A/N: SOOOOOOO usually these things come at the end but I'm putting this first because an apology is owed. After I came back from traveling for work in mid-JUNE, I decided that I would spend some time finishing my novel and time just got away from me. I swear it wasn't intentional and nothing was abandoned, I just have a really hard time focusing on two very different stories and thought it was more beneficial for me to focus on the story that I created as opposed to chilling out in someone else's world. Once again I am so sorry and I did finish my novel and have done an insane amount of editing and proof reading so it is pretty much done for the time being. I really never meant to be away for so long, I feel like I blinked and fall was here.

It will take me a bit of time to get back into the flow of things (my writing is much heavier in the fantasy/paranormal genres), so I have to get back to writing real people. Thank you all so much to anyone still hanging in there. AND I swear a HEA. I haven't forgotten about Hyde but to placate all fears, he's never getting out of prison. Also, I will be maneuvering the detail about the rings back into the story (that was an accidental oversight). I haven't been on FF since May so I will do my best to play catch up.

I hope you enjoy and they'll be back home by next chapter. To keep some semblance of flow I'm going to figure out an upload day and stick with it. I should have an idea bout that by next week's update.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH AGAIN! / As always sorry for any mistakes or errors.

Song: Human by Ellie Goulding

I drum my fingers on the screen of my phone, trying to calm my swelling anxieties and wishing I didn't pick up my stupid phone. It is late afternoon and it has started to rain. I did my best to keep my spirits up, but my ten minute conversation with Kate has destroyed any hope I had about having a fun day out with my son. Luckily, Teddy doesn't need much to enjoy himself and after finding a McDonalds, he was ready for a long nap. Christian texted to tell me his meeting is running long and to apologize about possibly not making it back for dinner. I think under normal conditions I would be sad about his absence, but I welcome to time alone with my thoughts.

I pull myself up from the bathroom floor and sit on the toilet before taking a deep breathing and hitting the call button. I hear some sort of techno music in the background and he tells some muffled voice that he'll be back.

"Marcus?" It's two p.m. here and so it's only five a.m. there. I was expecting to leave a voice mail.

"Love!" he laughs. "I must admit I am a bit upset with you, missing our skype date and all, but I would bet good money that I know exactly what you were up to and I condone it one hundred percent. But still, you could have a least let me hear it."

"I take it I'm speaking to Marcia." I say, trying to keep the giggle out of my voice. "Why are you out so late…or early?"

"It's good for a girl to let her hair down every now and again. By the way, thanks for not following through on that promise to padlock your closet. Did you know that we are exactly the same size if I wear spanx that cut off the circulation to my inners."

I shake my head. "What could possibly be in my closet that would appeal to you?"

"Well I do love a good party. You remember Donny? That gross, short, hairy guy who thinks wearing silk shirts makes him akin to a Calvin Klein undies model. Well, it's his birthday and the party theme is CEO's and Corporate hoes. I had to get a bit creative but you would be thrilled to know that I didn't alter a thing and you served as my glamorous inspiration. I really wish you were here with me, I thought it be fun to lead him on but now it's just sad. My little voice of reason has trotted off on holiday to Deutschland and left me to my own devices. "

I practically fall into the warmth of his voice, and wish I was with him at the moment, because I know that he would ease my mind. But he's not here, and I don't want to ruin his night with my problems.

"I'm sorry about missing our skype date, and I'm sorry about pulling you away from your party. Go back to your friends, and we can talk tomorrow." I say with a heavy sigh.

"No, no, no, Ms. Steele. You, my little thoughtful butterfly, would never call me at such an hour if it wasn't serious. And I know you are very aware of the time difference because of your constant communication with Ray, so spill." His voice has dropped a few octaves and he sounds very serious.

I try to tell him that I am fine, but the stubborn lump in my throat refuses to move. My nose starts to tingle and tears gather at the corner of my eyes. "Kate, knows." I finally manage.

"That, bitch!" he hisses.

"I haven't even told you what she said."

He makes a sound of disgust. "You sound like you are on the verge of tears and your friend isn't exactly a bundle of positivity."

I run my hands through my hair and try to keep my voice even and calm. Teddy is sleeping in my freshly made up bed and I don't want to wake him. "She told me that I was being stupid. That I was setting myself up again and once I got comfortable or we had a fight, that he would cheat again or leave me…or I would leave him again" I nearly choke on the memory of all that hurt we put each other through, and the idea that my best friend would be the one to drudge it all up. "She told me that if I thought this time was for real then I would have told Christian everything by now."

"Oh, babe." He sighs over the phone. "Don't listen to her. You and Christian have spent a lot of time apart, you've both changed and the things you did, were things that anyone would have done in your position."

