Chapter 21

"Okay then, I'll share. My parents brought me up well."

My mind stops processing everything else for a moment, as his words send an ice cold wave from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. It takes him a moment to realize what he said, and when he does, he looks like he might vomit.

He can't even look at me now, as he sinks back onto his stool with his eyes on the ground and his hand rubbing his chin. His reaction makes me feel dirty, and I immediately resent it. As hard as he finds it to accept, I was in love with his father once.

I stand and pick up my bag, making for the bathroom without saying a word. I guess he thinks I'm running out on him, because the next thing I know he has his hand around my arm, tugging me back. When I turn to him, he's at a loss. He looks at me and I feel he has so much he needs to voice, but instead he says nothing, regarding me silently.

If eyes were ever truly a window to the soul, it's in this moment. I can see conflict and torture, and in my mind there's only one reason he would feel that way right now.

And it isn't due to indifference.

"Edward, I…" I shake my head in the vain hope it might clear my thoughts, but I'm too panic-stricken to do anything much more than stutter those two words. I feel like I should be saying something deep and meaningful; as though this is a moment, but I have nothing.

"Hey you guys! Where's my drink?" Jess drapes an arm over each of our shoulders, far enough on her journey into gin-fuelled drunkenness to be blissfully oblivious that she interrupted anything.

"It's right here." I pull myself together and plaster a smile on my face as I reach for her empty glass and the bottle of gin, and slosh a generous amount into the bottom. "I'm just going to the bathroom." Shamelessly I use Jess as a human shield to prevent Edward from grabbing me again as I slip away.

I hide out in the bathroom as long as seems reasonable, but eventually I know I have to go back out there again. I'm still steeling myself for seeing him back at the bar, when I walk out into the hallway and find him leaning against the wall. My heart leaps a little at the unexpected sight, and my stomach twists in conflict as an undeniable surge of attraction floods me the second he turns his head and his eyes meet mine.

He straightens up, pushing away from the wall as I approach. I can't read his face right now, and I can't be sure whether it's because he has himself so far under control, or because my own emotions are a roiling mess.

"I wanted to apologize. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," he says. "I just didn't think…" he closes his eyes and lets out a sigh.

"I know." Part of me realizes that the fact he mentioned his parents without thinking is because he doesn't automatically link me with Carlisle in his mind. I wonder how deep that connection is for me. There's the occasional thing he does, mannerisms here and there or the lilt of his voice as he asks a question, that resemble his dad, but nothing that makes me stop and falter for more than a split second.

He's Edward. Not Carlisle's son.

"I hope I'm not gonna need more fucking therapy." The way he says it makes me smile, and I see him relax as a hesitant smile spreads across his face.

He pulls on his already loosened tie until the knot falls away, and then he slides it out from under his collar. I hold my hands up.

"It was just a misunderstanding, there's no need to do anything hasty," I say in mock alarm.

"Funny." He starts stuffing the tie into his pocket.

"Stop!" I grab his hand and take the tie from him as I roll my eyes. "You'll wrinkle it." I hand him the large end to hold, and gently start rolling it from the narrow end. When I reach his hand with the roll, I pass it to him. "There."

He turns it around and looks it over.

"Thanks." He slips it carefully into his pocket this time, as though it might break. And then the elephant in the room is back, looming over us both. It's more than I can bear.

"Edward." I take a deep breath in an attempt to stay calm. "I can't change the past, you know?" I say, anxious to be free of the ominous atmosphere.

He nods.

"Yeah, I know."

"This probably isn't going to be the last time one of us unintentionally mentions something. I might even bump into you and your dad together some day, this city can seem pretty small at times. I'm guessing we have lots of potentially awkward moments ahead of us. We can't freak out every time something reminds us."

"Does anyone know? Does Jess…?" The thought obviously never occurred to him before this moment, that much is clear from the panicked look on his face.

"No! Nobody knows. Just you and Emmett. I never told a soul." His face clears a little as my words reassure him.

A group of four or five loud, giggling girls teeter drunkenly toward us down the hallway. Edward's arm darts out and catches me around the waist, pulling me back against him as one of them loses her footing and stumbles into the space where I was standing just a moment ago.

"Sorry!" she screeches, doing a double-take as she looks from me to Edward. She blushes and bats her eyelashes at him and I want to punch her. The wave of jealousy came from nowhere, and the sudden, unexpected force of it knocks the air from my lungs. If he wasn't still holding tightly onto me, I may crumple into a heap on the floor.

The girls are giggling louder than ever at their friend's misfortune, as they regroup and make for the bathroom.

I could swear I hear him inhaling in the relative quiet, feel the tickle of his nose in my hair. Being pressed up against him, my back to his chest, has left me alight, my nerve endings tingling. I step away, forcing his hand from my waist as I turn to face him.

"We should get back to the others," I say, a tremble in my voice I hope he doesn't hear.

"We should," he confirms. "I left Jess with the bottle of gin." He grimaces as he says it, and I laugh.

"Big mistake, buddy. You have a lot to learn."

Ben and Angela are back at the bar with a noticeably drunker Jess. It takes her a moment to notice us, but when she does, it's spectacular.

"Hey! Where have you two been?" She drags the words out and adds layers of suggestive overtone to them, finishing with an eyebrow waggle for good measure. She sidles up to Edward as he sits down on a stool, and slaps him on the thigh, making him wince. "Eddie boy! I bet you can teach this girl a thing or two." She points rudely at me and I hear Angela laughing somewhere off to my right.

"Jess!" I'm already mortified and I have a feeling it's only going to get worse.

"Isabella!" She holds a finger to her mouth in a hush motion. "I'm trying to help you out!" She turns back to Edward. "Now, here's the thing, Eddie. Bella is uninitiated into the joys of secret office sex."

I feel my eyes widen and my jaw drop.

"Jess!" I try again, willing her to stop. Edward knows where I met Carlisle. I look at him and he looks at me and I know we're thinking all the same things. I cringe and mouth an apology. He shakes his head and offers a small smile to let me know it's okay, and I really hope it is.