It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. The only sound in the room was Charles' measured breathing and to Daniel it sounded as if he was making an effort to keep it all together as he sat motionless while he gazed steadily past Daniel's shoulder at the faded notices pinned to the cork noticeboard. Suddenly after what felt like forever Charles shifted uncomfortably on his chair and just for a moment looked Daniel full in the face, before he shifted his gaze to look down at the floor between his feet. But in that few seconds Daniel had seen enough. There had been just the faintest hint of something in his look that told Daniel he'd finally managed to strike a chord. He was on the point of giving up and had been trying to decide what his next question should be when his patience was finally rewarded and Charles filled the silence in a low, husky voice that was barely more than a mutter.

"It was ….tricky ….… difficult I suppose you'd call it ….… believe you me when I tell you that I found out the hard way just how unbelievably fucking easily it could all go to shit …. took a split second … and it was still my fucking job to get the balance right, up to me wasn't it …. my responsibility .. and never mind how much everything had changed ….…."

"What had changed?"

He ran a hand over his head "I used to like to think that I never took any unnecessary risks … that I was always as careful as anyone could be, that I made sure as far as I could that other people were safe in my charge but that I wasn't being over-cautious … it was my job to make absolutely bloody sure … but … it ….… that seemed … it was so much harder somehow … I still needed to be sure though…"

"Did you talk to anyone about it? Tell them how you felt?"

Even as he asked the question Daniel knew the answer. It was an absolute racing certainty that Charles James hadn't shared any of his concerns with anyone, he'd have seen it as a sign of his own weakness. Instead he'd have dealt with the inevitable worries and concerns that would have followed an incident like the one on the bridge by doing his best to bury them, he would have done everything he could to shut the legacy of anxiety out of his mind without seeking any sort of outside help at all. Daniel mentally shook his head. Charles would have swept it all under the rug and told himself that it was dealt with.

"Nope …. it wasn't that bad …. It was certainly never bad enough that I needed to …" He shrugged and knew instinctively what Daniel had been about to ask him "And before you ask…" He quirked one eyebrow and chewed at the corner of his lip "Nope …. especially not to him"

Daniel didn't try and pretend that he didn't know who or what Charles was talking about, or that he didn't care, he was more concerned with doing his best to try and make sure he kept Charles talking. He didn't want him to start to retreat behind his usual impenetrable mask.

"Was there a reason for that?"

"I don't know, I suppose I thought …." He lifted his head and narrowed his eyes before he resumed his unwavering stare at the wall and thought about it, then snorted a short mirthless laugh down his nose "He'd have pissed himself …" He looked at Daniel and lifted both eyebrows at the same time "And he certainly wouldn't have understood …. But then how could he when I wasn't even sure I understood myself? And he was always much more ….. Elvis was an adrenalin junkie …"

"You've said that before … also that he was one of your best friends …."

"Yup … he was indeed ….." There was another long pause as Charles thought about what he wanted to say "But that didn't mean we saw things the same way or that we confided in one another … we were very different people …"

"Looking back now … what are your thoughts about it?"

.

"I was so bloody tired … and even though I was exhausted I couldn't sleep properly … and whenever I did manage to get some rest I would wake up feeling …. powerless …" He shook his head "But I was the one who'd changed, me, no-one else, and I don't know even now whether I realised that at the time although I'm not sure it would have made any difference if I had" Charles shook his head again as though the memory exasperated him in some way and took a surreptitious glance at his watch although he had a pretty fair idea of how close it was to the time he could call it done for the day "I wouldn't have admitted I was in trouble, not even to myself let alone him or anyone else … all I did know was that I couldn't relax for a second … that it was vital for me to maintain control…" He ran a hand over the back of his neck before he looked up at Daniel again "I couldn't afford to let anything slip … and I couldn't allow anything to get in the way of that …"

"And now?"

"Now? … Everything has changed quite a lot for me in recent weeks … my life is very … different these days…takes some getting used to …"

For the first time since the session had begun, Daniel saw a genuine smile flit across the stern face of the man in front of him.

Chapter 21

He still had a bit of a puzzled look on his face as he shook his head and slapped the omelette between two slices of bread and made a very ragged looking sandwich which he began to eat as Molly thought how sorry she was that she'd even said anything. She had no idea why she did these things, but the thoughts had been there bubbling away in her head ever since the two of them had traipsed around that place after Gavin, but she'd be the first to admit that it was another of the things that really had got fuck all to do with her. She wasn't going to be living there after all, so what the hell was she getting all worked up about, it wasn't her problem.

Charles had started to pull strange faces in some misguided crap attempt to persuade her how over the moon ecstatic he was at the taste of his omelette which was making her giggle in spite of herself. It was a totally shit bit of playacting, and she found keeping a straight face got even harder when she was just a little bit late in pointing out that he was dripping melted butter all down himself.

