Disclaimer: The Twilight saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended. The original plots and characterizations in this story belong to me.
Many thanks go to Bronzehairedgirl620 for betaing yet another chapter. Check out her new piece 'Catalyst'. Once again she owns me with her ability to weave an awesome story that I can't get enough of.
Mirage
Chapter Twenty-one
The Letter
Edward POV
Opening the letter, I noticed it was dated October 17, 1918; the day after my father had succumbed to the flu. I remember Carlisle later telling me the day was called 'Black Thursday,' nearly 400 people having died that day in Chicago and 1200 more contracting the flu. The numbers were staggering for a 24-hour period. He told me there were no hearses available, the number of dead was so heightened. Many people had perished that day; they couldn't keep up with the demands. The patients in the morgue, my father included, were taken away, piled into trolleys draped in black.
I sat on the edge of their bed and unfolded the sheet of parchment.
My dearest son,
I'm writing this letter in the hope that you will overcome this horrid illness and make it home soon. I buried your father today. I had always hoped that when the time came, I would go first, as I can't imagine a single day of my life without him. Looking around me today, knowing so many are losing their fight, I can only hope to follow closely behind him. I haven't been feeling very well today and I believe Dr. Cullen will make me stay at the hospital once he sees the state I am in. They don't want anyone with the fever wandering the streets, infecting others. But today, I had to be strong and put on a good show. I couldn't let your father be laid to rest all alone, with none of his loved ones present. He was the love of my life and I would have gladly gone with him today, if not for you.
When you were younger, we approached Father James at St. Michaels. Neither your father nor I have siblings, and we wanted to make arrangements for your future. You are nearly a grown man now, Edward. I want you to know everything we've done, we've done for you. For your future. If anything happens, you still have a place to call home and money to take care of your needs for quite some time. You are young and healthy. There is no reason to doubt that you will come home when you're feeling better. Even though so many are falling ill, many are going home. I know it's only a matter of time until you become one of the lucky ones. Dr. Cullen has assured me he is doing everything humanly possible to make you well. Listen to him, son; do whatever he tells you to so that you can get well. He has promised me he will do everything in his power to save you. There is just something special about him that I can see. If anyone can save you, he will be the one to do it. I just know somehow. He's different from the other doctors.
Sweetheart, you are our bright and shining star. It has always made us proud to call you our son. You are an intelligent, compassionate young man. I know you think going off to war is glamorous. Your father and I have dreams of you attending university and becoming successful. We planned for your education all of your life. Please don't waste your talents. Be the best that you can be at whatever it is you choose to do.
I wish you and Lawrence had had the chance to grow up together. It breaks my heart that you had to be separated from him. It would give me great peace to know that you had found one another again, but I know that is not possible. I'm so sorry we have had to leave you all alone.
We have always openly showed our affection for one another around you. True love is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is nothing to hide. Grandmother Masen would have disagreed; perhaps she would've even told you that I was some sort of harlot. Edward, I hope you find that special young woman who makes your heart race,, your palms sweat, and makes you go weak in the knees every time she utters your name. Always be a gentleman. You know right from wrong - I raised you to understand values. Please never forget them. Don't be in a hurry to lose your virtue. I know in this day and age, it's acceptable for young men to sow their wild oats. Your marriage will be much more enjoyable if you discover each other for the first time. When you find the right girl, you'll know.
Please don't ever stop playing music; you are truly gifted. Share that gift with the world. Expressing yourself through music is a way to share your soul. You have the purest, most beautiful soul. Always be proud of who you are. Always remember we are proud of you!
If you're reading this letter, I have gone to be with your father. Know that we both love you more than life itself, and one day we'll all find one another again.
Love Always,
Mother
To say I was paralyzed would be an understatement. Apparently Carlisle hadn't wanted to rummage through my mother's things either, as he would have surely given me this many years ago had he seen it. I crawled onto my parent's bed again, under the bedclothes. I clutched the quilts around me and sobbed. I sobbed for my mother, the strong woman that she'd been, although father had been her other half and she couldn't bear to live without him. How I understood that sentiment. Perhaps she died of a broken heart. I sobbed for my father. He was such a loving, warm man. He wasn't afraid to show love or emotion, as some did in that time. And I sobbed for my brother Lawrence, who I never truly had the chance to get to know. His story was so much more tragic than the rest of ours. One day I would have to explain everything about him to Bella, but I was afraid she'd leave when she learned my truth.
