When we get back to Skyhold, Cullen takes me straight to my room, passing his report to Leliana as he goes. "All four of them who fell into the Fade need as much rest as possible," he says. "Don't disturb any of them."

"Of course, Commander."

"Here that, kid?" Varric says, "You're supposed to rest."

Cole looks confused.

I'm nearly dragged to my room by Cullen, who shuts the door behind him, leaning his weight on it, and presses me close.

"Lahria," he breathes my name between kisses.

"I was told to rest," I say playfully. "For some reason, I imagine what you have in mind will not be restful."

He kisses me again, and again. "I thought I lost you. I saw the dragon land, saw the tower collapse." He's holding me so tight.

"I survived. I always survive."

"I didn't know that. How could I?"

He kisses me, pushing me backwards until we're in my room, against my bed.

"I'm really not..." I press my forehead against his shoulder. "I'm not really in the mood for this, Cullen."

"That's fine. It's okay." He sits me down, sits beside me. "I just want to be with you. I don't care what we do."

I flop back onto the bed.

"Take your armor off," I tell him. "And join me."

So he does.

We lay under the covers, holding each other. He strokes my back and I hum contentedly.

"Cullen," I say. "I need to tell you something. Well, several things. But." I clear my throat. "I want to tell you what I saw in the Fade."

His hands still on my back and his face gets serious. "Alright."

So I tell him about the fear demon, about the horrors we encountered and finally, his tombstone.

"I didn't mean to see it. But I did."

He leans away, huffs out a breath as he stares at the ceiling.

"Maker. My greatest fear. Huh. To have it named like that... I'm afraid of many things, Lahria. Losing you, failing my men... snakes."

"Snakes?"

He chuckles. "Yes. But... It's an odd thing to know about yourself, to be able to point to a specific thing and know that's it... Your greatest fear."

I know what he means, and I curl toward him, wrapping my body around his. "I just wanted you to know. It seemed wrong not to tell you."

"Thank you."

We held each other, my cheek on his chest, listening to him breathe beneath the thin cotton of his shirt.

"Is that why you told me I was enough, our first night together after?"

"Yes. I was tired and I did a poor job of it, but I wanted you to know your fear was unfounded."

We said nothing for awhile, quiet, enjoying the feel of being together.

I spoke again. "There was something else."

"Mm?"

"It might be... more of a talk."

I sat up, drew the blankets over the thin straps of my nightdress.

"How strictly do you believe in monogamy?" I asked.

Cullen gave an awkward laugh. "That's an odd question." He looks at my face, knows I'm serious. He sits up against the headboard. "I've never thought about it before."

"Can you think about it?"

"What are we talking about exactly?"

I pull at a loose thread on the blanket. "I mean... suppose one of us wanted to see other people. Say I found someone I was interested in, and... What if," I began, then hesitated. "What if I wanted you... both?"

Cullen blinked. "Both?"

"Yes."

He stared at me, blinking. "I... wait, what do you mean, both?"

"I mean I'm with you, and then I'm pursuing my feelings for someone else."

"And what, you and I go on some kind of break while you figure out what you want?"

"No, I mean... in this scenario, I already know what I want. You. And them."

"And them."

"Right."

"So..." He furrowed his brow. "Did you have someone in mind?"

My throat went dry. "I was mostly wanting to know if that was an option. If... I could have someone in mind."

Emotions flicker on his face. "If there's something I'm not doing... something you want." He swallows hard, Adam's apple bobbing. "I know we haven't... um. Our relationship hasn't been as physical as-"

"Cullen, stop." I throw my arms around him. I hate when he goes to that place, when he thinks he is worth less than nothing. "This isn't about that."

"Are you sure?" His voice cracks, and he clears his throat. "We could... I could..."

"I'm sure." I kiss his face. "I love..." His eyes flick to mine. "Our relationship just the way it is."

He looks at me a moment, breaths shaky. "Me too."

"I don't want to push you." I let the lust I feel fill my voice, press my lips to his ear. "I want you, Cullen. I want more than anything to take you in all the ways that I've imagined." I can see the pulse banging at his throat. "But not until you want it, too."

"Oh, I do." His hands form fists against my sides. "I do."

"But you're not ready. And that's perfectly fine. It really is."

One fist uncurls, fingers worrying at my skin, and he sounds so small as he says, "Then why do you want someone else?"

I freeze, unsure what answer to give. I came so unprepared for this conversation. Eventually, I pull away from him, look him in the eye, and tell the truth. "I don't know why. I am so happy with you, so completely fulfilled in every way, and yet... my heart wanders. Maybe something's wrong with me." I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. "I... I don't know, really. I've just... I guess." I rub my face with my hand. "I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask."

"But you're happy?" He asks, so much concern on his face. "With me?"

An image flashes in my mind. A tombstone. Not being enough.

"I am so happy," I say, pressing myself into his arms. "Sorry. I just wanted you to think about it, as a possibility. Nothing has to change. I'm sorry." I press my face against his and breathe his name. "Cullen."

"Lahria," he breathes back, a little teasing, a little sincere.

I trail a hand down his neck, into the loose top fold of his shirt, undoing the tie that keeps it together. "I wanted to ask something else."

He gives a small laugh. "Maker... I don't know if I can handle any more of these."

My fingers brush the fine blonde hairs of his chest. They're almost nonexistent, and so soft. "Cullen... stay with me tonight. The whole night. I keep waking up alone."

"Oh." He cups my cheek with his hand, nearly as large as my face itself. "Lahria. I didn't mean to..." He kisses me. "I'm sorry."

"You'll stay with me?"

"Yes."

"All night?"

"Yes."

We snuggle into the blankets, his body against mine, hard muscle beneath soft skin. I press my face to his chest, breathe in the smell of him. A warm smell, salty, underneath the smell of leather that never leaves him, and the strange, minty spice that I assume must be lyrium.

I sigh his name as he holds me, as I drift asleep.