"Shit"

Charles looked down at the greasy splatter on his combat top and down his thigh and began to rub at it, which made it a whole lot worse as Molly wet the corner of a tea towel for him and tried her best not to snigger. But there was something about watching what his hands were doing that made it almost bloody impossible for her to drag her attention away from the top of his leg. She couldn't help remembering just how lovely those legs were under the combats, all long and lean and muscular and how they had this faint dusting of dark hairs, except for where his trousers rubbed and had worn it away, when suddenly she realised that he was smirking at the way she was perving and that his eyebrows had shot up when he saw. She was immediately all hot and bothered and hastily started looking the other way and did her best to pretend she hadn't been thinking what he looked like when his clothes fell off, which they seemed to do quite often when she was around.

"Hey you …. come here" He pulled her into the circle of his arms "Is that it? Is that what you're worried about, that I'll be deployed and I'll forget all about paying the rent and you'll be stiffed for it?"

"Nah ….. course not …" Molly started chewing at her bottom lip and wondered how on earth she could tell him that that was exactly what was bothering her. Not that she was afraid he was going to turn into some sort of shit like Tony. She didn't think he'd deliberately go off and leave her to pay rent with money she hadn't got, she was pretty sure she knew him well enough to know he wouldn't do that, not on purpose. Charles was kind. But she'd seen the scars so knew it was bloody dangerous what he did, and she couldn't imagine what the fuck she'd do if anything happened to him. Not that she could say any of that, somehow telling someone you're a bit worried they might get themselves shot and killed because that would mean you'd have to pay the bloody rent was a bit shit by anyone's standards. And it obviously wasn't the only thing that bothered her, but if something like that did happen she couldn't see Caroline putting her hand in her pocket and helping her out. And her lot definitely couldn't so she'd be up shit-creek without a paddle.

"I dunno …. maybe … a little bit …"

"Hey … look, firstly nothing is going to happen to me …"

"Don't say that, me Nan calls that famous last words, and anyhow I never said anything like that" Molly closed her eyes and then flicked them open again to look up at his face "Who said I was scared? Just wondering … that's all … "

"I'm glad someone thinks I'm going to get my job back … I'm not sure that I do … and I'm pretty sure it's not what Daniel thinks either"

"'ave you asked him?"

Molly gulped and raised her eyebrows at the sudden realisation of how much trouble she was in when she tried to imagine what it would feel like if he did get sent off to some bloody war somewhere. She hadn't known him five minutes but had the feeling it was something a bottle of wine or even a bucket of Vodka and a bit of a cry into her pillow wouldn't sort, she was absolutely certain that she'd far rather he stayed where he was safe even if he didn't love what he was doing. At least he wasn't going to get shot.

"Charles … if you don't ask then 'ow you gonna know what he thinks … otherwise it's just guessing innit?"

"Nope … Believe me I know what he's thinking"

Charles shrugged and moved to perch his backside on the edge of the worktop "Do you remember telling me that your life wasn't that great when we met?"

"It was a bloody shitstorm … but its better now …" Molly grinned her happiest toothy grin "It's not rubbish anymore…"

"Good …I'm glad to hear it" He put his arms round her waist and pulled her gently towards him until she was standing with her feet between his and he bent his head to kiss her, his breath warm and smelling faintly of omelette as he took her face in his hands and kissed her again "You do know that you weren't the only one don't you? That when I met you … my life was a fucking mess … you were the first person in a very long time who made me want to go on…"

"Did I?"

"Yup … and you made me laugh"

"That's nice" Molly giggled "'ere what you sayin'?" She had a sudden urge to try and turn it into a joke, it all suddenly felt horribly serious "You callin' me a clown?"

"Yup … and a very beautiful one … when I found you in trouble on that roadside I couldn't bloody think straight, I was miserable and rude and so impossibly fucking angry most of the time …"

"Were you? Never noticed …" She laughed softly "Oh yeah Mr Charm … I remember now"

"Lovely … harsh but accurate … I'll give you bloody Meghan Markle"

"Yeah well, ne'er mind about all that … it's alright, I forgive you"

"I was sick of everything till I met you" He stroked a stray curl back behind her ear "But then somehow the blackness lifted … and there you were … beautiful and funny and …. kind …. and … totally bloody awesome … I've never met anyone like you before and I've been fighting how I feel about you for weeks now" He slowly shook his head from side to side "I did hear what you said to me about not living together, I was listening, but I'm telling you now, I am not going to give up on us"

"Us?"

"Of course us" He smiled "What time does Martin get home?"

"He goes to after-school club 'n then his little mate's mum will bring him back … why?"

