Disclaimer: All belongs too JKR

A/N: Alright, I'm going to skip the apologies for being late spiel and get to the story submitting. Enjoy :)

Chapter 21: Lessons of Pain and Panic

I followed Harry down the hall silently until we found ourselves, ironically, back in that same classroom in which I first revealed my deeper secrets. We sat in empty desks and didn't speak for a while. Finally, I began.

"Well, when we arrived at Draco's we met him... and then we-we all had dinner together." I said quietly.

"You ate dinner with him?" He asked incredulously.

"Er- yeah." I mumbled in response, not sure of how to continue. How could I explain his civility to Harry? "There's something about him... he knows how to behave in proper society, yet- when you're around him you know."

"Know what?"

"That he's evil." I cringed, just thinking about him, "And his eyes... oh Harry his eyes!" I cowered at the thought of the snake-like red slits that haunted my dreams.

He put an arm around me comfortingly, "I know Pansy, I know."

I had almost forgotten that Harry had seen him in this form as well. "We trained."

"Trained?"

"To become Death Eaters." I replied, emotionlessly.

"But you're just kids!" He exclaimed in shock.

"I know- but he doesn't think so, and neither do the rest of them. We're to be given the mark this summer..."

"No! That will not happen!" He jumped up, and yelled. I grabbed his arm lightly, and pulled him back down.

"You're right- it won't." He looked at me quizzically, wondering if I had more to say. I didn't add to my statement, I knew that if Harry knew what I was considering, he would never let me go through with it.

"So you trained...?"

"Yes, they taught us horrible curses, and they plan to teach us worse ones in the summer. They used them on us... and... and..." I began to shake, having flashbacks.

"Pansy, it's okay- you can tell me." He rubbed my back soothingly.

"But I can't." I shook my head. I couldn't tell him what Voldemort did to me. He would lose control. "Not this time Harry, but I think the D.A. needs to know these curses- so they'll be prepared for them."

"The curses, what were they like?"

For the next half hour I explained to Harry-in detail- how we trained, which curses we used, and a little bit about the Death Eaters who trained us. "Harry- Amycus and Alecto- I'm not so sure they chose to be Death Eaters..."

"Pansy, you know they had a choice..." He sighed.

"But what if they didn't?! Just like Draco and I are being forced to, maybe they were as well. What if they're just fighting on the wrong side?" I had been, for a long time, trying to rationalize the decision of Alecto, Amycus and Rowle. It seemed that they were just sticking together because they needed each other, almost like Draco and I. The other Death Eaters were cruel and heartless, but that didn't hold true for the three of them. Amycus and Alecto loved each other very much, it was obvious that they would do anything for the other. Draco and I also had our suspicions about deep feelings between Alecto and Rowle, whether or not they even realized it.

"Regardless, they are Death Eaters now..." I just held back anything else I had to say, there would be no arguing with him.

"Pansy you're right, the D.A. needs to know about these curses, but I can't teach it to them." He gave me a look I didn't understand.

"But Harry, you must! How will they-" He held up his hand to stop me.

"I don't know those spells. Pansy, you need to teach them." He looked into my eyes with an expression of complete seriousness.

"I-I..." I was shocked, how could I possibly teach them this? They all hated me to begin with. How would I explain to them how I know these curses?

"I know you can Pansy."

"Harry... what if they asked how I learned them- which you know they will." I looked at him expectantly.

"The Slytherins use them against each other while they're dueling." He provided.

"No! What kind of friends would hurt each other like that?!" I gave him a cross look.

"Er... sorry. You found them in a book."

"So I decided to start practicing dark magic?" My expression portrayed serious doubt.

"Extra credit paper for Snape that he only provides for Slytherins..."

"How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"Er... never mind. That could work. But... you really think I can do this?" I honestly didn't think I could do this. What if they refused to learn from me? George had tried to apologize to me earlier, but I just pushed him away. Now I would have to make it up to him if I wanted his support.

"I have faith in you."

We stood in front of the doors leading to the Room of Requirement. I began to back away, but Harry nudged me forward. "You're with me Pan, no one's gonna hurt you. Not while I'm around." He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly before pushing the door open. I tensed immediately. Everyone was looking at us. Some with looks of disgust, some with disinterest, but George was smiling. So naturally, I smiled back and relaxed.

"Okay everyone, since last week we just reviewed everything we learned before break, today we'll learn something new. However today, I will not be teaching you. Pansy will." He nudged me forward a little.

"Er... hi." The room was dead silent. They stared at me in awe. Then an outbreak of arguing and yelling and laughing and all kinds of noise and body language suggesting the idea was ludicrous.

"Oi! Listen to the girl!" Someone yelled, then the noise ceased as every head in the room turned to Ron Weasley. "Well..." His face turned bright red. "It might be useful... knowing things that Slytherins know..." Then there were whispers as everyone discussed the advantages. Finally they turned back to me. They stared for a minute before someone coughed to signal my speech.