I wipe away a few stray tears. "But she's right. Isn't it just lying by omission if I don't say anything? What if she's right about everything?" I ask.

I am so frightened of what Christian may do or how he would react. Even at the end of our marriage, I never worried about him leaving me. Now, I am left floundering at the thought that he may decide he doesn't want me, and I don't want to lose him. I don't want him out of my life. The more time spent with him, the easier it is to see that I love him, and I want my family back. I don't want this to fail.

"Ana…you can't keep doing this to yourself. He loves you. Hell, the guy couldn't even bring himself to sleep with anyone because he was so broken up about you and what he did. But if this is weighing on you enough for Kate to be able to get under your skin, then maybe you should just come out and tell him." He suggests.

I am nearly paralyzed by his advice, and the prospect of going through with it. "What if he leaves me? What if he gets so mad he sends us on the first plane back?"

"Doubtful." I scoffs. "But if he can't get over something you did after you two were already on the outs, then maybe he doesn't deserve you. This time it either works and you stay together until your sexy bits start to hang low, or you know that it just wasn't meant to be. But don't think it will be the latter."

I slide off the toilet and spread out over the floor. I have to deal with this sooner rather than later. I'd rather wait until we get home, but if I keep putting it off then I will never do it.

"How do you put up with all my crap?" I ask, genuinely curious as to how much more of my soap opera antics he can put up with.

I hear a melodic chuckle on the other end. "You are the sister I always wanted and the woman I always wanted to be."

"Don't you have sisters?"

He makes a sound of disgust. "I'm convinced my mother went out and found a few baby calves and taught them how to walk on their hind legs."

I laugh outright and before I can regain my breath, the door knob starts to giggle. I scuttle over on my knees and open it, expecting to see Teddy, but the sight is decidedly not my son.

He reaches down and plucks the phone from my hand with a Cheshire like grin. "I'm sorry Marcus, but Anastasia is going to have to call you back at a later time."

I don't know what Marcus says on the other end, but the look he gives me starts an uncontrollable blush that has probably overtaken my whole face. The conversation then continues and a dark shadow falls over his face, and I practically feel the temperature has dropped ten degrees.

Shit! Marcus and his big mouth. I scramble to my feet and try to reach for the phone but he pulls the phone away and hits the end button.

I don't have to ask what Marcus told him, because I know and I'm pissed at that little traitor. I'm going to put a lock on my closet the second I get back.

He covers the doorway with his massive form and walks into the bathroom, pushing me further into the room. He shuts and locks the door, probably learning from his mistake last night, but at this moment I wouldn't mind our son's ill timing.

"What-did-she-say?" he asks with little inflection in his voice.

I don't know how to answer; I thought I'd have more time. I need just a bit more time. "Why are you back so early from your meeting? Did everything go okay?"

My back gently bumps against the vanity and he continues to pursue me until our bodies our only centimeters away. I can feel his heat. "That wasn't the question."

My eyes fall to the tiled floor before he gently guides my chin back up to meet his gaze. I try to keep my eyes from watering, but his gaze is so intense that I can't look away.

"It's okay Ana, I just want to know." His voice softens a bit, but his shoulders are still taunt with tension.

I breathe out a sigh and close my eyes for a moment. It's now or never. "I have something to tell you, and I need for you to listen."

"I knew it, I fucking knew it." He hisses. I freeze at what his next words may be. "She always has to have an opinion, she can't ever just mind her own damn business. I told Elliot to keep his mouth shut."

I shake my head. "He didn't tell her, but she was right about something…I need to tell you something and I need for you to listen. There are some things that happened during and after our marriage that I want you to know, because I want to start fresh." I kiss his lips gently and brace myself for what I am about to do and what repercussions may result from it.

"No." he snaps.

"What?"

"No." he repeats. He hoists me onto the vanity and steps between my legs.

"But I want to tell you!" I protest.

"Why? Is it something that would make you feel better or benefit both of us, because to be honest Ana, I don't want to know anything that would fuck this up especially if you…if you…"

"I didn't cheat, Christian."

"Then why does it matter?" He looks so crestfallen, but I need to tell him. Kate has me rattled and even though she had no right to go in on me the way she did considering this is my life, but I need to be honest about certain things before he finds out for himself and assumes the worst.

I can start small and work my way up…if he lets me.

I go to gently push him away by the shoulders but he only holds me tighter, as if he's bracing for the worst. If he was anyone else, someone without abandonment issues and controlling tendencies, this wouldn't be such a bad thing to start with, but this isn't anyone else…it's Christian.

I struggle to push the words past the lump in my throat but I somehow manage in a less that graceful manner. "A little more than a year after our divorce I started seeing someone. It was only for a couple of months before I ended it and I never thought I would tell you because we weren't together and it was done but I don't want you to be surprised."

