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September 14 - Thursday - Skeleton Key
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Canadian Coast
"Why am I so cold?" Pietro woke up with a sniffle.
"Because we are camping out in the northern part of Canada by an ocean." Marcy said wrapping herself in her layers of sun protective clothing.
"Ugggh," Lance groaned from where during his sleep he had managed to crawl under Wanda's blanket.
"Lance, don't make any sudden moves." Good Fred warned his friend so that he wouldn't wake Wanda up.
"What?" Lance asked getting up, not awake enough for common sense to kick in.
'YAAWWNN!' Wanda yawned not noticing Lance crawling out from under the blanket.
"My ... sister ..." Pietro stared.
"Are we going to save him?" Lance asked finally awake, and out of harms way.
"Right, we need a boat." Pietro turned from the rest trying to block out his sister and Lance from his mind.
"Shouldn't we wake sugar plum?" Todd asked.
"WHAT DID YOU CALL HER?" Marcy screamed.
"Uhhhh ..." Todd thought hard.
"WHY YOU LITTLE!" Marcy shouted waking Wanda.
"I'm hungry." Good Fred said ignoring to potential nuclear bomb beside him. Good Fred tried to open the trunk, "HEY IT'S LOCKED!"
"Forget it, we will get you food after we save Arcade." Wanda said.
"ARRMPH!" Arcade's shout for help was covered by Good Fred's stomach roaring.
"Where do we steal a boat?" Wanda asked the ones not currently tied up or fighting.
"How about we take that ferry," Pietro pointed at a ferry.
"Why do they have a ferry going to an island where no one lives?" Lance asked.
"Do not question luck." Wanda said, "EVERYONE INTO THE HIPPIE JEEP WE ARE DRIVING TO THE FERRY!"
"Uh?" Marcy and Todd stopped fighting and paid attention to the others.
'If I survive I will study the art of escapism.' Arcade thought angrily.
--------------------
The Ferry
"So what we just wait until we dock?" Lance asked as the Brotherhood milled about trying to not look like mutants.
"I guess, this whole rescue thing is kinda new for us." Pietro said after making sure there were no women worth his time on the near empty boat.
"I thought you rescued your dad?" Todd asked.
"That was simple, run, grab, run. This is complicated because there are good looking women around that I have to grace with my presence, multitasking is hard." Pietro ran off when he saw the only living-non-sister-woman on the boat. leaving the restrooms.
"Grace?" Lance snickered as the woman explained to Pietro, using charades, that she didn't like being ambushed by the bathroom.
"Pietro must have his own dictionary," Todd laughed.
"It's really short," Wanda said, to which the rest just stared, "I switched a few of the definitions one time, before he read it. Now he has several words mixed up."
"That explains how it is mostly the literate girls that beat him up." Lance muttered.
"What is it with women being unable to take a compliment in this day and age." Pietro walked back to the group and groaned.
"Hey look, there's an island!" Good Fred pointed at a large land mass on the horizon, "I bet that is where we are going."
"Hello this is your captain speaking, for all of you crazy enough to want to disembark, do so now." A loud speaker blared as the Brotherhood were the only ones to get into their car to leave the ferry.
--------------------
The island
"Now where do we go?" Lance finally asked as the group stared out at the vast expanse of nothing for several minutes.
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking." Marcy muttered trying to remember where her dad had warned her to never go.
"It should be at a graveyard right?" Wanda tried to spark Marcy's memory.
"Yeah ..." Marcy struggled with her memory.
"Maybe we should follow the signs to the historic cemetery." Good Fred pointed at a sign that had many bullet holes in it.
"That is either a good sign, or a bad sign." Lance muttered as Wanda began the journey, sealing their fate.
"Ain't no stopping us now, blah blah blah ..." Todd sang not quite knowing all the words.
"This is getting annoying." Lance grunted.
"Getting?" Wanda asked digging her nails into the steering wheel.
"Ain't no mountain high ..." Todd switched to a completely different song.
"TODD LEARN A SONG BEFORE YOU TRY TO SING IT!" Lance finally snapped.
"Yo, you could have just asked me to be quiet." Todd muttered.
"WE TRIED THAT ONCE!"
"Chill, yo-" Todd began only get cut off by Pietro shouting "We're there."
"Hallelujah!" Lance shouted falling out of the jeep in his rush to leave.
--------------------
Graveyard
"Now what?" Wanda asked staring at a heavily guarded mausoleum.
"Hey, I got you guys here. You have to do something for yourself." Marcy muttered.
"How hard are skeletons to fight?" Lance asked.
"I have never tried ..." Marcy admitted.
"Do you have any blue prints?" Pietro asked watching a platoon of skeletons pretending to be busy.
"Be glad I even knew where this place was." Marcy muttered.
"Okay, we need a plan..." Lance tried to think, "Any ideas?"
Todd emptied his ear of wax, "Uh what?"
