Three weeks after previous chapter. House and Cuddy conversation.

Chapter 21

"Kneeling to the porcelain God again?"

"Go away. I hate you."

"Yeah...like you being pregnant is entirely my doing."

"Bite me."

"Uh oh. Sounds like her worshipfulness got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

"I've asked you repeatedly not to call me that."

"And I've asked you repeatedly to mop the kitchen naked. I guess we'll both have to cope with the disappointment."

"House..."

"What?"

"Can you get me a wet wash cloth?"

"You insult me and then you ask me for favors? Stop, I'm getting aroused."

"..."

"A wash cloth, huh? I think I can manage that. Those are the things that are kind of like towels, only a little smaller?"

"Not dripping wet. Just...run it under the tap and wring it out."

"..."

"Thanks."

"But seriously…are you just going to spend the rest of the day on the floor in front of the toilet? If so, you might want to consider investing in some knee pads."

"I'm so glad you're entertained by my plight."

"Don't flatter yourself. This is barely amusing. The only reason I'm in here right now is because Tony Stewart crashed into the wall and now all the other drivers are doing caution laps until the debris is cleared from the track."

"I have no idea what that means."

"..."

"There's no way this is going to work."

"..."

"This was a mistake. I was deluding myself."

"That's it?"

"What?"

"You're just going to throw in the towel?"

"I don't..."

"Don't be such a pussy."

"Excuse me?"

"Hey...you dragged me into this, dammit. You don't get to just give up, the moment that things get tough. You've come this far. You're going to see it through."

"Go watch your stupid race."

"I already told you, caution laps."

"I'm not trying to be pessimistic, House. I'm trying to be realistic. I shouldn't be this sick. Something has to be wrong."

"You're ten weeks pregnant. Your progesterone and HCG just went from zero to sixty in three seconds. Morning sickness is normal."

"Is it supposed to last all day?"

"Roughly twenty percent of pregnant women experience the symptoms of morning sickness all throughout the day. I know. I researched it in depth, in anticipation of this conversation."

"..."

"And it could be a good thing."

"How could this possibly be good?"

"Typically women who miscarry in the first trimester don't experience morning sickness."

"Still doesn't explain the severity."

"True hyperemesis gravidarum occurs in less than one percent of women. And you'd have all kinds of other problems...hallucinations, lack of coordination, short term memory loss."

"That doesn't mean it couldn't be something else."

"Oh yeah? Like what for instance?"

"..."

"Any dizziness or headaches?"

"No."

"Are you spotting?"

"No."

"Any kind of discharge?"

"No."

"Any cramping?"

"No...nothing. Just the nausea and vomiting."

"Excessive morning sickness is usually the result of altered olfactory perception."

"That's not it. I mean, I am more sensitive to smells. But I haven't come across any so far that actually made me sick."

"You're not far along enough for preeclampsia or gestational diabetes."

"..."

"Some pregnant women suffer from hypoglycemia."

"Urine dipstick showed normal glucose levels. And if this were just run of the mill, acute hypoglycemia, the treatment would be a glass of orange juice."

"Then the only other obvious explanation would be that you're carrying multiples."

"Very funny."

"Not trying to be funny."

"The initial ultrasound showed one embryo, and the doppler only detected one heartbeat. It's got to be something else."

"You were only six weeks pregnant when you got the initial ultrasound."

"So?"

"So one embryo can hide behind another, and it can be difficult to detect two separate heartbeats that early on in a pregnancy."

"They can't hide completely. I had a second ultrasound three days ago. If there were another embryo, we'd have seen it then."

"Diagnosing multiples via ultrasound is not considered definitive until after the tenth week, preferably the twelfth."

"So...that's like fifteen days from now. Do you really think that much is going to change before now and then?"

"Yeah, actually. I do."

"..."

"Anyone in your family have multiples?"

"Not that I know of."

"Mine either."

"I can't believe this is happening."

"You can't believe that what is happening?"

"I never made it this far before."

"Well now you have."

"What if I miscarry again?"

"Then you miscarry again."

"And then what?"

"Then we give it another shot."

"And you're okay with that?"

"..."

"Why are you being so supportive all of a sudden?"

"It's purely self interest, I assure you."

"Being supportive of someone else isn't self interest, House. It's the opposite of self interest."

"Not necessarily."

"..."

"I realized that if you're not happy, my chances of being happy are statistically slim."

"So?"

"So if you really think that is what it would take to make you happy, I want you to have it."

