And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
"Too Close" by Alex Clare
Tempest – Chapter 21
The walk home was colder than Emma expected. After the surge of adrenaline had worn off, she felt the muscles in her jaw tighten and then her teeth begin to chatter. If she had a mirror, Emma could see that her lips were turning blue and the tearstained skin on her face was raw from the chill. Her red leather jacket was a flimsy barrier to the Maine November morning. The freezing stroll was making her whole body spasm from the exposure, and Emma feared that she might not make it home before she acquired frostbite or dropped dead. The prospect of just lying down and giving up on everything was mildly enticing. She let herself fantasize about it for a moment before shaking the thought loose. Emma had never been anything less than a fighter and she was dammed if she was going to change now. The thought of Henry finding out that she had frozen to death on the street forced Emma to continue the rest of the way.
It wasn't until she reached her apartment door that the blonde realized she must have left her keys at the mayor's house. Emma could see them clearly in her mind's eye lying under the four-poster bed where they must have landed when she took off her clothes. She rolled her eyes at herself. Swan, why do you always let this shit happen? Now what are you going to do? Emma didn't have an ounce of energy left, not even to pull her hands out of her pockets and knock. She turned to face the road, her back sliding down the front door. She had a sudden vision then of her keys, lying in the dark under Regina's bed, miraculously personified, the ring forming a twisted little mouth, laughing at her, her cell phone joining in, both mocking her, cackling with derision. She threw her head back in frustration, a loud thud banging against the wood. She pulled her legs into her chest, making herself into a little ball. She slumped forward onto her knees, closed her eyes. Her fight with Regina combined with the freezing cold and complete lack of sleep left Emma utterly empty.
"Emma!" Mary Margaret shrieked in surprise upon seeing the red leather ball of woman hunched over on her doorstep. She had come to investigate the strange thump she'd heard against her door and was mortified to find her roommate in a heap on the floor, barely alive.
"Are you hurt?" Without hesitation or waiting for a response, Mary Margaret rushed down to embrace Emma, taking the other woman's face in her hands, desperately seeking signs of life. She scanned Emma's face, her mouth a thin line of concern, and quickly evaluated the blonde's blue and red chapped skin. It was then that Emma noticed the gentle pressure and subtle warmth on her face and half-opened her eyes in response. The schoolteacher gasped in horror as she noticed her friend's typically bright green eyes had taken on a dull bluish hue.
"Come on. Let's get you inside." Mary Margaret spoke softly, her heart silently breaking as she once again picked up the mess Regina Mills had made of Emma Swan. Emma had somehow managed to regain enough sense of self to help the brunette carry her weight as best she could, but collapsed on the couch as soon as they were inside. She felt completely depleted, her mind incapable of real thought, her blood replaced with cement.
"Let me get more blankets." The brunette quickly covered Emma with a thick wool throw she'd been using herself just minutes earlier before scurrying deeper into the apartment in search of reinforcements. Emma made a grateful murmur and burrowed into the warmth. Mary Margaret returned shortly with a mound of sheets and blankets, all of which she placed over the shivering blonde. Next, she took Emma's legs one-by-one and replaced the sheriff's cold leather boots with thick winter socks. By the time the brunette had finished the makeshift cocoon, Emma was snoring lightly and returning to her normal pallor. Mary Margaret breathed a small sigh of relief and hoped desperately she'd find out what happened when Emma woke.
"How are you feeling?" Mary Margaret spoke softly, brushing back strands of blonde hair from her roommate's forehead. She had waited anxiously for several hours perched on the coffee table, staring at the sleeping figure on her couch, silently begging the blonde to rouse, and had finally hit her limit. She desperately needed to know Emma was ok. Slowly, the sheriff stirred awake at Mary Margaret's touch, brain struggling to process her surroundings. Failing that, she tried to focus on the short-haired brunette.
"Emma, are you alright?" Mildly concerned by the bewildered look on Emma's face, Mary Margaret leaned in closer. The sheriff looked down at herself as if determining her own status, then back up to her roommate.
"Yeah, I–" Emma sat up and cleared her throat. "I'm ok," she finished. The evening's events suddenly rushed in at her from every angle, replete with angry words, scalding tears, and devastating loss.
"What happened to you?" her roommate whispered.
Emma opened her mouth before snapping it shut. It was all such a mess – where could she even begin to explain? So instead of answering, the blonde simply shook her head and brought the blankets up to her chin. Bits and pieces of what she had said to Regina were still coming at her, peppering her mind, each memory claiming its own painful assault on her heart. She swallowed hard, her throat impossibly tight.
Mary Margaret rose from the couch and looked down at her friend, trying to ease any pressure she may have inadvertently caused. "Well, I made you some hot chocolate. It has cinnamon, the way you like it." Mary Margaret smiled down at her roommate before crossing the room to grab two steaming mugs from the kitchen counter and returning to the living room. She wanted to extend the blonde some room to process her thoughts. She lowered her gaze, sipping her own hot beverage, and waited. She wasn't remotely surprised that Emma didn't want to talk about it. The petite brunette could just imagine what flavor of fresh hell the mayor had put Emma through this time. It never failed that as soon as she thought it might be time to give Regina the benefit of the doubt, the mayor did something else to crush the life out of her friend. Mary Margaret's jaw clenched involuntarily at the thought of the other brunette and not for the first time, she wondered what could make a woman like Regina so incredibly hardhearted. She also couldn't fathom what motivated Emma to keep putting herself through this nightmare. One thing was certain, though – Mary Margaret was one hundred percent over it.