"Nothing." Lance groaned, "Freddy? Wanda? Pietro? Marcy? Did I just ask Pietro?"
"Yes, it shocked me too," Wanda said, "Okay since me and Lance are the ones with the best offensive powers we need to be the distraction. Pietro and Toad will be rescue. Marcy will ... What can vampires do?"
"Suck blood. Not a real help against bloodless skeletons." Lance laughed.
"I don't suck blood." Marcy humphed, "I can fly and turn into a bat."
"Okay, you are lookout." Wanda continued her plan, "Fred will be ... er ... backup."
The group waited in place for a few minutes, before Lance spoke up, "When do we start?"
"Er, now I guess. I haven't rescued many people." Wanda shrugged.
The group waited a few more minutes, before lance spoke up again, "How do we start?"
"I guess we get their attention and send Pietro and Toad in while we distract them." Wanda stared at the moldy old graves and the lazy skeleton guards.
"Right, should I start with an earth quake?" Lance asked.
"I guess that would get their attention." Wanda agreed. Lance shot a fissure at a group of guards who were in the middle of an exciting game of poker, they were playing for teeth.
"CLICK! CHATTER!" The skeletons clanged their teeth as their way of yelling without vocal cords, many fell apart from the vibrations.
"That was oddly easy." Lance blinked at the pile of bones that had been a large group of skeletons, "Let's try it again." Lance shot another quake taking down even more skeletons. "Man this easy, they fall apart."
"No wonder they haven't taken over the world yet." Wanda laughed hexing a platoon of skeletons into the wall, shattering them. "PIETRO GO FIND ARCADE!"
"Oh right," Pietro stopped standing around and ran to the mausoleum.
"This is just pathetic." Lance muttered single handily taking out an army, Wanda took out the next army.
"I can't help but feel like I am forgetting something..." Marcy glanced around.
"That was easy." Wanda said as she and Lance surveyed the damage. Not a single bone moved.
"I CAN'T FIND HIM!" Pietro ran back screaming, carrying a terrified Todd.
"WHAT?" Wanda screamed, her powers scattering bones and gravestones.
"Hey guys, I just remembered something." Marcy flew back to the group.
"Not now, we can't find Arcade." Lance shushed Marcy.
"Better hurry up." Marcy said nervously as every bone slowly floated back into place, creating a very pissed off immortal undead army.
"Why do we need to hurry? We got ride of the guards ..." Lance began, only to have his eyes bug out, "Marcy, did you forget a little detail?"
"Hey my brain is rotting, so sue me." Marcy muttered.
"I thought vampires didn't rot?" Good Fred said ignoring the growing threat.
"Minor disease, got it from some fruit bats." Marcy shrugged.
"Yo, Freddy have you ever tried eating bones?" Todd asked watching the white monstrosities get into an attack formation.
"Sure, chicken bones taste great." Good Fred smiled, his stomach reminding everyone that he was hungry.
"Go eat those bones." Wanda ordered, knocking a platoon apart with her powers, the skeletons slowly reformed.
"I've never tried human bones ..." Good Fred said, "I wonder if they are any good."
"I really hope he doesn't develop a taste for humans." Lance muttered knocking a platoon over for Good Fred to feast on.
"I think that is Aguta." Marcy said distracting the Brotherhood from their imminent demise.
"The metal skeleton?" Lance blinked.
"Yeah, it's some weird metal called adama-something. I think it is indestructible." Marcy shrugged.
"Adamantium? As in scary X-men claws guy?" Todd whimpered.
"Yeah that's the metal." Marcy nodded, "Glad I remembered."
"!$()" Lance cussed, then he saw Good Fred being pushed back by sheer numbers, "I say we leave Arcade."
"I agree," Pietro said, "All those in favor?"
"I!" Everyone shouted, except Good Fred who couldn't hear.
"FREDDY GET IN THE JEEP! WE ARE LEAVING!" Wanda shouted revving the engine.
"COMING!" Good Fred came bounding over with his arms full of skeleton parts.
"KILL THE TRESPASSERS!" Aguta screamed, how he managed without vocal cords is a mystery.
"HURRY!" Lance screamed.
"Hold on, hold on." Wanda finally hexed the frozen engine to life, "HERE WE GO!" she sped away safely tripling the speed limit (still thinking it was MPH.)
--------------------
An hour (of normal speed) down the road.
"Skeleton horses, great." Lance moaned.
"Skeleton horses that are very fast." Todd muttered slimming a skinless rider that had come up beside the jeep.
"Okay, I am hereby amending the Brotherhood Charter, 'Anyone who falls behind, stays behind.'" Pietro announced.
"So basically we have the Pirates' Code?" Good Fred asked.
"No, we don't have that whole parley thing." Pietro said.
"Right, we have no mercy. Arragh." Todd made a very bad imitation of pirate, slimming another skeleton rider.
