Disclaimer – Don't own Criminal Minds though I wish I did. I would Make Reid fall in love with me.
"How's my little genius doing?" Garcia asked as Morgan came in to view.
Morgan didn't speak for a moment, he didn't want to worry them about how hopeless Reid had seemed.
"As well as can be expected. Just needed some time alone".
They all nodded in understanding and sat back down.
"How is he going to get over this Hotch?" Prentiss said. Voicing what they were all thinking.
Hotch took a deep breath. I honestly don't know If he can. How can we help. But we can try. We can't lose the old Spencer... I let this happen
"We can get him through this Emily" Hotch answered. I hope to God that's true.
...Reid didn't know why he was scared. He didn't feel any pain, he was just in bed. This case was playing on his mind. He was laying on his hotel bed trying to fall asleep. Suddenly he felt a others presence in the room. A man. The man terrified him. The man looked at him with lust. He reached out his hand and touched Reid's leg. A quiver shot up Reid's spine. He tried to move away but he couldn't. His body wouldn't move a inch. All he could do was watch in horror as the man ran his hand up the inside of his thigh. Tiers now blurred his vision and he couldn't breathe. The man began to take his clothes off. Reid tried to scream but nothing came out. Then pain! Agony as the man entered him. He felt filthy beyond words. He screamed for escape. He screamed for death...
Suddenly his eyes shot open. Reid lay, sweating and breathing deeply in his hospital bed. He remembered everything that had happened since that night in his hotel room. Reid looked over at Anna and was terrified as he saw Jason's back. This must be a dream...
Morgan and Garcia sat close, comforting each other. Hotch stood, his mask of professionalism covering the concern he really held. It was his job to protect his team, and he felt like a complete failure. How could he look his subordinate, his friend in the face and tell him the team were there for him, after this.
They all heard it, a shot ringing through the halls. They all ran towards Reid and Anna's room. Hotch made it first but the door wouldn't open.
"It's stuck!"
"Move!" Morgan shouted and they all moved. Morgan took a step back and kicked the door. It remained firmly blocked. He kicked again and the hinges began to splinter.
"COME ON!" He yelled as he kicked the door again. Finally it smashed open. Morgan crashed in to the room, followed by the rest of the team. They all froze in shock and horror...
... It only took a moment for Reid to realise he wasn't dreaming. This is too real. He tried to speak but nothing would come out. Then he saw it. A glint of metal in the neon light. A gun. NO. There was no time to get help. And none of his team were in the room. Reid's brilliant mind searched for a way. It was then he remembered the bag Morgan had brought him. Reaching in he grabbed his gun. Reid's hands were shaking but he knew he couldn't miss. He only hesitated for a second, did his make him as bad as Jason.
The bullet left Reid's gun and hit Jason directly in the head. Blood sprayed across the room, as his body collapsed in death. I don't believe it. He's dead. And I'm not.
The door burst open and his team ran in. Anna lay screaming hysterically. The team could barely see Anna under the corpse of Jason. Her face was covered in blood and tears.
"GET HIM OFF ME!" Anna began to yell. She pushed at Jason, repulsed by his motionless body on top of her. His warm blood covered her and she could feel it running across her skin. "AAA GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!".
Morgan and Hotch ran and lifted Jason's body off Anna. They lay it down on the floor and pulled the curtain so it was no longer in Anna's sight. Anna was in shock. She had woken up to see Jason's so many times, and thought about his death. But as she attempted to wipe the blood from her eyes all she could do was scream.
"Please calm down Miss Gillam" Morgan said trying to stop Anna thrashing in her bed, but the second he touched her she began to thrash even more.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" she yelled and pulled away from Morgan. Anna tried to get out of bed but her legs wouldn't move. Why won't my legs work. What's happening to me. "WHY CAN'T I MOVE MY LEGS?"
No one knew what to say to calm her down. Two doctor's ran forward to keep Anna from falling out of bed as she attempted to get out of bed.