"I was just wondering how much time I've got to start working on persuading you…"

"Persuading me to what?" Molly began to giggle "I can't move anywhere … but you know that" She put a hand up and touched his cheek almost as if she was apologising "You know, for the first time I can remember things have started to go a bit right for me and I'm really enjoying doing something I think I'm quite good at …. and …..I'm proud of what I do …"

"So you should be …"

"Yeah, but a lot of the way I feel about things now is down to knowing you and I don't want to lose you but … I really can't do what you want .."

"I know, because of Martin … but you know Molly we can get that sorted out … if you want to that is"

"Yeah … I do want … but … it's not only that … I mean there's other stuff … for starters I got a contract on this place 'n I'd still 'ave to pay even if I wasn't 'ere, can't pay two lots of rent can I?"

"You wouldn't have to" He stroked his thumb across her cheekbone "We can soon sort that out as well"

"Can tell you've never been skint …" Molly laughed, she knew he meant every word when he said how easy it all was because he'd always had enough money, but what he'd said was more proof if she needed it that they came from very different places "Can tell you've never 'ad to rob Pe'er to pay Paul" She shook her head "Or 'ad one of them QuickQuid loans"

"What? I've never heard of them so nope … I can honestly say I haven't … I've been lucky ….. what are you saying here, are you telling me that you have?"

"How do you think I paid for towing the bleeding car that time?"

"What? Christ Molly why the fuck did you do something like that?"

"Ummm let me 'ave a think now … I 'ad to pay you back and 'ad no money did I? .. why do you think?" She bit her lip, sorry now that she'd said anything when she registered the appalled expression on his face. She'd obviously taken another idiot pill meaning her brain hadn't caught up with her gob so her mouth had run away with her "I didn't know you then did I? And you was a bit narky"

"I seem to remember telling you there was no rush for fuck sake …. I'd never have wanted you to do anything like that …. Christ was I that much of a miserable old sod …?"

"Yeah … but it's alright, you're not now …."

"Good …" He gulped and raised his eyebrows in a question "I presume that's all dealt with now?" and then smiled as Molly nodded "Never again though alright?"

"Yes Boss, anything you bleeding say Boss"

"You know perfectly well I don't want to be your Boss" He caught his bottom lip with his teeth "I just want you to be happy and …. to ….make things better for you…" Charles took a deep breath and looked down at his hands as if he was about to say something that made him slightly uncomfortable "I love you"

"Do you? I mean …. you don't really know me …. I mean … not that well …."

"Of course I know you … I just didn't realise that thinking about someone all the time and worrying about them as well as finding it very hard to keep your hands off them means you love them …" He laughed softly "And I really do just want you to be happy … I told you, you're the most special person I've ever met …. and let me tell you, it's not your cooking I'm talking about"

"Cheeky sod …. if you wanna a cook then you need to go down the bleeding Job Centre I'm sure they'll 'ave some …. listen … I've been thinking …"

"Oh god …"

"Shut up 'n listen … I've got an idea …"

"Lovely … so have I …what time did you say Martin would be back?"

"I didn't … and I weren't thinking of that …"

-OG-

"You gonna do what?" Bella's face was a mask of horror as she put her hands on her hips and leaned closer to better screech in the direction of Molly's face "What the fuck are you bloody thinking?"

"Come on Bels, thought you liked 'im"

"Did you? Well yeah, he's alright I s'pose … but I don't like him that much … for fuck sake Mol, look around you ..….. " She waved her hand to indicate the drying rack in the middle of the sitting room that was festooned with an assortment of knickers and tights and at the pile of ironing on the chair and the towels drying on the radiators to the consistency of cardboard "I'm used to the place the way it is and we'd 'ave to sort it out, 'ave to … you know .. keep it more tidy, wouldn't we? I mean we couldn't just leave it like this … and we'd 'ave to get dressed properly … couldn't just ….." Bella indicated the gaping hole in the inside seam of one leg of her leggings and then waved a hand in the general direction of Molly who was not only bra-less under her West Ham top but was wearing very little else "Mind he'd probably like you like that … 'n we only got one bathroom … what about …. you know … 'aving a wee in the night? I'd 'ave to get dressed … Nah, not gonna 'appen" Bella shook her head vehemently.

"Since when do you get up for a wee in the night?"

"That's not the point …. I might …"

"Only when you're pissed and I can't see you worrying what you got on …."