"This is very bad." Wanda muttered, "Hey, Marcy what are our chances of living?"
"Err ... ahh ... I don't really know ..." Marcy glanced at them nervously, "At least being dead isn't so bad. You don't have to worry about that."
"No more rescuing people." Wanda muttered.
"ARPH!" Arcade banged against the trunk. No one noticed as a skeleton hit the jeep at the same time. Their run continued much like this as the group fled to the Ferry dock.
"EAT DIRT, BONES!" Lance shouted sending a wave of gravel at their pursuers.
Marcy glanced at Lance before asking, "Why do you keep doing that, it isn't helping."
"It slows them down." Lance shrugged, "Drive Wanda, drive."
"Uh guys, we're at the docks but the next Ferry isn't for several hours." Wanda announced as she rounded a corner, passing the shot up sign. The dock was empty with a boat far off in the distance.
"I hate life." Lance grumbled.
"Then be glad it won't be bothering you much longer." Marcy said sagely.
"Considering that I am looking at living dead, I don't think death will be much better." Lance muttered as Wanda stopped the Jeep from taking the icy plunge into the water.
"We're stuck." Wanda announced.
"Then this is were we make our stand." Pietro announced in a voice vaguely reminiscent of a general who is facing certain death. Which they were, depending our your definition of death.
"You've been reading dad's Evil General's Guide To Troop Moral again haven't you?" Wanda asked, "I thought I confiscated that from you."
"No, I was reading Lance's Juvenile Delinquent's Guide To Self Improvement." Pietro replied casually.
"Really? I could never get past the first chapter." Lance said.
"The first chapter is on how to finish a self help book." Pietro pointed out.
Lance glanced around, "Oh, right not really that good."
"Obviously." Wanda hissed, "Does that book have anything about how to survive an army of undead monsters.
"Well for undead it recommended video games. For armies it recommends using your friends as a distraction and running." Pietro said, he promptly vanished in a blur.
"Traitor." Everyone muttered.
"Hey wait, I can fly ..." Marcy realized, "Bye, come here Toad." Marcy grabbed Todd and flew off in Pietro's direction.
"I hate them." Wanda hissed.
"You know, I bet I wouldn't freeze in this water, what with all this blubber." Good Fred contemplated abandoning the two. He did.
"HEY! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!" Lance screamed.
"YOU HAVE WANDA!" Good Fred shouted, swimming away towards the far off Ferry.
"IS THAT ANY BETTER?" Lance screamed.
"Are you implying something?" Wanda hissed.
Lance cringed, "No ma'ma."
Wanda smiled evilly, "Good boy."
"Here we go." Lance turned back to the herd of bones, "It is a bad day to die."
"Oh yeah." Wanda nodded readying her hexes, "Wait till you see the whites of their eyes."
"What does that even mean? They don't have eyes." Lance asked.
Wanda shrugged, "I think it means you are suppose to not attack till they are close enough to see their eyes clearly."
"They still don't have eyes." Lance muttered.
"THEN ATTACK NOW!" Wanda shot a wave of dirt, air, and bones flying with a hex when the closest row got right up to her. Lance helped with seismic vibrations.
For the next twenty minutes bones, dirt, blood, and bits of wood filled the air as Skeletons attempted to overrun the mutants. After Lance collapsed due to a migraine they succeeded, but not before Wanda tossed a skeleton armed with a knife through the trunk.
"AHHHH!" Arcade attempted to scream when he found himself face to face with his worst fear. His cousin Lenny who never ate. It took him a moment to realize it was a skeleton. Surprisingly this caused him to try to scream again. Luckily for Arcade the gag prevented the still 'living' skeletons from hearing him.
"LET GO!" Wanda screamed as several skeletons tied her arms up with duct tape, "WHY DO YOU HAVE DUCT TAPE WAY OUT HERE!"
"Duct tapes does everything." Aguta said as he walked regally down the slope to the docks.
"WHERE'S ARCADE!" Wanda screamed. During this interchange Arcade was rapidly rubbing his duct tape bonds on the knife the now truly dead skeleton had brought into the trunk.
"Who?" Aguta asked.
"THE DORKY GEEK BOY YOU EVIL PILES OF BONES STOLE!" Wanda screamed, her anger causing several rocks to break around the skeletons.
"I have no clue who you are talking about. Your powers will be useful in my army. That is what I like about mutants, they retain their powers even when they are skeletons." Aguta said, he turned to his subjects, "Take her back to the base, bring that mullet guy."
"Clickly clank clank?" A skeleton chattered.
"We have no use for foolish mortal's machines." Aguta scoffed, "Leave the horseless carriage." The entire army left the area in an inhuman speed. It seems that skeletons can move entire platoons in less time than similar amounts of humans.
