"Bella, is it really so bad that I forgave Tom?" I ask.
"Is it really that bad? He took advantage of you while you were vulnerable! He treats you like the very lowest of servants," she says.
"More like a house-elf," I mutter.
Even the lowest of servants receive some kind of compensation.
"My mother is kind to our house elves. They adore her. They are still our servants, Harry, because they like working for us. They chose to be bound to our family. Do you like being Tom's toy?" Bellatrix asks.
She does make a good point. He has treated me like a toy since the very first day he met me. At first I was the kind of toy children hate because they outgrew it years ago but have to pretend that they never received a better present because a relative gave it to them. He kept me around when it suited him and I put up with it. Magic chose the moment we came together. We didn't chose to meet two months before Hogwarts began and we didn't choose to share a single queen bed, but because it happened we had to go along with it. After we got here and he had other options, I was last Christmas's popular toy thrown under the bed until the new ones grew dull. Now I feel as if I'm the only toy in his room still functional. I may be a one-eyed bear with threadbare fur, but I will keep being dependable. I will keep tightening my stitching and sewing my heart in because I have to.
"He's better now...kind of," I say.
"Better? People like him don't get better, Harry. They get smarter and more cunning but they never get better and they never change," she says.
I refuse to believe that. I can't kill him and I never could, that's why Hermione researched this for me. She knows me better than I know myself. Knew me, I force myself to think.
"Trust me, Bellatrix. Please," I say.
I know what I'm doing. I know who he is and what he's capable of doing. All along I've known those things. I knew that it would take a lot of work. I know that I might still be trying 50 years from now, but I will save Thomas Marvolo Riddle. No matter what.
"This is a mistake!" she says.
But it's my mistake to make.
"Bella, please," I say, "I won't abandon him."
She bites her lip which is already red and swollen from the amount of times she's done it. Her mother would hate to know she does it when she gets frustrated. It isn't very pureblood. I roll my eyes. Bella subscribes to that nonsense, but at least she's human about it. Hah! I never thought that I would say that Bellatrix Black was more human than anyone, except Voldemort himself.
Though you don't think Tom's so bad, do you?
A lack of insanity will do that to you, I suppose.
"Is this really..oh, Harry, why can't you think about things first?" she asks.
"I did think about it, for months. I got everyone's opinion on it first, to consider the other side and then I did what was best," I say.
"Four months and you didn't.." she says.
"Balthazar was an apology present," I say.
She sticks out her lip and pouts.
"Telling you then would have done the same thing it's doing now except you might've made me give Bal back then," I say.
I know that she hates being left out of things, but I had to keep it from her. There's too much at stake if anything goes wrong.
"I've thought this through, Bella," I say.
She bites her lip and her fingers curl inwards.
"If we want anything to happen, we have to talk to the snake, then?" she says.
I sigh.
"And you're always going to fall back into Tom's arms because you cannot fathom life without him but you still claim you don't love him," she says.
"Bellatrix," I say, "Please."
"Fine. But don't you come to me crying. Don't tell me anything he does to you. I forgive you because I care about you," she says pointedly, "and it would be stupid to be actually upset with you for being nice to your roommate. Remember that."
I can tell from her statements that Sev isn't going to be as quick to get over this. I immediately
change my direction and go downstairs to my dorm room. I should get Tom out of the way before I lose my good mood.
"Tom," I say, "I came to apologize."
I love the Slytherin dorm room. The one in Gryffindor Tower is always crowded and loud. I could never sit on the edge and have a private conversation. Besides, there's just something about the color green.
"Oh?" Tom says.
He doesn't look up from his book.
"What are you reading?" I ask.
"A romance novel. I borrowed it from a Mudblood," he says.
"You borrowed it? Meaning, you intend to return it?" I ask.
He glares at me.
"Yes, Harry. What use would I have for a romance novel?" he asks.
I scoot backwards on the bed. It isn't mine, but I don't care much.
"I'm sorry that I stepped on your foot earlier. Sirius is important to me,Tom. I can't lose him," I say.
"You're forgiven," he says.
He's back in the pages of the romance novel. I can't see the cover because his hands are on it. What use would he have for a romance novel, even temporarily? He must've gotten it from a girl. I can't see why any Slytherin boy would admit to having something like that. I'm desperate to know the story. It might explain why he wants it.
"What's it about?" I ask.
"I would know if you would stop talking," Tom says.
I lay my head on the pillow.
"Wake me when you've finished. You can help me with Potions," I say.
I look over at him. His lips are curled upwards in the diary-Tom kind of smile I despise. He forces his mouth into submission rather than truly feeling satisfied.
"Professor Slughorn might let us use his classroom. He likes me. Go to sleep then, lazy boy," he says.
I can't do anything about the smile on my face, even after I lose consciousness.