Hi there!
I guess that even you guys are still very shocked by what happened and worried for all that is happening right now in the world... My thoughts are still with the French people. All the nations need to be strong and united right now if we want to end all this madness.
Anyway... I'm here because I have a new chapter for you guys, and I hope that some Vauseman will help to distract you a bit :)
Enjoy
I kept following the rise and fall of her chest with my eyes.
Not missing a single one of the breaths that she took in, or one of the constant light beeps that indicated each one of the beats of her heart, finding myself breathing at her same rhythm, and holding the air in my lungs just for a few moments longer when I saw her doing the same, only to release it with a new wave of relief when she reasumed her normal rhythm.
But just looking at her chest as she breathed, or listening to that constant, hypnotic, slow, beeping sound, wasn't enough.
I held her hand in mine in a gentle grasp because I wanted to feel for myself the weak but regular pulse under my fingertips, the sensation of her skin and the warmth of her body against mine; absently drawing circles over each one of her long fingers or running my thumb over her knuckles.
I could still see traces of dried blood under her fingernails... her blood.
She must have lost so much of it, I thought as I trapped my bottom lip between my teeth.
Her perfect alabaster skin was alarmingly pale.
She looked like a faded picture of the ones I held in my memories of her from the last time I had seen her; heard her deep voice, her amused chuckle rumbling in her throat, seen her contagious smile and that particular, compelling light shine into her mystic green eyes.
I watched the way her long eyelashes fluttered as she slept and dreamed, still under the devastating effect of the anesthesia after the surgery which had kept her on an operating table for several, infinite, agonizing hours.
My throat hurt so badly as I kept fighting to hold back tears when my eyes shifted from her face to look down and meet the large, angry purple bruise around her elegant neck.
I diverted my gaze because I couldn't bear the sight of that mark on her delicate skin; to know that she was injured was one thing, but knowing that someone had tried -and almost succeeded- to kill her, made the bile rise in my throat.
I shifted in my position on the chair where I was sitting as my eyes returned to follow the rise and fall of Alex's chest, and I found comfort in the fact that she was there.
In front of me.
Alive.
Even if she no longer looked like the majestic, fearless, predatory, wild feline I had noticed she looked like that morning when I woke up beside her sleeping figure, but resembling a small, hurt, undefended cub.
I could feel Nicky's eyes on me from the other side of the large, private hospital room, but I couldn't find the strenght inside of me to divert my gaze from Alex's vulnerable wounded body, nor I felt like I had a real reason to meet the other woman's gaze.
For all the endless ride, as she drove us to the hospital, I kept looking at her -just like I knew she was looking between me and Alex in that moment- waiting for an explaination, a reason, anything...
But after the first few times that she had refused to give me a proper answer to my questions and just conceded me a "There's been an... Accident. She's hurt. Badly. But she's alive" as if it would have been enough to soothe my gravely tense nerves and slow down the frantic, aguished, forcefully beats of my heart, I remained silent for the rest of the ride, feeling as those sensations kept growing more and more inside of me with every passing second.
Maybe she didn't want to worry me more than what I already was, I thought to myself, but in that way she actually succeeded in doing the exact contrary; keeping in the shadows the details and the answers I was hoping to receive, only raised more questions.
Maybe she kept them hidden from me because she didn't want to scare me...
My thoughts brought me back to several hours previous, to that morning, when Nicky showed up in front of the Museum, looking for me.
The element of surprise was completely gone, but the shock was still present, even if it had turned into a silent emotional bomb that presented itself with devastating waves of anguish every now and then.
And the next wave had just arrived to greet me.
I had to close my eyes and tilt my head down, biting hard on my bottom lip when I felt it hitting me hard right in the center of my chest, feeling as my shoulders started to shake but resisting and not letting the tears fall, knowing that if I started, there wouldn't have been a way to stop them.
Above the thoughts swirling in my head, the sound of a chair legs scraping lightly the floor broke the silence, followed by the soft sound of steps approaching me.
"Hey..." Nicky's voice was a tentative whisper, her tone gentle as it was the hand that she placed on my shoulder.