"And what if I can't have it?"

"Then you'll have to figure some way to be happy with what you've got."

"Right."

"..."

"So when are you going in?"

"In where?"

"To work."

"It's Sunday."

"I thought you had a patient...the guy with peripheral neuropathy."

"He's already been diagnosed."

"With what?"

"Amyloidosis. We found him a bone marrow donor. Transplant's scheduled for tomorrow at eight. After that, he'll belong to oncology."

"You should still have someone from your team monitoring him, at least until the surgery."

"We do. We drew straws. Taub lost. I gave the rest of the department the day off."

"You did?"

"It's my department. I do have some administrative control."

"Of course...I just don't remember you ever giving anyone on your team the day off before."

"Foreman's brother is being evicted…again. This time for repeatedly disturbing the peace. Foreman's going to help him find another place to live, because one of the stipulations of his parole is that he has to maintain a permanent residence, within a twenty mile radius. Chase is driving to Boston to meet Cameron for lunch, which I assume is just code for casual, commitment free sex. And then there's me."

"What about you?"

"I have to stay home and make sure you don't fall into the toilet."

"House…I don't need you here to take care of me. Go to work."

"But I'm not just taking care of you. I'm taking care of the kid."

"I've got it under control."

"No, you don't. Do you even know where she is right now?"

"..."

"Relax, she's fine. I was just making a point."

"..."

"Finish puking."

"I think I'm done."

"Good. Now you're going back to bed."

"I can't sleep right now, House."

"Well you're not doing anything today."

"..."

"I'll get you some crackers and brew you some of that God awful tea your mom keeps giving you. Ginger is supposed to be good for an upset stomach."

"Bless you."

"Yeah, you can reimburse me later. I read somewhere that women are supposedly extremely horny during their second trimester, and I fully expect to see evidence of this."

"Whatever you say."

"When's your next appointment?"

"Tuesday."

"See if you can talk your OB into doing a transvaginal ultrasound. You'll get a clearer and more accurate view of your uterus. You've already been labeled high risk and she's familiar with your medical history. So there's no reason for her to refuse."

"She's going to think I'm being paranoid."

"So? What expectant mother isn't paranoid?"

"It seems like when I express anything resembling doubt, she accuses me of being overly cautious and somehow manipulates me into doing things her way."

"Do you think she'd be willing to run an AFP?"

"AFP is routinely done at around sixteen weeks."

"Tell her you want to do it early."

"What do I do if she refuses?"

"Are you joking? You find another doctor."

"She specializes in high risk pregnancies."

"So what?"

"She's one of the most knowledgeable physicians in her particular field of study. She's at treatment capacity right now, and double booked for the next four months. I actually had to bribe her into treating me. The only reason she agreed to it is because her husband works at PPTH."

"He's a doctor too?"

"No...He's an accountant, billing and coding. I think his name is Tom."

"You mean that dweeby guy who sings along to his iPod when he's on the elevator?"

"That's the one."

"I always thought he was gay."

"Apparently just henpecked."

"So this woman is hot shit. That doesn't mean you're obligated to tolerate her treating you like a neophyte and making light of your concerns. She probably acts that way because she knows she can get away with it. She's the best at what she does, therefore anyone who needs her help is at her mercy."

"Gee...reminds me of someone else I know."

"Hey...at least I'm aware of it. This woman...you're not just a run of the mill patient with no medical training whatsoever. You're not objective obviously. But you're a physician. She should be giving your input at least minimal consideration."

"..."

"How about this? I will draw your blood and run the AFP myself."

"Are you sure you have time for that?"

"It's not exactly a huge undertaking."

"..."

"Of course I'll have to store the sample in the fridge, until tomorrow morning."

"Wait...so you're not going anywhere until then?"

"Not if I can help it."

"Then how do you plain to obtain the sample?"

"I have blood draw kits in the trunk of my car."

"Why would you have that?"

"In case of emergencies."

"What kind of emergency would require the use of blood draw kits?"

"You never know. I've got everything from chest tubes to laryngoscopes, to hemostats."

"Please tell me that you didn't rip any of that off from the hospital."

"Okay...I didn't rip any of that off from the hospital."

"You're lying, aren't you?"

"Absolutely."

"And you don't mind doing that? Drawing the blood, I mean."

"What do I always say?"

"If you minded, then you wouldn't have offered."

"Exactly."

"Rachel's awfully quiet."

"That's because she's taking her morning nap."