"Thanks." Emma said in acknowledgment of the chocolaty hot beverage and brought her still shivering arms out from under the covers. She wrapped her cold hands around the toasty mug and let the sweet steam heat up her face. Emma was sure she shouldn't still be cold, but nevertheless, the chill persisted deep inside her bones. "It's delicious." Emma said with a smile, truly grateful for her roommate's thoughtfulness.
"It will help warm you up." Mary Margaret smiled as softly as she could while trying to suppress her growing rage. She didn't need to know exactly what the mayor had done this time to know that she had once again shattered Emma's heart. How anyone could be so . . . evil, the schoolteacher could simply not understand. The anger continued to bubble and swirl until Mary Margaret could hold it in no longer and she shot up from the armchair.
"Mary Margaret," Emma whispered firmly, thrusting her hand out to grab the other woman's wrist. The blonde's eyes made a silent plea for her friend to calm down. She sensed the rising tide in her roommate, and didn't want Regina's poison to spread any further. The brunette didn't speak, instead taking Emma's empty mug and placing it back on the table. She moved back to her friend and tenderly tucked the blankets back around the blonde's uncommonly fragile body. Emma drifted back to sleep without another thought, feeling a little safer in the other woman's presence.
It was Monday before Emma even attempted to venture out of the apartment. She had spent the better part of the preceding 48 hours alternating between lengthy crying jags and hours long naps. Her emotional exhaustion had been extreme. She still couldn't understand how it had come to this, no matter how many times she replayed Friday night in her head. She spent hours staring down at her hands. Lost. Wondering if maybe she had been possessed. Terrified that she could ever hurt another person like that. Confused by how love had been twisted into something so unrecognizable. Something so evil. She replayed the memories, trying to pull as much information from them as possible. The images came to her in soundless flashes like 8mm film on an old battered projector. She saw Regina's face contorted between pleasure and pain. Saw the senseless fury in her own face. And still, despite the endless replay of her evening from hell, Emma failed to find the source of her actions. Sure Regina had struck first by pressing into her already painful bruise, but Emma had escalated it to a whole different level. She had gone too far and then kept right on going.
The blonde shook her head as she dressed. She was at a loss even to herself. Especially to herself. She just couldn't understand it. Any of it. She felt the familiar sting in her eyes. Tears had become ever-present fixtures on Emma's face. Always dancing at the edge of her eyelids. Threatening to spill over in another avalanche of grief. The blonde grabbed the bottle of aspirin to calm the ache in her head. Nothing could stop the pain. Not in her head, not in her heart. She just needed to get through the next two weeks. She would keep herself distracted. Focus on her friends and Henry until her time as sheriff was up. Until she left Regina forever. Until she could put this nasty mistake of a town in her rearview mirror for good.
As Emma stepped out of the house, she put on her aviators to mask her swollen, puffy eyes and zipped up her thick black leather jacket to her chin. She needed to hide the unsightly bruise on her neck, but just the contact with the jacket itself was painful. Emma winced involuntarily. Mary Margaret had been shocked when she'd walked in to check on her as she was stepping out of the shower. Emma vividly remembered looking up in surprise to see her roommate stop dead in her tracks, her usual smile wiped from her face, her left hand still on the doorknob. Emma had stood there, paralyzed, as her friend's brown eyes scanned her body, attempting to process the damage to her friend's pale skin. Black, blue, and purple bruises dominated the space, with angry red scratches filling in occasionally. But it wasn't until Mary Margaret had finally worked her way up to Emma's neck that she had gasped and covered her mouth in horror. Emma had stared back, feeling exposed, dirty, and embarrassed, not knowing what to do. Mary Margaret had looked back into her eyes then, a question and tears visible in her eyes before practically running out of the bathroom shouting apologies. She had also mercifully decided not to ask any questions about what she had seen; Emma had been deeply relieved. However, she could still sense her roommate's discomfort after that incident, and she had wanted to explain that Regina wasn't abusing her. Not physically. But she hadn't been able to find the words and so thus far, she'd let Mary Margaret draw her own conclusions. The cold air suddenly bringing her back to the moment, Emma shook the memory off and sighed – what was done was done. She made one more quick adjustment to her jacket, ensured her skin was covered, and then with a deep breath, entered Mary Margaret's car.
"Thanks for the ride," Emma said with a lopsided smile, settling into the passenger seat. She pulled a dark blue scarf out of her pocket and wrapped it loosely around her neck, finding the happy medium between warmth and tolerable pain. The autumn morning was positively freezing, and the blonde already regretted not grabbing a warmer coat.
"No problem," Mary Margaret said pleasantly. They drove in silence to the police station. Mary Margaret stole glances at her roommate as they drove. Emma had barely been able to keep any food down all weekend, nor had she been able to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. Combined with the near constant crying fits, the blonde's distress was quite evident, despite her large, dark sunglasses. The brunette had never felt so helpless. She didn't know how to console her friend. Emma hadn't said a word about what had happened, but Mary Margaret knew this time was different. She couldn't help the anger burning up from her gut every time she thought of Emma's endless tears, or thought back to the sight of the sheriff's battered body. She couldn't understand how Emma found any love from a woman who could treat her so badly.
