Author's Note: (spoiler hints of the season 4 finale included in this note, but the chapter itself is spoiler free. Might want to skip the author's note if you haven't seen 4x13 yet) After the season finale (s4), I had to take a small break from writing because it hit me that hard. I never cry during tv shows or movies, and I bawled at this. It was honestly hard for me to write Kenzi for a while after that, but all is well now. I have a ton of fic ideas, but I'm trying really hard to ignore them until I can finish some of my other stories. Thank you all for sticking with this story for so long, I really appreciate it. Enjoy the chapter! :)
Chapter 20
About twenty minutes after Lauren had left, Kenzi wandered back downstairs. Her and Bo decided to have a movie marathon. It had taken both of their minds off of recent events, allowing them to escape from reality into fictional worlds. Bo plopped back down on the couch with a fresh bowl of popcorn in her hands. Kenzi instantly reached in, grabbing a handful before tossing the kernels in her mouth. "Oh man, genius! Why didn't anyone ever think to put Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy in a movie together before now?! Comedic gold right there! And Mullins is my kinda gal!" Kenzi announced as the credits began to roll.
Bo snorted, "how did I know you would like her?" She set the bowl down on the table so she could put a new movie in the DVD player. "Her attitude and comments sounded awfully familiar to me," she glanced back at Kenzi.
"What? Moi?" the younger woman asked innocently, a hand flying to her chest.
"Oh come on, you two sound like you could be related!" Bo argued, putting 'the Heat' back in its case.
"Yes, she's got a way with words that could possibly rival mine." Kenzi sipped her abath horn tea before grabbing the whole bowl of popcorn off of the table.
"You two going up against each other would be the battle of the bitching! I can only imagine the kind of comebacks and insults you guys would come up with." She picked up two more movies, trying to decide between them. "Okay, shall we keep on our Sandra Bullock marathon and watch 'the Proposal' next, or switch to Melissa McCarthy and watch 'Bridesmaids?'"
"Yeah, but there's only one obvious winner," she winked, referring to Bo's previous comment. "And I'm more of a badass than she is. She takes down tough humans, we take down crazy ass fae," Kenzi pointed out. "Tough choice my dear, hmmmm," she mused, considering her options. "I say both, but let's start with 'Bridesmaids.' That shit is all kinds of funny. Let the hilarity ensue!"
"Oh don't worry, I know who Queen of the Quips is, and no one can top your level of badassery." Bo put the movie in, returning to the maroon couch. She took the popcorn bowl back from Kenzi when she realized how much her best friend had devoured already, receiving a pout from the other girl.
"Hey! Queen of the Quips is also the Proprietor of the Popcorn! Give it back," she reached for the bowl.
"Perpetrator of the Popcorn is more like it! This is the second bowl I've made and I've barely had any," she frowned. "You're supposed to be taking it easy on how much you eat, remember?"
Kenzi scowled, crossing her arms over her chest, "food police."
Bo reached over, wrapping her arm around Kenzi's shoulders in order to drag the woman to her side so that she was leaning against her. Kenzi tried to hide the smile the contact brought to her face but failed, especially when the succubus offered her more popcorn.
Once the movie started, Bo began acting different. Kenzi could feel her tense up every time a sex scene came on the screen or someone mentioned something sexual. Kenzi's eyebrows furrowed, looking up at Bo's face from underneath the woman's arm. Bo was never weirded out by things of that nature. If anything, Bo is normally the one with sex on the brain, or sexing someone's brains out. Could it be because of her? Does Bo feel uncomfortable with that topic when she's around now? Kenzi's mind drifted off, mulling over these thoughts. Bo was probably worried over how Kenzi would react to them, so she figured the best way to ease Bo's concerns was to just act natural. Well at least Kenzi knew one thing, after watching this movie she knew seeing people having sex on t.v. was not one of her triggers. She was glad there was that disconnect between television and real life at this point because otherwise she would have had to avoid basically every t.v. show worth watching and most movies.
Kenzi made a couple of jokes during the movie, but Bo refused to relax. She tried to pretend to be okay with it, but it was obvious she wasn't. After a while, Bo's mood started to make Kenzi anxious so when the movie ended, Kenzi faked a yawn dramatically, claiming she wanted to get some sleep.
