Julie's Author Note: Hi, everyone. I am so sorry I took so long to update. But my muse went MIA on me for every story. I had no idea whatsoever. Then, on October, after a freak fall, my laptop's HD crashed. I lost everything: from music to videos to files… including what little I had from the new chapter (and several other installments for here, there, everywhere ~weeps~). Meanwhile, on the same day, my muse simply decided to work and gave me something for this gem.
Someone begged me not to change Rachel's style and I kept that in mind while searching online for the clothes I wanted her to have. I'll upload pictures of Rachel's new clothes on my tumblr (differentsidesofmyself . tumblr . com – no spaces).
Disclaimer: So not mine. The song St. Berry actually sing is At Your Side and belongs to the Corrs. The song Brittany overhears them singing in her flashback, while not mentioned by name, is I Lay My Love On You, by Westlife (I love them). I did my research on clothes on TopShop's, Victoria's Secret's and H&M's websites – while weeping that I couldn't afford them.
and I owe it all to you
twenty
The pink cotton of her top was sticking to her skin as Rachel, sweaty and disgusting from the long rehearsal – her first as the new Vocal Adrenaline lead – stepped into the for-Vocal-Adrenaline-members-only locker room. Walking up to the locker that Jesse, during a five-minute break at rehearsal, had earlier shown her saying it was for her use as the lead, she quickly programmed a new code and messily shoved her gym bag inside., only taking a few seconds to pull out her towel and the small pink bag she kept her toiletries in. Stripping her soiled clothing, she turned the shower on and grinned as she stepped under the warm water, stretching her sore muscles.
The pint-sized diva couldn't, for the life of her, remember if New Directions had ever gone through such a physically demanding rehearsal, and couldn't help but think that her life was going to be like this in a matter of years, coming home sore and tired, but accomplished, from a long rehearsal – and the thought was enough to leave a small smile on her face.
Her good spirits dimmed a little as her hands, lathered up in her melon-scented liquid soap, slid over the torn skin of her thighs. She hadn't indulged in her… habit… for quite some time now (ever since Jesse found her red-handed), so her wounds were healing. But, when the foam touched them, they still stung, and a wave of shame crashed down on the brunette. Shaking her head to clear it from the bad feelings, she stepped out of the shower, dried herself off quickly and put her stylish outfit from that morning back on. However, instead of having her hair down like she had that morning, she styled it on a long braid, using her barrette to tie the end. Her bangs framed her face gently.
Slipping her purse on her shoulder, she closed her locker and left the locker room, choosing to go to the auditorium. By now, she believed it to be empty except for Jesse. He still had about a month before having to start to share his time between his work at Carmel and his classes at Ohio State, and he had told her during their time at the cabin that he would take this free time to work on some new routines for VA, in order to keep his voice in shape.
She found him where she expected to: center stage, bathed by the intense glare of the spotlights, brow furrowed as he did some steps that she recognized as part of the choreography for Drive. He moved almost flawlessly, the playback tune echoing in the great auditorium. During the chorus and the second verse, though, Jesse stopped and grinned.
"I know you're there watching, Berry", he called out teasingly, and the sound of her giggle made him chuckle. "Come out to play".
She laughed out loud at that and met him onstage, her heart racing at the sight of him disheveled, panting and grinning. Suddenly her mind flashed back to the first time he had been at her house, when he marveled at how she didn't hold back while singing with him. The tiny brunette blushed as she remembered what had happened that same night… their first kiss… But then she laughed as she remembered something else, and he looked puzzled at her, his eyes full of an unspoken question.
"Do you remember what you told me after we sang Hello 12?" She asked him, breathlessly, and Jesse smirked.
"Of course I do", he replied, understanding dawning in his clear blue eyes. He wrapped an arm around her waist, gently squeezing the soft skin he found there and affectionately kissing her temple. "And now here you are… Right where you belong", the former VA lead whispered in her ear.
She felt her heart pounding inside her chest as his scent, of sea and leaves and sweat, surrounded her, and she pressed her cheek against the slope of his shoulder to hide the blush that bloomed in her cheeks. "Here I am", she whispered, and they stood in silence as the playback for Drive came to its end. They stood quiet for a few moments, wrapped in each other's embrace, but Jesse broke it as he began to sing softly.