"I'm going to get my keys and my phone later," Emma responded to the unasked question. Her roommate merely nodded, already formulating her own plan.
"Want to have dinner with Ruby tonight? I can pick you up when you're done," the brunette asked as they pulled up to the sheriff's station.
"Ok, but don't worry about picking me up. If I can't get my keys, I'll take the cruiser." Emma tried to smile.
"Alright. I'll call Ruby and maybe she can come over around eight?"
Emma nodded and gave her gentle friend a wave as she closed the car door. She decided she would tell her two best friends after dinner that she was leaving. For once in her life she didn't want to run off in the middle of the night just to avoid the pain of goodbye. Ruby and Mary Margaret deserved better than that.
The blonde took several deep breaths before making it through the doors of the sheriff station. She had had a reoccurring fear that Regina would be waiting for her at her desk. She was relieved, however, to find the office quiet and practically empty, save for a couple of volunteer deputies. She sat behind her desk and started busily immersing herself in a mountain of paperwork, deciding that once the most important items were complete, she would go and get her things from Regina. She prayed that the mayor had simply left the phone and keys in an envelope on her secretary's desk. For the moment, however, the blonde focused on the task at hand. She left the sunglasses on.
"Mayor's Office," an older woman's voice answered after several rings.
"Good Morning. I need to speak with the mayor, please." Mary Margaret steeled her resolve.
"Mayor Mills is unavailable. May I take a message?" Rose recited the line she repeated several times a day with little emotion.
"Oh, hello. Umm, this is Mary Margaret Blanchard–"
"Is Henry alright?!" Rose asked abruptly, her voice laced with worry.
"Yes. Yes. I mean, I think he is. Henry isn't the reason I'm calling." Mary Margaret spoke quickly, her nervousness threatening to overwhelm her. "Why, did something happen to Henry?" She added after a beat, now worried herself by the other woman's anxious tone.
"No," the woman cleared her throat trying to regain her composure. "I mean, I don't know." Rose was sure that Regina would fire her if she found out that she had divulged even a hint of her private life, but the older woman had been Regina's assistant for as long as she remembered, and knew something was seriously wrong with the mayor. She was desperate for some information.
Intuiting that something was amiss, Mary Margaret asked, "Has something happened?" The brunette's mind raced. She hoped that Emma hadn't done anything crazy. The schoolteacher couldn't imagine what her roommate could have gotten up to in the ten minutes since she had dropped her off at the sheriff's station, but she couldn't stop the panic from growing in her stomach either.
"Miss Blanchard, I am sorry, but Mayor Mills is not in today. I thought perhaps Henry was ill and that is why you were calling." Rose was hoping that Mary Margaret would infer that Regina was at home.
"I see," Mary Margaret said skeptically. She barely knew Rose, had met her only a handful of times in fact, but she was pretty sure about the tremor she'd heard in the other woman's voice. Something was wrong. "Well, thank you, Rose," the brunette added before hanging up. Mary Margaret let out a cleansing breath. She checked the time and realized she would be late to start her class. Mary Margaret thought fast and called in a favor from one of their substitute teachers. That done, she drove out of the faculty parking lot and headed straight for Regina's house.
"Miss Blanchard?" Regina asked in surprise, her voice still hoarse. She had been confused and caught off guard by the early morning knock at her door. "Has something happened? Is Henry not at school?" She asked immediately, concern evident on her haggard face.
"I'm sure he's fine. I took the day off, so I actually haven't seen him this morning." The brunette answered succinctly, her actual motive for coming here clear in her mind. She was determined to do this. The two women just stood there for a few moments. Mary Margaret couldn't help but notice that Regina was looking just as rough as Emma. The mayor was wearing a black turtleneck all the way up to her chin and black trousers. The only skin visible was on her hands and her face, and that looked pale and unnatural. Mary Margaret couldn't help but wonder if Regina's body was as marked as Emma's. The schoolteacher scolded herself internally, willing the thoughts to go away.
"I'm so glad that you found time in your leisurely morning to stop by, but I really must get back to work," Regina said flatly. The black circles under her eyes were covered with makeup, but Mary Margaret could see the dark shadow of them underneath the concealer.
"I came for Emma's things." Mary Margaret stated simply. Regina drew her eyebrows together in confusion.
"I have nothing of hers." The words made Regina sad the moment she heard herself speak them. The truth behind that statement was more poignant than she had expected.
"Her phone and her keys. She left them here," Mary Margaret said curtly. She feels her faux bravado slipping a bit and tries to sound firm. Regina regards the crop-haired woman standing on her doorstep. The pushy tone was far more Snow White than Mary Margaret Blanchard, and something about that was not entirely displeasing to Regina.
"I do apologize for your inconvenience, but I do not have her things," Regina repeated after a moment. The sun catches her tired eyes, making her squint, and she wants to crawl back inside her home.