He is very still for a long moment and I don't move an inch for fear of whatever may be brewing behind those steely eyes.

"Did you know him while we were married?" he asks in a very quiet voice.

"No. I met him a year after our divorce." If he wants answers, I will give them to him.

"Did he meet Teddy?" he asks with a grit in his voice.

Oh, this is a hard one. "Once…you and Taylor were running late and he came to pick me up…Teddy was sleep and too young to remember anyways."

"Did-did you love him?"

All I can do is shake my head.

"Did he love you?"

"He wanted more, and I couldn't give it to him."

"Why?" he presses, pulling me closer to his chest.

"You know why."

"I need to hear it Anastasia."

I take a deep breath. "I never got over you... no matter how hard I tried. It was why space was necessary."

When he nods and gently kisses me, I think it's over and that he isn't quite as mad as I feared he would be…but I was wrong.

"Did he fuck you?" Christian questions, his hands trailing up my inner thigh with a hard grip. "Did he taste you?" he continues, his warm breath traveling up my neck. "Did you taste him?" he growls quietly. "Was he better than me?"

"I…he wasn't better than you." I quickly say. "No one's even come close."

I reach out to touch his face, but he backs away. The sudden loss is devastating. I can't break his gaze, but I want to because I feel the burn of tears in my eyes and I'm resisting the urge to sniff. Maybe he doesn't want me anymore because he knows someone else had me. If this is how he reacts to this news about Ewan, I can't even think about telling him the truth about our divorce.

He pulls at his tie but keeps it in hand as he dips into the shower and turns on all the shower heads. He then sits down on the toilet with his eyes trained on the blue material of the tie he's twisting in hand.

"I figured you would have been with someone, or at least tried. But after everything that happened between us…I knew I didn't have the right to ask or interfere. As long as Teddy was okay, I just tried to put it from my mind." He starts. "I'm not going to lie Ana, this is hard. It's hard to think someone else touched you. Someone else had you. If this is the sick sort of feeling you felt when I confessed what I did, I don't know how you stayed so calm."

I slide off the counter and fan away some of the steam filling my bathroom. But I don't know what to say. I stand in front of him waiting for him to acknowledge me.

"I can't be angry at you, we were divorced. But I'm not thrilled and I can't say without complete certainty that if he wasn't here right now I wouldn't punch him into the ground…but he's a good reminder."

"Reminder of what?" I dare to ask.

He glances up with a strained smile. "That there will always be someone else waiting if I fuck this up again. That you wouldn't wait for me forever. That you deserve to be happy to, and if I fail to give that to you…there will be someone else who can." He fists clench and unclench, his jaw sets into a hard line.

"I don't want anyone else."

"Doesn't change the fact that if it's not me, it could be someone else."

I gently run my hands through his hair. "What do you need from me?" Validation? A show of love?

"Take your clothes off." he says so quietly, I barely hear him over the sound of the shower heads.

"What?"

He rubs his hands over his face and leans his head against the wall. "I know I said I didn't the need control and I wouldn't revert back, but…"

He doesn't need to feel bad or ashamed of reverting back to an old coping mechanism. This is what I tried to coax out of him to no avail. Whether he likes it or not, this is a part of him and I'm fine with it. It was never a real problem.

I peel off my grey tank top and let it fall to the floor. "You don't have to explain and I knew this would be something that you wouldn't like to hear. But it's okay, Christian. I trust you completely and if you want this then I want this too."

I start on the waist of my leggings when he latches his fingers onto it and tugs me closer. His face rests against my stomach and his stubble grazes my skin. "I'm not going to spank you… I don't want to do that, but I'll start slow."

I can feel the drumming of his heart against my legs. I guess it's different to wonder if I've been with anyone else, and knowing for sure. It's like going to a really nice buffet, you know someone has probably sneezed over it or touched something they weren't supposed to, but as long as you don't know for sure then it's easier to dig in. But when you know for sure, it's much harder.

"How many times?"

I cringe, and he must feel it because he holds me tighter. Now he's just torturing himself. We weren't together for very long, but any number higher than zero is going to be too high for him. "I don't really remember Christian," I try to count in my head but it was long ago and everything kind of melds after a time. "Maybe ten."

He leans away and lets the tie rest in his lap. His face betrays nothing. "Proceed."

I swallow the nervous lump in my throat and keep undressing until I'm naked before him. After a moment of appraisal he stands and pulls my hair over shoulder and starts to braid. Once satisfied he trails his fingers down my back and kisses my neck. The room is hot from the steam, but that's not what has me panting.