"GET OFF ME. STOP TOUCHING ME" Anna shouted, fighting them off.
"Anna please calm down. No one is going to hurt you" Doctor McCoy said, while trying to inject her with a sedative. This was impossible as Anna was fighting them with unexplainable strength.
"Anna you need to lay still".
"LEAVE ME ALONE".
Reid watched Anna and his heart filled with sadness. He still held his gun in shaking hands. Putting it slowly down, he painfully got out of bed. He limped over to Anna, every part of his body hurting.
"Anna...Anna listen to me... ANNA" Reid finally shouted. Anna's eyes suddenly changed as she seemed to recognised his voice. Her eyes found his hazel's, and she began to calm down. Slowly she lowered her hands and allowed the Doctor's to once again hook her up to the machine's.
"It's okay Anna... We're Safe" Reid said taking hold of her hand.
"Safe?" Anna whispered as she gazed around the by now crowded room. Faces, so many faces staring at her, faces she didn't know. Panic filled every part of her body, and she closed her eyes. She literally shrunk in her bed and began to tremble with fear.
Hotch could see her discomfort and fear, and motioned for everyone but the doctor's to leave. The group of profilers didn't object.
As Anna finally lay down fully the pain she felt took over and she began to descend in to unconsciousness. Reid did not let go of her hand until she was soundly asleep. Gazing down at her he felt unimaginable sadness.
...How could she ever forgive me. How could she ever want to see me again. I'm the reminder of everything bad in her life. How will she move on, get over it with me in her life. She needs a real life. I need to let her go...
It was then Reid made his decision. Nurse Jenkins walked in to the room, and began to check on Anna. She then walked over to the young profiler.
"Good morning Spencer. How are we today?" her sweet voice said.
"I'm alright" he lied.
"Any pain dear?"
"No" he lied again.
"Well if you do, let me know" and she motioned to leave. Reid stooped her.
"Nurse Jenkins... Could you...um... move Anna to... a different room please?" Reid mumbled not making eye contact with the nurse.
Sally was confused. She thought she was helping him when she'd brought Anna in. She tried to reassure him with her gaze but he wouldn't look at her.
"Please!" he mumbled again.
"Sure Honey. If that's what you want. I'll send someone to mover her".
Reid watched as Anna was wheeled out. He was asked why by Morgan, but he would not answer. They want understand. How could they understand. They'll think I'm being selfish, but this is for her...her and me...
..."Come on kid your staying with me till you're 100%" Morgan said grabbing his bag from his bed.
"Morgan that's really okay" Reid said trying to discourage him. He just wanted to go home.
"Well tuff pretty boy. I promised Garcia I would take care of you".
"I DON'T NEED PEOPLE TO ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF ME" Reid yelled at Morgan. They stood in silence.
"I'm sorry Reid" Morgan said a little crest fallen.
"No, I'm sorry Morgan. It's just... I haven't had a second to myself since..." Reid turned to the window. There had been a member of his team with him every second since Jason's visit. He was forced to fight the tiers that came when ever his mind dwelled on what had happened, which was almost constantly. He was gripped with a hellish nostalgia. The constant fear, though he knew Jason was dead, still crippled him. Every time he slept he relived every terrible thing as if for the first time.
Morgan saw the discomfort on his brothers face and extended his arm to touch his shoulder. Reid jumped away from his touch and hit the window with his broken arm, causing him to cry out in pain. He still hated to be touched, especially by men.
"O God Reid. I'm sorry" Morgan said resisting giving him a reassuring pat on the back.
"It's fine really" Reid mumbled and sat back on the bed. Morgan stared at him. Reid had been repeating that lie, or not speaking at all for a week now.
"You know Reid you say that enough you may start to believe it yourself" Morgan said as a desperate plea to get Reid talking. "Just tell me what's going on in that big old head of yours".
Reid closed his eyes, he couldn't look at Morgan. Morgan can't understand. He would have never let this happen to him. I'm so much less than him. I'm less than a man. And the one person who could help I can't ever see.
