A/N: You guys are awesome. Your reviews amuse me. And no, Mary, it doesn't go quite like that – although that argument does come up a tad bit later.

Have fun with this one, you lot.
Xx

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November 21

2:15 PM
Status: Surprised

You know, today, it took me a couple of minutes longer than usual to figure out what I wanted my status to be, when I wrote it in the line above. Obviously, I decided on "surprised" but I think a more accurate description is "surprised/astonished/brooding/confused/conflicted/annoyed-at-myself-for-feeling-this-way" but I figured that was a bit long.

The reason for this is quite straightforward and traces back to the prefect's meeting I had to attend at one this afternoon. I really didn't want to go, but it's one of those tiresome Head duties I'm stuck with this year, and I had to sit there in the room and pretend I cared about the dull conversation we were having.

Or, rather, that Annie Potent was having.

I rather think that Annie Potent ought to take my job over for me. I think Annie Potent is going to be the best Head Girl Hogwarts has ever seen, by the time she's old enough to take the post. I think Annie Potent is going to grow up to be a lawyer, a Ministry department head, and the CEO of a big company by the time she is twenty five. I think Annie Potent puts me to shame.

During the meetings, Annie Potent is the only one who talks. She conducts all the business I'm supposed to be conducting. And the best thing about her is that she doesn't need responses to keep rambling – she asks questions and answers them herself as well. The other prefects are more than happy to doze off and let her have at it (which is inevitable) but I find that she lulls even me and James to sleep, which is saying something because we're both trying our best to be responsible.

The whole meeting, I don't think I said anything after I started it off. Annie took my lead and flew with it, talking herself into a frenzy. I know I should feel bad about it, but I don't, because it's so bloody boring. Annie actually enjoys it. Ah well. At least I'm giving her practice for when this becomes her job one day.

Once the damn thing was over, I don't think the relief could have been more tangible in our little room. We all got up immediately and Annie bid us all good-bye instead of me. I didn't mind. I was almost out the door when suddenly, I heard the sound of a young girl sobbing quietly inside.

My first thought was the Hufflepuff prefect, Kate Patterson. She had been a bit red-eyed throughout the meeting, but I hadn't thought much of it. I slowed on my way out of the doorway, listening, and I was considering going back in to see if she was all right when I heard a second voice asking exactly that question.

I knew that voice anywhere, but I peered inside anyway, and found that James Potter was sitting beside Kate Patterson and asking, gently, what was going on.

I couldn't move. I remained rooted to the spot, curious to know how this scene would play out, and shamefully I watched, praying neither of them would look up and see me.

"C'mon, Kate, you can trust me," James coaxed her. "What's going on? You can talk to me, I can keep a secret."

Tears were still streaming down Kate's face, but she considered the offer seriously. Of course she did. This was the good-looking, charismatic Head Boy, taking time out of his day to ensure her emotional health wasn't too damaged. I think I'd consider the offer too.

She waited a few seconds, but she sniffled, "Okay. I guess I could tell you…"

"I want to know," he said, so earnestly that I could feel the empathy from the door.

Kate wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She was feeling the empathy too. "It's silly," she admitted, looking him in the eye.

"Nothing's silly if it makes you feel enough to cry," said James. "Is it a boy?"

"See, I told you it was silly – you could tell right away what I was upset about!" Kate's blue eyes were large and watery as the tears began welling up again.

"Boys are not a silly matter," said James with complete seriousness. "They can be real bastards sometimes, and you're a tough girl – there couldn't be anything else that would make you cry."

His words were honeyed, but they did the trick and they sounded true, and Kate responded with a cough and another wipe of her eyes. In her vulnerability, his words made sense to her, and I wondered how he knew what to say.

"So tell me," he said. "What did this boy do?"

"He was my boyfriend for six months," said Kate. "We were going great and we really liked each other. But this morning…this morning, I w-went to get something from my dormitory before breakfast, a-and I saw him in a corner of the c-common room, s-snogging some other girl like his bleeding life d-depended on it. I b-broke up with him and now I m-miss him terribly!"