"She's going to be okay, Piper." She reassured me. "Alex is a tough girl, she'll be alright..."
For the first time since I entered the hospital room and Alex was brought in after her surgery, I diverted my gaze from her to look at my side, to look at her best friend's and at the tentative smile on her face.
The confidence in her words, her soft smile and the light squeeze she gave on my shoulder, comforted me more than what I thought possible, but the effect didn't last for long...
After I succeeded to swallow down the stubborn, painful lump that had been stuck in my throat for the entire afternoon, I managed to speak, no longer used to my own voice as the words came out in a raspy whisper; my throat so dry it felt like sandpaper.
"Who did this to her?" My tone was light, but the disbelief and pain in my voice wasn't lost on the young woman at my side whose expression changed immediately after my question, tilting her head down and diverting her eyes from mine.
I was ready to give up any chance that she would have given me an answer since I wasn't able to obtain a proper one from her in all the afternoon, but this time, she surprised me as her gaze returned to meet mine a moment later.
Her expression was hard, her jaw clenched, and her dark eyes had lost any trace of the warmth that I had found there the other times, and its absence almost frightened me as her other hand clenched into a tight fist before she answered me.
"That bastard won't have occasion to hurt Alex, or anybody else anymore. He got what he deserved."
The tone she used, the venom in her voice...
The hate.
The anger...
It didn't leave much to immagination.
I didn't need to ask for anything else.
I understood immediately what she meant.
It wasn't an answer that I was expecting, not that I was expecting something in particular, but it was becoming near to impossible to keep all the new questions that were forming in my head all for myself.
Nicky had shown reluctance to talk about everything that happened, but I couldn't blame her.
...Not completely.
Evidently, Alex had told to her best friend that she was seeing someone, but she hadn't revealed my name... A thought that, even if in a small part, hurt me a little; I knew how much Nicky meant to her, she had told me stories about the two of them that resembled the ones of two sisters, but if she hadn't felt like telling her, she must have had her reasons for not doing it.
However, at Nicky's eyes, I was still a stranger. Maybe she was protecting her friend by not revealing what happened...
It only raised more and more question about Alex's profession as for the first time I realized exactly how incredibly dangerous her job was.
And it made me beyond nervous.
Scared.
But those were just a minimal, ignorable part of what I felt and that could be pushed aside for the moment.
My gaze returned to Alex's sleeping form and I reasumed the slow movement of my thumb over her knuckles.
I just wanted her to be okay.
I just wanted her safe.
I looked down at her leg resting under the white bed sheets, knowing that it was the place where she had been severely wounded.
If it wasn't for the fact that I had, not so accidentally, overheard the conversation that happened outside the hospital room between Nicky and the surgeon who had operated Alex, I wouldn't have known some of the details, and even when I heard them, words like "mortal wound" and "could have died" made me desire that I didn't heard that conversation. On the other hand, knowing that she had been "very lucky" and that her condition was still "serious but stable" sent a small wave of relief that shooted my nerves, even if it wasn't strong enough to slow down my still racing heart.
"I think I'll go and take a coffee," Nicky's voice pulled me out from my thoughts. "Do you want to come with me?"
I turned my head to look at her and at the tender smile on her face.
Even if she was reluctant to let me know what had happened to Alex, she had done everything to find me and drive me to the hospital where Alex was recovered.
She had abbandoned the side of her best friend to come and find me.
That gesture alone spoke louder than anything else, and it made me smile gratefully at her everytime I thought that if it wasn't for her, I would probably still be asking anxiously to myself where she was. But it also made me wonder what part Nicky's had in Alex's job; she said she had to "track down" the GPS signal on my phone to find me, so the only thing I could think of, was that she had an impressive knowledge of electronic devices...
Every small detail I had been able to obtain, seemed to suggest that they were into spying, or worked for some kind of intelligence and secret service.
But I didn't have enough informations to confirm such theory.
And at the moment, even if it was one of the thoughts that kept bouncing in my head, it wasn't the most important one.
