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Akihiko

The room is quiet. Peaceful… time for me to be… pensive. Yes. Pensive is the word. Enough time for me to work out how I'm going to get Misaki back to Takahiro. That's where he belongs… I know that… or, at the very least, it's makes me happy to know he'll be somewhere safe where he won't feel trapped. He obviously doesn't want me around him… but something huge inside of me is yelling he does- what is this, an instinct? It feels like one… Something is screaming at me, telling me that he is best off with me- but then that could just be the little creature I've harboured out of habit:

Selfishness.

Akihiko was at a conclusive loss. He was lounging in the living room, arms over the back of the sofa under him and a whisky glass balancing on his thigh.

Yes. This is best… this will be… good… won't it?

Misaki

Just go in there and reveal how you feel. Ok, déjà vu, you did this a couple of weeks ago… even so, you've back-pedalled horrifically… time for you to make up some time… So. Go in there… do… do yourself proud. Make… help him know how much he means to you. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on… oh but what if I get it wrong?

A tidal wave of reserved pep rushed up his system, a rhythm of 'Do it, Do it, Do it, Do it' rampaging inside his chest.

Misaki tried to maintain a state of calm as he wandered into the living room, which somehow felt a little like home…

Because Akihiko's sitting right there… that's why…

It was overwhelming for Misaki, allowing himself to think these thoughts.

"W-Where are the others?" Do I smell smoke? Probably… But Alan said no to cigarettes…

"Out. They got high and decided a visit to Kanawe was in order."

"Kanawe?" Misaki sat on a wooden chair in front of Akihiko and noticed how relaxed Akihiko seemed to be, with his eyes serene and almost completely closed, arms outstretched behind him… like a wild cat soaking up sun after a successful kill… or mating session…

"It's a restaurant half an hour from here."

"Oh…" Stop dilly-dallying and do it already. Come on. "Aki…" Use that little nickname you picked up… no, not the rabbit one… the way you say his name… come on, admit it… you do say it a different way…
"Aki-ko."

"Mm?" Akihiko took a sip of his whisky. Misaki opened his mouth to continue, but Akihiko cut in. "I'll get you to Takahiro as soon as I can. This obviously isn't working."

The pincer-sharp pinch wasn't from what Akihiko had said. More, it was from how he said it. With little or no interest at all. This was one level up from nonchalance.

Misaki's bundled confidence scrunched up like an angry scribble on a piece of paper.

"I don't… I don't want to go." His voice was quiet- he was trying so hard to keep his emotions on a leash.

"Oh come on," Akihiko patronised, unleashing his deep violet gaze on Misaki. "We both know you're not up to this." At this, Akihiko stood up, leaving Misaki sitting there, face down to the floor. The man walked over to the doorway.

What's going on? No… No, this is my fault. I need to fix this. Ignore him- he's a big kid, remember? Ha. Yeah!

Misaki's thoughts didn't even believe in themselves. But Misaki fabricated them in order to vanquish the doubt, the hurt, the denial…

Akihiko began to laugh under his breath, cold and devilishly content. As that laughter coiled around Misaki's hearing, anger replaced the repressed sop of teenage confusion.

"Stop it," he said through gritted teeth, barely even moving his lips. Akihiko did. Maybe he sensed Misaki's anger. Misaki's eyes darted to an ashtray on the table and saw what looked like a doob.

Show him you're made of more than what he's seen…

Akihiko looked over just as Misaki put the drugged cigarette in his mouth. He was about to stop him, when Misaki lit it after two attempts, with the lighter that had been left on the table.

He was in awe. He tried to pummel down the chuckle as Misaki tried to hold down his splutters.

Who knew a non-smoker smoking could be sexy?

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Misaki swallowed, eyes watering.

"What does it look like, dumbass… Sit down. I have something to say."

Akihiko

Akihiko complied, going back to the sofa. Misaki put the cigarette in the ashtray, bit the corner of the inside of his lower lip… then took a deep breath.

"You…" Misaki began.

What's this all of a sudden? He looks so young…

"I…" the boy tried again. "You know, you should know… I… I l-"

No. No, come on. Don't let him say it. You've forced him into a corner. He's not going to say it because he means it. Stop him.

"Misaki-" Akihiko's voice was low and constricted.

"No! I'm going to say this." Misaki looked up, green eyes blazing emerald with determination. A glint of jade singed at the edge of one his irises. Akihiko could practically see the sweat forming at the boy's hairline.

"Misaki, please," Akihiko reproached once more. "You don't have to-"

But then the words were spoken. Clear as water, with the resonance of the purest wind and the depth… the depth of conviction. Akihiko's eyes widened and stared at Misaki's knee.

"Did you hear me? I said-"

"I heard you," Akihiko rasped, still unmoving. A few more moments of laconism… Then Misaki hit Akihiko round the back of the head.

"Oi! Snap out of it! I've said it, okay?"

Akihiko blinked and it felt like time had been morphed into slow motion.

"Say it again?"

"What? Why! I've already said-"

"Now."

"I… I love you."

A farrago of emotion spiralled up and twisted and curved in Akihiko's mind.

The… The… fulfillment of those three seconds had the man at gridlock. He wanted to memorise this moment as utterly as possible… he wanted to jar it and put it in a safe so no one else could get at it and taint it with their judgements…

This paragon of a placement in time…

Akihiko the author had no words. Akihiko was… speechless.

