A/N

I am an awful person and I apologize. Lots of stuff kept me busy but the main reasons it took me so long is because Toby is a bit harder of a character to wrap my head around then I thought and I'm a major procrastinator. So, sorry for that. This was supposed to be two chapters but it seemed harsh to break it into two when I was just going to upload everything at one time anyway. I might break it down to two later on and I might not but I don't think it would make too much difference. Sorry for the long chapter and especially sorry if it seems like crap. Without further ado, please enjoy this chapter of 'Try'

Toby

It's getting harder. More and more the sight of that night drives me mad in my mind. I picture Chelsea there screaming at her mother to wake up. Renee's bloody body with a river of red around her and on Chelsea. I saw Chelsea and I thought I was going to lose her too, there was so much blood. I can't stand it. Maybe, maybe this is punishment. I should have watched her more. Kept an eye on her. Made her more aware that it was dangerous to go off the path.

Every single time I look at Chelsea the only thing I can imagine is her bloody and broken or in a hospital bed hooked up to life support. I'm terrified to look at my own daughter because I'm afraid of what devastating image my mind will conjure up next. Even more so, I'm terrified to leave her be because I think she'll die the moment I take my eyes off her.

How much I wish Renee was here. She'd talk and talk and talk and I could feel my mind healing no matter what. She'd tell me what I might need to do when I was confused. Now she's gone and I'm lost. I don't know what I'm doing. There's a void and I don't know what to do fill it. I'm so lost. Chelsea hasn't spoken to me since the night she went off in my study. She still leaves the house to get away and now every time I hear a door close I imagine someone dying. Some parent having to question why they've had to suffer. Some child feeling hate and wanting to direct it on anyone for the death of their parent. A crying mother, a lying brother, a sighing sister, a dying father. What's wrong with me?! Why, why can't I stop?

The door slams and I hear Selena going into hysterics again over Chelsea being bloody. I shiver. The first time I saw her like that I thought she was injured. When I heard she was in a small gang fight I was certain of it. She wasn't though, and somehow the effect that had on me was worse than what it felt when I thought she was injured. She walks by my room and the doors open. For a brief moment, our eyes meet. Hers look so dead. Like no light will ever come in again. She smirks and I feel like I just witnessed a caged and hungry tigress looking for a chance to attack. Before I can react she's already leaving the house in a different set of clothes and a backpack slung over her shoulder. Selena's screaming at her now to stay inside. Of course she doesn't listen. Chelsea hasn't listened to anyone since Renee passed. Sometimes I don't think she even hears.

What I am I doing? Can I even be counted as her father anymore? Is this what it's going to be like for the rest of our lives? Chelsea progressively getting worse until she dies? Me sitting here like a quivering coward? I remember one year in a small poll someone said that the one person they'd never cross would be the members of my business because I'd always react swiftly, immediately and in a way they'd never forget. If they saw how I was with my daughter could they say the same?

The pen I've been holding the last few moments snaps in my grasp and I startle. I open my hand and all over my palm black ink is filling every crevice and niche. It drips down my palm like black blood. How appropriate.

For a man to think such disastrous thoughts, to pool his luck with death, I should at this point bleed black.

"Honestly! I'm worried about her!"

I flinch and look towards the hall where Selena is talking to our maid.

"There's no way she's going to be able to travel this path her whole life be able to live happily. She's lucky she's still surviving!"

The maid nods her head and continues dusting the window. I don't understand why Selena always persists in talking to anyone about Chelsea and her troubles. The ones who listen don't care, and the ones who care don't listen. That's what this family has succumb too now at this point. We've all become desensitized to everything around us and immersed ourselves in our own selfish issues that none of us can be bothered to listen to anyone else's issues. But I guess that's why I married Selena. She doesn't care no one cares. To her, what matters is that she still cares, that's why she can still last in a family gone blacker than the ink of the same kind dripping on the desk.

I slammed my fist down. No more. It can't go on like this.

"Are you even listening? She brought home a dog! A dog! In my house!"

I sighed. I've been listening to Selena rant on Chelsea's newest endeavors and her disbelief in the fact that she still loves animals. Frankly though, I can't force myself to care. At least she isn't going out seeking death anymore.

"What do you want me to do about it?" I ask her.

"Make her get rid of it!"

"Did you tell her to?"

"Yes, but she won't listen!"

I smile, "So you think she'll listen to me?"

"No, I don't think she'll listen. I know she'll listen!"

A frown crosses my face. "What makes you say that?"

"Because you're her father! The only reason you believe she won't listen to you is because she refuses to listen to me and won't talk to you. I honestly haven't seen you say anything to her in a year. If you say something she isn't going to just ignore you."

I shook my head. "Just leave her be."

"Every time someone leaves her be she does something stupid!"

"But she doesn't do anything deadly."

"Not yet at least!"

"it's good to see you still don't trust me."

Selena and I froze when Chelsea started talking. Neither one of us even noticed she came in.

"It's cool though. I don't particularly trust a bitch like you either."

I looked at Chelsea and almost laughed. She was dressed up all in pink,poof and sparkles. I've never even seen her come close to wearing pink.