"What about all that healthy shit 'e has for breakfast, bleeding poached eggs?" She pretended to gag "No more Coco-Pops"

"Who says? He only said one time to Nan that he liked poached eggs, he didn't say anything else … it's none of his bleeding business what we eat … anyway I never said he were moving in"

"Good as …." Bella narrowed her eyes as a thought struck her "'ang on is this about you and 'im not 'aving somewhere to shag now his mum's got the hump? It is innit? You sly cow …"

"Why don't you shout a bit louder Bel, don't think Mar'in quite 'eard you …." For a minute Molly thought about denying the accusation and then thought better of it. It would have been a complete waste of time anyway, the two of them had always had what amounted to radar for when the other was lying through her teeth "Yeah well alright might be a bit that … but it's got nothin' to do with his mum"

"Come on Mol, he's not our sort is he? I mean I know you like him, 'n that he's your whatsit, your rebound from the wank stain, but he's not one of us is he? I mean he's lovely 'n that, but …...… he's fucking posh … and …. he's too old for you inne? 'n what 'bout when you're not 'ere, when you're at work? What am I gonna do with 'im? He'll most likely want to watch all that shit about war on the tele … bet he don't watch 'Love Island' …."

"You'd better not even think about watching 'Love Island' 'ere on your own with him …"

"Might …. But he'll wanna watch documentaries about … I dunno …Titanic or something … that sort of thing"

"What you bleeding talking about?" The aggrieved tone of Bella's voice over Charles' potential choice of television viewing made Molly dissolve into a fit of helpless giggles "Why would he wanna watch cheerful shit like that? He's not like you think Bels, honest he's not … he's not old …. definitely not too old for me … anyway keep telling you, I never said he was moving in, did I? … cos he's NOT ….. okay?"

Molly was trying to think of the best way to explain what had seemed such a brilliant idea when she'd first thought of it but then that had been when she'd been almost dissolving into a puddle of lust before they'd ended up in her bed. She'd carried on happily making plans afterwards when they'd been laying there completely happy with one another and he'd been twirling her hair into ringlets then tucking them one by one behind her ears, well she had until they'd suddenly remembered the time and that he was supposed to be somewhere else. But somehow she wasn't sure her sister was going to see it quite the same way she had, in fact she was pretty sure Bella was a hair's breadth from going off on one again.

"I went with him to see this house in South Road …" Molly chewed at her bottom lip "'e said about us moving in there with 'im, but I said nah … 'n I thought maybe 'e could come 'ere for the odd night instead .. you know, while he's looking for somewhere … 'e could bring Sam instead of having to take 'im to his mum's … and Mar'in would like that, he likes Sam"

"Why did you say no you prannet? Them houses in South Road are bleeding huge and they're close to everywhere, what was wrong with us moving in there with 'im for fuck sake? Fuck ….. he didn't mean just you did he?" Bella now sounded more worried than angry "I mean … if you move in with 'im, what am I s'posed to do ….?"

"Of course you 'n all, I wouldn't leave you and Mar'in to get on with it, you know that" She shrugged "But that's just it innit, it's a bleeding big 'ouse … actually it was a bit lush, but much bigger than I can afford"

"What … he wants you to pay the rent? He said that?"

"Nah … course not but I'm not gonna live off him am I? gotta pay me way"

"You know you're bleeding nuts don't you? Well if he does come 'ere, what am I s'posed to do … just lie in bed 'n listen?"

"What you on about now?" Molly knew exactly what her sister was talking about and despite still feeling a tiny bit peeved at having to defend herself when she was the one who paid all the bills, well most of them, she couldn't stop the slightly embarrassed snigger that was welling up "Don't be bleeding daft …"

"You can 'ear through them walls you know"

"I know … but there's not anything to 'ear"

"Shame …." Bella giggled, her usual sense of humour making a fleeting visit "Ne'er mind, he can't be good at everything can he? Some of 'em are better at other stuff … taking the bins out 'n that"

"That is not what I said …" Bella's giggle was very infectious, so that Molly was now trying her best not to giggle with her "So … look, we okay Bels?"

"Nah … not really …. But not much I can do about it is there? It's up to you innit?"

"I know that … but I don't want you to be … un'appy"

"Don't move 'im in 'ere then"

"I keep telling you, I'm not movin' 'im in … he'll just be stopping sometimes … "

Molly really wanted to confide in her sister. She wanted to tell Bella all about him saying he loved her, she wanted badly to tell someone because otherwise it didn't feel quite real but there was a bit of her that was afraid to believe him. Once upon a time she'd have told Donna, but her being with Tony had changed all that. He'd told her over and over that he loved her, he used to say it all the bloody time even though looking back now she could see that he'd never meant it. He'd treated her like shit and Charles had never been like that, but that didn't mean he couldn't change his mind, there was nothing to say that he wouldn't wake up one day and decide she was too young for him. Bella was right, he was a lot older than her and although he'd said he'd never met anyone like her before, that didn't mean he couldn't get pissed off with her being different. Where would that leave her?

-OG-

A/N: Thank you everyone for the lovely reviews and comments for the last chapter, they are what keep me going and I do hope that you enjoyed this.