"Right. Well er... you need to know what you'll be up against. Death Eaters- they know dark spells that we don't. If we were ever to be hit with one, we would need to know what to do right?" I looked around the room, there were nods of agreement.

"That's all fine and everything, but how exactly do you know these dark curses?" This time instead of looks of disapproval, Smith earned looks of assent.

"Professor Snape gives Slytherins opportunities for extra credit... I chose to write on dark spells... mostly so I could learn about how to defend myself against them should the Dark- You Know Who- ever return." My story was complete rubbish, but it was all I could give them.

"So we should just assume that when you practiced them you did it on yourself?" Someone asked with doubt.

"Look, I don't care if you believe me. These are things you need to know. Now, do you want to learn them or not?" I put my hands on my hips and probably took on a look that would challenge Granger's infamous expressions.

"We do." Some one said and they all agreed.

"Good." I smiled and took a deep breath, "Okay, now normally we would be pairing off however the effects of this curse are painful so first I'm going to need a volunteer." I looked around the room, no one seemed to want to assist with this one. "Don't worry, this isn't going to hurt, I'm only going to show you what the curse looks like."

Ginny Weasley stepped forward. I hesitated, but beckoned her towards me. The room was now divided in half with Ginny and I standing in the center.

"Okay everyone this first part is the most important while we're in this room. I'm going to cast a heavy cooling charm on Ginny in just a moment, if you forget this part then your partner will be in intense pain and you do not want that." I faced the red head and quickly cast a cooling charm on her, she started shivering and turning blue.

"Okay Ginny, I know you're freezing right now, but it will only be for a moment. Now I'm going to cast the curse, you'll feel a prickling sensation, and you'll warm up a bit." I pointed my wand to her, internally crossing my fingers that something didn't go wrong. "Reptans Ignus."

Suddenly she stopped shivering and her body started to glow with the little fire worms that were created with the curse. I heard gasps as everyone inched closer to get a better look.

"Its sort of pretty..." Some stupid girl pointed out.

"No," I said firmly, which caught the room's attention. "Ginny, you alright?"

"Fine," She replied with a look of bewilderment, "I feel like these things are crawling all over me, it's strange... but you're right; warm."

"It's not pretty," I turned to look at the girl who had spoken earlier, "because if I hadn't put the cooling charm on Ginny, her entire body- inside and out, would feel like it was burning in hell." I turned back to back to Ginny and removed the curse, followed by the cooling charm, in which she sighed in relief.

"That was very odd..." She looked around the room, then back to me, "But we need to know how it feels, don't we? I want you to use the curse on me." Gasps and shouts of no sounded from her brothers.

"No Ginny, I'm not going to hurt you..." I shook my head.

"You're the one who said we need to know what we'll be up against!" She exclaimed in disbelief.

"I know I said that but..."

"But what? You're just a coward Parkinson!" I looked at the little Weasley in hurt.

"Gin." Suddenly George was next to me, hand on my shoulder. "That wasn't nice. Besides, you know Fred and I wouldn't let anyone hurt you."

"You're right. You do need to know what you're up against but..." Immediately I threw up my wand and muttered Expelliarmus, "It's better to know techniques of defense," I caught her wand in one hand, "rather than knowing how bad it feels to have pained inflicted on you."

Everyone gasped at my reflexes, as well as her lack of. She looked down and shame and mutterd an apology to floor. I walked up to her and held out her wand. "The only way to defeat evil is to be the opposite. We don't want to be like them Ginny." She looked up at me in admiration and took her wand.

"Thanks Pansy." I smiled. That was the first time she spoke my first name, and it wouldn't be the last.

After the meeting that night, I was cornered by Fred and George. "Well done Parkinson." They said in unison.

"Er... thanks guys..." I muttered trying to sneak away.

"Not so fast," Fred spoke, while they both grabbed my arms. "We're here to apologize. I know my brother here tried to before, but like now, you tried to push him away. It's not going to happen this time."

I sighed and relaxed, letting them have the time they wanted with me.

"Pansy, I'm sorry we hurt you and blamed you for what we knew wasn't you're fault. We understand now how difficult it must be living in two different worlds." George explained.

"You've no idea..." I muttered in agreement.

"You're right, we don't. Which is why you can't keep pushing us away like this. We're you're friends." Fred commented.

I sighed, a tear falling from my eyes. "I guess I don't know how to be close to someone very well." I replied, looking down in shame.

George lifted my chin up, "You've nothing to worry about Pan, we're here now, and we're not going anywhere."

They both leaned in to hug me, and I felt more tears escape from my eyes.

The next D.A. meeting Harry, Ron, and Hermione came in levitating a large, rattling trunk. Everyone looked on in confusion, some with curiosity.

