"My Mother"
By EsmeAmelia
Chapter 21
AN: Woo, over 480 reviews! Think we can make 500? ;) Anyway, let me apologize in advance that this chapter is both shorter than and not as meaty as some of the others - it's mainly a transitional chapter, but hopefully you'll enjoy it anyway.
Five months later.
Padme sat on the Solos' sofa, gazing over at Leia, who was in the midst of Jedi training with Luke. She held a florescent orange lightsaber in her hands and wore a helmet with a blast shield covering her eyes, meaning she had to rely on the Force to tell her where the two remotes that hovered near her would strike. Her plump stomach from six months of pregnancy gave an image that might be called comical by some, but to Padme it added beauty to her daughter, showing how grace and pregnancy indeed could be mixed.
"Two remotes, can you believe it?" said Han, who was lounging next to Padme. "I remember when Luke had trouble with one."
"I wish I did," Padme said softly.
One of the remotes fired out at Leia, but she easily blocked it with her blade. Barely a second later, the other remote fired at her from behind, but Leia quickly whirled around and stopped the blast from reaching her.
"She's good," said Padme.
"Yup," said Han. "Till she misses, then Luke'll give her hell."
"I don't 'give her hell,' Han," Luke said from the other side of the room. "I encourage her to reach her full Jedi potential, just as Obi-Wan and Yoda did with me."
"Whatever you say, kid," said Han. "Guess encouragin' someone to reach their full potential sometimes involves a loud voice with you Jedi."
Padme smirked, concealing the uneasiness within her: an uneasiness that could not be placed on any specific event or feeling, except possibly the fact that her survival had been largely kept a secret for five months now.
"Glad this is no longer your bed?" said Han.
Padme gave a halfhearted grin. "Yeah, now I understand your large resentment of the sofa."
"It ain't the sofa in itself I mind - it's spendin' the night on it," clarified Han. He leaned back and rested his head on his arm. "In the afternoon, it's pretty pleasant."
Padme reached over to the back of the sofa and ruffled Han's hair. "So how long before you and Leia throw me out of your guest room?"
"Hey, you happen to have the honor of being the first person to patronize the new guest room of the Solos' new apartment - I'd suggest takin' advantage of it," said Han, acting as if they had moved into their new, larger apartment only yesterday instead of two months ago. He turned to face his mother-in-law and lowered his voice. "Besides, once you leave, that means the guest room is open for high-and-mighty visitors whom the senate might assign to stay with us." He scrunched his face in disgust.
"Oh, so you want me here only so I can protect you from having to host others?" Padme said jokingly. "Well what if the senate wants the high-and-mighty visitors to stay in the third bedroom?"
"They can't touch it - that's the babies' room."
"I can just see you delivering that argument," said Padme. "I'd love to see the look on their faces when you tell them that the room is reserved for two babies that aren't coming for three months."
"Not nearly as comical as the looks on their faces when they see that their room's got two cradles and two changing tables," said Han.
A loud zapping sound caused both heads to jump slightly and turn back to Leia, who was holding her now-deactivated lightsaber with one hand and rubbing her knee with the other: apparently she had failed to block one of the remotes.
"Should we stop talking?" Padme asked to Luke.
Luke shook his head. "No, a Jedi must be able to work with distractions. Talk as loudly as you want."
Han shot a cheeky grin at Padme before turning back to Leia. "ALL RIGHT!" he shouted. "WE'LL MAKE SURE LEIA HAS PLENTY OF DISTRACTION SO SHE CAN REACH HER FULL JEDI POTENTIAL!"
Leia reactivated her lightsaber and glared at Han through the blast shield. "Han, you must have a death wish if you dare to annoy a pregnant woman with a lightsaber."
"Aw, what are you gonna tell the kids when they ask what happened to their daddy?" Han mocked.
"That their daddy got on their mommy's bad side. They'll understand."
"All right," Luke said firmly. "Leia, continue."
As Leia resumed her work with the remotes, Han turned back to Padme. "Okay," he said, "we're either gonna have two girls, two boys, or one of each. Lemme run this by you, Mom. If we have one of each, whaddaya think of namin' the boy Han Jr. and the girl Hanna?"
"Absolutely NOT," declared Leia as she blocked a remote blast.
Padme glanced in her daughter's direction. "Well, looks like you won't need my opinion on that one."
"But admit it, ya like that idea," Han said with a grin.
