A/N: Oh my Goodness. I have been MIA for awhile, huh? I promise I'll try to not go a whole month without updating EVER AGAIN. It has been a crazy month, but I think things have finally settled down. Sorry if this chapter seems all over the place, but it has to set up a lot of things that are important for the plot! Thanks always to my amazing twinsie, Sarah, for making sure I pushed through this stubborn chapter so I could get to the next, and for being an awesome Beta! Love also to Deb, Gabi, and Ems!
And to you! Thank you so much for reading, and don't forget to follow me on tumblr! I'm LadeeFinchel!

"Son of a bitch, fairy face," Santana screeched, tossing her hands in the air, "You've gotta suck it up. It's been a week, okay?"

"I miss him, Santana!" Kurt wailed, tossing himself backwards onto the sofa and throwing his arm over his face, "It was like the universe was teasing me by letting us have a week together, and then it just took him away from me again."

I poked my head out from my bedroom where I had been hiding all afternoon, warming up my voice for the next day's competition. Sure, maybe I was just singing back up, but I was still Rachel Barbra Berry. No one would accuse me of bringing my team down by not being fully, one hundred percent prepared. I started down the hallway, but Santana held up a hand to stop me, standing over our best friend on the couch. She shook her head, glaring at me so I would get the hint to stay, before turning back to Kurt.

"Alright shiny," she said, planting her hands on her hips and glaring down at the heartbroken boy, "Mama 'Tana is done coddling your ass. You've got Rachel to hold your hand, but I'm gonna lay it to you straight, aight? You're being so damn overdramatic it's giving me a migraine."

"But Santana, it isn't fair! I-"

"Nope, I didn't give you permission to open your chirper, Hummel," she scolded, pulling herself up on the sofa and standing on it, pointing down at Kurt, "I know you miss him. But guess what? You'll see him in two and a half weeks. Two and a half weeks."

"Yeah, but-"

"No, but! You have a competition tomorrow, don't you? You want to be at the top of your game so NYADA doesn't realize they made a mistake in accepting a big ass cry baby, right?"

"You know I do, 'Tana!" Kurt yelled, still hiding his face as he wallowed. Santana sighed so deeply that it almost sounded like a growl before she started kicking his legs, pushing him off the couch.

"That's it, mama 'Tana tough love it is," she yelled, "Now move, move, move!" I tried not to giggle when she landed a kick in Kurt's side strong enough to send him toppling onto the floor.

"Ow, Santana! I'll have you know this is an Armani tee!" Kurt said, hopping up and dusting his bright white, long-sleeved t-shirt off before straightening the black vest over it. Santana glanced over her shoulder at me and winked. She really was quite sneaky. I knew she would have our Kurt back in no time.

"Is it? I don't know, the stitching looks damn shady to me." She teased, arching a perfect eyebrow as she stared down at Kurt from her elevated position on the sofa, "I think you got it from a street vendor somewhere and bleached it to make it look real."

"I'll have you know that I bought this at Armani Exchange!" Kurt huffed, crossing his arms to mirror Santana's stance, "I remember because it was my first venture into a designer store

I watched as Santana's glare melted first into a smirk, then the warm grin we had all grown to expect from her.

"Yeah you did," she said, mussing Kurt's perfect hair. He batted her hands away before running his hands over his hair, fixing it. He glared up at our friend, then understanding warmed his face.

"You sneaky little harlot!" he laughed, pointing a finger up at 'Tana as he laughed, "How did you come to know us so well?" New tears leaked from his eyes as he shook his head, still laughing. Santana shrugged and hopped off the sofa, wrapping her arms around Kurt's shoulders in a hug.

"I know it hurts," she shrugged, "not getting to see him all the time. But we're going to Lima in two and a half weeks, Kurtz. You'll see him then." She pushed him away playfully then swatted his butt, "Now go clean your face and come watch T.V. with me. Think there's a Judy Garland marathon on TCM tonight."
I brushed a kiss to Kurt's cheek as he passed me to go into his bathroom, then tiptoed into the sofa to lean over the couch.