"We need to learn to face our fears. Remember when Professor Lupin brought in that boggart? Well Hermione, Ron and I managed to catch one. So today we're going to learn to face our greatest fears." Harry explained to the D.A. during our next meeting.

This would be easy, the last time my boggart was of me turning into a snake. I knew I'd be able to face this well.

I was up first though, and suddenly my stomach dropped, I was dreading what it may turn into, and soon my darkest fears came true. I stood shaking, and immobile as the room watched the boggart turn into Voldemort- wand pointed at me, the word crucio escaping his lips. Suddenly, it was over and I was crying, and someone was holding me. It was Harry. I looked up, regaining my senses. Every one was staring at me in shock.

"Was that...?" Someone asked distantly.

"Yes," Harry spoke grimly, "That was Voldemort." The entire room gasped d squeaked.

"Did he..." Harry spoke lifting my chin. I just nodded my head. I knew the others close by could see it.

"How does she know what You Know Who looks like?" Someone asked.

"Yeah, I bet she's in cahoots with 'im!" That was last straw for Fred and George. Suddenly two identical bodies launched toward Smith. They began to punch and kick him, and I knew they'd beat him to a pulp if I didn't interject. I stood up and pushed Harry away slightly.

"Stop it!" I yelled, "Just stop."

Immediately they stopped and I noticed every face was turned towards me. Questioning looks among them all. "Yes," I said with a voice of power and strength that I didn't know I could muster, "Yes I have had the displeasure to look upon his wretched face. No, I'm not going to tell you how this came about, it's quite sensitive to me and you would do well not to prod. Now Harry, let's continue this lesson. It's very important that everyone knows to do the opposite of what I just did when facing your fears." With my near-command, the lesson continued and I found my way to the back of the room to watch.

It turned out that I wasn't the only one who's fears had changed since the last lesson. Harry didn't demonstrate because we all knew his would also be Voldemort, and none of us could take the shock of seeing him again. Ron's fear of spiders had changed to become a sort of a constantly changing mess. His fears were many, so his greatest was unknown. Hermione's was interesting. Her boggart took the shape of the Dark Mark, so she feared Murder or something akin to it. The others made comments on their changes as well.

Shocking enough was Ginny's who turned into a very familiar handsome young man whom I couldn't place, but Harry could. However, unlike me and alike the rest of them, she was able to rid her boggart. Next up came George who's boggart took the shape of his own dead body, but upon quick realization the body was Fred, and in turn Fred's boggart was the dead boy of George. This sight shook me to the core, and I had to suppress a sob at the sight of either one of them in such a position.

"I think... I think we're done for today," Harry commented gravely.

No one objected, and they all calmly made their way out of the room. "Pansy, can you stay back please?" Harry asked, and I stopped, along with Fred, George, Ron and Hermione. "Guys... you need to go."

Suddenly there were objections. I knew they all heard what had passed between Harry and I earlier. "Harry's right. Fred, George, could you please go?" I asked with a horrible weight of regret in my heart.

I saw their expressions of hurt and betrayal.

"I'm sorry, but this discussion is not for today guys," I told them with the most sympathy I could muster, but their faces just hardened with resolve, and I knew I had lost them. They left without another word and I turned to Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"I don't understand why you trust us..." Ron stated.

"Because I trust Harry and you are his best friends." I stated clearly. "You want to know what happened over my holiday?" They all nodded, "Then I'll tell you." This time I explained in full detail the extent of my stay at the Manor over break, and I ended in tears, describing the torture I received from Voldemort.

"That twisted-"

"He wants you to join his ranks at seventeen!" Hermione exclaimed.

I nodded, "Along with Draco, and a select other of our classmates. Most of them are too keen to join, while others like Draco and myself dread it with our very lives."

"Who would have thought the bugger had some sense." Weasley commented.

"You mean who would have thought he isn't the twisted git you think he is?" I asked sternly.

"Er..." Ron stuttered.

"Look, Draco is a good kid. It isn't his fault his family is so messed up." I replied in annoyance at the Weasley boy's ignorance.

"Sorry, it's just hard to see it when he's been such a git as long as we've known him." He retorted.

"I can understand that."

"So what are you going to do?" Hermione asked.

"I-I don't know." I lied.

"Yes you do, you have a plan don't you?!" She exclaimed in realization.

"I don't!" I defended.

"Pansy, are you planning something?" Harry asked, offended.

"No-er- yes. I don't know! Maybe." I replied, feeling overwhelmed.

"You don't think I'll approve do you? That's why you won't tell me..." He accused.

"No!" I jumped up in nervousness, "I need to go."

"I'll find out!" He called after me, and I turned briefly to give a smirk.

"Sure you will." With that, I opened the doors and headed to the Slytherin common room.

A/N: Ooooo craziness going on in the DA! Did you catch my references? I felt like having some fun, so tell me if you found them :) Next update should come... soonish? Hope you enjoyed it!