"Well, it's...interesting," said Padme, concentrating not on Leia's training or Han's name suggestions, but on the five months that had passed since her unfreezing, the five months where almost all of her time was spent in her daughter's apartment. Five months? How could it have possibly been that long? She had been meaning to do something with her life during that time...meaning to...after all, she couldn't be dependent on her daughter forever...but their lives had gotten into a rhythm now. She had become quite close to her children in the time since her rescue, as if they all had a subconscious desire to come as close as possible to making up for the years lost.
Yet despite this, restlessness was starting to overtake her. She had lived her entire life as a hard-working servant to the galaxy - that work had given her a sense of purpose with her time. But...her life had a new purpose now...with her family...wasn't that enough?
It should be...and besides, did she really want to go back into politics? Did she want to step back into that world of harsh competition and bureaucracy that could easily corrupt even the most innocent souls? There was also the issue that if she were to make her face public again, she would have to fend off the press, who would be endlessly interested in how she had "returned from the dead."
Leia deactivated her lightsaber for the second time. "All right, that's enough. The little ones are hungry."
Han got up from the sofa and wrapped his arms around his wife's stomach - with a bit of difficulty, since her stomach was now considerably larger than he was used to. "Think the little ones'd like me to fix us up some lunch?"
Leia kissed her husband's cheek as an answer to his question.
"Sounds good to me, too," said Luke.
Padme watched passively as Han let go of his wife and left for the kitchen, Leia put away her lightsaber, and Luke walked up to the sofa.
"Mother?" he said. "Aren't you coming to lunch?"
"Oh...sure...I'll be right there," Padme said dully.
"Mother?" Leia said from across the room. "Is something wrong?"
"No, I'm fine," Padme said, knowing her tone wasn't very convincing.
Luke sat down next to her. "Mother, you know it's very difficult to hide your feelings from two Force-sensitives."
Padme sighed, clasping her hands in her lap, as if she were about to share a difficult secret with her children. "It's nothing, really. I've just...been thinking."
"About what?" asked Leia, heading towards her mother.
Padme gave a slow breath. "About the old times."
"About Father?" said Luke.
A tiny smile appeared on Padme's face as she breathed again. "Actually, no. True, I haven't seen him since Endor, but he's busy right now. We'll meet again when the time is right." It frequently amazed her how she could now talk about her husband in such a calm manner since her encounter. Now her mind felt a strange sort of peace with him, as if he were merely away on a journey instead of dead.
"I was thinking...about my old life," she continued. "Maybe I'm just used to being busy...but Leia, I don't want to keep leaning on you forever." She licked her lips. "Don't get me wrong, I love living here, but...I dunno...a part of me is hungry."
"Hungry for purpose," Leia said knowingly.
Padme flinched, as if Leia's suggestion had implied that her life had no purpose now. "It's not that I think..."
"I know," Leia interrupted. "Believe me Mother, I understand. When your life revolves around galaxy affairs and politics, it's hard to let them go. Your concerns involve not only your own life, but the lives of millions of others."
Padme leapt up from her seat. "Exactly," she said in a voice louder than she was meaning. Suddenly, the restlessness that had been bubbling within her for months came exploding out like a volcano. "Leia, my life used to have the potential to help many - I want that potential back. The world of politics can use as many people who genuinely care about the galaxy's welfare as it can get. I mean, I know I have you now, but many others have learned to balance family with other things - I can learn that too." She looked Leia in the eye. "Who's your representative for Naboo? Maybe I could help her out."
She didn't know why she had brought up her home planet, but once the word had emitted from her mouth, she understood these urges better. The images of the beautiful domed buildings and sparkling lakes filled her brain, causing her to realize that she had been housing subconscious concerns for her beloved homeland almost since her unfreezing. Was this why she had never asked her children about Naboo's current status before? Was this why she had suddenly gained the courage now, when she suddenly gained a desire to make a difference to her planet as she once did?
Leia and Luke were silent, giving each other uneasy looks, as if her suggestion had triggered a secret they loathed to reveal.
"What?" Padme persisted.
"Hey are you guys comin', or am I fixin' lunch for one?" Han's voice called from the kitchen.
"We'll be right there," Luke called, not taking his wide eyes off of his mother.
Leia put her hands on her mother's shoulders. "Mother..." she said in a hesitant voice, "...there's...there's one more thing you still don't know."
Padme's heart jumped. "What?" she said in an urgent voice. "What is it?"
Leia took a deep breath.
"Naboo is not part of the New Republic."