"Right, so she almost froze to death walking home and passed out on my doorstep because she didn't want to let herself in or call for help?" Mary Margaret was almost surprised by her own sarcastic tone, but set her jaw and refused to back down. The words stunned the mayor and she instantly found herself deeply concerned with the sheriff's well-being.
"Is she alright?" Regina couldn't stop the tremble in her voice and Mary Margaret nearly fell back in surprise. The combination of fear and tenderness the schoolteacher saw on the mayor's face appeared immediate and genuine.
"Yes," the smaller woman responded, still shocked by the mayor's concern. "No thanks to you," she added for good measure. Regina looked only slightly relieved at this news. "I don't see why you should care, though, after everything you've put her through," the schoolteacher finished.
Regina didn't respond right away. She felt the urge to pull down the collar of her turtleneck and show the schoolteacher what Emma had done to her. Force the petite brunette to look at the dark purple handprint graffitied on her throat. But she doesn't. She knows that she deserved far worse from Emma after everything she has done to her these last few months. Knows that their last night together had changed Emma for the worse, and that that was her fault as well. Regina felt a fresh spasm of pain pull at the center of her chest as she recalled Emma's dark angry eyes and almost unrecognizable face. She felt the pressure around her neck and remembered the blackness afterward. She saw Emma's terrified expression after she had removed her hands from the mayor's throat. And Regina was reminded of her own unspeakable anger at seeing those gorgeous green eyes horribly wounded and begging for her forgiveness. It was Regina that should have been apologizing for infecting her with her own self-hatred. With her poison. And for toying with her these many months when all Emma wanted to do was get close to her. Anguish churned in Regina's chest rising up through her body to the back of her head, making her headache a thousand times worse.
"Madam Mayor?" The schoolteacher finally spoke when she couldn't bear the sight of the devastation crossing the other woman's face any longer. To her surprise, Mary Margaret felt her anger dissipating, a feeling much closer to sympathy replacing it. She had seen some things she hadn't expected. First of all, there was more to Regina Mills. Secondly, something she didn't understand had occurred between Emma and Regina. And lastly, that Regina was not evil.
"I'm sorry Miss Blanchard," Regina cleared her throat, willing herself back to the present. "I am sure that I do not have Sheriff Swan's things. However, I will take another look around to ease your mind. You may as well come inside while you wait." Regina's exhaustion threatened to overwhelm her and it wasn't even nine in the morning. The brunette moved back to allow Mary Margaret to enter the house. The schoolteacher nodded once and followed her into the foyer.
"Wait here," Regina said coldly and turned to climb up the stairs. Mary Margaret stood there rather awkwardly, rolling back and forth on the balls of her feet. She glanced around the room and fidgeted with the sleeves of her coat as she waited for the mayor to return.
Regina opened the door to her bedroom slowly and it sighed with a loud creak. The brunette hadn't returned here since Emma had walked out of her house and out her life Friday night. White sheets hung over the edge of the bed and spilled out on to the floor. A pillow had been tossed in the corner along with the black leather dress Regina had worn Friday night. Regina looked away from the garment and took in a deep breath. The room still smelled like Emma's perfume. It was a snapshot of the last time the two women had been together. A morbid memento from that horrible night. Regina had to fight the tears stinging the back of her eyes. She braced herself and walked into the room completely. She checked the dresser and then the nightstands, but didn't find a phone or any keys. The mayor hadn't realized that her hands were shaking until she'd bent down to pull back the comforter to get it off the floor. A dry sob escaped her lips and the mayor's body lurched forward over the bed. Her right arm flew out in front of her, bracing her body above the mattress, while the other cradled her stomach protectively, her heartache acute. She shut her eyes tight to stem the flow of memories. Regina felt the pain of what she had lost pour out from her soul. It was too much to be in here. She couldn't stand it for another moment. Regina backed off the mattress and threw back the blankets partially covering the underside of the bed. A reflection caught the corner of her eye, and Regina knelt down to grab whatever had fallen there. Once the items were in her possession, she fled the room like a woman on fire.
Mary Margaret jumped when she heard a door on the second floor slam closed. Regina appeared at the top of the stairs a few minutes later. Her usually perfectly quaffed shoulder-length brown hair was now quite messy and her expression was tortured. Regina seemed to have aged ten years while she was gone. Mary Margaret watched as the woman descended the steps to the main floor, and couldn't help but notice Regina was trying to steady herself as she went.
"It looks like she did leave something." Regina's voice was low and sullen. Mary Margaret noticed the mayor's hands were trembling when she handed over Emma's belongings.
Mary Margaret was more confused now than ever. She had intended to come here and give Regina a piece of her mind, but she hadn't expected to find the woman so broken. Now she didn't know what to think.
"Mayor . . . Regina," Mary Margaret felt bold enough to call the other woman by her first name. The formality of her title just didn't seem fitting at the moment. "I can't say that I know what happened between you and Emma, but–"
"No, you don't." Regina cut her off almost as a kneejerk reaction.
"But, what I do know," Mary Margaret resumed her statement, ignoring the mayor's comment, "is that although there seems to be something that both of you are fighting for, neither of you seems to have stopped to ask who or what that something is. Why is that?" The mayor didn't say anything, but Mary Margaret noted movement in the other woman's eyes and knew Regina was listening.