"No thank you, I'm okay..." I appreciated her kind invitation, but I declined it just as gently; at the moment, the only place I wanted to be, was right at Alex's side.
Nicky gave me another small, knowing smile as she squeezed reassuringly my shoulder.
"Don't worry too much kid," Hear that term of endearment made my heart skip a beat;Alex called me in the exact same way when we were together, and even if the effect in that moment wasn't the same as it was when I heard it falling from Alex's lips with her throaty voice, it was still somehow comforting to hear. "Like I said, Al is a tough girl, not even an army could take her down so easily..."
A slightly concerned look crossed Nicky's tired features while she said that looking at the sleeping raven haired woman on the bed, but when her eyes returned to me, she gave me a small wink before she turned with the intention to leave.
"W-wait..." I stopped her right before she reached the door, turning to face me and locking her kind big brown eyes on me as I voiced what I meant to say to her since she found me and let me know about Alex's conditions.
"I-I... Thank you Nicky."
My voice was soft and my words were filled with gratitude towards the short young woman who smiled genuinely at me, knowing that I meant it for everything she had done.
"Don't mention it..." A moment later, she left, closing the door softly behind her as she exited.
Silence fell once again in the dimly lighted room as I was left alone with Alex and the sound of the slow, but constant beats of her heart.
I watched outside the window on the opposite wall from me, seeing nothing but a few distant lights shining in the darkness of the late evening, unable to suppress a long silent yawn, only in that moment realizing exactly how tired I was, how heavy my eyelids felt and how my back was starting to hurt from the sitting position that I had been in for the last few hours beside Alex's bed.
My gaze returned to her once again.
And even if I knew that she was still under the effect of the anesthesia, I couldn't help but think that she looked so peaceful.
And that even if her skin was several allarmingly shades paler than usual, her neck was badly bruised, her lips chapped, and she had dark circles under her eyes, I couldn't help but think that she still looked like the most beautiful woman I had ever seen...
I looked down at her hand, the one I was holding in mine in a gentle grasp, and I intertwined our fingers together.
Another yawn left my lips, feeling as sleep called me for the second time.
Try to resist was impossible; the idea to close my eyes was too inviting at the moment after the long emotionally exhausting day I had, so I shifted in the chair to find a more comfortable position before I rested my head on my forearm on the edge of the bed.
Just a few minutes, I said to myself as I closed my eyes, never letting go of Alex's hand.
By the time Nicky came back, I was fast asleep.
. . .
I started to wake up for the pain.
Whimpering and groaning softly the more I regained consciousness, feeling as the occasional tingling sensation of dull ache on my leg turned quickly into painful stabs.
My whole body felt like someone had injected some kind of new devastating mix of drugs up to my veins, and the effect it had in my head rended me disoriented and confused like I had never felt before.
It took me an eternity to open my eyes, and when I finally succeeded, I had to blink several times to focus on the surrounding without my glasses, but it didn't take me long to realize where I was; the characteristic smell of antiseptic was a good enough answer to my question, as it was the light beeping sound coming from beside me.
The pain in my leg was becoming excruciating, making me close my eyes tightly as a new groan rumbled deep in my dry throat while I was trying to find the strenght to sit up, only to be pushed down gently by a hand pressed against my chest when I managed to pull myself up of a few inches.
"Where do you think you are going. Lay down Alex, or I swear I'll handcuff you to this fucking bed."
Under the pain that I knew it was showing on my face despite my best efforts, a smirk tugged at my lips when I heard Nicky's voice, who managed to make it sound like a pretty convincing threat even in the shushed tone she used.
"Promises, promises..." I teased her through a grimace as I reopened my eyes to look at my side.
It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dimly lighted room, realizing that it was late night, and that the expression on my best friend's face was the opposite of amused after my humorous reply.
It wasn't a expression that I was accustumed to see on Nicky's face; the harshness, the cold distant look in her eyes that sent an icy a shiver up my spine and that made me divert my gaze from hers...
Fuck.
I knew what was going to come next, and at the moment I didn't have the energy to face this even if I knew it was all my fault and that she had every right to be angry at me.