Arcade ripped the gag off once he got his hands free and shouted for joy, "FREE!" A paused and considered his position, "Now what?" Arcade looked at his resources, a skeleton and used duct tape. Grabbing a small rib from the skinny completely dead soldier her began to work his way on the lock.
"HA! I CAN BREAK ANY SECURITY MEASURE! MECHANICAL OR ELECTRONIC!" Arcade laughed as the trunk sprang open, "I should keep this rib, it makes a good key. If slightly morbid." Arcade glanced at the empty area, "Now what?"
Marcy landed with Todd arguing, "I don't see why you want to save them."
"Their family." Todd explained.
Marcy sighed, "Fine." She glanced around, "Where are they? HEY THE GEEK'S BACK."
"I WAS IN THE TRUNK THE WHOLE TIME!" Arcade screamed, "WHAT WERE YOU TWO DOING IN THE BACK SEAT!"
"Playing poker." Marcy said calmly, "Toad kept cheating."
"Poker?" Arcade blinked, "Never mind that. WHY THE HELL DID YOU THINK THAT I WAS KIDNAPPED!"
"We couldn't find you." Marcy shrugged.
"Never mind that, we have to save Lance and Wanda the skeletons got them." Arcade said.
"Okay ... We'll need help." Marcy began to think up a strategy, "Fred was doing okay while he was eating them, and he hasn't swam that far away." Good Fred had only managed to get a moderate distance from shore. Marcy flew over to him and explained everything to him. He promptly turned around and began to swim back.
"What about Pietro?" Todd asked once Marcy and Good Fred got to shore.
"No telling where that egomaniac is." Arcade sighed, "We shouldn't count on his help."
"TO THE CEMETERY!" Marcy shouted jumping in the drivers seat.
"TO RESCUING FAMILY!" Todd whooped.
"TO A MEAL!" Good Fred cheered.
"TO CERTAIN DEATH! AND OR ENSLAVEMENT IN AN UNDEAD ARMY!" Arcade shouted.
"..." Everyone paused before Todd spoke up, "Are we sure we want to do this?"
"I'm beginning to have second thoughts." Arcade admitted once he thought the situation over.
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Aguta's Palace
Lance slowly swam into consciousness, "What happened?"
"We lost." Wanda grumbled.
"Oh, that explains the headache." Lance groaned.
"It would." Wanda glared around the room.
"Why haven't you hexed yourself free?" Lance asked.
"My arms are duct taped behind my back," Wanda growled.
The door banged opened and a metal skeleton stood before the two mutants, "Good you're awake, are you ready to join my army?"
"Not really," Lance muttered, only to get slapped by a skeleton guard.
"I'll make you a deal." Wanda said, "You can have that guy, and if you let me go I'll help you get my dad in your army."
"HEY!" Lance shouted, he got slapped again.
"You think I am dumb enough to want a metal manipulator in my army?" Aguta asked.
"Oh, right, you're metal." Wanda muttered, "Great that's all I had to negotiate with."
Lance rammed himself into the legs of on of the guards knocking it over, "WANDA RUN!" Lance began to run, followed by Wanda who shoved past Aguta.
"I hate mutants, they always resit." Aguta sighed, "ATTACK!"
The two mutants ran through a series of tunnels and hallways until they reached a dead end. "This is the last time I follow you." Wanda muttered.
"Hey I thought this was the way out." Lance defended himself.
"YOU WERE UNCONSCIOUS WHEN WE CAME IN! HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW TO GET OUT?" Wanda screamed, her anger causing the walls to blow out leaving them by an exit.
"Could plan Wanda." Lance said before running outside.
"I meant to do that." Wanda muttered, following him, "And people say lack of control is bad."
"We are the skeletons, resistance is futile, you will be assimilated." Both mutants turned around when they heard an army deliver their threat.
"How the hell are they talking?" Lance asked Wanda.
"That is not important." Wanda tried to think of a way to fight without her hands.
"EAT DIRT!" Lance stomped a foot into the ground, showering their enemies in dirt, rocks and bits of ice.
"ATTACK!" Aguta screamed from the same hole that Wanda had made in his palace.
Silently the skeletons began to attack, falling due to earthquakes. To bad Lance would have to break their bones to keep them down. "WANDA I NEED A PLAN!" Lance yelled as he felt another headache coming on.
"I'M THINKING!" Wanda glanced around, "I need something to cut this duct tape." A sharp sword, knocked flying by Lance, landed beside her. "That works." Wanda began to cut her bonds. Rubbing her wrists Wanda smiled, "Time to party." Raising her hands Wanda recalled the spell that Agatha had taught her, "DISCEDERE MALUM!" Half the skeletons were thrown back.
"Why didn't you do that before?" Lance asked, an eye twitching in anger.
"I couldn't remember it." Wanda shrugged, "Spells are tricky."
"Obviously," Lance growled, "Let's leave."
