Emily
I'd been to visit Kirsty everyday since I left the hospital a couple of days ago. I found it so hard to leave. I'd been there for over seventy-two hours, just over three days but it seemed like half a life time. I felt like I knew everyone, almost like I had become part of their family and I didn't want to give that up. I'd been home for less than twenty minutes in over a week. I'd run in packed a bag and run out again. I'd been crashing in Jay's spare room ever since, it was so much nearer the hospital than mine. I'd been going into work with him and Tess even suggested that I covered Kirsty's shifts. It felt weird, but everyone was so welcoming that the feeling didn't last long and soon it just felt like home. I popped up to visit Kirsty every chance I got. She was doing a lot better but still hadn't spoken a word. She still looked broken. It was awful to see her looking so small and lost under the white sheets. I'd noticed how thin she was, I'd been in her room a couple of times when a meal came in but she made no attempt eat, she didn't even acknowledge that it was in front of her. She'd been feed through a drip the whole time she was here and I'd wondered more than once how we would be able to get her to eat when she was discharged. I'd heard talk of transferring her to the psychiatric ward but most people were against it after seeing another colleague Ruth admitted just a couple of weeks ago.
I thought it might have been for the best if she went but nobody wanted to see her there. She obviously isn't dealing with everything and nobody seems able to get through to her and with out admitting her to the psychiatric ward I didn't see a way to break through the wall she had built. In the end she was allowed to go home in the hope that being there would make her feel more comfortable and speed up her recovery but mostly we hoped that being there would get her to talk sooner. One or more of us would be popping around everyday to check on her and change her dressings and monitor her recovery. I just hope that whatever it is that's making Kirsty hold her wall in place will stay at the hospital and won't go home with her.
Warren
Kirsty had woken but still refused to speak, even after I begged her to. I resorted to sitting beside her and holding her hand and being thankful that she didn't pull away. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if she'd have died. We both knew it was all my fault but I was going to spend the rest of my life making it up to her.
It had been a week since David had taken her and she was finally being allowed to come home. I knew how much she hated staying hospitals so I'd practically begged for her to be allowed home. She hadn't spoken the entire time, not one word, not to anyone. Everybody was worried but assumed that she would start to talk when she was ready. There was nothing more they could do, so just hoped that she would open up when she thought it was the right time. I wasn't sure, but I guess she had to talk sometime. Maybe when she was at home she would be herself. I hoped that was true. She would change when she walked though the door and be her old self again.
She didn't want to answer their questions. That's why she wasn't saying anything here. She would start talking as soon as she got home because we already knew what had happened and she wouldn't have to lie to us. She was just scared of how people would react to her now they knew what had been happening to her even if they didn't know the whole truth. She was scared of being tripped up and as soon as it was just us everything would be fine again. I tried to convince myself these were her reasons for staying quiet.
Mom had offered to move in with us until Kirsty was back on her feet again and although Nita wasn't happy about it I accepted knowing how much help we would need around the house. With out Kirsty Nita and I were lost, we'd been home at nights together while Kirsty's been in hospital but with out her there the house didn't seem right. Maybe it was the atmosphere that hung between us after I found out she knew about what I'd done. What ever it was it was uncomfortable and made anger build up inside me. I needed to let it out but with out Kirsty there I'd run out of options. I would never hurt my daughter. So I held it in trying to remember that I had promised never to lay a hand on my wife again but it was so hard and she wasn't even here standing in front of me, lying to my face.
Nita
I wanted to tell everyone what happened that it was dad that put her in hospital. I tried but he's got them so wrapped around his little finger that they wouldn't believe me if I told them. Mum was finally home. The house had felt wrong with out her. When she was in hospital dad and I were home alone. We didn't speak most of the time and it felt like our house had turned into grandma's house before she'd even stepped through the front door. I hoped it would get better when mum was home but grandma would be here as well and I'm sure she would be hanging her dark clouds over our house while she was here.
I thought mum would change when she got home, be her normal self again but she didn't. I understood why she was silent in the hospital. She wanted to hide what he had done to her, she was ashamed but we were home now, she should be talking. She should be her usual self again but she isn't. We got home about three hours ago and she's still sat in the same stop on the sofa. She hasn't moved a mussel, with not a work passing her lips.
