive and that didn't help." Her voice cracked and a heaviness spread across her chest. "I dated a guy that cheated on me, and Tori had the same thing happen with some guy named Danny. Another guy was borderline aggressive, so I cut him off before he had a chance to become abusive." As she spoke, her tears slid down her face and Jason slowly caressed them away with his thumb. She pulled her head back and looked up into his eyes. "You see why I'm so scared of being in a relationship, of putting my heart out there for just anyone? Why should I, when the safest thing for me to do is to look after my baby sister?"

"Because if you find the right man, you can still look after your little sister and be happy with a man that you can trust." Her brow furrowed and her lip tucked under her teeth. Even though this was a summer relationship and she didn't know if she'd ever see him again after camp, there was a force that pulled her towards him as if she should trust him.

"If I let myself fall." Her hand moved up to his chest and her fingers slid down the indent in between his firm pecs. "If I put my heart on the line." She gazed into his eyes and her features tensed. "Would you hurt me?"

He looked back into her eyes with a genuine sincerity that warmed her, flooding her with relief like a tidal wave. "I would never do anything to harm you. I wouldn't give up on you either. These last two months meant something to me, taught me to loosen up even. You've been good to me, shown me a lot of kindness, and I want to show you the same. I respect you, and I care about you."

Trina's heart skipped a beat and her body leaned into his. She closed her eyes and gently kissed his lips. A shock ran through her body, starting up her heart and filling her with adrenaline.

She pushed him forward into the grass and lowered her body into his. Her head lifted and his eyes burned into hers, connecting with her soul. A soft gasp fell from her trembling lips and a sense of yearning began to sweep through every inch of her body.

Her breath caught in her throat and she swallowed it with difficulty as her waist lowered onto his. She felt his hands on her thighs and saw concern glint in his eyes. "Trina." His hot breath forced her cheeks to swell with blood. "Look. I don't want to do anything to hurt you. I won't do anything you don't want to. It's hot, we're running on hormones right now."

She felt his hand caress her cheek and swooned over him. "I don't care." She wanted to know what it was like, to experience what other couples so often appeared to have.

"We don't need to have sex to have a relationship. I want you to know that. You're a beautiful, strong woman, and I don't want to do a thing to degrade that."

"I know. I just want to know what it's like…just this once." She admired him for not taking advantage of her. "Before I go home, before I have to start focusing my priorities…" It was good to know she could put him to the test and see that he was true and genuine. "I trust you."

It was hard to trust, but being caught up in this moment, she thought for sure she could let herself go with him. She wanted to bring it up with her mother though, but later she would. A sort of confessional, to which she felt more comfortable when dealing with a letter.

The next day Trina walked into Alexis's classroom looking for advice from the woman. She'd sent a letter to her mom, but hadn't yet received a response from her. Trina felt odd after yesterday, her entire body still felt like it was on fire and wouldn't stop.

Her first time hadn't hurt, but feeling him inside of her was scary despite having felt good. She never pictured a sexual act to be as pleasing as people made it out to be.

"Trina, hello." Alexis was sitting at her desk with her hands clasped together at her face. She pulled her purse strap onto her shoulders and turned her surprised gaze to the floor in front of her desk. Jason was groaning as he performed a series of pushups. His face was strained and sweat was dripping on the ground. "Keep it up Jason-I'll have you cleaning out the cabin urinals once you reach one hundred."

Trina raised an eyebrow and walked towards Alexis while staring down at her camp boyfriend. "Is he being punished for something?" Her eyes widened with bewilderment and Alexis lifted her hand up.

"It is nothing to worry about." She put her hand to the desk and smiled at Trina while Jason continued to pant. "So, how can I help you?" Trina pulled back a chair and carefully sat down in it.

"Um…" She crossed her legs, tightening the muscles around her thigh in the process. "I was hoping for some advice, actually." She put her hands in her lap and looked down at Jason. "Kind of personal."

