"We should've had this conversation earlier." Peeta runs his fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath. He sits across from me, his chair facing mine. It's awkward, how we're sitting, since I've familiarized myself with his constant embrace.
"We should've." I agree plainly.
Silence permeates the room, the slow ticking of the clock seeming to echo.
"This is ridiculous. We're both adults. We should be able to figure this out." I cross my arms tight over my chest, a defensive signal for him to cave first.
"I should think so." There's a slight hostility in his voice, but it's not misplaced considering my own attitude. "So tell me. Why not?"
"It's completely out of the question."
"I want a reason."
"I've never thought about it."
"Well, you're thinking about it now. So give me a reason when you finally stop making excuses." His voice is sharp, and it cuts through me, but I refuse to let him see that. It pisses me off that he's so passionate about this that he's starting a fight.
"At least I have an excuse! What's yours? That you want them? Is that it?"
"Katniss, this is all I've lived for!"
"You said you were living for me. Now it sounds like our imaginary, fictional children are all that you care about." My face burns, and tears threaten to well up in my eyes, but I manage to ensure my composure for the time-being. I realize that I'm gripping the arm rests so tightly my knuckles turn white.
"You know that's not true." His harsh tone disappears, and his eyes make a quick transition from intense to sympathetic.
He's right. I know that what I said is a lie. But I can't admit it out loud.
"I care about you more than anything else in my life. I always will." He leans forward as if he's going to stand up and take me into his arms. Instead, he presses his palms to his temples.
"I know." I squeak. I feel sick to my stomach, so I clutch my arms around myself.
"I'm sorry." Peeta reaches out and attempts to take my hand in his, but I don't give it to him.
"You want a reason?" I say, letting one tear make its way down my cheek.
He doesn't answer, but tries to meet my eyes.
"It's not because of you. It's not because of them." My breathing is shaky, "It's because I'm afraid that I'll do something wrong. I'm not a caring person like a mother should be. I don't want to be… I don't want my kids to be like me. I don't know how, and I'm just not… prepared." I ramble.
"You're afraid that you'll fail?" Peeta is back to his worrying, selfless personality.
I nod, wiping my eyes and refusing to cry more. With all the crying I've done in the past couple weeks, I should be less hydrated than a desert.
"I'm sorry you think that. You'd be a pretty awesome mother, in my opinion."
I snort, "Well neither of us really knows what an 'awesome mother' is." And it's true. My mother was a brainless zombie for the majority of my life, and Peeta's mother was an abusive perfectionist. It's a miracle that we both turned out mentally stable… for the most part.
"Come here." He opens his arms, and I plow into him, the force sending the chair backwards.
I roll off of Peeta as soon as we hit the ground, hoping not to hurt him. Instead, he cracks into uncontrollable laughter, neither getting up or moving at all. "That's not what I meant by 'come here'."
I can't help but smile at him. Whatever I felt mad at him for vanishes as I watch him laugh, lying on his back.
"You're extremely attractive." I sit back on my rear.
Peeta finally stops laughing, but a grin is still plastered on his face as he pushes himself up to sit next to me. "Well thanks. You're pretty gorgeous yourself."
"I guess our mothers were good for something then."
Peeta shrugs, "We both look more like our fathers."
Just the thought of my father turns my mood around. I sit, silent, and pretend to play with the tip of my braid.
"I'm sorry…" Peeta starts to reach out for me.
"No. Don't be." I smile reassuringly. I can't let Peeta comfort me over my family anymore, now that he's lost all of his as well.
He nods, lips tight, and pulls me next to him. His left arm pulls me close while his right hand plays with my fingers. It's always been a favorite thing of mine, to have him mess with my hands or hair.
The quiet and the calm start to affect me, and I'm reminded of my lack of sleep. I feel my eyelids getting heavier, and I lean into Peeta's chest for support.
I fall asleep as soon as my head touches his shoulder.
I sit on the beach, legs crossed, looking out over the glistening blue water. There's absolutely no breeze, everything perfectly still, but it's just the right temperature.
My eyes are fixed on something on the horizon line of the ocean, a small speck in the distance. I try to turn my head to see if there's anyone else here with me, but my neck refuses to move.
I'm frozen, my head not in my control. My eyes won't even budge from the dot on the horizon. I can't force myself to blink.
A panic wells up inside of me. I know it's a dream, but I feel vulnerable, and helpless. I try to shake myself awake, but nothing I attempt to do actually works.
Instead, I'm stuck staring at an unimportant blob in the distance.