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An hour later
The two mutants finally came up upon the docks where Todd and Good Fred were 'convincing' the captain not to leave. Marcy was trying to get the jeep onto the ferry. Arcade was trying to get the others to rescue Lance and Wanda.
"Did they not try to rescue us?" Lance asked when they saw the four.
"The same people who ran off when we got taken?" Wanda muttered, "Is that Arcade?"
"Who cares? Let's have fun with them." Lance smiled evilly as he approached the ferry, "Toad, Freddy, scar Vampire chick, good to see you guys are alive." Lance put and arm around Todd, "Thanks for rescuing us." Lance let a small tremor for effect.
"Uh, Lance we were going to save you guys buy ..." Marcy began.
"I understand, too many skeletons. Hey Arcade glad to see that you got away." Lance smiled at the geek, "Thanks for saving the people who risked their lives for you."
"Uh..." Arcade tried to say something until Wanda walked up behind him, "Let's go." Wanda glared at her pathetic housemates, "I'll punish you at home."
"Uhh..." Todd and Good Fred grew very pale at that idea.
"I am so glad I don't live with you." Marcy muttered.
Lance checked the trunk of the jeep and said, "Wanda, before we get home we need to grab some more duct tape, we only have one or two rolls left."
"Fine, but we get them on the American side of the border." Wanda walked over to the jeep, "Wake me when we get back to shore."
"Duct tape?" The three doomed Brotherhood boys whispered in fear.
"Where's my brother?" Wanda asked.
"He didn't come back." Arcade braved an answer, surprisingly he wasn't smitten by Wanda for bearing bad news.
"That is regrettable for him." Wanda said simply, trying to fall asleep in the jeep.
"How very sad." Lance was grinning like the Cheshire cat.
"Creepy," Arcade muttered.
"God save our souls, do not let Wanda eat them." Good Fred sent a hushed prayer.
--------------------
Brotherhood house.
"EVERYONE FRONT AND CENTER!" Wanda screamed the moment she entered the door, everyone but Marcy obeyed, Marcy just ran to her home where she was promptly grounded by her dad.
"Lance please tape them." Wanda ordered.
"HA he can't catch me!" Todd laughed hoping onto the roof.
"Wanda?" Lance asked.
"Got them." Waving her hands, Wanda pushed the three guys up against a wall with her hexes.
"HEY!" Arcade yelled, only to get a piece of duct tape placed across his mouth by Lance. After gagging them, Lance wrapped cocoons of duct tape around them and then got a ladder out so he could attach them to the ceiling. The only one not placed on the ceiling was Good Fred, who was placed in a chair to protect the structural integrity of the building.
"Now we wait for my brother." Wanda said sitting down to watch TV, "We really need to get some more light bulbs."
Lance collapsed on the couch beside her, "Want some dinner?"
"We don't have any food." Wanda muttered.
"I took Arcade's wallet." Lance said, holding up said liberated artifact.
"Okay." Wanda grabbed the wallet from Lance, despite Arcade's muffled protests. The two mutants left, just missing Pietro as he entered.
"Hey, what are guys doing up there?" Pietro paused seeing Arcade and Todd stuck to the ceiling.
"MARPH!" Arcade tried to scream.
"Let me guess, Wanda?" Pietro asked. Arcade managed to nod. Pietro sighed, "Hold on, I'll get you guys down. I don't know if I should be glad my sister is alive or not." Pietro removed the duct tape at super speed, which was very painful for the people it was stuck to.
"AHHH!" Todd and Arcade fell from the ceiling, no longer held up by miracle tape.
"Where is my sister?" Pietro asked.
"Lance and her went somewhere to get dinner, we don't have any food." Arcade said, rubbing his head, "Thanks for letting me down gently."
"Hey, you are alive!" Pietro noticed that Arcade was not a skeleton.
"No $!& Sherlock." Arcade muttered.
'DING DONG!' The doorbell rang. Todd hoped off, "YO, I GOT IT!"
Todd opened the door, without looking he said, "We ain't buying anything, yo."
"Clickity click." A representative of an entire skeleton platoon clicked its teeth.
"YO, HELP!" Todd slammed the door screaming.
"Did the girl scouts bring mace?" Pietro asked, "I knew they were getting too pushy."
"BUY SOME PEANUT BUTTER ONES!" Good Fred yelled to Todd.
"IT ISN'T GIRL SCOUTS!" Todd hoped into the room screaming, "THE SKELETONS FOLLOWED US!"
"Goodbye." Pietro made a rapid strategic withdrawal out the back door. He was blocked by several skeletons. The various secret passages that Mystique had installed where also blocked, not that the boys knew about any of them.
"What are we going to do?" Arcade asked, his voice raising one or two octaves.
"Le'me-think.Le'me-think.Le'me-think.Le'me-think.Le'me-think.Le'me-think..." Pietro rubbed his head a super speed.
"How did Lance and Wanda get away from them?" Arcade asked.
