Rated M

New Beginning: The Same Refrain

Chapter 21

Severus was able to pour himself back into his work after seeing Hannah, and assuring himself, he had not made things worse with her. He gathered his ingredients, and set them up along the bench in a line and walked up and down frowning at them.

Each ingredient was needed, he was sure of this. Each ingredient was in its proper form. The dried leaves were needed dried, the fresh root, needed to be kept moist. He pulled books form his shelf and again went over each component. He knew something was slowing the healing process, but he could not find it.

The current potion, which was brewed to a thick paste and then spread over the burned area, took over twelve hours to heal. Twelve hours was too long, to many children were left scared, or so badly infected that their healing was further delayed, exasperating the process even further. Adults would benefit by shortening the process only by three hours. Three hours could be a lifetime when withering in pain. Severus understood this all too well.

"Professor." Albus voice came from the doorway. "You have not been to a meal in two days now."

"I know." Severus's hand went to his face, found just two days growth, and he sighed in relief.

"I keep looking at this. I know the answer is right there." Severus said pointing to the long line of ingredients on the bench. "Seventeen ingredients, all the correct portions, all correctly prepared, there must be something I miss."

"I think it is time you stepped away from this." Albus walked over and looked at the line of ingredients. "I find sometimes when I am not thinking my best answers come to me."

"It is as if the very potion fights with itself." Severus sighed and stood, he suddenly felt his back and legs ache. "Perhaps you are right. I am getting no place with this."

"Minerva is joining me for tea. I will have sandwiches added to the tray," Albus said, still frowning at the lined up items. "I do wish at times that I had kept up with my potions, but alas it has been too long."

The two wizards left the lab and strolled up to Albus's office. Severus smirked as he walked along, feeling a smile tug at his lips. He felt at home, and comfortable, a feeling he could not remember.

"Are you still having your nightmares?" Albus asked as if in passing, walking with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Not as bad," Severus admitted, unknowingly also clasping his hands as well. "I can sometimes go almost the whole night."

"It will get better," Albus sighed, "my sister haunted my dreams for years."

"You had no fault in her death." Severus stated what he thought was the obvious.

"I am afraid that my guilt was not in the doing, but in the allowing it to happen." Albus shook his head slowly. "Do you not have the same fears in your nightmares?"

"Yes." Severus watched the old man from the corner of his eye.

"I can not identify the fear. I wake in a sweat," Severus confessed softly. "I am terrified of the dream. It changes, but there is nothing fearful in it but the dream itself."

"Ah Minerva." Albus beamed as they stepped into his office. "I see you have thought of the same thing."

On the table near the fireplace sat a tray full of tea, biscuits, sandwiches and soup. Severus's stomach growled as he looked over at the laden tray, and he look sheepishly at Minerva.

"Go ahead, don't stand on formalities." She smiled at him and then began to pour the teas.

When she had finished she sat back with a steaming cup of tea and a piece of short bread. Dunking the short bread in her tea Albus chided her about being childish, but Severus only looked at the biscuit and scowled.

"Not you too Professor." She snipped looking at Severus, leaving her biscuit too long in the tea. "Now look what you have done, I have a cup of mud."

Severus jumped up and grabbed her cup, watching the biscuit dissolve to a lump at the bottom of the cup.

"Minerva," he said raising his eyebrow. "Has anyone told you lately that you are beautiful?"

Minerva's mouth opened as if to speak then slammed shut. She turned red and tried to speak again.

"What ever are you on about boy?" She said watching him all but run out of the office.

He cursed himself for not seeing it. He should have looked at the ingredients and sorted them by use instead of by order. He should have ignored the Arithmancy, he would have seen it.

He started running to the lab and once there he resorted the ingredients and found the two potions that he knew had been there. First, he would brew a potion to drink, to let the blood carry under the skin, to heal the internal structures. He looked at the second potion and knew that if the first were internal, this salve would work quickly and efficiently.

He grabbed two Cauldrons and started to brew. When he had finally finished the potion, he sat at his desk for just a moment to record the completion time in his log.

It was the next day before Minerva went to go to the dungeons to collect him for Albus. Looking at him asleep at his desk she shook her head seeing that Albus had been correct, and laid her hand on Severus's shoulder, gently calling his name.

Severus's head snapped up, looking at Minerva as if in a dream. Then the fog in his mind lifted as his hand went to his face.

"Shite." He shouted standing up and looking at the clock. "Is that morning or night?"

"Night Severus," Minerva sighed, "you have been down here far long enough."

"Fuck!" He yelled rushing to the back of the lab and running into his chambers. He shrugged off his lab frock as the grabbed his robes and tried to hurry past Minerva.

"She is with Albus," Minerva said to his back.

Severus had his hand on the door ready to push through when he heard Minerva's statement.

"She is where?" He asked incredulously.

"Now calm down," Minerva said evenly then wrinkled her nose. "You will make your self presentable before running off."

"Why is she here?" He hissed at Minerva.

"It was nothing," Minerva said uneasily. "Moody's receiver glowed, but when he got there she was fine."

He looked at Minerva as his mind raced, there had to be more. He turned to the tower, his strides turning into a run as he neared. Bursting into Albus's office he quickly crossed to Hannah. She was still turning at the noise of someone entering when he reached down and pulled her up.

"Who was it?" he demanded. "Who did you see?"

"Severus." Her voice and Albus' blended as they both yelled at him at the same time.

"Stay out of this Albus," he said using the Headmaster's first name. Then pulling his wand out he tapped it to her head and started going through her mind, furiously looking for something familiar, something that had happened in the past few hours.