"What about 'the Proposal?'" Bo asked, a little surprised Kenzi wanted to go to bed so early. It was only 10 p.m.
"Save it for tomorrow night Bobokins, I don't want to accidentally fall asleep during it," she lied. "Besides, I'm still on the mend. I've got plenty of time for movies."
Bo nodded, kissing her cheek, "okay, good night." She assumed certain scenes in the movie had upset Kenzi and that she wanted some time to herself. "Sweet dreams."
Kenzi smiled, "good night." She knew her dreams would be anything but sweet if she actually went to sleep, so she laid awake on her bed staring up at the ceiling. She focused on a water stain. She brought her hand up in front of her face, closing one eye and proceeded to bring her thumb and index finger closer together as if she were squishing the spot on the ceiling. She finally rolled her eyes at herself, getting back up. The young Russian rifled through her closet, organizing her clothes by summer and winter weather, then subcategorizing them into colors. She stacked her boots and other footwear nice and neat by height, and then sorted her socks into pairs, rolling them together. She brushed off her hands, looking at the finished product. "Great, now I probably seem as neurotic as the doc." She looked at the clock; it was still only midnight. She sighed, tonight was going to be a long night.
Bo shot up in bed, hearing someone scream. "Shit," she cursed, "not again!" She ran to Kenzi's room, pushing open the door. "Kenzi," she tried, watching her best friend writhe in her sleep. Sweat matted her hair to her forehead and the sides of her face. "Come on sweetheart, wake up," she coaxed. The words seemed lost on deaf ears. "You're safe, you're home." She reached out, gently laying her hand on the other woman's hand. Kenzi's eyes flew open, jumping away from the touch as if someone had shocked her. Bo quickly retracted her hand.
Kenzi's body was huddled up against her headboard. Her eyes slowly adjusted, her mind realizing the fact that she was in her own bed in her own bedroom. "Bo?" she questioned. Damn, she didn't even remember falling asleep. She hadn't intended to. She wiped the sweat away from her face, leaving her hand to grip the back of her neck as she tried to gather her bearings. Her pale blue eyes drifted back to Bo, noticing the way she was holding her arm to her chest. She suddenly remembered the touch that had woken her up. Was that Bo? It had to have been. And she had leapt away from her when Bo was only trying to help. She bit her bottom lip, aggravated with her own reactions yet again. "Did I…" She began again, already knowing the answer to her question, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"
Bo quickly tried to hide the hurt expression Kenzi must have seen on her face. She knew the younger woman was having trouble controlling herself. "It's alright, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have done that."
Kenzi sighed deeply, "no, it's always my fault," she muttered, frustrated with herself. "You were only trying to help."
"Kenzi, you need to stop blaming yourself. It's going to take time-"
"How much time?" Kenzi interrupted her. "Because I keep hurting the people I love and I have no fucking control over it," her body shuddered. "I keep hurting you," she said softly. "And don't try to deny it, I know you too well for that."
Bo smiled sadly, "okay, I won't deny that I'm hurting, but you're not the one who is hurting me." Kenzi looked up, her brow wrinkled in confusion. "I'm hurting for you, not because of you. My heart aches because I can't do more to help you. I'm supposed to be your best friend, your sister, and I can't protect you like I should. I have all these powers, yet not a damn one can fix what has been done; I've never felt more powerless than I do now."
Kenzi untangled herself from her curled position amongst her scattered sheets. She stood, pushing herself into the older woman's arms. "This isn't something you can fix Bo, as much as you want to, you can't fix this." She felt Bo's arms encircle her body, holding her tight. "But I love you for trying."
"If I could take all of your pain away, I would," she spoke honestly into the girl's shoulder.
"I know you would Bo-Bo." Kenzi pulled back, putting her hands on either side of Bo's face. "I don't need you to be the hero right now, I just need you to be my best friend, just be with me."
Bo nodded, "always. I'm always here for you." Bo pulled her back into hug, squeezing her eyes shut against the realization that this wasn't something she could make right. Fighting bad guys, saving people, retrieving stolen items, those were all things she was used to doing. But in this instance, there was no longer an evil fae to battle, no missing belonging she could easily get back. Bo and Kenzi had both been alone for so long that neither really knew what love and comfort was until they found each other. Bo never had anyone to care for before, never had someone in her life that she would literally do anything for. And yet here she was, comforting this woman who had somehow snuck past her defenses and found her way into Bo's heart. Bo had always been compassionate towards others, but before meeting Kenzi, she didn't have anyone she needed to console, felt the overwhelming urge to comfort. With Kenzi, she had all of that and more. While this was still relatively new to her, she would be anything that Kenzi needed her to be.