Morgan sighed as he saw he would get nothing out of his friend. Picking up Reid's bag he left him alone. As he got to the door, he turned, and as a last desperate attempt said sadly,
"This wasn't your fault Reid. None of it. It was his. That thing. And none of us could have stopped him. Resisted him as well as you did".
Reid listened to Morgan's words, but they barely scratched the surface of his self hatred. Reid felt dirty and sick, the very thought of someone touching him sent bile to his mouth. Reid limped out of his hospital bedroom he was forced to walk past a room he'd avoided. He looked through the window and saw the sleeping woman. His hand hovered over the door knob but he didn't go in. You coward.
Reid managed to convince Morgan that he would be alright and he entered his apartment alone. It was his stuff, but from a him that didn't exists any more. Reid walked straight in to his bedroom and sat on his bed. He sat there and didn't move all day, until it went dark. He fought against sleep, but finally he succumbed. Suddenly he was back in the hotel room...
It had been exactly one year to the day since SSA Spencer Reid was taken from his hotel room. 365 days since he was savagely beaten and violated in unspeakable ways. Reid could lie beautifully. He could lie to his therapist and his family at the BAU, but he could not lie to himself. He could pretend to the world he was healed but it was not that simple. No one knew that every night he woke screaming. No one knew that with every new case he suffered, how he felt closer now to every victim. No one knew that though he was alive, a part of him had died in that house. Jason Myers had died. The victims lost in his legend.
As Reid rode the elevator to the BAU he asked himself would he ever be whole again. Would a day come when he didn't dream of a escape. He pushed open the glass doors and Morgan was the first to say hello. He stood making coffee with Prentiss and Garcia, and could see by their faces they knew what day it was. Reid quickly put on his mask.
"How are you pretty boy?"
"I'm fine, need my Coffee though" Reid said with a utterly convincing cheery voice.
"You and your Coffee" Prentiss joked. Reid grabbed his coffee with heist, as he did not want to have the inevitable 'remember that time you were kidnapped' conversation.
As Reid sat down at his desk he noticed a package. Curious he lifted it up attempting to judge what it was, even giving it a little shake.
"O my god" Morgan gasped.
"This is so cool" Prentiss added.
Reid looked over and saw they had both received the same package, and it contained a book. Reid ripped open the paper and viewed the condense with wonder. There, in his now shaking hands lay a book. A red cover housed seven shadowy figures of somewhat familiar shape. In red shinny writing shone the title. 'The A.U'. Reid slowly turned the book and read the back
'The A.U are the elite. A special unit of superheroes chosen for their intellect, skills and their ability to think like the enemy. Brilliant and anonymous, they are revered around the world. But when one of their members is taken hostage they must question everything. Who can they trust? And can they work together to find him. It's a race against the clock for the best in the world, to become better.'
Though Reid remembered it he re-read these words again and again. He must have read the author's name about ten times before he realised Prentiss was speaking to him.
"Reid...Reid"
"Sorry, ye"
"I said could I have Anna's number so I can thank her".
"O sure". Reid rummaged around in his draw until he found what he was looking for. A scrap of paper with a number on. Giving to him by Garcia as a pick-me up attempt months ago.
Reid descended back in to his own world. He began to read a gripping and impressively intelligent novel. It was a cleverly constructed fairy tale of a group of friends who fight crime. And though it appeared playful it was highly engaging and sophisticated. Reid thought for a long time after reading about the deeper levels of the book. About trust and friendship, the very nature of right and wrong. But above all, as the BAU worked around him he thought of Anna. Not a day went by he didn't think about how she was dealing with her new life. How did she do this? Her novel was full of happiness. Anna Gilliam, who had unspeakable evil thrust upon her, had come out the other side with the kindness in her heart still there. Reid didn't know what to feel. Is she not suffering. Of course she is, she's just handling it...