Or the not-so-distance.
The speck seems to be moving towards the beach, rapidly. What was once a small nothing is now the size of a pea, slowly growing larger. I attempt a scream, but my jaw doesn't move.
Instead of trying to move and failing numerous times, I decide to focus on the thing that is progressing towards me.
It's now close enough that I can recognize what it is, and I suck in a sharp breath. It's a huge barge.
I've never seen a boat before in real life, only heard about them in school, but I can easily identify it. It's like a floating train.
And it's coming right at me.
My vocal chords seem to have frozen, because I can't make any noises.
There's the sound of a large, blaring horn, probably from the ship. As if it wants me to move.
It's so close now, that I can read white letters scrawled on the side of the bow.
My breath catches in my throat.
The S.S. Primrose is aimed directly for me.
And the white-bearded captain that stands at the edge of the deck gives me a malicious grin.
I awaken as the boat plows into me, sending my body sprawling through the air towards… Peeta's bedroom floor.
Sheets are literally wrapped around my body, mummifying me in my panicked state. I thrash around, ripping the blankets off of me, craving the feeling of movement for my body.
My breathing is heavy and uneven, but when I find my feet I'm able to calm myself.
"Katniss?" Peeta calls questioningly from downstairs.
"Sorry. Fell off the bed." I yell back, feeling like an idiot.
"That's okay, honey. Could you… uh… Come down here for a second?" it sounds like something's wrong, so I throw myself out of his bedroom door and down the steps in a panic, still in a hyper state from my dream.
I find Peeta standing in the middle of the living room in only boxers, surrounded by about a dozen camera crew people, all lenses on him. He turns to smile at me sheepishly, eyes wide.
Caesar Flickerman turns from admiring a picture on the wall to greet me, awake as can be for it being seven AM. "Good morning Ms. Everdeen." He grins.
"Peeta?" I look over at him frantically, eyes wide.
He just shrugs, looking as dumbfounded as I am, "I… I came downstairs to make breakfast and…"
"Go get clothes on!" I find myself hissing at him under my breath.
"Uh…" Peeta raises an eyebrow, and looks me up and down, and my heart stops.
I look down, filled with horror, finding myself in my underwear as well.
"HOLY-" I sprint back up the steps, my face purple from embarrassment. I can hear Peeta behind me, broken from his stunned state.
"God, Peeta, you could've told me to put some freaking clothes on before calling me down there!" I lock the bedroom door behind us, almost positive the camera crew is following our every move.
"Well, why the hell don't you sleep with clothes on?" he laughs, but I can see the pink in his cheeks as he pulls a t-shirt over his head.
I pull on a pair of sweats, and a blue V-neck, and take my hair out of its braid, "What do you think they want?" I whisper, knowing they're listening from outside the door. To make a point, I tip-toe over to the door, and send my fist into it as hard as I dare. It vibrates, and I hear a screech from the other side, knowing one of them had their ear to the door.
"Katniss. The last time they interviewed us we weren't a couple. Now we're…" he trails off, not using the word 'engaged' in fear that they might hear us.
"Now we're sleeping in our underwear in the same room." I nod in understanding. "This is great." Sarcasm drips from my words.
Peeta shrugs, walks over to the door, and puts his hand on the handle. "Ready?"
"Why do we have to let them in?" I whine, sitting back on the bed.
"What, you want to hide in here forever?"
"Why not?" I laugh, standing up and kissing his cheek. He cups my face in one of his hands and plants a kiss on my lips, and then turns the knob on the door.
The camera crew floods into Peeta's room, getting a picture of us from every angle.
"Dear goodness!" I pull my knees to my chest, huddled against the bed's headboard.
"And we're live!" I hear one of the cameramen yell.
My jaw drops as Caesar turns to look straight into a camera, "Good morning Panem. I hope you all slept well last night, because you're going to want to be wide awake for this special!" He grins.
Peeta finds the spot next to me and whispers under his breath, "Play it like we're dating."
I nod in agreement, not wanting a publicity explosion to ruin our engagement.
"Today, we're going to be talking to Mr. Mellark, and Ms. Everdeen."
He pauses for effect, I'm guessing.
"Or should I say… the soon to be MRS. MELLARK ladies and gentleman!"
I choke on my own breath.
((A/N I wrote a super-duper long chapter, because I made you guys wait so long. Thanks for your reviews :) I'll keep doing this fanfic for as long as it holds my interest, and it has for quite awhile already. Does anyone know if there's a limit to how many chapters you can have? ;) REVIEW! 3 :D))