"Yo, probably Wanda's magic." Todd muttered.
"Toad." Good Fred and Pietro said in unison.
"What?" Todd blinked, cleaning an ear.
"I know you have stolen at least one of Wanda's spell books..." Pietro began.
"Yo, I an steal nothing. I resent being treated like a thief, yo." Todd said.
"SHUT UP!" Pietro yelled, "Just get her spell book, and Lance's Magic For Dummy's book."
"Lance has a magic book?" Arcade asked.
"Before he and his Kit Kat started dating, he tried to bewitch her to fall in love with him." Pietro explained.
"Well it worked." Arcade laughed.
"Not really," Pietro said, "He hit Logan instead."
"Scary claws guy?" Arcade paled at the thought.
"Oh yeah." Pietro laughed, he then saw Todd wasn't moving, "TOAD GET THE BOOKS!" Todd slowly hoped away, "Nevermingyourtooslow." Pietro ran past Todd, knocking him into the wall, to retrieve the books.
"Okay,-I'm-back.-Let's-see.-The-Dummy-Book-says-that-you-need-to-be-sure-to-pronounce-the-Latin-right-in-order-to-not-have-the-spell-back-fire-on-you." Pietro rambled, "Right-what's-the-spell?"
"Try under 'skeletons.'" Good Fred suggested.
"You understood him?" Arcade asked.
"You get use to it." Good Fred shrugged.
"Right,-here-we-go. Wait-that's-a-spell-to-make-skeletons..." Pietro read both books in a few seconds, "WHAT-NOT-ONE-USEFUL-SPELL? Oh-lookie-a-love-spell."
"THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT NOW!" Arcade waved a hand at a skeleton trying to break a window, "Good thing they don't have muscles, or they would be able to hit harder."
"Okay, this is useless." Pietro tossed the books, "Plus we don't even have hexes to help. Who's stupid idea was that?"
"Yours." Arcade muttered.
"Was not. I would never have such a stupid idea." Pietro said.
"Fine what is your idea?" Arcade asked.
"Give Toad a bath, and throw the dirty water on them." Pietro said.
"WHAT!" Todd screamed.
"NOT IT!" Good Fred and Arcade yelled.
"$!" Pietro swore. He grabbed Todd and carried he at super speed to the bathroom, not bothering to take Todd's clothes off before chucking him in stagnant water that had been sitting in the tub since breakfast the day before. Pietro sped back downstairs, "We wait a few minutes and take the water to the roof and dump it."
"Right." Arcade muttered, "NOT IT!" This time Good Fred was the one not to say anything.
"Not fair." Good Fred muttered, going to get the tub, he had to rip it from the wall, messing up the screwed up plumbing. He preceded to head to the roof, "TASTE RAIN! DEMONS!" Good Fred shouted throwing the water in a wide arc covering half the street.
"HOLY WATER!" In one of the cases where the vocal-cord-less skeletons managed to talk, the skeletons shouted.
"Holy?" Arcade asked Pietro.
"Remember their brains are rotted away." Pietro tried to make a logical connection.
"I hate baths." Todd grumbled coming back from the bathroom, "At least we no longer have a tub."
"Uh, I only got half of them." Good Fred came back downstairs, "Did you know that they have bows and arrows? Glad I am impenetrable."
"Oh no..." Arcade said, he jumped to the side, similar to James Bond, as a large amount of arrows burst through their windows reminiscent of bullets.
"NOT GOOD!" Pietro got pinned to a wall, making him even more useless.
"SAVE YOUR SELVES!" Todd yelled, he was pinned behind Pietro.
"FREDDY! TACKLE THEM!" Arcade yelled. Good Fred began to cut a path through the crowd, Arcade followed closely to avoid the skeletons.
"WANDA SAVE ME!" Pietro screamed.
--------------------
Fancy Fast Food Restaurant
"This is just what I need after escaping from the undead hoards." Lance sighed, enjoying the rare silence of the closed down restaurant (the owners didn't want to tell Wanda to leave).
"Yeah. Do you think Pietro's home for us to tape up?" Wanda asked devouring another burger.
"Maybe, he might be at some girls house being beat up by an angry dad." Lance replied, "Lets give him another hour."
"The wait staff here is terrible." Wanda muttered looking in her drink.
"This is a fast food restaurant." Lance said.
"So?" Wanda asked, Wanda turned to face a poor staff who were not being paid overtime, "YOU THERE! COME FILL MY DRINK!"
"Wanda be nice." Lance scolded.
"Please..." Wanda growled to the person filling her cup, her voice not making it seem very nice to the worker who drew the short straw.
"I'm full, should we head back and see if Toad has candy in him?" Lance asked, "I have a new aluminum bat."
"I don't feel like using a bat today. Maybe a chair..." Wanda muttered, Good Fred ran past the restaurant. Wanda stared and asked, "Was the Freddy?" Arcade ran past with skeletons chasing him, Wanda continued to stare, "And Arcade?"
