I stretched out my sore legs on the soft hotel bed. I closed my eyes and searched for the waves, out the sliding glass door, beyond the parking lot and over the sand hill. The ocean was loud. Tonight that specifically caught my attention. It was always peaceful here. But tonight the ocean almost roared.

I opened my eyes. The soft color scheme of the room was nice. White on white, pale and serene. I liked it here. Well of course I did, but I mean I really liked this. The hotel, the ocean so close, and Troy. Right here with me.

I felt undeserving sometimes, for all this. But it was a wake up call to think about New Mexico. And then I knew I truly deserved that. After all, I was a horrible person. Wasn't all this my fault? And now Troy was going to be harmed because of me. I was undeserving. Of him especially.

A loud crash of waves coming onto the shore jolted me out of my thoughts.

Troy was in the shower. I was still resided on the bed.

After we went up to the cliff today, we strode along the shore for a while longer until I took him to the cave I used to go to. It was somewhat near the cove but much closer, and was slightly hidden by a wall of rocks.

We'd sat, and talked for a while. About him this time, my curiosity about his life had been too much to bear. So he told me. About his over bearing father, always pushing basketball and school work on him. The way he knew his parents didn't love each other anymore. And how he was sure they were only staying together for his sake. He said, it was obvious by the way that they didn't look at each other the same way. He picked up on stuff like that. He told me that he put everything into basketball, everything he had because he felt it was all he had.

"It means everything to me. I've never had a passion so deep for anything before." He'd said, and then he pulled me into him. His lips finding mine in a soft kiss. I don't think he was talking about basketball anymore as I felt his grip on me tighten.

I'd never known he felt that way.

I mentally scolded myself for being so selfish. Just because I was being tortured my chase didn't make me the only person in the world having problems. Even if mine were physical.

His life was much easier to understand though. He was very assertive. Especially towards me. He always asked me what I was thinking and feeling or what I wanted. No one had ever wanted to know that much about me. No one had ever asked me questions like that. It was hard to answer at first. But it made more sense along the way. I should know how I was feeling and be able to tell someone about it. I should know or have an idea of what I wanted, and I did. But it had never mattered what I thought.

Now it did.

And I liked that.

We also talked about me too. A lot of stuff about Chase. I'd told him absolutely everything. As much as I could remember. How we met, how he'd lied to me and brain washed me to believe him and then taken me as his prisoner. And how no one knew. Just him.

I thought back to the day Troy found out and shivered. When I'd carelessly, but thankfully I did, take off my sweatshirt. Revealing each bruise.

Here, I didn't bother to cover up. Although some people stared at me and my bruised arms, I didn't find it bothersome. I simply didn't care. This was California, not New Mexico.

And that was like a whole new world.

Which rushed hurried thoughts to my head.

We can't just leave. I don't want to. I want to stay. I have to stay.

I was getting a headache from all this. I closed my eyes firmly. Just then I heard a loud crack. Like a whip. My eyes flashed open. The water was really acting up today. And it was so hot. So hot that the glass door was wide open and the fan was whirling around. Which, I mean wasn't unusual for this town but it was still a little above average. Maybe it was just me.

I sat up from my laying position on the bed. And ran my fingers through my tousled hair. The soft brown curls curved with my fingers. My hand went from my hair down to my wrist as I gripped the bracelet reassuringly.

My grandma came to my mind.

She always said when the ocean was loud, that a storm was coming. The heat proved that too. I shuddered. The storms here were abnormal. Like small but deadly hurricanes.

I found myself missing her. It pained me that I hadn't seen her since I was about ten or eleven. A couple months before we moved. Where was she?

A crazy thought struck me. Was it that easy? Could I just go see her? I didn't know if she still lived by the bay but I was curious. I knew exactly where her little cottage was. Down to the angle it faced. That was my second home. A whole other life too.

But what if she weren't there?

I don't know if I could handle knowing someone else lived in her cottage. Or if the cottage was gone. I pushed that out of my head. I had to see her.

I had to go to the cottage. There was still so much about my life I didn't know. About my mother and what went on before I was born.

The sudden curiosity sparked my interest on a whim.

My mind ran on one track and it wanted to see her. Today. Now. I just had to.

I heard the bathroom door open. I glanced to the front of the room and saw Troy walking into the room with just a towel around his waist. He smiled at me, his hair all wet and dishelmed. I grinned back at him.

I stood up from the bed and walk casually over too him. And wrapped my arms around his neck. He kissed my forehead.

"Hope I didn't take too long." He whispered to me.

"No, you didn't." I answered. My mind still was racing with possible thoughts.

"You seem distracted?" he asked me. Kindness eased out of his voice. I was sure he'd be okay with my plans. So I tried him.

"Troy…do you want to take a drive somewhere?"

-------------

Troy held up a map as he sat in the passenger seat. I was driving; I had to barely look at the road to know where I was headed.