"That was art, 'Tana," I teased, "True art. Finn and I have been trying to cheer him up all week."

"Yeah, by babying him," she smiled, shrugging as she searched through the sofa cushions for the remote, "sometimes people just be pushed back into happiness!"

Glee

I haven't seen you since this morning and you were asleep then. : ( I kissed you, though. Did you feel me in your dreams?

These rehearsals are brutal. I miss the ND.

Hey guess what! I love you. ; )

I wish I was singing with YOU tomorrow.

So it's 9:15 and she wants to do two more run throughs with me and Karrie. This woman's crazy.

I bet you're getting ready for bed. Okay. Well, if I'm not there to kiss you goodnight I'll give you extra 'good morning' kisses.

I stretched across the bed, my head resting on Finn's pillow in our dark bedroom as I scrolled through all the texts he had sent me that day. My phone had buzzed all day, and each text had brought a smile to my face, my heart tripping over his sweet words like we were still in high school. It always made me feel so secure to know that Finn missed me during the day just as much as I missed him, and I had texted him back quickly each time. My phone vibrated in my hand again, and I swiped my thumb over the screen to open the message.

What is beauty?

I raised an eyebrow at the question, then opened the keyboard. Before I could send my response about sunsets over the ocean and the freckles on his nose, my phone beeped with another message. I opened it, immediately melting when I absorbed the picture he had sent. Warmth ran from my heart in my chest outward to my limbs as I traced my fingers across the picture of my sleeping face, hair tangled and my mouth hanging open. Not attractive.

But there was my sweet husband, pressing his lips to my cheek as he snapped the picture, his eyes open and looking at me like I was something precious. It still shocked me sometimes, to think that Finn Hudson had chosen me. He always claimed that it was the other way around, but I knew better. He was sweet, and loving, and just good. It would never cease to amaze me that the awkward boy I loved had grown up to be my adoring husband. A third text rocked my phone:

Snapped this morning before I left. One more run through and I'll be home to you. Sweet dreams, Rach. I love you.

I quickly typed in a response, before cropping his face from the picture and making it my background. I smiled at it, glowing in the darkness, before rolling over onto my side, hugging his pillow. Butterflies tickled my stomach when I remembered the next day would mark my first competitive performance at NYADA. Sure, I was a background singer, but surely that was only temporary. Finn would be taking lead for Adelphi, and I couldn't wait to see him shine, even though I wish I could be the one singing with him. I missed that. Our voices blending together. I sighed and buried my face into the satiny material of his pillow case. It smelled like him, clean, fresh, and Finn, and help pull me into an easy sleep.

I'm not sure how long I had been sleeping when my eyes snapped open, my body startling awake. I peered into the darkness, my heart beating fast, sensing that I wasn't alone. I bit my lip, jumping when a warm arm slid around my waist before relaxing into the familiar embrace.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," Finn whispered, his lips brushing a spot just beneath my ear, "Guess I'm not very sneaky, huh?" I stretched, rolling over to face him. I ran my hands up his bare chest, unable to see him, then continued to trace them up to his face. I pressed my lips to his chin when I felt the smile on his face.

"I missed you," I said softly, pressing my cold toes to his calves under blankets, "It takes me forever to get to sleep when you're not in bed with me." I felt his laugh against my skin as he kissed across my cheek to my lips.

"I'm here now," he whispered against them, his breath warm and sweet. He brushed some hair away from my face, tracing his lips along my jaw. I twisted my fingers into the hair that curled slightly at the nape of his neck.

"Nervous about tomorrow?" He asked, his voice light as he tightened his arms around me. I looped one arm around his waist, shrugging in his embrace.

"Not really," I said truthfully, "I mean, I'm a little nervous just because this is on a whole other scale than what we're used to I guess. But I'm on background patrol. You're the one who should be nervous, Mr. Lead."

"You're going to NYADA, Rach," Finn pointed out, his fingers pressing slightly into the skin of my back, "Singing in the background is still a big deal there. Plus, we both know it's just a matter of time before you're their biggest star." I pressed my face into his bare shoulder, smiling.