"Yes." Lance stared, "We should rescue them."
"Do we have to?" Wanda begged, "I just got a refill."
"You can finish first." Lance shrugged, "They can wait."
Wanda slowly drank her coke before speaking, "Okay, I'm finished."
"Right, remember that spell?" Lance asked.
"Yes, but why do I have to do all the work?" Wanda asked.
"Because my powers don't do much to anything that can heal itself, and the others are pathetic." Lance explained.
"So bury them in the ground so they are trapped." Wanda said.
Lance slapped his forehead, "Why didn't I think of that?"
"The drugs have gone to your head." Wanda explained.
"Oh yeah, should we get a move on it?" Lance accepted that answer.
"Might as well, if we don't then they will complain about being hurt." Wanda sighed, "It's not like we aren't going to hurt them ourselves."
Lance waited a few minutes as neither made a move to the door before he spoke, "When should we start helping?"
"The silence is nice, I just want enjoy it for a few seconds." Wanda said, Good Fred and Arcade ran by the window again, the skeletons in hot pursuit.
"It is nice." Lance sipped his coke examining the empty restaurant, "How's school going for you." He attempted to make small talk.
"I don't really pay that much attention, I just hex my pencil to make it do the work." Wanda shrugged.
"I threaten geeks." Lance said, "Or have Kitty help me. She's beautiful when she chews her pencil. I like how she nibbles on the eraser. For her that is all it is good for, as she doesn't ever have to erase anything."
"I don't really care about Kitty's secret to weight loss." Wanda muttered.
"Speaking of weight loss, I hear he cooking is getting better." Lance commented.
"So it only bounces ten times instead of twenty when she drops it?" Wanda joked.
"No, fifteen. Still it's getting better, almost edible now. That's what Kurt says. He only spent a week in the infirmary last time." Lance said, not scared in the slightest by the fact that Kitty was banned from several grocery stores (for her own protection, of course).(A/N:1)
"I think they need our help now." Lance commented, as Arcade was thrown against a brick wall by several 'muscular' skeletons.
Wanda watched Good Fred burst from a dog vile of bones, only to buried again, "Yeah we should help now." Wanda sighed, not moving.
"We're lazy aren't we." Lance pointed out.
"Laziness is a factor of evolution and intelligence." Wanda said.
"How so?" Lance asked.
"Let me illustrate: Ugg and Ogg are two cavemen -or women, but considering gender stereotypes of prehistoric periods, it is unlikely. That and the names are masculine, but who knows how cavemen names work- ..." Wanda explained "... both of these men, or women, need to move pile of rocks. Ugg is a strong lad, or lass, so he, or she, doesn't mind moving them by hand. Now Ogg is lazy and want to watch his, or hers, cave paintings. So he, or she, invents the wheel barrel. This invention allows him, or her, to finish his, or her, rock moving effort in very little time. Whilst strong Ugg becomes exhausted by the work and collapses, later to be eaten by a ravenous pterodactyl. Now Ogg gets to reproduce and breed a world of lazy bums."
"You've been listening to your dad's lectures on evolution haven't you?" Lance asked.
"Back when I was brainwashed." Wanda shrugged, "I didn't know any better."
"SAVE ME!" Arcade screamed. When I say shortly before I mean he was touching the window, but his wind hadn't been knocked out of him yet.
"Fine we can take a hint." Lance begrudgingly got up to save his housemates.
"DISCEDERE MALUM! DISCEDERE MALUM! DISCEDERE MALUM!" Wanda ran out of the restaurant screaming over and over again while she shot hexes every which way. Skeletons flew away in showers of splintered bones.
"ARRAH!" Lance stomped his foot, opening a crevasse beneath a group of skeletons. The skeletons fell down due to gravity and were sealed in a new grave until the Apocalypse, where their souls would be released. Kind of sad for the skeletons as they would be trapped unable to move for quite awhile.
Battling on for a few minutes Wanda managed to save Arcade and Good Fred, Lance did a little, but earthquakes can't quite match improbability. "HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BRING THE SKELETONS HERE!" Wanda screamed at the cowering boys.
"We, didn't, Pietro came home and let us down. Then they showed up. We got away, but Pietro and Toad are still there, possible being eaten as we speak!" Arcade rambled, his speed matching Pietro.
"Oh, no loss then." Wanda shrugged, "Just Toad and my brother being killed."
"WANDA!" Arcade shouted, "I have only been with you guys a few weeks, but I know that we are a family. You went off to save me, surely you can save your twin."
"What about Toad?" Good Fred asked.
"Oh right, him." Arcade noticed that he had forgotten to mention saving Todd, "We can save him too."
"So, are we going back home?" Lance asked.
"Fine." Wanda sighed, Good Fred and Arcade running off.
Lance waited a moment before speaking, "Might want to start now..."