"You're sure you don't need this?" he held up the map again.

I shook my head with a smile. "No, I know exactly where I'm going."

"What brought this on?" he said to me a smile hinted in his tone but I didn't look away.

I just held up my arm. Showing the bracelet. I felt his fingers grip it gently as he smoothed it between his thumb and forefinger.

"A bracelet?"

"It's hers. Well it was, and then it was mine and then I gave it to Peyton. I was just thinking about it today. I need to do this." My voice wavered.

"I know. I'm glad your doing this." He said calmly.

"What do you mean?" I asked him surprised.

"The way you talked about her when you…explained to me. She sounds like a very wise person. I understand why you trust her so much. And I'm glad you're taking me with you." He said honestly.

"Where else would I leave you?" I joked, setting my hand back on the wheel once he released my wrist.

The drive there was rocky. It wasn't a real paved road. It was dirt and it made the way dusty but familiar. We passed the loading docks and shops along the old pier until I came to the small cutoff point that led to her street. We were on the bay front now.

Just as I was pulling onto the cutoff a loud crack sounded. I jumped.

"Thunder." Troy stated. "It's just a storm." He rested his hand on my leg. I calmed down. So the storm was coming.

I kept driving and more thunder cracked. Out of the corner of my eye I swear I saw a bolt of lightening. It was near six o'clock now. The sky was just loosing the tinge of sunlight as it faded into sunset.

I took a deep breathe. It was just a storm. And I was nervous about all this. I'd be just fine. I told myself over and over.

My grandma's cottage was sort of like my house. It wasn't in an actual neighborhood but that's what made it special. It was old, a dark faded wood with stones. And the doors had stained glass for windows. So when the light hit the front door it looked like a rainbow.

I used to lay under the glare that the sun cast from the windows all day. Sometimes I'd fall asleep. It was so peaceful.

We were coming to the end of the cutoff now. My nerves were intensified.

You can do this. It's going to be fine.

That's what my head told me, but my heart was speeding up as if I were running out of breath.

I pulled off the cutoff and into my Grandma's street. I eased into the neighborhood quietly. We took Troy's car so it was unusually smooth on the rough roads. My truck would've been noisy and shaky.

But this was nice. And much quicker, the pickup truck probably couldn't handle this type of venture.

I passed houses that were somewhat familiar and new ones that I'd never seen before. Each house had flower boxes under the window sills and stone finishing. Which is why we called it a 'cottage'. It was like that to me.

I stated to push down on the peddle more. And then I'd pause. I wasn't sure if I could do this. My breath came in shallow little pants. I felt Troy's strong hand on mine.

"Do you want me to drive? I don't mind." He said. Searching my face.

I shook my head. "No. We're almost there. I can do it."

He took is hand back with a reassuring look in his eyes. That was enough for me to calm the hell down.

I steadied my breathing and kept driving.

I pulled into a little paved driveway. A house made up of dark wood panels and the faded ocean-washed stone. My grandma's cottage.

I got that weird feeling as I did when I laid eyes on my house. Just days ago it was. Because this was exactly like that had been.

Her cottage was everything I'd remembered it to be. It even still had yellow lilies in the flower box. I gasped. My eyes felt misty.

I was hopeful.

I was hopeful that she might be in there. Still as she had been once. When everything was simpler.

I killed the engine and pulled the keys out, handing them to Troy who pocketed them. I took off my seatbelt and opened the car door. Inhaling the bay side's fragrance. It gave me the strength to close the car and take my first steps towards the front door.

Troy met me halfway. After locking the car he pulled me into his arms.

I all but almost broke down right there. But I stopped myself and bit my lip.

"Hey. Look at me," he whispered "It's okay. If you can't do this we'll go back. Okay? We can leave. Is that what you want?" he asked me. Holding me close to his chest and whispering in my hair.

"No." I shook with my voice. "I want to do this. I know I do."

"It's going to be fine." He said like he actually knew. I couldn't help but believe him.

He held me at arms length, studying my face again. And then he gently bent to kiss me. It was soft and warm. I relaxed in his grasp. I was ready.

We walked up the paved driveway and onto the wooden steps that lead to the small stained glass door. The porch greeted us with the dark paneled wood. My grandmother's rocking chair was in the same spot I always knew it to be. It sheltered us from the small drizzle of rain that now fell.

Troy squeezed my hand and I took a few steps forward. I stood on the doormat now. And then I felt my hand reach out and lightly tap the door. Two soft but distinct knocks.

I closed my eyes and waited. They flashed open when I heard muted footsteps. Almost inaudible. But sill there and growing louder. Until they stopped.

Slowly the door opened. Revealing a small, pale old woman. With long silvery hair. And a sterling necklace around her neck. The one that matched my bracelet. Since it was once hers.

"Grandma." I breathed, the rain making my voice shake.