I pointed at it "What possessed you to wear that?"

Chelsea seemed to startle and I realized I just spoke directly to her. Shock can bring people to do strange things.

She turned as red as a tomato. "Absolutely nothing." Then ran upstairs with a beagle puppy at her heels.

"Wow." I said.

"She needs to watch her tone." Selena huffs.

I look over at her. "Is that all you have to say?"

She looks at me confused. "What?"

I shake my head. "If you don't understand I guess that's fine too."

"You love to talk in riddles."

"I have issues not thinking in them."

"Strange."

"Extremely."

"yo-yo."

I blink at Selena."What?"

She sighs. "Sorry. Kalie's been obsessed with word games recently. Her favorite is a game where your word begins with the last letter of the last word so I've kinda been in the habit."

"Yo-yo?"

"Octagon."

"Strange game."

"It can be fun though. I'm going to pick her up for school so I have to leave."

I nod and she goes.

At one point, Chelsea and I would love to have played that game together. To test wits and see who's more clever than the other. The imagination of a child compared to the vocabulary of an adult could always lead to some interesting results and some awkward explanations of words accidentally said. Those conversations were the only thing that ever irritated Renee because she was usually the one who had to explain them. Her being better with talking and explanations after all.

My chest clenched together and I flinched. No matter how many years pass. Renee's death always feels like it just happened. I can't stand it and I can't bear to forget it either. I love her too much. Chelsea bounds down the stairs in pants and a tee-shirt, pup in arms, looks at me, turns away and runs out the door.

Her eyes seemed brighter and lighter. A small surge of hope builds up before I stamp it down again. You never know what can be real and what isn't. Maybe it was a trick of the lights. Regardless, hope is a dangerous thing that leads to dangerous results.

I picked up the family picture that sits on the end table. Everyone except Chelsea was in it. Everyone except me was smiling wide. I've caught her staring at it one time. She looked like she was about to cry when she stood there. I can only imagine why.

The door opens and closes and I turn to see my son Zac walk in.

"Yo!"

I frowned."Where have you been to?"

"College. Today we were learning about the different equipment used in surgery for livestock and I was the first one to get the endoscope to work."

I smiled. "Good job. Are your grades doing alright?"

"Top of class as always!" He laughed.

"Don't get too cocky." I warned.

"I know, I know. I've got to get to my next class though. I just came home to get something I forgot."

"Absent mindedness can be dangerous."

"Hey, no one's going to die because I forgot a textbook or two." he retaliated.

I shook my head. "Chelsea's somewhere back home so be careful. If you pick a fight with her like always she might actually fight back."

He scowled. "I'm not always picking fights."

"9 out of 10 you are."

"I can't help it. She just annoys me."

"She doesn't do anything to you."

"So,you didn't get along with Neil and he never did anything."

"That's different. I thought he was after Renee."

He grinned. "But he wasn't and you still didn't get along with him."

"More than half the world population wouldn't be able to get along with Neil. Now quit arguing and agree" I huffed.

"Yes sir mister dictator sir."

"Where you picked up your smart mouth I'll never know."

"Hey, Chelsea's a pretty big smart ass too you know."He folded his arms punctuating his point.

"And she probably weaned that from you." I scolded.

"Hey, that's like saying I actually influence the little twerp."

I sighed,these kids have their mother's stubbornness. Though hers was more of a passive one. "Go get your stuff and get out before you miss your next class."

"Planned on it. See ya later dad!"

"Yeah, yeah."

As the door to the house closed and I found myself once again alone in the room, I let my mind slip away from me and immersed myself in a light nap.

'I heard the bubbling laughter of the two most important girls in my life. Listening to it always reminds me of sunshine, flowers and happier times.

"Mommy, what's the meanest animal you've ever meet?" Chelsea asks.

Renee laughs in her soft way. Chelsea tilts her head to the side. "Why are you laughing?"

"I was just thinking." She smiles down at Chelsea and Chelsea, with light filled curious eyes looks at her.

"About what mommy?"

Renee rests her hand gently on top of Chelsea's head. "Just how easy it is for people to misunderstand things."

Chelsea tilts her head. "Misunderstand?"

Renee nods. "Yes, for you see, when people are calling something mean, they're thinking it's cruel and spiteful. Yet, animals can't be cruel nor do they feel spite."

Chelsea jumps up and grips her hands in small loose fists in front of her. "But llamas spit at people, ostriches bite, nip and kick, and cats poison small prey with bacteria on their claws. Isn't that mean?"

Renee shakes her head with a small smile in an all too familiar way. "No sweetie, it's what nature has decided to be necessary. See llamas spit in a warning and to keep their places in herds, almost like how dogs growl. Ostriches are aggressive because they're territorial. They attack to keep their living space safe for them and those they allow in it. Cats scratch at their litter and have that bacteria on their claw because most of their prey are things that can move faster than them. By slowing down their systems they can retrieve the prey that got away and eat to live another day."

Chelsea pouted."But it still sounds mean."