"She doesn't take a morning nap."

"She does when she wakes up at four o'clock, instead of six."

"Oh God…I didn't even hear her."

"No big deal. I was already awake anyway."

"But I can't believe I didn't hear her."

"Yeah…you should definitely spend a few minutes feeling bad about that. You know…between the heaves."

"So you've been up since then?"

"Yep."

"And what time is it now?"

"Um...seven twenty-five."

"Please tell me you're not serious."

"I could…but if I tell anymore lies, I'll never get to be real boy. I'm sure you can see where I'm conflicted."

"I need to get ready for work."

"Uh…no."

"What do you mean no?"

"Haven't you been paying attention? You're not going anywhere."

"Staying home is not an option."

"Neither is going to work."

"..."

"Who the hell takes a class on a Sunday anyway? Didn't God set aside that day for NASCAR and for storewide clearance sales?"

"House…"

"It's not up for discussion. The decision's already been made."

"It's my decision."

"Not anymore. Your classes have both been cancelled for the day. It's already been posted on the website."

"How the hell did you do that? You would have had to hack into my account."

"Hack is such a violent word. It makes it sound like there's something sharp involved."

"You figured out my password?"

"With very little effort, I assure you."

"God...excuse me while I die of embarrassment."

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you don't have to worry about anyone else hacking into your account."

"Great."

"I doubt any reasonably intelligent person would suspect that your password is ILOVEHOUSE."

"Thanks...I think."

"..."

"I was supposed to review the last three units with them, in preparation for the midterm."

"I'm assuming you wrote up an outline or a study guide of some sort."

"Yes."

"Is the file on your computer?"

"It's on my flash drive."

"Then you can email it to them."

"I'd feel better if I could go over it with them in person."

"They're graduate students at an Ivy League university. They don't need you to hold their hands. If they haven't figured out how to study for a test by now, then there's a career in the food service industry with their name on it."

"…"

"And speaking of food, you really need to eat something."

"Did you miss the part where I can't hold anything down?"

"Did you miss the part where you can soak up all of that unruly stomach acid by munching on something bready and absorbent?"

"I can't eat, House."

"Well if you keep puking, I'm going to have to start an IV."

"I'm fine, really."

"Assuming that's true, which we both know that it isn't, the little fetus living inside you would probably appreciate you taking better care of yourself, since vomiting can lead to dehydration and dehydration can induce pre-term labor."

"Thanks. I haven't had anything to feel guilty about in at least two minutes."

"Give me a break."

"Excuse me?"

"There are some things that can't be helped, things over which you have no control. But you seem reluctant to take responsibility for the things that are under your control."

"What?"

"For someone who wants this as badly as you do, you sure are half-assing it."

"..."

"Or are you just trying to spare yourself the disappointment, if things should go south again?"

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"You know, your OB is a major bitch. But she has excellent charting skills...and very legible handwriting."

"You had no right to invade my privacy."

"I did, actually. Perhaps you've forgotten, but you signed a form giving your doctor permission to disclose to me anything that is directly related to your physical health."

"..."

"You've had three appointments so far and you haven't told me anything about any of them."

"Because there's nothing to tell."

"The notes she's made in your chart imply otherwise.

"..."

"You completely ignored her advice about discontinuing strenuous exercise, about not deliberately subjecting yourself to any physical or emotional stress. She wants you to stop working and go on bed rest, starting at twenty-eight weeks. I can only imagine how that's going to go. I may have to invest in some full body restraints."

"I can't just lay around in bed all day, House."

"So your solution is to just forgo the rest all together. It has to be one or the other? Might there be some kind of -I don't know- happy medium between the two?"

"This from the man who sees everything in black and white..."

"Then there's your diet."

"What about my diet?"

"It said in your chart that you were advised to increase your daily caloric intake by thirty percent. You're not a rabbit. Lose the celery sticks and the soy milk. You need to be consuming foods that are high in protein and fat. Newsflash...you're pregnant. You're supposed to gain weight."

"..."

"And I'm afraid to ask if you're even taking the folic acid you were prescribed."

"Yes, I am. I'm taking all my vitamins."

"Look...I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I just...there's a reason doctors aren't supposed to treat themselves. You're not objective."

"And you think you are?"

"I'm not the one who's carrying another person around inside me."

"…"

"What?"

"You called it a person."

"It is a person."

"…"

"It's just a very tiny person."

"…"

"Stop staring at me and go back to puking."