Moment in Time II
Chapter 21
Last Action Hero
"Hey," Castle greeted Kate as she arrived at the loft, "Hard Kill is ready to go and the wine has breathed. Did you get it?"
"Get what?" Kate asked.
Castle wiggled his eyebrows. "The sexy archaeologist outfit. I found your whip."
"Um no, that isn't what I was doing Castle," Kate admitted. "I was closing up my apartment."
Castle nodded. "Good. Glad you got that done. I'll start the movie. Oooh, you know you may not have an outfit, but I have mine. I got it from the Indestructibles when we - uh - went out to dinner."
"Went out to dinner Castle, really?" Kate asked skeptically. "The same dinner where that slot car got handed to you by a 'concerned citizen'?"
"Kate for all involved I think it's better for both of us if I just say it was an action packed dinner. If you don't know any more, they can't make you say it in court. But anyway, I'll get it," Castle told her, heading for the bedroom. Castle came back grinning, wearing a sleeveless shirt and headband reminiscent of Rambo. "Super cool right?"
Kate put a hand on his sizable bicep. "Yeah Castle. I think those trips to the gym are really paying off. You look buff."
"But you don't look happy." Castle observed. "C'mon Kate, talk to me. What's going on?"
Castle poured two glasses of the red wine he'd had at ready and handed one to Kate as they settled on the couch together. "Alright Castle, remember when you told me you didn't really like my apartment, about the creaky floors and hearing the shower next door?"
"Yeah," Castle recalled.
"Well a lot of great things happened to me in that apartment. I picked just the decorations I wanted. We solved my mother's murder there. When I was on suspension, I slept with you there - a lot. It was special to me and it bothered me that you had such negative feelings about it," Kate confessed.
Castle sighed, putting down his wine and dropping back against the sofa cushions. "Wow! Kate, what I felt about that place had nothing to do with the floors or the thin walls. Like you, it was about what happened there. For starters, you were with Josh there, not a scene I enjoyed picturing, but that wasn't the worst of it. You remember the first time I asked you to back off your mother's murder, for the sake of the people who loved you?"
Kate nodded.
"Well what you didn't know was that I met your father that day. He came to see me, here. He begged me to get you to back off. He didn't want to lose you like he lost your mother. Even though you were with Josh, he thought you cared about me and that I was the only one who could convince you. Montgomery said pretty much the same thing. I asked you as your partner and as your friend. You remember what happened?"
"I asked you what we really were to each other," Kate remembered.
"And how could I know, Kate? When I kissed you to distract Lockwood's guard, I practically melted into the pavement, but you acted as if you didn't feel anything. We were at the point of death together when we were tracking down the dirty bomb. We were as close as two people could be. You admitted that you weren't getting what you wanted, what you needed, from Josh. "But you went to him, not me. I was there for you. He wasn't. But you turned away from me for him. And when we finally did talk - argued really - about what went unsaid, you told me we were through.
"Then again a year later, I told you I loved you for the second time. I begged you not to get yourself killed if my love meant anything to you. But you decided that your war was more important. That apartment was the place where you denied me, denied the value of your own life. Why would I have affection for it, Kate?
"This loft, this has been our place. This is where you came to me, battered, bruised, and soaking wet. You told me you wanted me, just me. This is where we first made love. This is where you made the first mention of loving something about me, even if you didn't finish the thought until you were standing on a bomb. This has been our place, Kate. You were certainly angry enough when Meredith invaded it. But that apartment, it has been your escape route. It's been your sign that you had never fully committed to our being together. Even when we were planning our wedding, you kept it.
"Kate, I've wanted you with me every day, at the precinct and here. We spent so much time knocking down your walls. First it was your mother's death. Then it was the uncertainty of our relationship and the N.Y.P.D. rules against co-workers having one. We got past all that. That apartment was our last wall. I wanted it gone Kate. I wanted us to be one couple with one home. That's why I was so glad when you were ready to say goodbye to it."
Kate stared in bafflement at her husband. "Castle, I had no idea. Why didn't you say something?"
"Because you would have resented it, the way you just did Kate, even when I was just talking about floors. Your mother was taken from you and you weren't losing anything else. Do you remember the words you've used with me? You used them over and over: 'me, my life, mine.' You used them when I tried to get you away from you're mother's murder, you used them as an excuse for lying to me about your trip to D.C.. You've held on so tightly to everything, like you did to the pan your Nona cooked eggs in. I had to give you the time and space to let things go. Now - except for the pan - you've done that. Don't expect me not to be happy about it."
"Then I guess," Kate considered, "we have something to celebrate besides you getting to live out your fantasy as an action hero and solving Lance's murder. We have our final step to being a couple."
Are you really ready to celebrate that, Kate?" Castle asked.
Kate picked up the wineglasses they'd left ignored on the coffee table as they spoke. She handed one to Castle. "I really think I am." The crystal chimed as the glasses touched. "To our home, together."