Warning: —M— Chapter. Sexual Content.

—Caput XVIII—

All cultures of the empire express negative attitudes towards sex between adult males, with adulthood being considered to start around age 20. […] Rape was a crime throughout the period, but victims were often blamed, and Roman law is clear that there are those with whom rape "is not committed," i.e. persons who could never press charges —not only prostitutes but waitresses and others in certain labor categories. The rape of slaves was treated as property damage. […] To be penetrated, for a Roman, was degrading both in a physical sense of invasion, rupture, and contamination, and in a class sense: the penetrated person's body was likened to the body of a slave. This experience of the individual is understood also on the state level, as war is associated with rape, literally in the rape of women and boys of the defeated enemy and figuratively, for example in the images of the emperor battering female embodiments of the conquered peoples. (1)

— I still can't believe Ariovistus was fool enough to break a peace truce —Julius was happy, happier than he had been for some time, face down at Marcus' side on the bed, looking like a teenager—. He gave me everything I need to march against him. Now, nobody can say this is just a whim of mine, people would actually demand me to do something against him.

— The boys were truly indignant —Marcus agreed with him—, mine and the ones from other Legions, they are eager to march and kick the Suebi back to the Rhine —he turned to rest on his side. Julius was right, as always, people was demanding to move against the Germans—. What I don't know is, how the fuck the entire army knew Ariovistus warned us off Gaul at the meeting? —Julius smiled like a child and Marcus felt ridiculously happy.

— I thought you knew me better, Mark —he purred—. You had to admit it was a great idea to let the word spread around the camp, don't you think? —he rested his head against the back of his hand and Marcus laughed.

— You are terrible — and, attracted to Julius by a force stronger than his will, bent to kiss him. He was aware of his impudence only too late, he had never dared to touch him with such familiarity before. He was about to panic when Julius closed his eyes and returned a chaste, almost sweet kiss. Julius cocked his head, loose locks of orange-blond hair brushing his cheek, and slowly, very slowly, savored Marcus' lips, little by little turning it into an explosion of passion, taking Marcus aback.

— Mm, I have… wanted to do this… mm, all day —he purred between kisses, taking Marcus by the arm and softly falling astride over him.

— Really? —Marcus was without breath, he had to ask before abandoning himself into blissful oblivion, caring about nothing but his weight deliciously crushing him. As an answer Julius licked his lips, a half smile adorning his face. He took a moment to watch Marcus with a strange look in his eyes, almost as if this were the first time they met. A piercing look that wanted to learn his most hidden secrets. He brushed Marcus' hair back, absently caressing his forehead. Why was he so familiar? He dragged his fingertips down his cheeks, drawing his silhouette as if trying to learn his face by heart or to remember where they had met before—. Had we?

Gods! I'm going to die —Marcus kissed his fingers, stopping them on their way down to his chin. Such a strange and intimate moment, Julius bent over him, his eyes that, for the first time, were interested in seeing beyond him, and his touch… absent and, at the same time, speaking with a breath-taking intensity.

— Who are you? —Julius whispered, like a prayer, almost talking to himself, to the air. Marcus kissed the palm of his hand with a devotion reserved only for the Gods.

Whoever you…

— … want me to be —again that echo that appeared to come from his heart, again two voices with the same ultramarine blue, and that oppressing feeling that threatened to drown him. Marcus slid his lips through his hand, kissing each one of his fingertips. Julius shuddered and stopped thinking, he was tired of thinking, of worrying, of everything, and only wanted to rest and forget about the world. He looked for Marcus' lips, caressing them with his own, his arm resting at the side of his Pilus Prior's head.

— You are so weird, Mark.

— No more than you —Marcus closed the distance between them, kissing him with urgency, as if fearing he would disappear at any moment, unable to stop. He slid his open hands under Julius' tunic, up and down his hips, enjoying his soft skin, feeling the muscles contracting under his touch.

— Mark… do you really want to do this? —Julius asked without breath, his lover's hands over his thighs, his kisses running down the length of his neck, sucking the white skin.

— Only if you want it too —Marcus held his gaze and Julius nodded slowly. Was he dreaming?

— I…—there was no easy way to say this, how he hated to feel like a fool— I want you but, how are we doing this? —Marcus laughed despite of himself.

— Well Jules, I thought that someone with your vast experience should know how to…

— You are not taking me as a woman —Julius interrupted him, his authority back and once again the Imperator was talking. He was nervous, anxious, horny and lost, and he hated it. Definitely in no mood to hear Marcus mocking.