"You don't know that," I murmured against his skin, running my hand down his side. He moved to lift my chin, even though I couldn't really see him in our dark room. He brushed his lips against mine, and I could feel his smile in the kiss.

"I do know," he argued, kissing me again, this time on the tip of my nose, "I've been telling you the same thing since we were 16, Rach. You're better than all of them. That doesn't change just because we're in New York. Then you'll just be stuck with the dumb guy that got lucky enough to be lead of Adelphi's show choir."

"Dumb guy?" I asked, shaking my head, "You mean my talented, incredibly handsome, young husband? You guys are going to blow us away tomorrow. Just because it's you."

"Well, if we do it's just because you're not taking lead," he said, brushing his fingers through my hair, "We wouldn't stand a chance." I giggled and pressed a kiss to his jaw.

"Well, you're right about that," I teased, snuggling closer to him, tucking my head beneath his chin, "It's going to be so weird competing against you. It's always kind of been the two of us against the world, not against each other."

"It's still us against the world," he said, "And we don't have to beat each other tomorrow. We just need to place. No big deal." He kissed my forehead. "I'll tell you what. We should go out and celebrate. After our teams place I mean. Just the two of us."

"Go where?"

"Wherever you want," he said easily, his voice sleepy as he spoke into my hair, "We'll get dressed up and hit the town or whatever. Because it is still us. Me and you. Then there's everyone else." I smiled and turned in his arms, backing up against him. He tightened his arm around my middle, and pressed sweet kisses into the skin of my neck.

"I like that," I murmured, lacing my fingers through his where the rested against my stomach.

"It's a date."

Glee

It was different.

Competing without Finn, singing in the background. Still, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face after our set. I giggled as Kurt and I hugged backstage, ecstatic to be performing for the first time in months.

"Jake was fantastic!" Kurt gushed, "We're moving on for sure!"

"Of course we're moving on," Jake, our lead, agreed coming up behind Kurt and patting him on the shoulder, "We're NYADA, New York's premiere theatre school, up against a bunch of public universities and community colleges. It's in the bag."

"I'll have you know there's a lot of talent out there, Jake," I argued, pointing to the curtains, "Some who could have just as easily had your spot at NYADA." I glared up at him, refusing to be intimidated by his experience.

"Whatever," he sighed after a few tense moments, rolling his eyes and turning to walk away. He slapped Riley a high-five, and my friend raised an eyebrow when he took in my expression.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked as Kurt looped his arm around my waist, trying to calm me down. I shrugged my shoulders, irrationally irritated with Riley, too. Did everyone at NYADA think that way?

"I'm just tired of arrogant assholes like Jake acting like the only talented people in this city are at NYADA," I complained, "I mean, I know I used to act kind of like that, but I know better now!" Riley laughed a little at me and shared a shrug with Kurt.

"Come on," Kurt said softly as the rest of our team began moving away to head back to our seats to watch the rest of the competition. I caught sight of Finn standing with Matt and a couple other friends from his team waiting to go on, and I pulled away from Kurt.

"Finn!" I whispered loudly trying to get his attention, "Finn!" He glanced up and smiled when I caught his eyes, blowing me a kiss.

"Break a leg!" I whispered, wiggling my fingers at him. He grinned and pointed to his eyes, then his heart, then finally me as he mouthed 'I love you.' I felt someone take my hand and the smile melt from Finn's face.

"Come on, Rachel," Riley said, tugging at my hand, "We've got to get to our seats." I glanced back at Finn, but he had already turned around. I felt the blood rush from my face when Karrie reached up to straighten his tie.

I followed the two boys to our seats and sat between them. I smoothed my palms over my dress, trying to calm down. I knew Finn wasn't interested in Karrie. He was married to me. He loved me. I held Kurt's hand while they performed, my heart pounding as Finn nailed his solo. I was so proud of him, and I knew there was no way I would be able to tell him that enough. We had watched him at their expo, yeah, but this was something else entirely. I recognized the gleam in Finn's eye; he was in competition mode. I had only ever seen him perform this way from the audience once, and I had almost forgotten how amazing he was to watch onstage. I felt a surge of pride as I reached for Kurt's hand. That man up there, the one with the amazing voice, warm heart, and bright smile was mine.