Dad's being trying everything to get her to talk but she just sits there with a vacant look in her eyes. I could tell he'd been expecting her to talk when we got home as well. He's worried, were both worried because she's so unlike her usual behaviour of just getting on with it and pretending everything is fine. I can't believe that grandma offered to stay with us until mum gets better and I can't believe dad let her. It's going to be a nightmare and she will probably make mum worse not better.
I want my mum to get better so much. I never want her to go through this again or any of it but I don't know if we can leave dad now, not after the way he reacted after being told that mum had 'died'. He was devastated, he fell apart. I couldn't leave him like that and I knew mum couldn't either. I know he loves her; he just can't treat her that way. He might change now, after seeing how close he got to losing her. I hope that what happened this week has opened his eyes and he's realised what he has been doing is wrong. I hope he has otherwise we will have no choice but to leave him. He will have grandma to look after him and although it won't be the same at least he will have someone. I nearly lost my mum and there is no way that I'm ever going to let anything like that happen to her again, even if it means leaving dad.
Grandma moved in straight away, she couldn't wait to get her feet under the table. She's gone shopping now for food. She was appalled at what she found in our kitchen, neither dad nor I cared. Did she really not realise we had bigger things on our mind than going food shopping.
I've tried to talk to mum but it's so hard not to get a response. I'd given up in the end. It hurt too much to talk to her and get no reply, not even a glint of recognition in her eyes. Dad however was not giving up so easily and it put my mind at rest a little to see him really trying to get her to open up. I was scared about him getting angry at her. I know he wouldn't stand for her to be silent for too long before he lashes out in anger and hurt because he can't bear for her to be this way. It would just be an attempt to get her to speak; I needed my old mum back. I didn't was her to be hurt, I just needed her back.
There was a ring on the door bell and I when I opened the front door I found Jay and Emily stood in front of me.
"Hey Nita we've come to check on your mum. She said anything yet?" Emily spoke to me kindly and I shook my head as I let them in and led them into the lounge. I wasn't surprised to see mum in the same spot still staring in front of her ignoring everything. Dad was at her feet still trying to get her to talk but wasn't having any luck. The tone in his voice wasn't the same as usual and I could tell he was getting very frustrated with her. He got up and welcomed Emily and Jay in and offered them drink, suddenly changing into the model husband.
The three of them went into the kitchen. I could hear them discussing mum. They weren't going to let her stay here long if she didn't speak. The only reason they had let her come home early was in the hope that she would speak when she got here. It seems like that wasn't going to happen so what were they going to do next? I conversation continued but I couldn't listen to it any longer. I rushed up to my bedroom half slamming the door behind me turned on my radio and hit the volume increase button.
I lay on my bed tears falling freely over my cheeks for the first time since I'd cried at grandmas almost a week ago now. Why was she doing this? All she needed to do was talk one word and everything would be better but it was like she didn't even care anymore about anything, not even me. She was going to be taken away from me and there was nothing that I could do about it. The only person who could do anything about it was mum and she didn't care enough about me to do it. Why was this happening? Why was she refusing to speak? Had being trapped really been that awful? Or was there something else which I didn't know about? I had so many questions and no one to answer them. The only person I wanted to answer them was mum and she couldn't or wouldn't.
My bedroom door was pushed open slowly and Emily's head poked around it. Quickly and fiercely I whipped my fallen tears hoping they would go unnoticed. I could tell from the look on her face that they hadn't.
"Honey, its ok," she walked over to me perching beside me on the bed. She placed her hand motherly on my arm just like mum would have done if she found me like this. Then the tears came freely once more. Emily pulled me into a hug and stroked my hair. It was the most anyone had done for me all week. I closed my eyes and pretended that it was my mum that was holding me, comforting me not some stranger I'd met twice. The truth is Emily didn't feel like a stranger, she just seemed to fit.
"What's going on in here?" I tensed hearing my grandma's voice coming from the doorway. Emily felt my discomfort and spoke for me.
"We were just a little sad that Kirsty hasn't spoken yet." She sounded like she was talking to a small child and I could see that Emily had immediately got on the wrong side of grandma.
"My granddaughter doesn't need the likes of you to tell her how she is feeing. Us Clements's are made of tough stuff. Come on Nita I need a hand with dinner," and with that she strut out of my room expecting me to follow, I gave Emily a sorry look before I followed.
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