— I know —Marcus sighed and, for the first time, he sounded neither disappointed nor angry, it was almost as if he had been expecting this. Besides, who would have dreamed of taking his Imperator and victor over the Helvetii like a girl? Even if it sounded so exciting. Marcus kissed his cheek fondly, founding it deliciously hot. It was so exciting to see such a man blushing, such innocent gesture and a boost to his own ego, knowing it was because of him—. I must confess that I have never done this before, with me doing bottom, I mean, but…

— This is not right —Julius sat on his lap, and Marcus rise on his elbows—. I can't possibly humiliate you like this.

— What are you talking about?

— We are both Roman citizens, it is wrong, not to mention against the law, to have you in a slave's position —it would have sounded all serious and ominous if it weren't for his pink cheeks.

— Jules…

— The lex Scantinia is clear, it's to protect the integrity of a Roman citizen's body and…—and nothing, Marcus kissed him.

— Jules, you think too much. Do you truly believe we are the first Roman citizen in this situation?... I love you —and 3 simple words achieved what Ariovistus with all his threats couldn't: Julius was speechless—. If you want to do this, I have no problem as long as it is with you.

Marcus caught his lips again. Oh sweet perdition disguised in the softness of a kiss that tasted to silent promises old as the world, full of longing, of sadness, of lost hope just rediscovered in the deeps of a kiss. The intensity of it made Julius shudder, his skin burned under Marcus touch, his whole body wanted desperately to feel his warm against his naked body.

— I love you… —Marcus repeated between kisses this oath, drinking in his every breath, in the very life of Julius.

Why was so difficult for him to hear that Marcus loved him?— I hate him! —yes! That was the truth. He hated Marcus for breaking his calm, for making a fool of him, for forcing him to be in situations like this. Julius was always tranquil and cool, always in control. Distant and mysterious… until they met—. What a curse has become his name! —the sole mention of it was enough to crumble the wall around him, to hasten his heartbeat—. I hate him! —for ending years of cold perfection, years of restrain and self-control.

There were feelings impossible to hide, impossible to control, feelings that became your master and so it was better never to know them… like love. Love always made a fool of men, irrational, explosive. Love, not the cheap word silly poets like to adorn with vulgarity, but the feeling that consumes the soul.

— I… —Julius whispered in a room full with the wet sound of kisses—. I hate you —Marcus laughed without noise, lifting his head to see him. He could feel Julius chest touching him every time he breathed. It was so perfect, he would have given everything to make that night last forever, to be like this the rest of his days.

— Why? —he slid his lips through his cheek. Julius' blond hair disheveled over his eyes, his lips slightly parted looking for air. He looked so fragile; his skin like milk increasing the intensity of his aquamarine eyes, and that stirred a strong feeling inside Marcus. He would protect him, no mattered what or against whom.

— I hate what you… make me feel… —Marcus left a kiss on his forehead, and Julius closed his eyes, trying in vain to ease that whirlwind in his soul, threatening to take away his last vestiges of rationality.

— For once in your life —Marcus held his gaze, looking for his hand—, take what you want without thinking —he guided it to his heart.

Julius ran his fingers through his chest, shyly, unsure, dragging the rough fabric. Marcus took off the tunic, pulling it over his head, letting Julius to watch him, curious, as if he had never seen a naked man before—. Well, certainly never one in a situation like this —and, in that moment, he looked so innocent that the idea almost made him laugh. Julius? Innocent? And yet that was the correct word, touching his chest as if he didn't know what to do with him, running his fingers up and down, making circles without daring to go further.

— I don't bite —Marcus teased him and Julius pinched his nipple, a bluff to show him he wasn't afraid.

— Don't patronize me.

— I would never dare to.

I change the scenes,

sing what I mean.

"The lines are no longer in between".

I don't need space.

I don't.

It's all in my head,

but I just can't keep it there.

(Sun Space, Late Night Alumni)

Marcus ran his hands up and down his arms, sliding his lips down his neck, kissing with his mouth open his collarbone. Julius was his god in that moment, his everything, and he would worship every inch of him, take whatever he wanted to give him and love him forever.

Oo0oO

The distant sounds of the dying battle and the last whispers of a tragedy still unfolding outside the military camp, floated to them, faintly, almost like a ghost sigh, but still present and continuously reminding them of the last terrible hours.

— I can't believe is finally over —Gaius was tired, covered in blood and sweat, but compared to others perfectly well. After everything he had gone through: such a long siege, digging ditches, raising small forts around the city, months of hardships, a hard battle against Hanno and the plundering of Agrigentum, he couldn't believe they had prevailed at last. Aunia cleaned his wounds, knelt at his side, pale, trembling but relief after hours dreading the worst.