Renee laughed again. "Just because something sounds mean doesn't mean it is. Take vaccinations and injected medications. To many animals, the idea of being stabbed with a tiny needle and injected with something is terrifying. They have plenty of reason for it to be as well. But it's necessary for them to stay healthy. Even many children still think the doctor is mean for giving them shots when the parents know different."

Chelsea sat down with her legs crossed and rest her head on her fists.

"I wish people could understand when they come off mean though. "

Renee patted her head. "People try all the time. However, no matter how hard anyone tries, how well someone can see others, or just how nice a person usually is, it's impossible for people to never come across as mean when there's something they believe in. That's why you should always know how to not let things get to you. When you can't do that, you should learn how to talk it out and forgive."

Chelsea's face scrunched up. "Mommy, that sounds hard."

"It is hard. That's why there's a lot of people who walk around with hurt in the world."

Chelsea grabbed Renee's hand and looked her in the eye. "Isn't that hard too?"

Renee nodded.

"Is there anyway for them not to feel pain?"

Renee shook her head. "As long as you're alive, it's impossible to never feel pain. In a way, it's proof that you're living. But there is a way to make it not hurt so bad."

Chelsea leaned forward still gripping her mother's hand. "How?"

"It's impossible to do alone, because you have to stand and teach. It's easy to lie down and watch things happen. To let them happen. But when you do that nothing good happens. When a lion chooses to sleep all day, it never catches prey to feed itself. When a lion doesn't know how to pounce, he can't do much either. He has to do something and someone has to have taught him what he needs to do. But a cub is defenseless, he has to sleep to stay healthy and he hasn't learnt how to pounce. That's when his pack fills in for him. They stand against his dangers to make sure he isn't hurt, and they teach him to pounce and catch prey so one day, he can stand and teach his cubs. It's like that in the real world. If you haven't felt hunger, if you haven't been hurt, if you haven't felt cold and frozen. Someone stood for you. Someone had taken on the hurt you would have felt and protected you from it."

Chelsea started crying. Renee wiped away a tear. "Now why are you crying?"

"Some people are dying and hurting. That means they're alone!"

Renee hugged Chelsea and brought her closer to her. "Chelsea, no one is ever alone. It's true that many people will feel like that and convince themselves they are, they'll be hurt by things and they'll be forced to feel things they didn't want too. That doesn't mean they were alone and no one stood for them. That means no one knew to protect them from it or couldn't protect them. But someone had looked out for them if they're alive. They'll have to learn everything else by themselves and it'll be hard, and maybe what they'll learn will be a very painful lesson, but once they've overcome it, there is no one who can stand stronger. That strength could cause them to feel alone and by themselves, but that's when you teach them they're not. Stand by them and stay strong with them. You might get a bit hurt and bruised in the process, but there isn't anything true about troubles staying forever. And if you stand by them with as much strength you have, you'll both do things bigger than anybody can imagine."

Chelsea sniffed. "Is that true?"

Renee smiled. "As true as you're going to get."

"Then, can I stand for someone?"

Renee ruffled her hair and looked at me. "You already are."

With that the image faded and shattered and I was looking at a reflection of myself. What I saw was a small man with a small mind, but behind him were many people of all types. I turned around me and a different version of Renee was there, Renee eyes were brown, this one's were ocean blue. She was wearing a red bandanna and holding out a gloved hand towards me. Without thinking I took it. I heard a bark next to her and saw a beagle wearing an identical bandanna as her on him. With that, I recognized her as the adult version of my daughter.

With that revelation she smiled. "Troubles will come, but they're not going to stay ya know?" The image faded and I felt like I was falling.

I woke with a start and looked at Chelsea who had just walked through the house doors. She looked at me and I saw her eyes widen before she looked away and down at the puppy in her arms. She breathed in then out in a big breath and started walking past me.

"Good night Chelsea." Chelsea jumped and looked at me startled.

As she turned around quickly I saw a ghost of a smile on her face. " 'Night dad." Then she quickly raced up the stairs.

A/n

I need to SLLLLLLEEEEEEPPPPPPP. I'm at that moment where I can't though so I'm a wee bit annoyed, ahh teen life. So irresponsible. Thank you guys for putting up with my annoying bull crap, because, in my opinion, I've been throwing a lot of it at you guys. (you know like late updates, short chapters, really bad chapters stupid stuff like that) When I'm done with this part of Try I plan to review the whole thing and change a bunch of it around to make it fill in a bit better before I start working on the next part. So, if you can, tell me what you love, what you hate, and what you'd like to see more of because once I've done it, I'm not going to edit the story anymore until the whole things done. (yes by whole thing I mean the sequel as well).

Okay so down to the thanks.

Mryhh- Whoops, sorry about that I meant to put the Toby's pov up there but it slipped my mind when I posted. Call me weird but I'm glad you got mad at him considering that's a bit what I was going for. He's a REEALLLYY frustrating guy for me to but I think that's because he's not as easy to write as Chelsea and Vaughn are. Hopefully, if I do it right, all you're questions on Toby will be answered in due time.

Thank you all you quiet supporters who favorite and follow Try or just come back every once and a while and click on Try again and pick up where you left off. You people are as appreciated as those who review and I'd love to hear from you if at all possible. Kay, well I really need to go to bed so, see ya later!