After a while, Kenzi was finally able to convince Bo that she would be okay sleeping by herself tonight. She didn't want to go back to sleep, and she didn't want Bo to know that either. All it would do was worry the succubus even more. She checked the time, noticing it was almost 5am. The sun would be rising soon. She quickly grabbed a hoodie, struggling a bit to put it on with her injured shoulder. Kenzi walked over to her boarded up window, pulling on some of the planks until she found the loose one she was looking for. Twisting it to the side provided a hole just big enough for a petite person to fit through. Carefully, she crawled out onto the roof, wincing when she applied to much weight on her fractured wrist, "owww, that's smarts," she whimpered. She leaned back against the siding of her home, pulling her knees up to rest her arms on. The sky was just starting to lighten up. She hadn't watched the sunrise like this since she was living on the streets, when certain things would keep her awake at night, dangerous things. She would sit up in the rafters of an abandoned building, watching out the window for intruders. Closing her eyes to sleep while she was on her own was never a good idea in this city. Unfortunately she had learned that from experience.
She used to come out on the crack shack's roof all the time when she first met Bo. It was a great place to just sit and think. The building was in a quiet area, except for the occasional train, and she knew she was safe here. Many nights she would lay out here watching the stars, losing herself to nature's beauty. Other nights she would sort through her problems, trying to figure out the mess her life was and the craziness it had become. She had definitely gotten her use out of this spot the first few weeks she had moved in with Bo. Coming to terms with the fact there were supernatural creatures lurking out there, not to mention she lived with one whom she trusted completely, was all new to her. She was used to her life being in danger, but normally the odds were a bit more in her favour than they were now. Someone could just breathe fire on her and poof, she's toast, literally, because that someone would probably eat her too. Although she did have her own personal bodyguard in the form of a kickass, rule-breaking, super protective roomie.
The sun had just begun to peak over the clouds, a small sliver casting its bright rays across the land. A pink hue decorated the sky. She took out her cell phone, snapping a picture of it. The scene was so serene, allowing Kenzi to feel rare moment of peace since her whole ordeal with the Torturas began. She had forgotten just how quickly the sun comes up. Light spread across the roof, stopping just before the shadows of the overhang Kenzi was concealed in. She stretched her arm out past the darkness, the sun's warmth beaming down and seeping into her skin.
The peacefulness was shattered when Kenzi heard a noise coming from below. It wasn't loud, it almost sounded like an animal, but she had learned to never underestimate the fae world. She slowly approached the edge of the roof, staying low so as not to be seen. She peeked down, watching as a wolf trotted by, stopping to sniff the air every few feet. Kenzi instantly relaxed; she would recognize those colors and markings anywhere. "Hey wolfie, whatcha doing down there?" she called out.
The majestic animal turned his head towards her, tilting it to the side. He disappeared for a minute, coming back into view in his human form and thankfully with pants and a shirt on. "What are you doing up there?" he raised an eyebrow.
"That's for me to know and you to find out," she replied, a cocky smile on her face.
Dyson took her words as a challenge. He grabbed onto the gutter pipe and the surrounding vines, hauling his weight up the side of the building before hoisting himself onto the roof. He grinned.
"Nice," Kenzi said approvingly. "I give you an 8 out of 10. Maybe I'll increase your score when I see your dismount."
He rolled his eyes at her, "I'm not going to do back flips off the building if that's what you're thinking."
She shrugged with one shoulder offhandedly, "eh it was worth a try." Suddenly she beamed with joy at him, launching herself into his arms unexpectedly.
"Whoa," Dyson caught her, bracing himself so they didn't tumble off of the roof. He was unsure what to do at first, if she would be okay with male arms wrapped around her. Ultimately he decided to return the hug. He needed it as much as she did.
"It's so good to see you up and walking around. I was worried about you," she admitted, her head pressed sideways against his chest.
"You too," he replied, looking down at her. "You don't have to worry about me, I heal quickly remember?"