When the daylight is gone, and you're on your own
And you need a friend just to be around
I will comfort you, I will take your hand
And I'll pull you through; I will understand
And you know that
Rachel smiled, her eyes sparkling as she recognized the song for what it was. Like herself, Jesse was a person who spoke through his music and, just like she had done that day on the cabin when she sang him Adam Lambert to tell him she still needed time, Jesse was singing now to let her now he was still here, waiting on the wings for her. They began to sway softly together, and he twirled her so that they were face to face. Jesse's eyes were slightly teary as they locked with hers, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks lovingly.
I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry
Together, we'll survive through the haste and the hurry
I'll be at your side when you feel like you're alone
And you have nowhere to turn
I'll be at your side
Tears gathered in Rachel's eyes as Jesse sang the chorus. They began to waltz in time with his cappella song. Rachel's arms were wrapped around his neck, Jesse's hands resting possessively on her waist as his voice gained momentum and filled the wide, silent space.
If life's standing still and your soul is confused
And you cannot find what road to choose
If you make mistakes, you can't let me down
I will still believe – I won't turn around
And you know that
Jesse's eyes were also tearing up as he sang. He wanted more than anything to be a part of Rachel's life more than he already was, but he understood she needed her time to sort through her issues. Plus, he wasn't stupid – he knew his stunts from last year had been a part of what sent Rachel spiraling down on her self-abuse, and he wanted to make sure she knew he would always be there for her, in whatever capacity she allowed him to be. Twirling her a little, he held her out at arm's length and smiled at her tearful giggle, his voice softening as he wrapped up the song.
I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry
Together we'll survive through the haste and the hurry
I'll be at your side if you feel like you're alone
You've got somewhere to go
'Cause I'm at your side
The new VA lead was smiling softly as they ended their dance, a tender light in her eyes that made Jesse's heart swell and race at the same time. Standing on her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek, very close to the corner of his lips. "I know, okay? Just… give me time?" She whispered shyly.
Jesse wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed her lightly, gently. They were making progress, he could feel it. And, as long as they kept making progress, he was fine with waiting. "You have all the time in the world, Rach", he told her honestly, reveling on having her in his arms for the time being.
They stood center stage, wrapped in each other's arms, for a long while, but the sound of a known, teasing voice broke through their bubble, making them both blush profusely. "Yo, love birds!" Santana called out, smirking teasingly, "break it off! Me and miss VA superstar here have a shopping trip to go to!"
With red infusing her cheeks, Rachel reluctantly torn herself off Jesse's arms and turned to the door, where a smirking Santana and a giggling Brittany were watching them. The tiny brunette fixed her purse strap on her shoulder and gave Jesse a quick kiss on the cheek before climbing off the stage and joining the Cheerios by the door. At first, she thought Santana would tease her right away about Jesse, but as the minutes passed and she led the two silent girls (or mostly silent – Brittany was still giggling) out to the parking lot with no teasing comment from either girl, she relaxed.
Of course, that was when Santana chose to pounce.
"So… Have we interrupted anything?" The Latina asked with a smirk. Rachel blushed but rolled her eyes.
"Nothing major. He was singing to me, that's all".
"Just singing. Uh-uh. And you two being all wrapped up in each other is what?"
Rachel spluttered, her cheeks tomato red. "Dancing!" She hurried to say, and her reply made Santana growl in annoyance.
"I give up. Usted es terco como una mula", the cheerleader muttered angrily, making Brittany giggle.
"Mr. Schue's son looks at you like Artie looks at me", she piped up. Rachel looked unsure at her, and the tall blonde nodded. "He does! I know it for a loooong time! Since the first time he went to McKinley!"
At the shocked looks from both Santana and Rachel, Brittany rolled her eyes and explained.
It had been Lord Tubbington's idea, of course (all of their hunting ideas were from Lord Tubbington). He had been the one to insist there were unicorns in McKinley, more specifically, the auditorium, and he had been the one to talk Brittany into sneaking in it after school hours to catch an unicorn to prove to Tiffany that Brittany was speaking the truth when she said unicorns existed.
But, obviously, when confronted with a black-clad Brittany and asked to tag along her incursion into school, the sneaky little puss faked a cold and bowed out. His loss. Brittany was more than capable to go by herself. Plus, with no Lord Tubbington, she didn't have to share credit for her capture. So better for her.