— What's going to happen now? Is the war over?

— Far from it, the war…—Gaius hesitated, unsure if it was a good idea to share his fears with Aunia and scare her.

— Please —she stopped her task and held his gaze—, don't lie to me, what is it? —he nodded, he had to trust her, after all, Aunia had always been his strength.

— Rome has built a fleet.

— A fleet? But you told me Rome has no naval strength.

— So it was —Gaius took her hand, caressing the back. So soft, it felt so good to have her at his side. Gods! He was so tired and his whole body screaming in pain—. Before the Mamertines asked us for help our Legions had never left Italian soil before, we had never ventured so far away from home, not to mention across the sea… that is why I joined them, I wanted to see what was beyond, I wanted to be here and say: I was with the first Legion that left Italy.

— Have you ever regretted that decision?

— No —there was no doubt in his voice—. If I haven't come, I would have never met you —Aunia smiled and continued cleaning with wounds.

— So Rome is going to fight now against Carthage… on the sea?

— You don't have to say it like that —Gaius teased her—. I, personally, find it quite incredible, a nation that just a few months back didn't have a ship now has a whole fleet.

— Gaius, I may not know much about war but I know Carthage has centuries controlling the Mediterranean. Fleet or no fleet, Rome is no match for it…—she stopped, the realization striking her—. Don't tell me you are thinking to join the battle at sea? —when Gaius didn't answer, she frowned—. Gaius, when…

— I can't leave the Legions now —he spoke, holding her gaze, losing himself in that deep blue that belong only to him—. I'm sorry but I won't be able to live with myself if I run away now. We'll be together, I promise, and you know I always keep my promises but…—Aunia kissed him.

— I know…—she caressed his cheek, cupping his face between her hands— I know who you are and how much your honor, how is that you call it? Dignitas? Means to you —he rested his forehead against hers—. I'll go with you, no matter what.

— No, Aunia, you'll go to Rome…

— Do you think I will leave you? —she dropped her hands and moved away—. I can't go and live everyday fearing it will be your last. No! I'll go with you, I'm not a pamper Roman lady, and I know how to take care of myself —Gaius embraced her, overwhelmed and moved by such outburst of passion.

— I don't deserve you… I can't take you as my wife now, but I don't want to insult you having you just like a camp follower.

— It's all right, I'll be whoever you want me to be —Gaius hid his face in her neck, her warm body a comfort for his aching soul.

— Tell me a story, I don't want to talk more about war —Aunia kissed his cheek and he rested his head on her legs, his body screaming and complaining before finally resting. Gaius closed his eyes, almost purring like a kitten when he felt her fingers brushing his hair.

— Well, let me think… Since we talk about Carthage, do you know who founded it?

— I have no idea —she smiled.

— Once upon a time, there was a very beautiful princess in Tyre named Dido —she began—, when her father, the King, died he named Dido and her little brother Pygmalion rulers of Tyre but the people wanted only Pygmalion and Dido was with nothing. Soon after this she married her uncle but her happiness didn't last. Pygmalion was not satisfied with stealing the throne, he wanted also the immense wealth of his brother-in-law and thus had him killed. Dido then planned her escape before her brother could seize the gold and taking with her servants and people of importance, fled with her husband' wealth to a new land. Dido arrived at the north of Africa and asked King Iarbas of the Berbers for land to make a refuge, only as much land as could be cover by an ox hide. King Iarbas agreed and said he would return next day. Then, Dido had the ox hide cut in strips until she was able to encircle an entire hill —Gaius laughed.

— Clever girl!

— King Iarbas amazed at her cleverness granted Dido the land and they built a city. Soon it prospered so much that King Iarbas asked to marry the now Queen Dido —Aunia continued—. Dido didn't know what to do since she had decided long ago to remind faithful to her first husband, and so she built a ceremonial pyre. Dido announced she would be rejoining her husband and jumped into the pyre.

— Edepol! Such madness…

— I don't think her mad —Aunia spoke with a force that took Gaius by surprise—. If I were in her place, and you had died, I would have also jumped into the fire…

Aunia's long hair danced at the mercy of the wind, her black silhouette disappeared in the bright flames and a cruel merciless pain pierced his heart…

AUNIAAA!

— Jules, Jules —Julius woke up, his eyes wandering around the place until they found Marcus' worried face over him—. Are you all right? You were moaning in your sleep.