"I guess." Wanda sighed, getting into the hippie jeep that the two others hadn't noticed.
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Brotherhood Boarding House
"WHERE IS THE SCARLET SORCERESS!" A general skeleton yelled in a tied up Pietro's face.
"I told you, it is Scarlet WITCH! And I don't know." Pietro muttered, "Now release me this instant, I need to fix my hair."
"I WILL RELEASE YOU ONCE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE SKELETONS!" The general yelled, bone chips replacing the saliva that should have been flying from his mouth.
"While I do need to go on a diet, I prefer a complexion that isn't yellowish. Perhaps if you had some way to prevent bones from gaining that gross yellow tint..." Pietro started to ramble.
"Are we getting answers from the Frog Child?" The general groaned.
"Hold on." A skeleton said, picking up the rotting remains of the last questioner, who had attempted Chinese water torture, "Note to everyone: no watering the frog."
Good Fred ran through the door when he arrived at the house shouting, "Release them!"
"WHAT HE SAID!" Arcade followed, carrying a pipe.
"Pathetic." Wanda followed at a calm and collected pace, "Hand over the sacks of slime."
"HEY ONLY TOAD'S A SACK OF SLIME!" Pietro yelled.
"No you are too." Wanda said, her voice saying 'do not question me.' Wanda then proceeded to show what her powers could do to bones, without killing the skeletons. For beings without a nervous system or vocal cords, skeletons can scream loudly when they get tied in knots.
"STRATEGICAL WITHDRAWAL!" The general yelled, a common term for humiliating retreat.
"This just keeps getting easier and easier." Wanda said, "Guess I needed to think about my plan of attack more before attacking."
"Wanda, we still aren't done." Lance smiled, picking up a half used roll of duct tape.
"Right you are." Wanda smiled, her smiling is a very creepy sight. Especially when she is bearing her fangs at you.
"Eep." Pietro wet himself, right before he failed to run away.
--------------------
Two hours later
"That was fun." Lance stared up at his handy work. Everyone, even Good Fred (he was over the garage, just in case), was on the roof outside. Various permanent marker drawings adorned their faces. Good Fred's head was shave. Pietro's hair was dyed punk green. Todd had multiple car fresheners fastened to his body. Arcade was suffering from Technology Withdrawal. (A/N:2)
"GOOD NIGHT SLEEP TIGHT!" Wanda yelled at the boys, laughing as she went to her room.
"DON'T FREEZER FALL OFF!" Lance went to his room, turning on soothing loud rock music, to allow the buildings vibrations to give the roof dwellers a massage.
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Parts Unknown, Ocean near Asia
"Okay, so I wade into the water and wait for some turtles, then I rope them with my hair..." Jamie #3 muttered to himself as he stood in the water, "J-ROD I HATE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN! AND I AM IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN NOT THE ATLANTIC OCEAN! BESIDES YOU HAVE THE WHOLE TIME LINE BACKWARDS!"
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Nevada Desert, 90 miles north of Area 51.
"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY GENETIC ADVANCER?" Magneto screamed.
"Not my fault, this baby eats metal." Mystique said calmly.
"IT MAY EAT METAL BUT HOW DID YOU EAT THE METAL?" Magneto screamed on the verge of tears as Sabertooth laughed from his litter box.
"I am a shape shifter." Mystique pointed out with the tone of voice that said 'idiot.'
"Man, I can't believe you slept with her," Sabertooth finished his business and walked out with a dirty newspaper under his arm.
"So did you." Magneto muttered before re-locking himself in the kitchen. An awkward silence fell between the other two.
"Soooo Raven, what are you doing about that whole school thing?" Sabertooth asked trying to fill the silence.
"Taking a break till this kid gets born and I can dump it with some dumb Germans, or Russians, maybe some French Tourists... Whatever." Mystique muttered, "Then I get back to convincing Pyro to join the Brotherhood so that we can have him on our side. He is essential to our plans once Magneto's current plans go south."
"I thought he has a girlfriend now?" Sabertooth pointed out, "He won't want to switch."
"I think I can change his mind," Mystique laughed turning into a fat Amara. Noticing the baby bulge she changed back, "After I give birth."
"Oookay ... creepy ... and that's coming from me." Sabertooth muttered, "What's the name going to be?"
"I'm thinking of naming it Dolorinclunes." Mystique said.
"I would hate to have to spell that in Kindergarten, Victor was hard enough. Don't get me started on Creed... What does it mean?"
"Pain in the butt." Mystique went off to contemplate how she could avoid messing this kid's life up. Her ideas involved hard core military training from a young age.
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End
Author Notes:
1: You know that someone somewhere has thought of restricting her access to ingredients. What with the recent restrictions in dangerous substances due to terrorism, it was only a matter of time.
2: Technology Withdrawal is similar to me without a computer. Poor Arcade.
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