I couldn't stop the shaking. I couldn't catch my breath, and for the first time in my life as a vampire, my face was wet with tears. I lifted my hand to wipe my cheek, and as I did, I was able to smell the venom. I'd never had a reaction like this before, but then again, not even when I left Bella behind did I have such an intense emotional collapse. Without ever reading this letter, without my human memories all these years, I had somehow managed to retain enough of my humanity to fulfill my parent's expectations of me.
Perhaps Bella and my family were right. Maybe I wasn't quite the monster I always condemned myself to be.
I lay like this for a long, immeasurable amount of time. I'm glad I didn't need to breathe. I'd be in trouble if I did.
I didn't hear Bella enter the room, but I heard her gasp when she found me in my parent's bed. Before she crawled in behind me, she touched my shoulder gently. "May I?"
I just nodded. I couldn't speak. She put her arms around me and pulled me close to her body. She whispered in my ear, telling me how much she loves me, how much she needs me and can't live without me. I am her everything. I wanted so badly to show her the letter, but it was so personal. It was almost like, for a short time, my mother was here with me, in this room, comforting me. It's uncanny how she could foresee some of the events that unfolded after her death, Carlisle told me she had asked him to do anything he had to in order to save me life. He said she was adamant that she knew only he could save me. Less than a week later, they were both gone and he did just as she asked. With that, my life became what it is today. And what about Bella - did my mother know I'd find my soul mate? Every parent wishes for that, but it's almost as if she knew.
I knew I couldn't sleep without Carlisle and his hypnotism, although I craved the peace that comes with slumber. Tonight, of all nights, I would benefit from a night free of my demons. I turned to Bella. She put her hand to her mouth and again, she gasped when she saw my tear streaked face.
"How?" She asked, awed.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Venom. I don't know why."
"You look terrible, Edward. I've never seen you like this. You're scaring me."
I didn't know what to say. I knew I was completely exhausted. I was spent. "I'm tired. I wish I could sleep."
"So sleep. You can do that now."
"I can't, not without Carlisle. He's almost home by now, no doubt."
Bella got up and padded across the room in her bare feet. She stopped at the very dresser I had taken the letter from, and picked up her cell phone.
I listened as she waited, speaking as someone answered on the other end.
"Carlisle, we've had a rough day. It's been an emotional rollercoaster ride for Edward, and he looks terrible. He needs your help."
She handed me the phone. "Carlisle." I nodded my head before realizing he couldn't see me. "Yes, please. Bella will be here to answer the phone. Before daylight, please. Remember I have a stop to make on my way home."
Carlisle asked to speak with Bella for a minute. I could hear him perfectly as he spoke. "Bella, as I talk to Edward and am putting him under, I need you to help him to relax. Rub his back, his shoulder, calming circles. Run your fingers through his hair. I don't want you to talk; he needs to concentrate on what I'm saying to him. As he requested, I'll call in a few hours to wake him. If he appears to be in distress at any time, call me immediately."
She handed the phone back to me. Bella scooted away from my body so she had the range of motion to use her hands to relax me. Honestly, I didn't know if I could relax enough tonight to submit to Carlisle, but I had to try.
Carlisle spoke in a calming voice. "Edward, I want you to listen to my voice and try to relax. While you're relaxing, I'm going to slowly count to five. When I get to five, you'll go to sleep."
Bella began to run her fingers through my hair with one hand, lightly scratching my scalp with her nails. With the other hand, she rubbed from my ear lobe to the top of my outer ear, back and forth along the shell, between her index finger and thumb.
"Relax your extremities, Edward. Fingers, toes - wiggle them a bit and allow them to rest. I'm going to start counting now. One. Lean back into Bella and feel what she's doing for you. Don't think, son. Feel. Relax your arms now, Edward. Two. You're getting drowsy, Edward; let the feeling take you over. Relax your legs."
Bella moved her hands to my shoulders and started to massage me soothingly.
"Three. You're finding it hard to stay awake, Edward. Relax. Let your body sink down into the bed. Four. You can't keep your eyes open anymore. When I snap my fingers, you'll wake up rested and relaxed. Five."
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Fugue Forgotten by lmbrtvll. Show her some love and Check. It. Out.