The blonde sneaked in past the janitor as quietly as possible and determinedly walked to the auditorium. She could hear the muffled sounds of someone singing within, not the soft, sweet sounds she expected unicorns to make when singing (it was common knowledge that unicorns loved to sing, after all), but two people singing, a boy and a girl. Brittany quickly recognized them as Jesse and Rachel.
Unlike the rest of New Directions, Brittany liked Jesse and loved to hear him sing with Rachel. Rachel always seemed happier when she sang with Finn, plus with Jesse she had stopped singing the depressing songs she used to sing when she was after Finn, what in turn made Brittany happier. Quietly slipping through the closed doors, she watched with a small smile as a grinning Rachel was serenaded by Jesse with a song Brittany remembered Tiffany listening like a crazy person a while back, but couldn't for the life of her remember the name (nothing new there).
They had only one light shining down on them. Rachel was sitting atop of Brad's beloved piano, her legs crossed as she watched Jesse, who was sitting by the piano playing and singing, smiling tenderly at him. They seemed to intuitively know who would sing what, and the slower, softer version seemed to fit this cozy mood they had going.
While Rachel had a wide, happy smile on her face, Jesse's smile was more reserved, but no less genuine. His blue eyes sparkled with a soft light that Brittany had never seen in anyone's eyes when looking at Rachel, and it tugged at her romantic heart. When they reached the climax of the song, Jesse sang how like once in a lifetime, Rachel changed her world, and an obviously tearing Rachel joined him on the chorus, their voices blending in a beautiful harmony as they sang how they've laid their love on each other and how they made each other feel brand new.
Once they were done with the song, Rachel laughed and wiped her eyes, Jesse leaving his seat to come stand between her legs, the pint-sized diva wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him tenderly before teasing him. "Who knew the great Jesse St. James knows Westlife?" She jokingly said, and he chuckled, his hand cupping her cheek gently.
"You do, and that's enough for me", he whispered secretively, and Rachel kissed him gently again.
"That's enough for me too", she whispered back, and they stood wrapped up in each other's arms for a long time. Feeling she was intruding into something private and secret, Brittany quietly left the auditorium, her brow furrowed as she tried to reconcile the arrogant boy the gleeks seemed to despise on principle with this tender side that only seemed to appear for Rachel, and Rachel only.
By the time Brittany was done telling her story, Rachel had tears in her eyes, Santana seeming slightly surprised. "I remember that day", the tiny brunette admitted quietly as they climbed on the Latina's car. "It was right after he transferred. So that's why you stopped being so harsh towards us… You knew what we felt was real".
Brittany nodded as she took her place on the back seat, leaning forward so she could keep talking to Santana and Rachel, who had taken the front seats. "I think everyone would have known what you had was the real deal if they had seen that", she said pensively.
Santana hummed in agreement and added, "If they weren't able to see that back then, they should now. I mean, the boy changed everything in his life to win you back. Plus, he knew you were unhappy after seeing you for – what? Half an hour? – during sectionals", she pondered.
Having a lot to think thanks to Brittany's revelation, Santana's considerations and Jesse's song, Rachel nodded and fell silent. Respecting her need for quietness, Santana turned on the car and, letting Brittany pick the radio station, started the quick trip to Lima's mall.
Once they arrived at their destination, Santana allowed Brittany – who was the avid shopper out of the two of them – to take over. Watching Rachel with a clinical eye, the tall blonde said, "I like your skirts. They stay. The dresses you were wearing earlier this year were also cute, so they stay too. But I think your wardrobe can afford a few more pairs of jeans – you have awesome legs and a great ass and you have to show them!"
"The animal sweaters are a no-no", added Santana, helpfully, as she guided the other two towards the nearest store. With a brief glance, she noticed how Rachel seemed a little dazed, a little scared, and quickly reached out for her hand, squeezing it supportively. "Relax. Breathe. It's scary, I know. But it's okay. She won't do anything you're not comfortable with", the cheerleader added, glancing quickly at the tall blonde that was still talking away, oblivious to their quiet conversation.
Rachel felt some of the dark trepidation that had crept up at her relieve some, and smiled weakly at Santana, thankful for her support. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, the Latina called out, "Hey, B, slow down, okay, babe? Rae here is a little dizzy with all your plans, and to be honest so am I. Let's start small. You said something about jeans? I'm all for that – I need a new pair, Mariana stole mine, the bitch", she told her two friends, and Brittany chuckled.
