Sorry for the delay in updating but Uni has kept me very busy along with normal family life. But here you all go I now have my PC back which is a major help so more writing to come.

As soon as I woke up that morning I knew it was going to be a bad day, but I had no idea how bad it was going to get, how I would react to the simplest thing being said or done and it wasn't even directed at me at times. I may have even totally thrown away my relationship with Mike with the way I was reacting that day. I know he is back out at sea and I don't blame him I would run from myself too if I could but I'm not allowed too, a bit hard when there are guards on your door, hourly checks on you, nowhere to go but stay here and think about what you did that day, some of it is still blank to me, some of what I remember is because I have been told about it, by Mike's family. Who somehow, and I just do not understand this part are still here helping me, supporting me. Steve is still around too. I told him to go home back to his wife Nancy in Sydney but he is refusing saying he is needed here and that Nancy is coming up soon as well. Also saying I need him too

I lay here wondering why I woke up and acted the way I did that day, wondering if it will happen again.

Dylan apartment

Cairns

"Hey Jess this came in the post for you." Dylan says as he goes through the mail that has arrived at his house wondering when Jess had her mail redirected to his place.

"Before you ask, Captain Marshall did it. He said something about not waiting to miss out on anything important while I am here." She looks at it and see's that it has the Navy's symbol on it. Nerves kicking in.

"Jess you ok?" he asks, seeing her body language change, having been on a boat with her for so long he can tell when she is scared, nervous, happy, sad, angry, she looks up at him after hearing his gentle kind words.

"It's either my acceptance or not for medic training." 'Please be my acceptance letter, please.' Jess thinks to herself.

"Hang on we haven't talked about this, Jess. I thought that we were going to talk about who goes where?" shock sounding in his voice that things are being taken out of his hands, that she has gone and done something without first talking to him, his logical side of his brain not having enough time to tell him, remind him, before she speaks again to him.

"I said we would but I did this all before the explosion. It's been months in the making. Swain helped me do the application, he got the XO to do a recommendation, and he also did one as well." She replies as she sits down on the couch. "I didn't just go do this without thinking of you, but Swain will even tell you I've been thinking about it for a long time now. I told him while doing my gap year I wanted to be a paramedic on an ambulance. He talked me around to doing it via the Navy."

"Arr ok that is fine I thought you had gone and done it without talking to me." He says as he sits down beside me.

"Look I know we still trying to find our ground here, and that things the other night didn't go as planned by either of us, maybe more me with my reactions."

"Never did I ever think I would see a jealous you, more so the other night." He says as he wraps his arm around my body pulling me close to him.

"And your right we do need to talk but I promise you this was before everything happened and changed, and if its good news then nothing will need to change, you won't need to change commands." I start to open it hoping like hell I have gotten in. I owe it to Swain to have made an excellent presentation to them, to have them select me.

To Seamen Jessica Bird

This letter is to notify you that you have been accepted into Basic medic training, to then be followed by Advanced Medic Training, as you have already gone through our Naval basic training you can commence your training at the local Naval hospital in Cairns at a date agreed upon by yourself and your Commanding officer, as well as Doctor Captain John Mason. This agreed date has only been approved as we have taken in to consideration the current situation that you have been involved with being a crew member on HMAS Hammersly as well as taking into effect the leave you are currently on.

You will need to confirm you are still interested in this position by setting an appointment with your Commanding Officer at NAVCOM, Captain Steve Marshall at a time that suits you. To go over the paper work required and then he will set up an appointment for you with Doctor Captain John Mason.

As you will be aware your training will require time spent out at sea, practising what you have learnt on land. You will also be required to spend three months on HMAS Melbourne in requirement to your advanced training. This practical placement may be extended if we feel that there hasn't been enough hands on experienced had. Please be aware this is not a reflection on you or your training but at any stage we may feel the crew you have been place with may not have had enough of the required incidents to make sure you get enough hands on in the field training. Please be prepared for this training to take longer than stated.

We look forward to hearing from you soon.

"I got in, I got in." I get up and jump around acting as a teenager again. Oh who cares how I act I got in. I got into my medic training.