Julius didn't know what was he talking about. He was confused and disoriented; didn't know where he was or what day it was. Why was it dark? His mind was still in that tent, outside Agrigentum, a warm day that had nothing to do with the cold he was feeling. He was overwhelmed by the pain and sadness, a feeling of fatality, of dread, clutching his heart and barely letting him breathe, still watching Aunia consumed by the fire.

— Aunia? —it was the first time he woke up from such a dream only to find the same ultramarine eyes in this world.

— It's me, Marcus —Marcus…? Who…? Julius took his hand to his forehead. He was sweating cold and for a strange moment, even his own face was strange to him.

— Your warrior-slave is not here —his Imperator took a deep breath, steadying the beating of his heart. My warrior-slave? Memories came back to him like the current of a river.

— Her name is Nabia —was he talking to Marcus or answering to himself?

— Oh, who's Aunia, then? A chieftain's daughter? —Julius felt silent; he didn't know the answer. He sat and looked for water on the table next to the bed— Nightmare?

— Not this time.

— "This time?" —Marcus frowned— Are nightmares something usual to you?

— Yes… don't look at me like that, everybody has them, mine are just a little more frequent that's all —Julius left the glass on the table and almost jumped when he felt Marcus' hand on his forehead. How silly! He had made love to his Pilus Prior just a while ago and now was ashamed of feeling his hand on his face. Made love? Since when I'm so cheesy.

— You are cold.

— It is cold —he tried to protest but Marcus ignored his remark and brushed his damp hair back.

His callous hands too hot against his skin, but Julius found them very pleasant—. Like Aunia's hands over Gaius' face… what does this mean? —he closed his eyes and let himself be pampered, leaning his head against Marcus' touch like a puppy. It felt so good to be with him, Marcus' calm was contagious and soon started to feel sleepy to his own surprise. He had insomnia and never before had he fallen asleep so quickly.

— You are so strange —Julius tiredly whispered with that raspy voice Marcus loved so much, the one that appeared to be silk caressing his body.

— How so? —Julius leaned against him, resting his head on his shoulder, and sighed.

— Why do you have to be a man? —Marcus smiled and embraced him, feeling his body relaxing in his arms. He kissed his blond head and Julius fell asleep.

Oo0oO

By the time Julius woke up Marcus was gone. It was the right thing to do and what Marcus usually did after spending the night there, after all it was easier to go back to his own tent under the cover of darkness than under the shining sun; but this time 2 things were different. First, Julius found himself feeling a little disappointed at being alone and second, he didn't wake up at dawn as was his curse, Niketas had had to come and woke him up for his utter surprise. This never happened to him but he felt really good that morning that was almost scary.

— Nabia, I have a job for you —Julius' words caught her attention while her master ate his breakfast, at the same time read his correspondence, and dictated a letter to Niketas—. I want you to go to the Suebi camp and spy on them —that caught Niketas' attention, and he almost scratched his draft on the wax tablet in astonishment—. Do you think you can do it?

— Your wishes are my orders —Nabia smiled, and bowed—. When do you want me to go?

— As soon as possible, we have no time to lose —Nabia bowed again, and was ready to leave. He didn't have to say more and she really didn't have baggage to prepare, just a horse and a little food. She reached the exit but then stopped and said, without turning.

— You have to be careful with your lover —it didn't surprise Julius to learn she knew. Somehow she always knew what happened to him.

— Why is that?

— You are starting to feel something for him —Julius' expression didn't change but inside felt a hollow in his stomach. Was he too obvious? Nabia left and Niketas didn't lose time to clear his throat, successfully catching his master's attention.

— Yes, Niketas?

— Domine, are you sure about this idea of sending Nabia to the enemy?

— Absolutely sure, why are you so shocked?

— Because, well… she is a barbarian and the Germans are also barbarians —Julius laughed truly amused.

— Said like a true Greek. No Niketas, they are not the same, just as a Roman and an Athenian are not the same —his slave blushed—. And even if Nabia were a Suebi, she would never betray me —Julius sounded so sure that Niketas decided to fell silent, it was pointless to argue and the last thing he wanted was to ruin his master's excellent mood—. Still, I won't send Nabia alone, and not because I don't trust her, it is not wise to bet everything on the same horse. I'll also sent Gaius Valerius Procilllus, he speaks Gallic better than Latin, and Marcus Metius, bound to Ariovistus by ties of hospitality. The King is desperate to have another "conversation" with me, but after what happened last time I don't trust him —he nodded—. Yes, it will be the best to send them and see what Ariovistus had to say. Now, the letter to my father-in-law…

— You were telling me…—Niketas looked at his notes but before he could say something…

— About Cyprus, Cato and Clodius —Niketas watched him with his mouth opened, it never ceased to amaze him his master's perfect memory—. All right then: "My dear Lucius Calpurnius, I heard that my friend Cato has been named by the Senate as a special envoy to Cyprus, in order to implemented the Lex Clodia de Cyprus, and thus making the island part of the Roman province. I am curious to know how this finally came to happen, so I ask you to write to me and let me know about the details."