Kate's lower lip was trembling as if in a hypothermic freeze and I could see she was trying her very best not to burst into tears again. From the angle I had on James's face, he appeared to be utterly sympathetic.

"Aww, Kate, I'm so sorry," he said genuinely. "What an idiot."

"But I l-l-love him!" she wailed.

"There are plenty of other guys out there," James assured her. "I mean, come on. A pretty girl like you is sure to get a lot of offers. Maybe he just wasn't the right guy."

Kate sniffled again. "Thanks for trying, James, but I love him and he doesn't love me and I don't want another guy – I want him."

James gave her a pat on the shoulder. "C'mon, Kate, pull yourself together. I know you're better than this. You'll be dating again in no time. You're only fifteen. You're going to be okay."

I don't know how she wasn't comforted by that. The way he said it, the way he had his hand on her shoulder the whole time…she's mighty ungrateful if she didn't appreciate that. But, luckily, she seemed to accept his words and rewarded his patience with a watery, but real, smile.

"Thanks," she repeated, this time with feeling.

"Hey, no problem," said James easily. "Thanks for confiding in me. I know that can't have been easy."

Kate's smile turned modest and she gave James a hug. He gave her a little squeeze and then they got up to walk out together. By this point, I remembered with a jolt that I was supposed to be gone, so I fled down the corridor, the emotion bubbling in my stomach and making its way up my throat.

I guess the reason I feel so surprised/astonished/brooding/confused/conflicted/annoyed-at-myself-for-feeling-this-way is just because this is yet another side of James that I am not accustomed to seeing.

This whole year, thus far, James has been surprising me every step of the way, with his sincerity and his sweetness and his general graciousness. He has been nothing short of fantastic, keeping up his end of bargains and never leaving me hanging, or angry, or upset. I thought I could get used to it, adopt this James instead of the one that lives in my memories, but now this…

The fact of the matter is that James has changed. He is becoming a man. He comforts prefects who have had an unfaithful partner. And when I see that, the lead-heavy truth of it all hits me again and renders me speechless; because I don't know this guy and I'm not even sure why it's bothering me so much.

Things are changing. My life is changing. I just wish it wouldn't go quite so far quite so fast.

11:30 PM
Status: Exhausted but exhilarated

Give me a minute, I need to squeal for a little bit, get it out of my system:

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD.

ARGHH!!!

Okay. Much better.

Sorry, it's just…there was a lot of stuff going on this evening and I had to let off some steam. Allow me to try my best to explain what's been going on since I last wrote.

I'll start at the beginning of the whole affair – patrolling.

I know today is Saturday, and therefore it's not my day to patrol, but we had a complication with Mavis and Jonathon, and they couldn't make the patrol. So, of course, James and I had to take over for them – but only this one night.

While we patrolled, James and I were talking (duh) and somewhere in the middle of the patrol, he asked me about the Slug Club.

"So, I understand you're in it?" he asked.

"Yeah, why?"

James shrugged. "I'm friends with Sean and he was complaining about how Slughorn's having another one of his get-togethers around Christmas-time."

"Yes, he is," I confirmed. "He was going to have one around now, but he decided he'd have a really big one in honor of the holiday season. He plans on having it the day before we all leave and hinted we might have live entertainment."

"That sounds exciting," he said with a smirk.

I snorted. "His parties aren't all bad," I said reasonably. "They're annoying, certainly, but I could think of worse things to do with my evenings off. Like homework."

"Eurgh, homework," said James, wrinkling his nose. "Can't stand the stuff. I do it, because Remus is my friend and probably appreciates it more than the teachers, but I hate it."

"Same, but Livvy's the Hitler on my end," I said. "She's insane. She loves to get homework done."

"I have never understood that," said James.

"Me neither," I said, "but if there's one thing I hate more than doing homework, it would be doing homework in the morning. I'm more of a night person – I can't make my brain work properly before eleven AM."

James chuckled. "I have to have music on when I do my work," he said. "Otherwise, it's too quiet and I get distracted. Which is the opposite of what you'd think."