Damn... Even I was angry with myself for how I had fucked up this time.
"Here." Nicky's sigh and slightly gentler tone made me raise my head to look at her outstretched hand as she handed me a glass of water.
I accepted it immediately, mumbling an husky thanks and watching as she ran a hand through her long hair that looked even more messy than usual.
A few sips of cool water brought some relief to my sore throat, but my leg was still pulsing painfully, so much that the pain had reached my upper thigh.
"Does it hurts?" Nicky's voice returned to sound cold and distant, and in that moment, hearing her like that, hurt way more than the increasing ache I felt spreading for all the lenght of my leg, but when I looked at her, I noticed how she was actually trying to cover up the deep concern that I could see lying in her dark eyes and that was showing even on her exhausted, incredibly tired face.
I only nodded, feeling as a lump formed in my throat when all she did was take the glass from me to place it down on the bedside table before she turned and clicked a few times on a small device beside the monitors to increase the dose of what I suspected was morphine that was being pumped right into my veins with an I V.
I was ready to protest but she interjected before I could say anything, pointing a warning finger at me.
"If you are going to say anything about not wanting drugs in your body right now, I'll smother you with your pillow Alex. I'm not joking."
If it was possible, even if her voice remained low, her tone had become even more threatening, and this time, I didn't dare to reply in any way. I just let her do and tried to relax back into the bed.
A few moments of an uncomfortable heavy silence fell as she sighed and took a seat on the chair beside me, my eyes never leaving her as I played nervously with my hands, feeling as the morphine started to do its effect, gradually reducing the pain.
I was still feeling a bit disoriented, but I was becoming more conscious with every passing minute, and after a while, I couldn't take it anymore.
Nicky's silence treatment was becoming too much for me to bear. I was to the point to apologize, for everything that happened, for not listening to her, but she spoke first, and her voice, from angry and cold, turned to match the concern that I had seen covering her face only a few moments before.
"What the hell happened Alex?"
Try to maintain eye contact was difficult, as it was get rid of the lump that was stuck in my throat, but after a few attempts to swallow it down, I succeeded.
"I fell on a knife... I guess we need to postpone the ski weekend in Colorado."
I should have expected the punch that she gave me and that hit me right on my shoulder because of my banter, and the fact that it wasn't a playful one, but that it was actually hard enough to send a tingle down my entire arm, was enough to let me know that Nicky wasn't amused at all.
And I sighed as I rubbed the sore spot where she had just hit me.
It would have been too simple to just solve everything with a joke like we used to do...
Not when one of the two had seriously risked her life.
The short memory of when I had seen Nicky and heard the rescue team helping me, was still blurred in my mind, but I knew it hadn't been just a dream or an allucination.
"I'm happy to see that this death experience hasn't affected your sense of humor."
The sarcasm in her voice was like a cold sharp blade; and it hurt a hundred times worse than the stab I had receive in my thigh with the hunting knife.
She was angry and upset like I never had occasion to see her before.
"Nicky-"
Once again, my attempt to apologize was stopped by her icy glance as she held up one hand.
"No, don't say it. Because it's not going to be enough Alex." She paused, trying to regain control of her voice, but I had already heard the way it cracked, feeling as that same crack resonated loudly in my own chest.
"You have no idea what it was to see you like that. To feel the blood flowing out of you, to see you stop breathing and feel as your heart stopped beating for 40 fucking seconds."
She tilted her head down to look at her clasped hands as her leg started bouncing nervously and her shoulders started to shake.
Seeing her like that was incredibly painful. It made me feel terrible, and I couldn't blame her if she wanted to kill me in that moment.
I had to swallow several time, but I couldn't get rid of the stubborn lump that had formed once again in my throat, and when I spoke, my voice sounded so raspy and low that I barely recognized it as my own.
"I'm so sorry Nicky. I really am. I don't know what happened... I got... Distracted." Then I paused after I heard her scoff angrily, but I needed to continue.
"You were right. I should have listened to you..." I concluded in an even lower tone, just barely above a whisper that resonated in the silent hospital room as I remembered the conversation I had at home with my friend before I left for the mission.