"Welcome to the world of older college sisters wishing they were back in high school", she told Santana, who nodded in agreement. "My older sister, Tiffany, is like supermodel gorgeous and super smart. Whenever she comes home from school she takes half of my closet with her when she goes back. It's annoying. You're lucky you're an only child, Rae".
"It's not that fun", the tiny diva replied as she tentatively touched a cute lilac dress on a display. "My parents are away a lot. Being alone at the house sucks sometimes. I like this", she added, tugging the dress from the display.
"That will look great on you, but you can afford a pop of richer color", Brittany suggested as she thumbed through the other displayed dresses. "Your olive complexion will look even better with jewel-like colors like deep purple, bright reds, magenta", she explained, making a small triumphant noise as she came back from her search with a royal blue version of the dress Rachel had liked. "Here you go", she gave Rachel the dress and added, "Hold on to that. Let's make you a pile before you go try things on. This way you won't need to go back and forth".
"Okay", Rachel nodded with a small smile as she looked around, picking up some dresses on the style she had taken to favor in the last few months, also a few blouses and two pairs of jeans, one black and other the traditional denim blue. Brittany added two black dresses, one with a lacy back and the other very simple, with red embroidery on the skirt. Santana, meanwhile, added some new flannel pants and cotton tank tops. Once Rachel had about 20 different pieces to try on, the two cheerleaders gently took her to the changing rooms and waited patiently as the brunette decided what to try first.
She emerged of the small stall wearing a knee-long dress with slightly puffy sleeves and a canoe neckline, printed with small pink roses. To hide her healing scars, Rachel had dressed it over one of her new long-sleeved shirts, also pairing it up with black tights, which Brittany and Santana approved. "I like this", the singer said shyly, tugging unconsciously on the sleeves of her top. "I can use it all year around".
"That's true", Brittany nodded, whistling appreciatively in a way that had Rachel blushing prettily. Santana, meanwhile, was busy taking pictures of Rachel with her iPhone, her heart soaring at the happy grin on the new VA lead's face. "Go back in, try the others!"
Rachel went back in the stall and emerged wearing her second choice: a very short blue and gray dress with pleated skirt and print of roses. This dress she paired up with a long-sleeved, dark blue jacket that ended a little above the curve of her waist. "Wow", Santana made. "Damn, Berry, you look hot! Holy hell!"
The pint-sized diva laughed and rolled her eyes at the Latina. "So, this goes too, right?"
"YES!" The two cheerleaders called out in unison, and a grinning Brittany pulled her iPod out and pressed play on a playlist. Rachel looked confused at her when Rihanna's Pon de Replay started sounding from the tiny speakers, but the blonde explained, "What's a runway show without music? Go on!"
Laughing, she complied, and after a few minutes emerged in a flippy dress with cinched waist, a polka-dot print and pleated skirt. Paired up with a soft red sweater, it made Santana doubtful, but Brittany liked, so eventually the blonde persuaded her best friend to give it a go. Rachel's final dress was black, with a red band around the waist (that tied on the back), and two thick strips on the skirt, one white, one red.
"Now that we're done with the dresses, let's try the tops!" Santana hollered as she and Brittany pushed Rachel back in the stall, grinning as Rachel laughed.
The first top she tried on (paired with a pair of black jeans that fit to her legs like a second skin) was very simple, plum-colored, with long sleeves and four small buttons in a placket. The dark shade illuminated the caramel tone of Rachel's skin, making her look flush with health. Santana photographed her again, and Brittany nodded in approval, sending her back in.
About an hour later, the three girls left the stalls, arms laden with Rachel's chosen clothes. Besides the dresses, several tops and two pairs of jeans, one black and the other blue. The pint-sized diva and her two friends left the store with her arms full of bags, the two brunettes leading the way out and looking back at Santana and Brittany (who was telling a hysterical story about when Lord Tubbington stole her sister Tiffany's outfit for a date and returned it soaked with mud) when she slammed into someone.
"Oh, my God, I'm so sorry-" The person started saying, but trailed off as she recognized Rachel, whose blood turned into ice as she looked up and met the gelid eyes of no one other than Quinn Fabray.