"I appreciate the words of wisdom, Miss Blanchard," Regina spoke after a few moments of silence. Her tone was not entirely sarcastic. "But, this is not something I am willing to discuss with you. You and Miss Swan may spend all night gabbing and braiding each other's hair, but I am not–"
"Please," Mary Margaret raised her hand to the mayor's lips to stop them from moving. "Don't make me regret saying this to you, ok? She loves you, Regina. She loves you so very much that she has put herself through the ringer for you. Don't you see that?" Mary Margaret was losing her patience and her voice sounded desperate.
The words hit Regina like a ton of bricks. Why is this woman saying this? What kind of game is this supposed to be? Did Emma send her here? Did she leave her keys on purpose? Why? The mayor's head was spinning.
"I . . ." Regina began but faltered. She was at a loss. She didn't know what she believed had led to this moment. The mayor went silent, and it was several minutes before she spoke again.
"Well Miss Blanchard, if that were true, why would she be leaving Storybrooke?" Regina's words were dripping with sorrow and her voice cracked at the end as if under great strain. Mary Margaret noticed that she also appeared to be asking the question with genuine interest. A myriad of emotions crossed the schoolteacher's face so quickly that Regina would have missed it had she not been staring directly at the other woman. The mayor had seen sadness, anger, surprise and confusion, but the most unfortunate was the brief glimmer of betrayal.
"You didn't know?" Regina asked, not hiding the surprise in her voice. Mary Margaret's eyes went wide. Regina immediately wished she hadn't said anything. For once, her intention hadn't been to cause the schoolteacher grief. It honestly hadn't occurred to her that Emma might not have already informed her roommate of her plans.
"But. . . She. . . " Mary Margaret's mind trailed off in thought, hurt constricting her throat. The anger was back now, in full force. "What did you do?!" She finally screamed at Regina after fully processing what the taller brunette had said. Regina looked away to regain her poker face. It had been her doing that drove Emma away. Watching Mary Margaret's reaction made her wonder for the first time what Henry would say when he found out. The pain in her chest increased, and Regina felt like she would buckle under its weight.
"Something that can't be undone," Regina said in a somber tone. Her eyes forced themselves back to the schoolteacher. She couldn't stop the incredible wave of longing and regret from welling up in her eyes. Mary Margaret watched, feeling like her world had been torn upside down. Regina was about to start crying for one, and now Emma was leaving . . . Why hadn't she told her? Was she planning on just leaving in the middle of the night? Mary Margaret wanted to give the blonde the benefit of the doubt, but the sheriff's past behavior didn't give her much to hold onto. Mary Margaret felt the need to run. She turned away from Regina, leaving the mayor grief-stricken and mourning in the foyer, and let herself out of the mansion. She held on tightly to Emma's things – afraid that she would drop them and this strange trip would have been for naught. Mary Margaret panicked and she didn't look back. Still, she could sense she had left Regina to fall apart behind her. This was far more than she had bargained for when she set out to retrieve Emma's keys.
"Hey, Em," Ruby said as she entered the sheriff's station.
"Hey," Emma responded, her voice sounding as tired as she felt.
"You look terrible," the longhaired brunette said matter-of-factly. She's didn't ask why Emma was wearing sunglasses indoors, or why she was wearing her scarf around her neck despite the working heater. Emma couldn't help but chuckle. She could always count on Ruby for the truth. She was going to miss that about her, she was going to miss everything about her, and everyone else. Sorrow churned in Emma's chest, causing an awkward smile to spread on her face.
"Thanks, what's up?" Emma said, trying to sound normal and not like she was holding back tears.
"Well, Mary Margaret dropped by the diner and asked me to bring you these." Ruby held out the items recovered from the mayor's house.
"No shit. I can't believe she got these for me." Emma was stunned. Her mind quickly wondered how her roommate had been able to acquire her belongings, and just imagined what the confrontation between Mary Margaret and Regina must have been like. Emma felt her stomach plummet and swallowed hard against a strong wave of nausea. She distinctly hoped the mayor hadn't been cruel to her roommate.
"Wait – aren't these yours? What do you mean, 'she got them' for you?" Ruby asked, feeling thoroughly confused.
"Nothing. I just left them and she grabbed them for me," Emma said awkwardly. Ruby nodded, but didn't believe the blonde for a minute. She shrugged, not really wanting to probe any further. She knew it was likely something to do with Regina and if she never thought about that woman again it would be too soon.
"Wanna come have some lunch? My treat?" Ruby smiled, figuring by the gaunt expression on the blonde's face that she hadn't eaten yet today.
"Well we have dinner tonight, don't we?" Emma responded.
"Yeeeah. So you're not going to eat till dinner? It's almost two in the afternoon." Ruby looked at Emma like the sheriff had sprouted another head.
"Oh." Emma realized her mistake and smiled even more awkwardly. "Yeah, I guess that doesn't make too much sense. Maybe I could use something to eat, huh?" She wasn't hungry at all, and was actually nursing a lump the size of Jupiter in her throat. But she couldn't find a way to dodge this situation.
"Great!" Ruby said enthusiastically, hooking her arm around Emma's as they walked to the door. Emma signaled to one of the volunteers at the station that she was leaving, and the pair continued out of the office.