He pulls me flush against his back and presses his bulge into my back. "We won't need safe words, and anytime you want to stop, we'll stop. Okay?"

"Okay."

I feel him forming those intricate knots around my wrist, just tight enough not to slip away. "Is the door locked?" I quickly ask before I forget myself.

"I set Teddy in his own room and put Sawyer and Taylor at the door. They should be able to occupy him."

I nod and wait for him to make the first move. The only things I can see in the steamed over mirror are our blurred bodies.

"Eleven." He rasps into my ear.

"What?"

"That's how many times I'm going to make you scream my name. Once for every time he touched what was mine, and once more for good measure." He promises with a kiss.

The first one is quick. He bends me over and slides deep inside of me with one hand on my hip to anchor me and the other palming my breasts. Each thrust is hard and thorough and when his hand leaves my breasts and starts working my over sensitive nub, I come hard and feel him abruptly pull out and come all over back.

"One down, ten to go."

Two and three are on the vanity, and four is on my knees on the plush rug, my mouth was full of white fuzzy stuff but it was worth it. By number five his clothes and watch are finally off I'm against the glass of the shower. I don't know how I survive it but I am vaguely aware that he hasn't come in me not once. There is a brief reprieve when he pauses to fill the tub, but soon we are in the shower and I don't know how much time has passed but I'm confident at least a month has gone by.

Very few coherent words are spoken until number nine because I can't keep myself from grinding into that sinful tongue and getting that orgasm I was deprived of last night.

"Anastasia, you're going to slip if you keep thrusting." He voice heavy and gravely.

After the tenth under the showerhead, I can't feel my legs and I'm ready to sleep. But he somehow manages to keep my upright. With my legs wrapped around him and my wrists untied, the tie that probably cost as much as a night in this room wrinkled and soaked on the shower floor, he carries me out of the shower and gently sets me down in the bathtub.

He starts undoing my braid and I can barely keep my eyes open. "I think eleven will have to wait. I'm ready to sleep for a year." I mumble into his shoulder.

He reaches for a bottle of body wash that smells like lilac and starts washing my body. "When I set goals Anastasia, I keep them." He twists me around and brings his lips to mine. "Once more…"

His tone sound almost pleading and when I look into his eyes, I know that he needs to reach eleven to feel some sort of relief or resolution.

I gently lower myself onto his waiting cock and we slowly make love, our lips never leaving one another when he comes, he stills inside of me with the quietest of grunts and kisses his way across my shoulders. I tried to come with him, but anymore and I risk blacking out.

I rest against him for a long moment, my arms wrapped around his neck. "I wanted to fuck the memory of him right out your head…" I'm going to be sore in the morning.

I barely suppress my smile. "I can barely remember my name."

With my back against his chest again, he turns on the jets and starts messaging my limbs. "I know I can't erase certain memories, so I want the ones we make to be so amazing and vibrant, we forget all the other shit in comparison."

"Christian," I sigh. "I don't think about him, just like I don't think about her. Too much time has passed and your right, we have to focus on the new memories. But next time we do this, it has to be closer to bedtime because all I want to do is sleep."

He kisses my head and chuckles. "I will keep that in mind and I promise not to let that shit get the better of me again."

I don't respond. He can't control how he feels and I'm sure there's more to come in our future because this is one of the ways Christian deals with stress, and I accept this. I can only imagine how he will react when he learns of the other things…

I push closer to him and wrap his arms around me. "Promise me that we can get through anything this time around. That neither of us will run unless we are really done. Because there can't be a next time for this. I don't think either of us can take it." I say quietly.

"Nothing will stop me from getting it right this time around. I love you, Ana. Nothing will keep me from my family."

I really hope he's right.

When Taylor knocks on the door and informs us that our son is very close to calling the german police and sending out a search party, we reluctantly collect ourselves and decide that a night in and room service is the exact thing needed after our day. I push Kate's words as far away as I can, but I know I'll have to face them and her soon.

I swear to myself that after Grace and Carrick's anniversary I will tell him everything I need to and deal with whatever fall out comes with it. He handled Ewan better than expected, because unlike me he didn't run and I know if he had been with someone else after our marriage ended I would probably feel much of the same as he did. But I probably wouldn't have tried to assert my dominance and mark him the way he did.

I wish I could keep this lighthearted moment between us all going forever, but I won't truly be at piece until everything is on the table and deserves to know everything before he commits any further to me.

We were too far gone and I thought we couldn't be saved. He needs to know that his infidelity wouldn't have made a difference for us. No matter what he did or who he did it with, I was going to divorce him. These past three years he's put our entire divorce on his shoulders, and I'm scared to know what he'll do when he knows that I had been plotting our end for months. The affair was just a cowardly and convenient excuse.