"Alice taps her foot when she's working," I said. "It's the most bloody annoying thing in the world. I get terribly distracted when there's noise around me."

"I can't work when I'm cold," James said. "I hate the cold. I really, really hate it. This time of year is when I feel the crappiest, because winter is the worst season ever. When I'm old enough to get my own place, I'm moving to South America. Or Africa."

I giggled. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," he said. "I'm not kidding, I hate being cold. My mum used to think I had a phobia of it or something. What would that be called?"

"Coldaphobia?" I suggested.

James chuckled. "Yeah…or iceaphobia."

"Chillaphobia," I said.

"Now I really want to know the scientific name for it," mused James. "Hmmm…what could it be…?"

While he was mulling this one over, we turned a corner and I happened to glance near the ceiling. I could swear I saw something move. My heart taking a leap into my stomach, I automatically came nearer to James, feeling the anxiety constricting my internal organs. James was nonplussed.

"Hey, Lily, are you okay?" he asked.

"I thought I saw something move," I said. "I have bugaphobia. Big time."

"Really?" This interested him. "But you work with them all the time in Potions."

"It's when they're alive that I have a problem," I admitted, remaining close to him as we walked along the corridor.

"For me, it's only certain crawly things," said James very conversationally.

"I hate crawly things." I pushed him gently until we were walking on the side of the corridor, farthest away from the offending wall.

James grinned slightly. "C'mon, Lils, let's get your mind off of this," he said. "What were we talking about? Chilla—"

And it was at this point when I saw the movement again. I screamed aloud and almost shoved James against the wall.

"What was that?" I cried out, my eyes wide with horror.

"Lily, calm down!" he said. "Here, let me go take a look."

He eased me away from his side and approached the wall with his wand out, searching the stones for any sign of life. I shrank back against the opposite wall, my sense of bug-fear far surpassing my sense of pride.

He was about to call it quits and resume the patrol – he was turning around and his mouth was opening to say something – but I saw another movement and I shrieked, "LOOK!"

James whirled around in time to see a tiny creature dart down to the ground where we were standing and it was only now that we saw what it was – a lizard.

Lizards. I have a mortal fear of lizards. They are right up there with spiders.

My first instinct: Scream bloody murder.

So obviously, I did that, screamed my lungs out, and I instinctively reached out for James's arm. But what I wasn't prepared for was James doing the same thing I was – screaming and reaching for me.

The two of us were too petrified by the lizard to think – I clung to him, my arms around his neck and face in his shoulder, and he held me like I was a life raft in the middle of a storm against his side. He was the one with his wand out, so he wildly shot Stunning Spells at the ground where the lizard had been, shouting the words as though that was going to help.

The tiny lizard on the ground was about as scared as we were. It kept squirming about, terrified of the red sparks James sent at it, and it fled away from us, back the way we came. James shot a couple of extra Stunners, to be sure, but the lizard was safely away from us and the coast was clear.

"Oh Merlin," I croaked, my voice harsh and breathy thanks to my terribly heavy breathing. "I h-hate lizards."

"They're one of the c-crawly things that scare the living shit out of me," James informed me. His face had gone an ashy white.

"I told you I saw something move," I whispered.

We were quiet then, for what felt like several minutes or hours or something long. But, as we stood there, horrified, I realized quite belatedly that I was clutching James Potter and practically climbing on top of him to avoid the ground.

Utterly embarrassed, I loosened my grip and stood properly on my own two feet. James, realizing this fact more belatedly than me, also let me go, a faint blush on his pale cheeks.

He coughed loudly and said, "Erm…all right then. Wow. You really did see something move over there."

"I told you so," I said faintly.

James sighed and put his hands in his pockets. "So…do you want to call it quits and leave early?"

"Sounds good," I said. "See you later?"

"Sure thing." He nodded.

The two of us turned around and walked back the way we had come. James decided to go to his dormitory and we parted ways, because I wanted to go to the Gryffindor girl's dorm to see Alice and Livvy. When I found out about the surprise patrol and told them, they said to meet me back in the dorm.