"Understood." Alexis snapped her fingers and Jason jumped up to his feet. "Jason, go scrub down the bathrooms in the Delta hall, when they're pristine, work on the other cabins. I will know if you do the job. I'm a woman, I know how to check for dirt and dust." Jason nodded and bolted from the place without further question.

Trina pressed her lips together and looked over her shoulder. "I really don't want to get Jason into any trouble." Alexis's brow furrowed and she gave Trina a concerned look. Trina was aware of why Jason was in trouble, and a part of her was amused while mostly she didn't like seeing it too much.

"Is something the matter?"

"Well…no but kind of." She rubbed her neck and closed her eyes. "I really look up to you, but I still feel weird talking about this."

"You can talk to me about anything."

She opened her eyes and looked off to the side. Trina uncrossed her legs and sighed heavily. "You remember I mentioned my parents aren't really around?" Alexis frowned and slowly nodded her head. "There's certain things that I've never really discussed, things that you'd discuss with parents…" She moved her right hand up to her cheek and held her breath. "Like sex."

"Sex?"

"Yeah." Her body began to heat up and blood shot back into her cheeks when she made eye contact with the woman. "That."

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, if that's what you're worried about." Alexis folded one hand over her other and smiled reassuringly at her. "It is a completely normal act between two people who love each other very much. It should be reserved as such, waiting for the right person." Her eyebrows tangled together and she let her purse strap fall from her shoulder.

"So it's…you'd say sacred?"

Alexis reached out, patting Trina's hand gently before pulling it away and holding her gaze. "I like to think of the body as a home. You don't let just anybody into your house, you let the person you trust inside." Trina's lips curved up and she started to nod. "When making love, you should feel a connection-almost like your souls becoming a part of that other person. Separating is…a terrible feeling, almost like they're being ripped away from you."

Trina rubbed her arm and nodded carefully as she remembered the act with Jason. "I do trust him, and I did feel a connection." Her heart started to race and her head bowed. "Was I wrong to trust him with something so…personal?"

"Well. Did it feel wrong to you? You'll know if it feels right or not."

"It didn't." She took a deep breath and closed her hands. "I enjoyed it-him-or whatever. It felt right." Trina released the breath and clenched her eyes shut. "Now I'm scared. I'm scared I won't see him again once camp ends."

"Trina dear." Alexis stood up and walked around the desk. She sat down on the edge in front of Trina and gazed softly into her eyes. "If something is meant to be, it will happen."

Jason told her he wouldn't leave her, he promised never to give up on her. Even after camp, he'd find a way to be with her. She didn't know what to do after camp was over, but she dared herself to trust him to make good on that promise. "I'm just scared. I don't like this…feeling open-vulnerable." She hugged her arms and felt her stomach flip inside. "It's different than what I'm used to. I feel like I just made it easy for him to hurt me…"

"You didn't, but when it comes to relationships, trust and faith really is key. Remember, it's okay to be open. You're not being vulnerable and it doesn't make you weak." Alexis set her hands on her knees and inhaled slowly. "What you must do now is study how you feel with Jason. How does he make you feel and do you see yourself being with him, if so, don't be afraid to let your heart pursue him."

"He says he'd care for Tori too, that he wouldn't try and separate us. I-I think I'd need to see that before I trust him in a relationship. But…I trusted him enough to-" She hesitated and bit her lip. It wasn't hard to see how much she trusted him, and if she were to be perfectly honest, she trusted every word he said to be the truth. "Maybe I'm just looking for reasons to be scared. I don't know…"

Alexis gazed compassionately into her eyes, soothing her as she reached over and pat Trina's hand. "Give it time, Trina. Everything takes time, faith, and patience." She chuckled nervously and slowly stood up, thanking Alexis for her advice.

"Patience and time-I guess I really do need to learn to use them both. Thank you for your advice…"

"My door is always open if you need to talk."

So camp is going well-probably the first thing Trina wrote in the letter to her mom before bringing up the sex with Jason. Alexis gave some good advice.