I was still holding Kurt's hand an hour later as they announced those who qualified to move on in competition. Adelphi was called first, and Kurt and I both jumped to our feet, cheering as Finn celebrated with his team. It was hard to reconcile my husband with the high school senior that had cried in my arms barely a year before, terrified that he wasn't good enough. If any of us deserved this, he did. We cheered again when NYADA was called, even though it irked me the way a lot of our teammates seemed to have just expected to go on. Couldn't they at least act excited.

"Where is he?" I asked, tugging at Kurt's hand as I dug him through the crowded center, searching for my husband's tall frame. I had lost track of him once everyone started moving out of the auditorium.

"Rachel, trust me," he griped, pulling me in the opposite direction towards the doors, "I don't care if my brother is taller than most, we'll never find him in this madhouse. We'll get you home so you can get ready for your big date, and Finn will find you there." I sighed and let him drag me out of the building.

Glee

"He's still not answering his phone," I cried, wiping away the worried tears that were starting to spill down my cheeks, "San, I don't know what to do!"

I paced from the living room to the kitchen, over and over, my tall black heels clicking against the tile. I worried my bottom lip with my teeth, sending Finn another frantic text. The 7 o'clock reservation I had made for the French café 'Amelie's' had past three hours before, and I still couldn't get a hold of him. I had started to worry when he didn't come right home after the competition, but that had bloomed into full-blown panic. What if he had been hit by some crazy taxi driver? Mugged and left for dead? Murdered in some back alley. I started to cry again as my thoughts became darker and, admittedly, more unlikely.

"Rachel," Santana snapped, stopping me as I passed her on my way back to the kitchen, "You've got to stop this. I'm sure Finn's fine. If anything he was arrested for that glazed over look in his eyes. One blow into a breathalyzer and the cops will see that's just how he looks all the time." I glared at 'Tana until Kurt pulled me away from her, sitting me down on the sofa beside him.

"First off," he said, bending over to slip my pumps off of my feet, "Take these shoes off. You can't calm down until you really relax. We'll find him, okay? Maybe he got lost on the train system. You know he's done that a couple of times before." Santana snickered.

"When we were new to the city!" I wailed, running my fingers through the hair that I had spent an hour styling into perfect curls, "He knows it like the back of his hand now, Kurt!"

"Well, look," 'Tana said softly, sitting on the other side of me, "All we can do is keep waiting. You've seen the movies, Little. No one's considered a missing person until-" The sound of a key in the lock on the front door cut her off, and all three of our heads snapped towards the noise. We stood up as the door swung open, revealing a grinning Finn.

"Hey!" He said, running into the room and lifting me in his arms and swinging me around the room, "We did it, baby!" I frowned as he put me down, able to smell the beer on his breath.

His eyes were glazed over, but not like they were in 'Tana's joke.

"You look really pretty," he said, still smiling, "Why are you all dressed up?" He waited for me to answer for a minute, then realization lit up his face. "Oh hell, Rach, I'm sorry! We had a date."

"Forget it," I said, shaking my head and turning to go back into our room. I blushed when I noticed Kurt and Santana had already locked themselves away in theirs. I could hear Finn following me down the hallway, but I ignored him as I unzipped my dress and let it fall to my feet. I gently pushed his hands away when they rested on my hips, pulling on a pair of shorts and a tank to sleep in.

"You're mad at me." He said. It wasn't a question.

"I'm just a little confused, Finn," I said honestly, "I mean, it was your idea remember? Or was keeping that in mind too hard for you?"

"Don't talk to me like I'm stupid, Rachel," he said, narrowing his glazed eyes as I turned around, "I just forgot."

"You just forgot." I laughed humorlessly shaking my head, "Why didn't you answer your phone, then?" He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his phone, showing me the black, blank screen.

