Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark violation is intended.

Added note/disclaimer: I also use quotes from other places. If you find a quote that wasn't cited, please notify me. Especially in this story as it has lot of the quotes, I can't remember who said them or where I found them…

"If saying goodbye hurts so much, why do we say goodbye? Because it hurt so much more to keep holding on to something that isn't there."

Chapter XX

Goodbyes

The first time he realized he was in love – or what he thought was love, was right after Slughorn's class. He remembered how Ginny had walked into their conversation at the end of that class. He remembered the way he'd turned his head, smelling that flowery scent. He could remember the way she kissed him – he could remember the way he'd truly thought that he'd loved her.

He could remember the bittersweet pain when he broke up with her, shortly after Albus Dumbledore's death. He remembered watching her from afar, longing for her warm arms. Longing for her willingness, and for a moment he wondered if it had not been a true love, after all. He had thought that perhaps he was guilty of not loving her enough… but perhaps he had loved her the best way he knew how when he'd been so young…

"You're not guilty of the crime you had accused yourself with," Draco whispered in his ear. "But keep remembering it. In remembering, you'll let go."

Harry nodded, trying desperately not to cry.

They stood at Ginny's grave.

Harry closed his eyes and remembered.

xxx

It was so awkward, after they broke up. Harry was nervous, ashamed – because he and Ginny were no longer together. He was afraid that Ron and his brothers would attack him for leaving Ginny.

"It's your misguided sense of protecting those you love," Ginny whispered in his memory. She had loved him, Harry thought. And he remembered what it was like – to find out that Ginny had followed them as they searched for the Horcruxes. He remembered how she'd fought alongside him, during the last battle he'd fought with Voldemort.

He remembered hearing people scream. He remembered – if for a brief moment, the way Draco, for he knew it was Draco now, stood there in front of him and Ginny. He saw, in his memory, the way Ginny met Draco's eyes and nodded slightly. He saw, the push the Death Eater who had to be Lucius Malfoy gave him.

"Do it," he heard someone say. He could remember the taunting – Draco had never been a killer, he could not stomach the idea of killing someone. Yet Ginny had glared at him, and he raised his wand and uttered the words.

Harry wondered, briefly, if Draco had done it, in part, to please his father, who clasped his shoulder and walked away. It was Lucius Malfoy that Harry had gone after. The way he was so proud of himself enough to rip off his mask halfway through the battle angered Harry. He stepped over Ginny's body, determined to kill Lucius Malfoy, when suddenly he found himself face to face with the Dark Lord.

The memories blurred here. He didn't quite know what it was – but he could remember someone yelling the fatal curse. Someone, he didn't know who jumped in front of the curse. He didn't know who it was, but it bothered him, teasing at the edges of his conscious memory.

Suddenly, the memories of the war were replaced with Ginny's smiling face.

"I love you," she said softly. She leaned forward and kissed him.

xxx

Harry opened his eyes to find that he was crying, tears streaming down his face. Draco was looking at him, his eyes calm.

He looked down at the flowers Draco had made him bring.

"They mean farewell," he'd said, when he'd shoved them into his hands.

Harry slowly set them down on the grave and kissed the cool stone with Ginny's name.

Then he turned to Draco, who opened his arms and gave him a hug as Harry tried to stifle his crying.

It wasn't what Harry had thought it would be. He thought it would harsher, harder, but it had not been harder. In a sense, it was hard, but not the way he'd imagined it to be.

xxx

Draco knew that death was a painful subject. The idea of letting someone go. It did not mean that one forgot them. It meant that they allowed their pain to leave. The living and the dead have nothing to share, except memories, he knew that. Draco also knew that the pain of the living was nothing but their attempts at convincing themselves they had truly loved. Yet, love and pain were not the same thing. Grief was normal, natural, but it was a moment of goodbye. It came after goodbye – not before. Harry had never grieved because he had never truly said goodbye to the first person he'd ever given himself to.

It was not just physically, but in everything.

Draco could remember the pain of losing someone and he could remember it well.

Harry, he realized, was trying not to cry.

"Cry," he whispered. "There is no shame in tears for that that hurts us. Didn't you know? Tears are the healing waters of heaven. Even God cries." Harry was listening to him, Draco knew. "It rains when God cries. And after the rain, the world seems a little brighter and that's because it's beginning to heal."

"Will it ever go away completely?"

"No," said Draco quietly. "But in time, this too, will pass." Draco cleaned Harry's face with a handkerchief. "Pain is a fleeting emotion, a very human emotion. Without pain, you would not be human. Death is so final, so empty – but you will survive it because you are alive. To live means to feel. If you do not feel, how would you live?"

"I can't let her go," Harry whispered.

Draco smiled. "I think you already have," he said gently. "When you've said your goodbyes to everyone you need to, you will begin to heal and you will look back on these days as the darkness before the brilliance."

"How do you know there will be brilliance?"

"Because, Harry," said Draco, "if the night were never dark, how would we find the brightest of stars? How would we judge the brightness of the sun without the darkness that comes before? Goodbye is merely a word. People never leave you, they never die. They live forever within those that are left behind. Remember that, Harry."

– Unknown

A/N: THREE more chapters before it's over!

Sorry for the delay. Moving is a bitch, really. I save my stuff on my flashdrives – one which is the original and another to back it up – but when I moved – I panicked because I thought I'd accidentally left my flashdrive in the other place. What's worse – moving is awful on internet connections. I'm sorry about the shortness of this chapter… oh, well, we're getting closer to the end…

Citation/Disclaimer(s)/Reference:

I get the feeling I have quotes in this chapter I'm just not catching…

Review Response:

tora.of.the.sand: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

Shining Bright Eyes: Thank you. I actually didn't even realize I was doing that – revealing Draco or even the Christmas part of it.

IceAlkhuan: Hope you like this one!

SerenityMelody: Thanks for making me feel a little bit better… but I still think it's slightly corny.

InuyashanKagomerlovers: Draco's bisexual and he's well aware of the fact. Harry… well, I wrote it so that whether or not Harry is falling in love with Draco is up to the reader – or at least that was my intention. I wrote it in a state of mind where Harry would be a little more than infatuated with him. After all, Draco's saved Harry who is, for the most part, a Gryffindor all the way. Then again, I have a strange perception of what is Gryffindor…

Thank you for reading, reviewing – and to some people, for adding this story to their favorites. It turns me into a Keir-shaped puddle of goo. Anyway, this story is almost at its end. I'm a bit worried that the ending isn't going to be what you expect it to be… it's a bit of a twist… think Angel episode 8 season 1. Yes, that is one of my more pointed hints on the ending, but no one seems to be really picking it up all the way. I suppose it gives some of it away, but it's closer to the way the ending is meant to be. So, I hope you all enjoyed this – and I'm glad it snowed because I got a chance to sleep yesterday (classes were cancelled!) and today I get to update without sneaking it into my very busy schedule.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Keir Raizel the evil genius