...Hotch made it a rule not to involve himself in his colleagues personal lives unless it affected their work. But with Reid it was different. They had all tried their best to help him over the last year. But it was a fruitless effort. Reid changed the day he went missing. He rarely spoke if not necessary, he attempted to become invisible in large groups of people, he would still sometimes flinch when touched. He thought they didn't know how much he suffered. They all saw it every day. As he turned his lamp off he looked out over the bull pen. The young genius sat alone working. Hotch sighed as he observed him. Placing the book he had gotten in his bag, we left his office. He had called Anna to thank her for the book. Anna was doing just as bad as Reid, but she was not alone by choice.
"It's late Reid go home".
"I'm almost finished". I can't go home. I can't sleep. I don't want to see Jason's face again.
Hotch paused. "Reid I know it's been a hard year, and if you ever need to talk I'm here" Hotch said with a kind tone.
"I'm fine Hotch... Really". Neither of them believed that.
"Spencer I spoke to Anna earlier and she..." Hotch said but was quickly interrupted by Reid.
"Hotch I really don't want to talk about it".
" You're a different person now. Understandably so. But we want the old Reid back. Let us help you".
Reid considered these words for a moment. All these people willing to help him, but they couldn't.
"There's only one person I really want to speak to" Reid mumbled truthfully.
"If there's only one person who can help Reid, why are you sitting here?" Hotch asked.
"You're right" Reid said jumping to his feet. Reid suddenly realised that the person he most wanted to see in the world was Anna. He realised that she may want to see him. He'd left her to move on, but he hadn't one bit, why would she have...
...Reid prided himself on being a good profiler but when the door opened and he saw the girl he left one year ago he had no idea what she felt. Anna stared at him, not saying a word.
"Can I come in" Reid asked when she said nothing.
Anna moved out the way. Reid hadn't seen her in her wheelchair and he was rather speechless. He immediately regretted coming. How could she not hate me. Look what I did to her.
"Thank you for my book. I read it. It was amazing" Reid said as they entered her living room.
"Spencer you didn't come over to give me a book review. What do you want?" Anna stated coldly as Reid took a seat.
Reid expected her to be mad, but he needed to explain himself.
"I know you're probably angry at me but I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you'd heal better if I wasn't around as a reminder. I understand..." Anna put her hand up to stop Reid talking.
"Understand?...YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD HAVE POSSIBLY UNDERSTOOD... AND YOU LEFT ME" Anna exploded at Reid. The emotion Anna had kept bottled up for a year erupted. A year of wishing he would knock on her door was over, but now he was standing in front of her she just wanted to rant.
"YOU SELFISH BASTARD SPENCER REID". Anna fought against the tiers that were forming behind her eyes.
"Anna I'm so sorry" Reid said hopelessly.
"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU'RE SORRY OR NOT. WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU THINK YOU HAD IT SO MUCH WORSE THEN ME?"
" I didn't think that at all!"
" GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE". Reid just stood there, he had no idea what to say.
"I mean ...did you even care about me?" Anna said finally giving him eye contact.
" Of course I did... Still do...very much...I was only trying to protect you" Reid stood in shock. She's believed that for a year. ...
"Trying to protect me?... By making me feel more lonely then I thought possible" Anna whispered
A tier finally escaped her eye. It rolled down her cheek. Reid bent down so he could look Anna in the eye. He nervously stretch out his hand to wipe away the tiers. He took it as a good sign that she didn't hit his hand away.
"I have thought about you everyday Anna. I thought not being a constant reminder to you would help you recover" Reid mumbled.
"For a genius, that's very stupid". They both smiled slightly. Tiers formed in Reid's eyes and he placed his hands over Anna's.
"I am so sorry".
(I thought people might think, what Reid does is not very like him. But I think, we all sometimes do slightly misguided things when we're trying to help someone, and Reid isn't immune too that. Sometimes the best intension make things worse.)
(Thanks everybody for sticking with me for 21 chapters and for the lovely reviews. I will make it my humble mission to write a better story soon.)