Oo0oO

— We all knew Cyprus will be part of Rome eventually —said Camillus after a couple of nights, during dinner—. You know, since the controversial will of King Ptolemy Alexander, where he left Rome in possession of Egypt, it was just a matter of time before we exercise our right. It wouldn't surprise me to hear next that finally the whole kingdom is ours.

— Mm, do you think the will is real? —Camillus watched him as if he didn't know him.

— YOU are asking this? YOU who made a spectacle at the Senate demanding we sent a special commission to take Egypt under our direct administration as it was specified in Ptolemy Alexander's will?! —Camillus almost choked on his food.

— Camus, even if I thought it was a good idea to annex Egypt I never said I thought the will was real —Julius said almost sweetly.

— You are a swine.

— At least I don't look like one.

— You are so funny, see how I laugh —Camillus watched him through narrowed eyes—. I don't even know why I argued with you about this, you should know more than anyone about Cyprus, after all the present Ptolemy in charge, the so called Auletes, paid you and Pompeius handsomely to be recognized as legitimate King of Egypt.

Julius looked at the piece of bread between his thumb and forefinger as the most fascinating thing, taking his time before answering. Only to his dear friend he could speak with freedom and, even if he didn't admit it aloud, it was a gift from the Gods to have him at his side.

— The fact that Auletes gave me a contribution doesn't make us great friends.

— "Contribution"? That was bribery.

— Now you sound like Cato —Julius ate the piece of bread—. But tell me, whose idea was to take Cyprus?

— Clodius, he needs the island's corn production if he wants to stablish the permanent free grain dole to every citizen in the city —Camillus reclined—. All I know is the Senate appointed Cato because, well, Cato is Cato, and is the only one they trust to do what he must without stealing anything —Julius nodded.

— It was an intelligent move. I wrote to my father-in-law a couple of days ago to learn the details.

— I didn't know Marcus Aelius' father live in Rome.

— Ha-ha Camus —said Julius without humor. Camillus laughed out loud, it was rare to embarrass Julius and he was quite proud of it.

— I heard your monkey spends almost every night here —he teased the Imperator.

— You heard or you asked Niketas? —Camillus laughed again until wine came out his nose. Only then, Julius realized his mistake. His friend didn't know a thing, he was just teasing to get a confirmation of his suspicious— Go to hell, Camus.

— Dear Minerva! You must like your monkey very much, your intelligence points are rapidly dropping.

— When are you going back home?

— When you, Imperator, has men to spare to escort me back to civilization —Camillus smiled before taking a mournful of cheese—. Mm, almost forgot; Auletes is in Rome.

— Doing what?

— There was a revolt in Alexandria after Auletes raised the taxes to pay for his bribes and luxurious life style. His daughter Berenike IV has been crowned queen and your friend ran to Rome to beg the Senate's support to claim back his kingdom.

— The support of Pompey more likely —Julius fell silent. His famous son-in-law hadn't mentioned anything regarding the King's visit, he would remember to ask later.

Niketas came running and judging by his expression something had happened.

— Domine, Labienus is asking to see you.

Oo0oO

As it turned out Ariovistus didn't lose time and moved his men to meet the Legions at the foot of the Vosges, just six miles north of the Roman camp. Next the Suebi moved his column up the slopes and took a position just 2 miles south of their camp. And Julius saw, to his complete displeasure, that he has been outmaneuvered.

— The bastard is no fool —Julius muttered, watching from the rampart the lights of the Suebi camp—. I can't possibly send the Legions up the hillside where the Suebi will crush them hardly with any effort.

— So what? We just wait like silent spectators while Ariovistus cut our communications and block our lines of supplies? —Labienus complained.

— Yes —Julius answered with all calm and Labienus couldn't tell if he was joking.

— But…

— Tomorrow we'll offer battle, and we'll see.

(1) Amy Richlin. A Companion to the Roman Empire, Chapter 17: Sexuality in the Roman Empire. Wiley-Blackwell, p 349, 351, 353