Emma sat at the counter while Ruby attended to some customers. The waitress had left her sandwich half eaten when she'd got up to help Granny with the afterschool rush. Emma was in no hurry to finish her meal or to return to the office, so instead she sat on the stool staring blankly out the window. Emma had insisted sitting as close as possible to the window to somewhat justify her need to keep her aviators on inside the diner. There was no real reason to keep her jacket zipped up either, but she did.
"Emma!" The blonde nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of her name being yelled. She immediately whipped her head around and toward the source of the noise. An easy smile formed on her lips when she saw who was calling for her.
"Hey, kid!" Emma instantly felt the familiar threat of tears upon seeing her son running towards her. She nearly lost control when the boy threw his arms around her waist and squeezed as tightly as he could.
"Where have you been?" the boy asked immediately. Gotta love the bluntness of a child, Emma thought to herself.
"I'm sorry, buddy, I've been real busy working." Emma put on her best fake smile. The boy was not convinced. He screwed up his face to show he saw through her.
"Oh. Well, you didn't come to pick pumpkins and then you haven't come for dinner in a bunch of days." Henry laid his thoughts out easily.
"I know, kid. How about maybe I get you a hot chocolate and then we can go for a walk?" Emma smiled weakly, hoping she had enough energy to give the boy the news. She didn't know when she'd get another chance to talk to him without Regina around and she wanted to take advantage of the moment.
"Ok," Henry said with skepticism. His birth mother had never asked him to go on a walk, and he couldn't help but notice Emma was acting strangely. His mother had been acting weird, too, and he sensed something bad was about to happen. Even so, he accepted his hot chocolate and drank it eagerly. Emma meanwhile continued pushing food around her plate and pretending to eat.
Ruby waved at the pair as they walked out of the dinner, feeling somewhat disheartened. Emma had hardly said goodbye to her, and she noticed the blonde had barely even spoken to Henry. It was like her mind was a thousand miles away. Although too busy to run after her friend now, the waitress made a decision to get to the bottom of whatever was going on with Emma later.
The afternoon was sunny but chilly and Emma tightened the scarf around her neck despite the how sore it was. Henry's coat was thick, and the boy looked comfortable strolling outside. Emma led them to a bench overlooking a fountain, now turned off and emptied until Spring returned. They were less than a block away from Granny's but they wouldn't be interrupted or overheard here.
"Henry, I need to talk to you about something. It's not easy for me to explain, and I know that at first you're not going to like it, but I promise that it's going to be ok. . . okay?" Emma furrowed her eyebrows, and hoped her disclaimer would dull the sting. The boy's eyes widened. This was going to be bad. He didn't say a word, just waited for the blonde to continue. Emma took a deep breath and tried to remember why she was doing this. Tried to focus on all the damage Regina had caused. It was much harder now that she stared down into the soft brown eyes of the son she once thought she would never see again, much less get the chance to know . . . and love.
"You know that I love you, kid," Emma tried to smile. Henry was really feeling nervous now. "But, I am moving back to Boston." The blonde finished the rest of the statement quickly.
"What?! You can't!" the boy shrieked. Emma looked around nervously to see if anyone had heard.
"Henry, please I –"
"No Emma! You can't leave. The curse, it won't let you. Something really bad will happen! No one can leave!" The boy was frantic. Emma's had thought her heart too shattered to break any further. She was wrong.
"Please, Henry, I need you to be serious. I need you to understand. I was never meant to stay here." Emma tried to soothe the boy, and watched helplessly as fat tears rolled down his cheeks. She wanted to die. She would do anything to spare him more pain.
"I am being serious! It's not a made up story, it's true! If you try to leave, you could die!" Henry sensed his words were wasted judging by his mother's expression. He understood now that she never really believed him about the curse, not about any of it. And now she was leaving him and he felt so alone. So small. So defeated. The boy openly sobbed. The blonde pulled her son into her arms and held him tightly. No longer caring if they drew attention to themselves.
Emma felt the weight of Henry's lament through-and-through. His body trembled from the power of his cries. The sounds were muffled against Emma's jacket, but the blonde felt his body shake. She fought the overwhelming desire to cry with him, and knew she had to retain some semblance of control, for his sake. As the boy gripped her waist, she could hear Regina's words from months earlier echoing in her ears, "You know it's going to kill him when you leave, but he will get over it. He will understand that all you have ever done is leave him and that you just don't have it in you to be responsible or make sacrifices." The message taunted her, and she knew Regina had been right all along. Emma looked up at the sky, stemming the tears from flowing.
"Please don't leave me Emma, you're my mom," he said through heavy sobs.
"Henry, I'm not leaving you. I just can't stay here. I will come back and visit, and maybe your mom will let you come visit me when I'm settled," she said optimistically through her quivering lips, not believing her own words.
"No you won't!" Henry ripped himself away from Emma, his cheeks red and tearstained. Emma felt her soul rip apart. The guilt and sadness were like a three-ton weight on her shoulders.