He saw her in school, and tossed that memory aside. Then she had on a white dress and carried her silver beads, this also went aside. He saw visions, and glimpses and snips of conversations, and then he saw her walking behind her rooming house, taking a sack to the bin. She did not see anything amiss, not knowing the man named Nott that leaned against the tree down the road was the danger.

He quickly looked at two more memories since, of Moody arriving, and the tea with Albus. As he was about to leave an unsought memory flashed in front of him. She was under the roller coaster, the old wood creaking, she was looking up from her bed on the ground, she moaned, and called out a sound that was his name. He felt her skin, and tasted her mouth and took her virginity in one hard thrust.

He pulled out of her mind and staggered to keep his feet under him. Backing up from her and looking at her horrified eyes he felt his breath leave him and worried it would not return. Turning he rested both arms on the back of a chair and closed his eyes.

"Nott," he spat, "Nott was there."

Then looking at her, he shook his head and left as quickly as he had come. He heard her call his name. She wanted his to come back. He lengthened his stride until he was at a full run. Finding himself at the gate, he turned and spun to Narcissa. He could not allow this memory in, he had to stop it, and stop her from returning to his mind.

He hurried up the pavement to the door, using his wand to clean and freshen himself as he went. He needed to be with someone that would keep the memories away. He needed to stop his dream from coming to the day.

"Severus!" Narcissa cried out as he strode into the sitting room unannounced. "You look awful."

"Thank you my dear," he sneered looking at her, then walked toward the liquor cabinet where he grabbed a bottle of Lucius' finest. He tipped it up and took a long pull. Closing his eyes he waited for the warm feeling that he knew would soon flow into his veins, and not feeling it fast enough, took another pull.

"I see that Blood Traitor has upset you again," Narcissa came up and laid a hand on his shoulder. "You really need to shed him you know. I could give you money to start your own shop if that would keep you here."

"Where is Lucius?" Severus asked looking at Narcissa darkly.

"He is in France for the weekend," she sighed, "Once again I find my self alone."

Severus put the bottle down and grabbed Narcissa, crushing his lips to hers and pushing his erection into her. She leaned into him, moaning her desires into his mouth and spreading her lips to allow his tongue to taste her. She ran her hand to his length and stroked him through his trousers.

"Lucius need not know," Narcissa said, tilting her head for Severus's exploration of her neck. "I have often dreamed of this."

"I want a fuck," he said, as his hands roamed over her body, pulling back and looking at her. "It will mean nothing more."

"Hurry." She reached up to his neck pulling him to her mouth only to be pushed away harshly.

Severus pushed the bottles off the top of the liquor cabinet with one arm then lifted Narcissa to sit on the edge. He pushed her robes off her shoulders, lifted her dress to her hips, and stepped between her legs. His hands slid up her thighs to her knickers, which he ripped off in a single motion, tossing them to the floor and pushing her down on her back.

He did not seek to pleasure her as he pulled her to the edge of the flat surface, and lifted her legs, pushing her knees toward her shoulders. He used one hand to free himself from his trousers and entered her roughly. After only a few strokes, he felt a quickening, which signalled the release to come.

He closed his eyes rather then look at Narcissa, and saw liquid brown eyes and heard his name called as the wooden spine shuddered and the chant of 'earth bound-earth bound' came to his ears. He felt Narcissa shudder her climax as he exploded inside her, releasing his seed and no longer wanting to touch her.

He pulled out his wand and cleaned himself, then turned and did the same to Narcissa, leaving her to get up without help. With a few waves of his wand the bottles and whiskey was back in the proper place and order on top of the cabinet.

"Well," Narcissa said, laughing as she sorted out her clothes and pick edup her knickers from the floor. "That was certainly interesting. A little too fast for my taste, but interesting."

Severus poured two glass of whiskey, handing one to Narcissa he downed his in one swallow and turned to refill it.

"What did he do to you now?" Narcissa said crossing to the sofa and sitting down. "Has he been pushing you too hard?"

"I just needed a break," he said looking over at her. "I didn't think you would mind the company."

"No, not at all," she smirked. "You are welcome to visit when ever Lucius is away. I always wondered about you, what it would be like."

"About me?" he quirked an eyebrow at her.

"I wanted to know how big you were, but there is no polite way for a lady to ask." She looked up at him smiling.

"I no longer see you as a proper lady," Severus threw back his drink. "I see you as a fucking whore that does as she is told."

"Severus!" She hissed coming to her feet. "How dare you? I only did this for you, because you needed me. I've only ever did what you want."

"How dare you." Severus was feeling the power of the whiskey that flowed through his veins, at last quelling his nerves. "You were told to bring me to the Dark Lord and you did."

"He is my Lord too." She raised her chin. "I will tell Lucius of your traitorous words."

"And, I shall tell him I enjoyed his whiskey more than I did fucking his wife," Severus laughed aloud. "You are not as tight as a Muggle, nor as wet and warm. Rather like fucking a used up whore, my hand is better."

"Get out!" She seethed at him. "Get out now."

"The Dark Lord wants me Mrs Malfoy," he sneered at her. "I do not think even Lucius would be willing to harm me."

"Out," she pointed to the door, tears running down her face. " How dare you, I thought you …"

"Don't worry my dear," he smirked as he walked to the door. "I will return to fuck you again when I can not find a Muggle whore or my hand is to sore from stirring potions."

Walking down the path to the gate he smiled, and headed to the Hogs Head to finish drinking.