When, after a few seconds, she raised her head and pulled back her hair, even in the dimly lighted room I could see the way her big brown eyes had started to glisten with tears.
"And it has taken you almost to die to admit that I was right and that it wasn't a good idea to go." She hissed at me shaking her head. "The surgeon said that the knife missed the femoral artery for three millimeters but you've lost a lot of blood anyway. If we arrived only 2 minutes later, it would have been too late."
Then, after she finished to express the seriousness of my injury, she did something that at the beginning frightened me a little not knowing her intention as she stood suddenly from the chair, but that both surprised me and filled me with relief when she took a step closer and bent just enough to pull me into a tight comforting hug.
And at that point, I could only hug her back with everything I had as she whispered in my ear "You scared the shit out of me, you idiot. Don't you ever dare to scare me like that again."
I could feel her tears wetting my neck, but when she pulled back, she wiped them away quickly before I could see them, not wanting to look too vulnerable even if she knew I had probably realized exactly how upset she was.
As she took a seat on the chair once again, the question that had been in my head since I heard her voice and saw her after she the rescue team had reanimated me, represented in my head.
"Nicky..." I waited until her gaze returned to me, her eyes softening slowly, but still holding a hint of coldness. "How did you find me?" I asked furrowing my eyebrow and tilting my head to the side in both confusion and curiosity.
She didn't answer right away to my question, but she turned to recuperate something from the back of the chair, and I became even more confused when I realized that it was my bullet proof vest, the one I was wearing during the mission.
The one she had insisted so badly for me to wear.
I leaned in to watch what she was doing under the light of the small lamp on the bedside table as she placed the vest on her knees and opened a hidden pocket in the inner part that I had never noticed before.
My eyes widened in disbelief when I saw the small rectangular object that she pulled out from it.
"A satellite transmitter?" The shock was evident in my question even if I kept my voice down because of my hammering, throbbing headache.
Nicky just nodded, handing it to me before she explained. "I didn't follow you into the woods. I stayed where the emergency helicopter was, but I followed every step you made from a terminal and..." She turned the transmitter in my hand to show me the other side, and suddenly I understood everything before she even concluded. "...I kept under control your heart with an upgraded heart rate monitor. When I saw that your beats were out of range, I didn't think twice and said to the pilot to take off immediately."
I thought back about when I was in the woods and I was trying to fix the vest before the target arrived at the cabin, remembering the uncomfortable sensation of something pressed under my left breast, didn't matter how much I tried to move it aside.
My eyes widened even more as my gaze returned up to look at my friend, opening and closing my mouth, not knowing what I should have said.
If it wasn't for her... Because of the wound, the jammer, the radio and all...
I would have certainly died.
She saved my life twice.
"Nicky I-I-" I stammered still incredulous.
Once again, she interrupted me before I could express something that even I didn't know how I should have expressed with simple words, but she understood immediately.
She handed me my glasses and smiled at me.
"You would have done the same for me Alex."
I wouldn't have let her venture on a solo mission as dangerous as I knew it was the one that had actually almost killed me even if she would have begged me on her knees.
But she was right...
I smiled back at her as tears filled my eyes, and I had to put my glasses on in order to cover them.
I would have done the same for her countless times...
I was just going to ask her about when I could have been discharged, when the unexpected sound of rustling sheets caught my attention and made me turn my head to look towards a small couch on the corner of the other side the room. And it was in that moment that, even in the dimly lighted room and just squinting my eyes a little as I fixed my glasses on the bridge of my nose, I saw a sleeping figure covered with a blanket stirring on the couch, realizing that we weren't alone.
For all the time, I thought that Nicky was keeping her voice down as she lectured me because she had some pity for the headache she suspected I had, but that idea was pushed immediately aside as soon as I noticed the other presence in the room.
"Wh-"
I didn't have occasion to finish my question, because not even a second later, the figure on the small couch turned in her sleep, and the identity of that person was revealed to me.
My heart skipped a beat and all the air was sucked from my lungs.