My head still full of the lizard incident, I floated upstairs to the dormitory; and when I got in, I was astonished to find both of my friends well and awake, and sitting on Alice's bed, and talking excitedly with lots of hand gesturing and squealing.

For Alice, this isn't exactly uncommon behavior; but for Livvy, it's the farthest thing from normal. This had to be huge.

"Hey girls," I said. "What's going on?"

"Lily! Finally!" Livvy turned towards me, her face shining like there was some hidden light behind it turned onto full blast. "Come here, I have to tell you something!"

"What? What's going on?" Her frenzy was practically tangible – I scurried over to the bed and sat with my friends, my curiosity irretrievably aroused.

"You know how Livvy and Russell—" Alice began.

"Oh, Alice, shush – I want to tell her!" said Livvy breathlessly. "I mean, it's all thanks to you, Lils, as always…"

"Wait, so what—?"

"I'm getting to that," interrupted Livvy. She was massively jumpy, which must mean something amazing has happened. I had a pretty good idea of what it was, but I figured I'd let her tell me herself. There's nothing worse than a spoiled surprise.

"Okay," she said. "You know how me and Russell were at that weird crossroads, where we didn't know if we liked each other and what we were going to do about James and Quidditch?"

"Yes," I said slowly.

"And how you told me to go talk to him?"

"Yes," I repeated, just as slowly.

"Well…" Livvy paused dramatically for a split-second before she announced, "I did talk to him!"

"And how did that go?" I could feel my excitement growing, but I didn't want to overdo it until Livvy was done, so that she could have the pleasure of dangling this information over my head. Sometimes, you just have to humor your best friend to make her happy. Livvy rarely ever has news like this.

"Well," said Livvy, her voice barely containable, "I tried to think like you. I tried to be bold. I saw him in the evening, in the common room with his friends, and I marched right up to him. He asked me what was up and I said I needed a word, right now."

"Wow, Livs, well done," I said, grinning. "So did you use the script we made together?"

"I was running it through my mind when I was walking up to him," said Livvy, "but when I actually had him alone, standing in front of me in the flesh, I couldn't remember a word of it. So I had to improvise. I knew you and Alice are always telling me to be straightforward and honest, so I asked him right off the bat if he liked me."

"I was so proud when she told me she channeled our advice," added Alice fondly. "Our little Livvy is growing up."

"So what did he say?" I wanted to know.

"He looked confused, like he didn't know how to answer, so I clarified and asked if he fancied me," said Livvy.

"Wow," I said again, thoroughly hooked on her tale now. It was like my own personal soap opera, being narrated to me by one of my best friends. "What'd he say to that?"

"To be honest, I can't recall all the specifics, since I was so nervous and couldn't even believe it was happening," said Livvy. "But I mean, we talked and he said he did fancy me – he'd fancied me for a while, imagine that! – and he said the only reason he didn't say anything was because of James and the team. I told him the same went for me, but I wanted to know how he felt. He said he really, really liked me and he had wanted to ask me out for ages…so I told him to do it, ask me out."

"And did he?"

"Yes!" exploded Livvy. "We decided we don't give a damn what James says and we're going to see each other, but in private. That way, if James finds out, we can tell him that it didn't affect our game in the least, because he didn't even suspect it. We're only going to be together at night, though, just to be safe. During the day, we aren't supposed to know each other."

I blinked. "Wait, so let me get this straight – you are going to be having a secret night-affair with Russell so that you can both play Quidditch and have a boyfriend?"

"Yes," said Livvy proudly. "Isn't that exciting? I know I'm excited. Russell is…everything to me. I don't want to stay apart. I want to see where we go."

She looked at me expectantly, waiting for my outburst, since I'd clearly been harboring one for a while. But it didn't come. All the joyful, bubbly happiness that came from the idea of Livvy having a boyfriend was quickly extinguished by her resolution to have an underground relationship.

I said, "Livs…I'm happy for you and Russell, I really am, but do you think it's a good idea, keeping it a secret?"