She smacked him lightly, "yeah well you weren't healing quick enough for my liking the last time I saw you."
"Neither were you," he responded, his eyes sad.
She shook her head, "I'm fine D. And I don't want to talk about it. I wanna know why Lassie was sniffing around my humble abode." She returned to a seated position, her back up against the wall.
"Lassie? Really?" his face twisted, displeased with the comparison.
"Yeah, cause you're a wolf who saves people, like Lassie does. You could always be Benji, or you'd make a cute Toto," she teased.
He chuckled, "okay okay, I'll take Lassie. Though with my Scottish heritage, it sounds like you're calling me a girl."
Kenzi laughed, "hey if the shoe fits…"
Dyson stared at her incredulously, "there is nothing feminine about me." His alpha male persona couldn't help but take it as an insult.
"Fix the hair and stop wearing those skirts I've seen you strut your stuff in and then we'll talk."
"It was a kilt and it was one time!" He paused, backtracking, "what's wrong with my hair?"
"Point proven," she smirked. "Anyways!" she quickly changed the subject before he could argue, "what's the not-so-shifty shifter doing taking a pre-dawn stroll around mi casa?"
"Just checking the perimeter."
"Awww," she ruffled his hair, "I have my very own guard dog!"
Dyson playfully swatted her hand away. He then noticed the chill that ran up and down Kenzi's spine. "You're cold," he stated; the fact was too obvious to be voiced as a question. She didn't respond, instead choosing to look back out at the sun that had barely risen above the cloud it was formerly hidden behind. He draped his arms around her, pulling her into his side. She resisted, and Dyson immediately released her thinking he had gone too far. It was so natural to hug her, to be near her, that in this moment of normalcy his only concern had been keeping her warm. He was drawn out of his thoughts when he felt the small woman lean into him, lifting his arms to position them back over her shoulders. He looked down at her small form, reading the smile on her face that let him know it was okay.
He noticed the healing bruise on her face and the lacerations that were visible on her wrist from being chained to a wall. He ran a thumb gently across her marred face. Kenzi closed her eyes momentarily at his touch. She caught his hand in hers, bringing it back down to his lap. "It'll heal Dyson," she said softly. "No permanent damage." Despite her words, both knew permanent damage had been done. The physical wounds would eventually become nonexistent, but she would be left with emotional scars that neither were sure would ever fully heal.
"I heard you scream earlier Kenzi," he watched her reaction his words. "I know you had a nightmare."
Kenzi would have much rather have kept her nightmares a secret. She didn't want anyone to know about them, and it was already bad enough that Bo knew she was having them and Hale knew about the first one. Now Dyson had heard her too. Great. Kenzi tried to cover up her unease at the topic, waving it away with her hand, "it was just one of those stupid scary clown dreams. I rather deal with the fae any day than those little red-nosed shits."
"Kenzi," Dyson warned her not to lie to him.
"Damn you and your Vulcan hearing," Kenzi muttered. "Look, I appreciate the concern D but it's nothing I can't handle." She patted him on his arm.
"You know you can talk to me if you want to, right?"
Kenzi smiled, giving his hand a squeeze. "Some things even the big bad wolf can't fix. But thank you." She turned back to the sunrise, watching the last of the colors dance across the clouds.
Dyson frowned at her response. Maybe he couldn't stop her nightmares, but that didn't mean he couldn't help. He made a mental note to mention it to Bo later; maybe she had made more progress with Kenzi in that area. "We should get you back inside, you're shivering."
"Can we stay out here just a bit longer?" Kenzi looked up at him with her ice blue eyes, and he instantly knew that he couldn't say no to her. "It's peaceful."
"Sure," he smiled. He remembered another time when he had held her like, when she was vulnerable and scared. They were sitting in the graveyard Dyson had found her in, fresh blood running over the dried trails coming from her eyes. The basilisk poison was slowly killing her. He could vividly recall how fragile she looked. He had been surprised to realize how much it had bothered him that she was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. He tried to tell himself it was Bo's attachment to her that made him want to protect her, but he couldn't lie to his heart. She meant something to him, whether he liked it or not. Over the years, the feeling only grew in intensity.
Dyson drew Kenzi closer to him, rubbing her arm to keep her warm while they watched the sun light up the city.