For the first few seconds I thought I was still in one of those strange dreams or having another allucination, but when I saw that the sight in front of me didn't change after I blinked a few times, a mix of shock and confusion covered my features as I tried to pull myself up only to grit my teeth from the pain that the movement caused and that increased immediately my heartbeats before Nicky forced me down on the bed.
"Easy there. Don't make me use the cuffs." She threatened me again, but this time her voice didn't hold the minimal trace of anger. She was amused by my reaction, and started chuckling softly a moment later.
She noticed immediately the look on my face when my head snapped up to look her in the eyes, and I could have sworn that she could read perfectly every question that was written on my face as I tried to regain my breath.
To say that I was nervous, anxious and puzzled would have been the understatement of the century, but Nicky only smiled at me, reassuringly.
...She had found out.
"It's okay Alex... I know..." She confirmed as she rubbed my shoulder, but even if her touch was comforting and shooting, it didn't slow down the frantic beats of my heart as all I did was look at her with wide eyes before my gaze shifted once again of the peaceful sleeping figure curled up under a blanket on the couch.
Briefly, Nicky explained me everything; how she found out, then found her to tell her about my injury and brought her to the hospital.
"She remained at your side for all the time." She confessed in a soft whisper. "Drag her to the couch when I found her asleep on this chair wasn't easy."
My eyes remained on Piper's sleeping figure for all the time Nicky talked, and my heart ached when my friend revealed to me that she had been at my side, waiting for me to wake up.
"The kid was worried sick about you Al..."
Nicky's voice had regained its usual warmth and the tone she used didn't make things easy for how I was starting to feel inside of me when I realized that if it wasn't for my protective friend, I would have never had occasion to see Piper ever again.
The only thought sent an excruciating stab of pain right in my heart.
I had to blink several times before I could turn to look at Nicky, and when I did, the glint of hurt that I saw in her eyes before she diverted her gaze, for how small it was, it only made me feel worse.
"Nicky," I started to get her attention and when her eyes returned to me I continued. "I was going to tell you, I swear." I hoped that my eyes were showing at least half of the honesty that I felt inside of me. "I just..." I looked down shaking my head, not knowing how I should have continued and not wanting to see that look of hurt cross my friend's face.
She placed her hand on my exposed forearm being careful to not touch the IV and I raised my gaze tentatively, only to find that the look of hurt on her face had been replaced by a genuine reassuring smile.
"You needed your time Alex, I can't certainly blame you for that." Her words were sincere and the relief that I felt when I realized that she wasn't mad at me for not telling her, was something that soothed me immensely, only to be wiped away when a new thought crossed my mind and the look of nervousness returned on my face a second later with a hint of panic.
"So now she knows?" I asked to my friend referring to Piper knowing about my profession as I took in a shaky breath and felt as my heart started beating just a little faster while I waited for the inevitable confirmation.
But to my incredible surprise, Nicky just shook her head. "No... She doesn't. But you need to tell her Al."
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I closed my eyes tightly, feeling as the headache became even more intense thanks to the troubling thoughts that were forming in my head.
Nicky was right... If it wasn't for her, the blonde young woman wouldn't have known what had happened to me, and the fact that I made her worry was enough to make me feel an infinite sense of guilt.
As I opened my eyes, my gaze shifted immediately towards Piper and I couldn't suppress the smile that formed on my lips or ignore the way my heart fluttered wildly in my chest as I watched her sleep, knowing that she was there for me.
Every inch of my body screamed above the pain to get up and take just a few steps to watch her from a little closer; my hand itching to move gently aside that strand of golden hair that had fallen and was caressing the delicate skin of her cheek.
"Try to get some sleep sister." I couldn't help but find Nicky's advice so inviting at the moment as she fixed the pillows behind me before she took a seat on the chair. "You'll figure out a way in the morning..."
I sighed deeply, shakily, as I relaxed back on the bed and closed my eyes, not knowing where my decision would have brought us, and hoping with every fiber of my being that Piper would have understood when I would have confessed her which exactly was my profession.
I couln't keep it hidden from her any longer. Not after what happened...
I had to tell her.
And she needed to know.