"Dead, see?" He tapped on it, "Nothing."

"I thought you were freakin' dead or something, Finn," I yelled, frustrated, tossing my hands in the air, "Did you not think about letting me know you weren't coming home? Even if you did forget our date."

"I wasn't thinking!"

"No, you weren't. That's kind of become a common theme around here, Finn. You don't think, I cry." I rolled my eyes and stepped into our bathroom to wash the wasted make-up off of my face.

"I didn't mean anything by it, Rach," he groaned, standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

"You need to start thinking like a married man, Finn," I shot back, drying my face off on a towel, "Yeah, we're young, but we're not alone and young. This is a partnership. We have to tell each other things."

"I was out with my friends." He said, shrugging.

"Okay, and that's fine," I said, trying to stay calm, reminding myself that he had been drinking, "But you should have told me that. And probably done it on a night when you hadn't scheduled a date with your wife." He rolled his eyes and turned away from me, which offended me more than anything else he had said so far that night. "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you."

"Stop acting like my mom!" He yelled back, "Jesus, Rachel!"

"I'm just trying to talk to you, Finn. I was crying all night and you could have done something to fix that."

"I forgot. My phone was dead." He said, like that was the end of it.

"Oh, and none of your friends had phones?"

"Rachel, can you get off of my ass?" Finn growled, tossing his hands in the air and rushing out of our bedroom. I followed him, pain squeezing at my chest.

"No, Finn, you were the one who said we would always be honest with each other. No more lies. Last night you told me that after both of us got the chance to move on in competition we would go out to celebrate. Bow bridge, remember?"

"I forgot, Rachel!" He groaned, rolling his eyes, his words slurring a tiny amount, "Okay? That's all there is to it! I got swept away because it was so awesome to win, and then Matt was taking us to an early dinner, then we were back at his apartment drinking."

"To her apartment," I clarified, my eyes narrowing as I glared at my drunk husband.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He asked, " You've gotta deal with these issues with Karrie or whatever, Rachel Berry, 'cause she's my teammate now. And my friend."

"It's Hudson," I almost screamed, hurt. He had been so amazing lately respecting my feelings about Karrie, but with that one sentence it felt like we were back at square one and going nowhere fast.

"I don't think so!" He yelled back, "Rachel Hudson is my sexy, amazing wife who knows how much I love her and that I would never fucking cheat. Rachel Berry was my clingy ass, crazy high school girlfriend who just waits for me to look at another girl!" I took a step back, reeling as if he had physically slapped me. His anger melted away into horror when he realized what he said and he reached for me.

"Rach, I didn't mean-"

I wrenched my wrist from his grasp, pushing my palms against his chest. I ignored the hurt tears that slipped down my cheeks, trying to put as much space as possible between myself and Finn.

"Well, newsflash Finn Hudson," I yelled through my tears, "Both of those are the same person. They're me. No differences. Just because I may act confident, that's not always the case. Now you've given me more reason notto be." He reached for me again and I pushed his hands away, ducking under his arm.

"What I don't understand is why you never felt the need to tell me you felt that way. That you thought I was clingy, or crazy, or annoying." I wiped angrily at my wet cheeks, my voice shaking, "Why did you even marry me?"

"Because I love you, Rachel," he choked, tears forming in his eyes, "So much. I didn't mean what I said. You were always so amazing, and beautiful, and… and there for me. Even when I tried to push you away. That's not annoying or clingy, that's loving me. I don't know why I said that." He rubbed his hands over his face, now red from crying, "You taught me how to be happy, baby. I'm not sure I ever really way before you. You always wanted to be close, and for the first time in my life I knew that someone loved me just as much as I loved them. I knew you cared." He took a step closer and I held up my hand, crying silently as I shook my head.

"No, Finn." He paused, wiping his tears with the back of his hand, "I may be crazy, but not crazy enough to believe you didn't mean what you said before. I know you love me, too. What I don't know if it's enough if I bother you that much." With that I turned my back on him and hurried into our room, locking the door behind me.

A/N: Remember, Reviews=Love!