"How else are they supposed to do it, Lily?" asked Alice. "I mean, James isn't going to be pleased about this and Livvy shouldn't have to choose between a boyfriend and a sport. The situation isn't ideal, but at least she gets to keep both in her life."

"And we'll be careful," said Livvy. "We won't be one of those irritating couples who can't keep their hands off each other. We're going to be good about it. We're going to talk and get to know each other and tell jokes and be together. Like I said, I don't know where this is going, but I don't want to let it die. I like him too much."

"I don't agree," I said. "I think you ought to talk to James about Russell, get this sorted out before it becomes a big problem."

"I think it's terribly romantic," said Alice. "She ought to chase it. She wants to love Russell, let her do it, Lils. What d'you think Romeo would've done if Juliet told him to talk to Mr. Capulet?"

"Are you seriously trying to compare James to a mad, grudge-filled Italian noble?" I asked incredulously. "And I don't think Romeo and Juliet is an apt metaphor, seeing as they both died and never got to be together."

"It was a passionate love story, which is what Livvy and Russell have," said Alice dismissively. "I like Russell. He's cute."

"Russell's cuteness aside, I think you ought to talk to James," I said. "That way, you can be out in the open and love him properly, instead of skulking around at night."

"Look, Lils, I know James is a nice guy, but he's dead serious about Quidditch," said Livvy. "You haven't seen him on the pitch. He's a slave-driver. If I breathe a word, he's going to go haywire and I'm not in the mood to diffuse that right now."

"Well, you have to tell him some time," I said. "And soon. You don't want to tell him when you're in too far with Russell and couldn't imagine a life without him. You don't know how this will end. If you are honest now, maybe he'll let you stay together."

"Lily, I know what I'm doing," said Livvy. "Like Alice said, this isn't ideal, but I'm not about to put my relationship at risk here. I love Quidditch and I love Russell and I'm going to make this work. You won't say anything to James, will you?"

"Of course not," I said. "It's not my secret to tell. You have to do that."

"What will it take for you to understand that I can't?" demanded Livvy.

"Livs, this is for your own good," I insisted.

"Let's wait and see how this goes," said Alice. "Maybe she'll tell him, maybe she won't. For now, let's rejoice in the fact that love has come for Livvy in the form of Russell Burgess and we need to tell the world that God exists, because clearly, a miracle has taken place. D'you think we could start our own religious sect?"

"Oh, shove off, Alice," said Livvy, going pink and giving Alice a kick.

"Jerk," I added, grinning and kicking Alice as well.

"It's a statement of fact – this is a miracle!" said Alice, unabashed and utterly unaffected by our kicks. "Livvy is in love! Who knew we'd see the day?"

Livvy blushed. "Well, I mean, I like him, but I'm not sure…"

"Enough, Alice," I said, giving her a pat on the shoulder. "But hey, I do have some news that may interest you and your mad matchmaking impulses."

"Did you pin James up against a wall and proclaim your undying love?" asked Alice with interest.

I smirked. "Well, not exactly…"

Livvy stared at me as if I had personally amputated my own legs. "You told him you loved him?"

"Of course not," I said briskly.

I went on to tell them about the lizard incident during the patrol and how we both reacted to it. I ended up being quite right – Alice was thoroughly amused that James and I share a fear of lizards and spent the next half hour talking me and Livvy to death about how perfect James and I would be together. But otherwise, I'm back in my dormitory with this diary, getting ready to go to sleep in the next few minutes because it's late and I'm tired.

There's plenty I could write about now – how irritated I am that Livvy is going to be an idiot and keep her relationship with Russell a secret, how irritated I am that Alice insists I am in love with James Potter, how much I don't want to exert or think or feel at the moment – but I figure, it's all better left unspoken. I'm just frustrated and ranting is not going to help a thing. I have a Sunday to sleep through tomorrow.

I'll write again soon when I'm feeling a bit better and it's not practically midnight.

'Night.

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A/N: Review button is right down there. Go click it and type. I dare you.