No… this can't be real… too good…

He swallowed, locked the moment up in his brain…

And dove away from Misaki.

"No, you don't," he sped. He was back by the door. "How can you? You're too young, too… too… how can you! Look what I've put you through!"

What the hell are you doing! Akihiko's mind screeched at him. But Akihiko was scared shitless. This was completely unprecedented.

"You're not honestly disputing this?"

"Of course I am! It's ludicrous!"

"Are you just a complete and utter moron?" Misaki cried, surging to his feet.

"No, I've just realised how stu-"

"Don't you dare," Misaki seethed. "Don't you dare call this stupid. You have no idea how hard this has been to say."

"It doesn't matter! I-I…" It was a miracle Akihiko wasn't choking what with how fast he was speaking. "Why would you!"

"I'm not gonna pull the bait on your fishing, Akihiko. After what I've… we've gone through, how can it not be real? I was a fool, too young for a moment to realise it, but this is what it is!"

"I put you in place of a murder! A near car crash! Risked you going to school… put way too much responsi…" Akihiko's breaths accelerated, getting more violent and hurried. "Responsibility."

Love… me? No. God. You can't love me. I'm repulsive!

Akihiko began to pant, the air he brought in sticking in his throat. A sullen pain heaved around the base of his neck and throbbed in his forehead.

Misaki

Misaki flitted over to Akihiko and put his hands on either side of the man's face.

"Calm the fuck down, you weirdo! Come on, you're freaking me… Akihiko, come on… breathe!"

Yelling isn't gonna help him, moron, Misaki thought. He took a deep breath through his nose, closed his eyes, then reopened them and peered deeply into Akihiko's anguished eyes. Akihiko looked back with hopeless tribulation and continued to hyperventilate.

Shit, what do I do?

"Why are you panicking like this?" Misaki asked, soothingly as he could but the turmoil inside of him nearly seeped out. It ached to see Akihiko like this- such a strong, solid tree falling.

"It doesn't make sense," Akihiko explained, shaking his head furiously. Misaki kept his grip.

"What doesn't?" Misaki implored.

"Loving… me… look what I've done, what I've put you through!"

For the first time in his life, Misaki spoke exactly what came into his mind without shunning it aside or rephrasing to shield his heart.

"And look how you saved me. I wouldn't have wanted to fall into any other arms. You helped me. And I got such a gift from it."

I'm gonna kill him for making me say this stuff.

"No… no…" Akihiko repeated, putting his hands over Misaki's. Misaki heated up with worry as Akihiko's temperature plummeted with unnatural haste.

"Look. Do you… do you love me?"

And then Akihiko just didn't breathe. He just stared at him, motionless. Then he nodded.

"I… I loved you the first moment I held you." A moment of reminiscence as both remembered how Misaki had fallen into Akihiko's arms after Akihiko had told him about Takahiro being in that car crash. Then, Akihiko elaborated on his reply. "Like the air I breathe."

"Then… Then that's all that counts, really… isn't it? Time or… or the awful things that have happened… they don't matter."

"No one…" Akihiko gulped. This was unknown territory; he never admitted everything so freely. His skin shivered, his freezing flesh begging for warmth… and Misaki was giving it right too him, though his own flesh. "They always leave, the ones who… who've loved me…"

I'm gonna have to say it.

Misaki moved his hands and yanked both of Akihiko's ears, hard.

"Hey, feel these? USE THEM! And hear this…" Misaki looked over Akihiko's entire face before returning to his eyes, stroking his ears. "I'm not going anywhere until you push me out the door."

Two tears trickled down Akihiko's face and he looked away, ashamed. Misaki swallowed, took Akihiko's head and rested it down on his shoulder. They fitted, two pieces of a jigsaw.

Help him, were Misaki's instinctual thoughts. Help him properly. Prove it.

He lifted Akihiko's head, searched his eyes again.

And kissed him.

Fireworks, stars flashing, heart racing, breath unimportant, lips crushing, caressing, sucking, you name it, it happened. Akihiko's hair ran between Misaki's slender fingers and he pulled the man closer and closer, desperate for this new brand of oxygen. Misaki's heart swelled so much that he thought Akihiko must have felt it in his own chest.

Then, stupid survival gripped hold of both of them.

Akihiko gasped a relieved breath and Misaki blushed, shaking. He put his hand on Akihiko's chest, right over his thumping heart.

"Keep me safe…" Misaki looked at his hand on Akihiko's chest. "Here…"

"You can live there as long as you want… hell, build a conservatory there for all I care," Akihiko laughed quietly, putting his hand over Misaki's.

Both of them stayed as close to each other as physically possible without actually being inside one another and it was because the both of them, no matter how alone they were in that house, wanted this entirely to themselves. Neither of them were used to being so intimate or having the chance to be and both knew this was going to be a very rare occurrence, at least when these feelings were openly reciprocated.

Their breath stroked the inch between them, Misaki inhaling as Akihiko exhaled… an almost subconscious promise that one of them would always have air to save the other, come emergency.

Misaki's hands gripped Akihiko's sleeves as Akihiko cupped Misaki's elbows in his own hands.

They were both unconditionally and finally

Caught.