"Henry, wait!" Emma yelled as the boy started running across the grassy area onto the sidewalk. His backpack swayed behind him as he ran, and it was only a moment before he was in front of the diner. The blonde took off after him, but stopped when she saw the boy reach the black Mercedes parked outside of Granny's. Emma hadn't noticed it before, and her blood ran cold as she imagined the woman sitting behind the steering wheel. Henry disappeared into the backseat, and a second later the car drove away. Quickly leaving behind Emma standing in the middle of the street trying to catch her breath.
By the time Emma let herself into her apartment at a quarter past ten, she was completed exhausted. It had taken her hours of sitting in the bathroom of the Sheriff's station to stop crying. She felt sorry for herself, sorry for Henry, and generally like the world's most miserable person. She didn't know what she was doing any more. The emptiness in her soul was overwhelming. Emma had half a mind to leave tonight without saying another word to anybody, and she probably would have if she hadn't been so excruciatingly tired.
"Nice of you to make it," Ruby said without moving from her horizontal position on the couch. Two bottles of wine stood empty on the kitchen counter next to the untouched dinner.
"Oh fuck," Emma said, not believing that she could have felt worse than she already did. The conversation with Henry had gone so poorly and afterwards, the blonde had managed to completely forget about dinner with her two best friends. "I'm sorry, Rubes, it was a rough day. I'm totally exhausted, I guess I just forgot." Emma admitted as she walked toward the brunette.
"Yeah well, I suppose planning to leave town can take it out of you," the brunette said rather bitterly. Emma noticed there was a slur to her friend's words and her eyes were red and shiny. Ruby was drunk.
"What?" was all Emma could say. How does she know? Emma thought of Henry, but why would he tell Ruby that she was leaving? He was the only person who knew, the only person besides Regina Mills. Emma felt a flash of anger, but put it aside when she saw the hurt register on Ruby's face.
"Admit it. Mary Margaret already told me," Ruby said in a sullen tone. Emma made a strange face, her expression incomprehensible. Emma understood. Regina had likely told Mary Margaret that she was leaving when her roommate retrieved her things. Regina had told her roommate in an attempt to hurt her, to make this all the more painful. Emma was overcome with anger and sadness. Even in this, Regina was trying to crush her. She was already leaving, finally giving the mayor what she had wanted from the start. . . why wouldn't she just leave her to it?
"Ruby, I can explain." The blonde sat on the coffee table across from Ruby.
"Why didn't you tell me?" The brunette's voice was a soft whisper, full of disbelief and hurt. Tears formed in her normally bright eyes.
"I was going to talk to you and Mary Margaret after dinner," Emma said truthfully. She looked right into Ruby's eyes, pleading with the other woman to believe her.
"But you already told her. You told Mary Margaret you were leaving in two weeks. Why didn't you tell me?" Ruby's voice cracked, but the tears had not yet fallen. Ruby stayed quiet for a moment, stating to believe that this wasn't just some misunderstanding. "Is it true then? You really are leaving?" Ruby asked, voice cracking.
"It is true," Emma started explain but had to stop and look away to find the strength to go on. "I am going back to Boston. But I didn't tell Mary Margaret. Before I told Henry this afternoon, Regina was the only person who knew." Emma finished honestly. Ruby's face soured at the sound of the mayor's name being mentioned. Mary Margaret hadn't managed to explain why Emma was leaving before she had stormed out of the apartment earlier in a flurry of emotion, but Ruby had been sure it was related to Regina-fucking-Mills. The waitress just could not understand what the blonde saw in that woman! Why she wanted her, but not Ruby.
"Surprise, surprise." was all Ruby could muster. She would rather focus on hating the mayor than imagine what it was going to be like to live in a post-Emma Swan Storybrooke. She felt her blood run cold at the thought, but quickly found heat in her growing hatred for Regina.
"Rubes, listen, I'll be back to visit, and you can come visit me in Boston, right? I mean it's not that far away." Emma tried to sound nonchalant. Ruby scoffed. She knew if Emma left Storybrooke, it would be the last time she would see the woman. Fear and desperation washed over her like a tsunami destroying all her common sense and inhibition. The liquid courage she'd found at the bottom of the empty wine bottles gave her the boost to sit up and close the short gap between Emma's mouth and her own.
It was several moments before Emma registered that Ruby's lips were pressed against her own. The brunette's kiss was urgent and forceful, and she pushed Emma back down onto the coffee table before climbing on top of her and straddling her thighs. The blonde didn't react. Her mind was in a thick haze. She couldn't summon the strength to stop her friend desperately seeking entry to her mouth. Emma tasted the white wine as Ruby's tongue dragged over her lips. Ruby's hands gripped fistfuls of blonde hair and pulled the woman closer to her, desperately kissing Emma's nonreactive lips. Willing them to life. The blonde's hands remained firmly planted on the deceivingly strong wooden coffee table. Emma closed her eyes and let herself try to kiss Ruby back. She almost wanted to want to. She let the unfamiliar motion of the brunette's kiss travel around her mouth. Emma tentatively moved her tongue against Ruby's soft lips in response, and her hands traveled up to the brunette's thin waist. Ruby's lips were infinitely different than Regina's. Their weight. Their texture. Their fullness. All uniquely Ruby. When Emma's lips parted to grant the brunette slightly more access, Ruby pushed forward and their teeth clashed together awkwardly. Neither used to the dimensions of the other woman, or of her movements. A soft sigh escaped Ruby's lips as she fell into the kiss she had been waiting so long for. The kiss she had imagined a thousand times. The moment she had wished for every time Emma's lips had curled into a bright smile or an adorable scowl. Emma tried, but she didn't feel anything more, not even as Ruby deepened the kiss. She finally had to pull herself away.