"Well done Jess I'm proud of you." He says to me as he pulls me into his chest and we kiss again, man I cannot get enough of him, well his kisses. Man he can kiss, I get so lost in his kisses.

HMAS Melbourne

Mike's Cabin late at night

"Sir you ok?"

"I'm fine Nick."

"Yea right, you know I know you better than anyone else on this boat Mike, so stop bullshitting me a problem shared is a problem halved."

"Whoever told you that needs a bullet?"

"Your dad told me that one many years ago. Can't see you letting me shot him."

"Right now yes I could."

"Come on Mike that is not like you."

"Sorry it's just if he had pushed hard enough made her go the slow routine maybe she wouldn't have gone off the deep end like she did the day before we left base."

"What happened?" Nick asks Mike, who leans on his desk, his head in his hands. The stress and worry at home getting to him.

"She woke up that morning in a weird mood, something was off. She didn't seem herself, she had this weird look in her eyes as well. The she went mad, several times until dad had to get her sedate. She just wasn't herself and it's worrying me."

"Have you told your folks?"

"Yep dad thinks something else is going on, Steve is hoping like hell just like me that she hasn't gone mental unstable as it's then more likely end of her career with the Navy. We're all hoping it something else, but nothing yet."

"It was her that gave you this?" Nick says as he points to the dressed wound on his arm.

"Yes she did. She didn't even know she had done it, she has no memory of doing it, she only knows because I told her, as she saw the dressing after I had to go get it looked at. Thank god my job on here does not require me to go out on the RHIB's of I would be on restricted duties.

"Yes eleven stitches later, not sure what to say to the crew when they ask I personally do not want them knowing the issues I have at home."

"Tell them something, you cut yourself on something, or something broken or fell and cut your arm."

"Now that could work good thinking Nick well done. I knew there was a good reason we meet up again."

Cairns Naval Base Hospital

"God Chris you not meant to be doing this to all of us. Chloe hates it that I won't let her come and see you, she has been drawing you loads of pictures. Dad is up again, he keeps going back and forth. Your folks haven't left at all since they arrived. And I've let them all stay at our place, I know right I must be going insane or something. I complain about them being in our horse when they stay and this time around I don't want them to leave. The Doctors are saying things are improving, but to me they not your still not awake yet, and until you are awake we really have no idea your true state of mind. You know what I won't be ever complaining about you being out on Hammersly after this, this is much worse than that damn stupid boat that you work on, well I don't think it's stupid now your work mates they been coming in and out like yoyo's. They seem to care about more than I realised, more than I ever thought, no wonder you keep telling me they like family to you. There is this one girl I've heard you talking about her at home, I think she may have been the one I thought you were sleeping with, with the way you talk about her, she is young came in with a big tall blonde guy, She said her name is Jessica, but every one either calls her Bird or Jess. Anyway she was talking to me about all the wonderful things you have been doing for her, showing her how to be a medic, mentoring her. Which to be honest with myself is very much something you would do. Suppose you could say I was jealous of her, but what shocked me was how she knew about me, Chloe and little Jack. The way she spoke us, but also the things she said you had said to her. I never knew how much it meant to you to be able to ring just before Chloe's bedtime and tell her a story, and ring on weekends to just say hi to her, to me. Sometimes it takes someone else pointing things out seeing it from another perspective like hers showed me your still the man I married. Kind hearted give anything to help anyone person. I'm sorry for a lot of the things I said to you before you went out on that trip. I know you stayed on that boat to help Jim to save us all from a worse fate, but still I hate you for it, your laying here in this bed unable to talk to me, unable to even hold my hand comfort me it true bloody well hurts seeing your like this Chris. All I hope for is that you can at least hear me, know who it I talking to you. I suppose my other major worse fear other than you not waking up is you not remembering me. Could handle you not remembering the kids but me that one will be hard so please remember me.

"Mrs Blake?" A nurse says as she walks in on Sally talking to Chris.

"Hi Lucy, please call me Sally, none of this Mrs Blake stuff please."

"Sorry it's just politeness and habit."

"I understand but we have been in here long enough now, so what can I do for you?"

"Just letting you know we are going to do a check on his wounds, the doctor is also going to be in here as well."

"Ok I'll go get a coffee and wait in the lounge get me when you're done please."

"Will do."