"Ruby," Emma whispered apologetically. Ruby's bright eyes quickly dimmed with the recognition that this was never going to happen – that Emma would never be hers. The brunette's eyes grew wider as her brain caught up to her actions and she realized what she had just done. Her hands flew up to cover her tingling lips, and quickly scrambled off the blonde beneath her before racing to grab her bag and coat by the door.
"Ruby!" Emma repeated as the brunette ran out of her apartment without looking back, slamming the door shut as she left. Emma's soul was unable to register any more pain. Her mind was unwilling to process that her entire world was crashing painfully around her. She shouldn't have kissed the brunette back, but she couldn't stand to reject her. She did want to, want to kiss her. It would be so much easier, yeah? Ruby wouldn't hurt her. Wouldn't play games. Wouldn't do any of the horrible things Regina had. Emma let out a long sigh. Too bad she couldn't will her heart to beat for Ruby, or anyone other than Regina. The blonde didn't know how it was possible, but she had managed to feel lower than she had before she had come home.
"Quite an effect you are having on people today, Swan. Everyone keeps running the fuck away from you." Emma spoke to herself as she laid back on the couch. She didn't care that the door was left unlocked. She could barely understand her life right now, let alone how everything had changed so dramatically. . . so quickly. Emma felt like she was singlehandedly causing everyone in Storybrooke to be completely miserable, including herself.
The soft pink light of dawn slowly filtered into the apartment when Emma heard the door creak open. Emma immediately opened her eyes. She had been drifting in and out of sleep all night. She hadn't attempted to make herself more comfortable. Hadn't removed her jacket or her shoes. Hadn't moved a muscle from where she landed after Ruby left.
"You're home late," was all Emma could say to her roommate as she sat up with her back against the armrest. Mary Margaret walked over to the couch. Instead of the angry tirade Emma had expected, however, the woman sat down next to her and hugged her tightly. Emma hugged her back. Neither one spoke, but both cried freely. They didn't need to put this into words. Both women understood the depth of the love and friendship between them. Nothing could make this easier anyway, and words would only get in the way.
They stayed that way, locked in a silent tearful embrace for some time, until Mary Margaret finally loosened her arms from around Emma's shoulders and sat back.
"I want to say something and I don't want you to think that I am trying to get you to stay." Mary Margaret gathered her strength. She had spent all night trying to figure out what to say to this woman sitting across from her. Of course Mary Margaret had every intention of convincing the blonde to stay. Emma nodded wearily.
"You have told me more than once that it is over between you and Regina. I understand that something different may have happened this time. I have seen the marks on your body, and the broken look in your eyes more than once. I can't image that Regina is an easy woman to be with. I spoke to her when I went for your things." Mary Margaret took a pause before continuing with the more difficult sentiments. She may have spent hours thinking this over, but she still hadn't been sure exactly what words would tumble from her mouth. "I do not understand it, but I believe she does love you." Emma almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of that statement. Mary Margaret wouldn't be saying that if she knew everything the mayor had done. The schoolteacher picked up on Emma's skepticism, but continued on. At least she could say she tried. "And you love her, Emma, it's so very obvious, and there's no way your heart is going to just let you give up. You are not going to find any peace out there, Emma. Fate is always going to drag you back here . . . back to her." Mary Margaret finished, eyes filled with tears once more. She had intended to say much more, explain how fate had already brought them all together in such a strange way, how Emma felt like a missing piece to a puzzle, but a full night with no sleep and nonstop emotional chaos had left the brunette thoroughly exhausted.
"Thank you, Mary Margaret. Thank you for caring. It's not that I want to leave you guys." Emma said with a shaky voice. "I just can't do this anymore. I can't stay here. I should have been on my way a long time ago, and I'm grateful that I found an amazing friend in you. I have never had someone like you in my life." Emma's words failed her and although she was sure that she couldn't have any more tears left, the blonde felt the moisture accumulate between her eyelashes.
Mary Margaret wanted the blonde to fight a little more. To give her life in Storybrooke another go round, but she knew from the determination in the green eyes across from her that Emma wouldn't hear anymore tonight. She let Emma go . . . for now.
"Goodnight," Mary Margaret said simply, despite the fact that dawn was fast approaching. Emma nodded and decided to shower and ready herself for work. She would have a lot to accomplish before the end of next week.
Mary Margaret decided she would definitely need a better plan as she lay down in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She sent her friend, the substitute teacher, a message asking her to cover for her one more day. Thoughts swirled around and around in her mind until an idea began to take shape. She was definitely going to need some help to pull it off, but it was the only thing that might just keep Emma in Storybrooke. Mary Margaret decided to get a few hours sleep and then get to work.
A/N: Thank you guys for reading! Please feel free to drop a review – they make my day! ;)
Thank you to RileyGirl1 as always for your fantastic work!
So, the grand finale is next and it is in two parts. The first part should be up next week (maybe a little sooner) I hope you guys like it!