Chapter Twenty: Desolation and Anticipation

Ana sat on the edge of her windowsill, staring out at the wintry landscape of Corus. In her hand she held the note Lucas had given her the week before. It read:

Ana,

I'm leaving today for Scanra, with Rob. By the time Lucas gives this to you I'll be long gone. I would have liked to say goodbye to you in person, but I couldn't risk the temptation to bring you with me. I hope you'll have forgiven me by the time I return.

–Marc

Ana sighed as she watched the snow fall daintily. Corus was a beautiful city and the people here were especially kind, but she'd found it hard to keep the loneliness at bay. Lucas, Will, and Tohmas were always in one council or another, preparing for the coming war. Lara was too busy to spend much time with her, and she didn't know anyone else well enough to seek them out. So now that Marc was gone she was desolate.

It surprised her how much she missed Marc, how much she craved his presence. She thought back on their time together, surprised to realize that they had only been acquainted for little more than a month. She felt like she had known him her whole life. He was all she had ever dreamed about in a man and more; the hero she had always wished would enter into her story. He was interesting, charming, dashing, beautiful, patient…perfect in all the best ways. And best of all, he liked her. Maybe he even loved her. Maybe I love him, she thought, wondering.

Perhaps that was why the world seemed to brighten when he smiled his handsome smile at her. Perhaps that was why she dreamt of him every night, her memory haunted by his alluring smell. Or perhaps it was just that he was so very good at distracting her, at making her easy with this strange new world she found herself in.

She had grown accustomed to his company over the weeks of their travels. It had been one of the happiest times in her memory, filled with his delightful conversation, sly wit, and sweet kisses. Now that he was gone she missed his presence terribly. She thought about him constantly, wondering where he was and what he was doing. She wondered if he lay awake at night and thought about her, even as she thought about him.

Ana sighed, tracing her finger absently along the frosted panes of the window. She remembered the soft warmth of his brown eyes, the sweet, tangy taste of his soft lips, and the fresh, cool scent of his skin.

Her eyes suddenly focused on the window, her hand frozen as she looked upon what she had written upon the glass.

He lies!

Ana stared at the words, frowning.

There came a sharp knock at the door. Ana started. She hesitated for a moment, then leapt off the window-seat and rushed to the portal. A servant peered at her shyly. "Lady Laranata wishes you to join her in her quarters, Lady."

Ana grinned, happy to have been granted such a well-timed distraction. She didn't want to think about the words that she had thoughtlessly written on the window. Finally, something to do! She followed eagerly as the servant led her to Lara's chambers.

"Thank you, Nancy." Lara said waving away the servant after opening her door, "Why don't you take the rest of the day off, you look harried."

Nancy scurried off with a smile. Lara shut the door, and turned to Ana. "I suppose you're wondering why I summoned you here."

Ana shook her head. "I was too grateful to be out of my rooms to be curious."

Lara laughed. "You never cease to amaze me," she chuckled. "But there was a reason I brought you here."

"And what was that?"

The older woman shook a finger at her, "I'll get there! Be patient. First I wanted to ask you about you…how you are doing." Her gaze was suddenly concerned. "You've been left alone so much lately, I've wondered. And I couldn't help but notice how much you were sighing the other night. Are you all right, Ana?"

Ana stared at Lara, suddenly a little frightened by the older woman's perception. How did she know I'm not exactly feeling peachy-keen at the moment?

"I…" Ana started, then trailed off, uncertain of how to put her feelings into words. She sighed, and said quietly, "I've been very lonely. You are all so very busy getting ready for war, and I miss having company." She paused for a moment, then whispered. "And I miss Marc very much."

"Lucas told me that you two had become quite the pair during your journey here," Lara said, her voice that of a concerned friend. "I wondered if you would miss him," she said, her words an opening.

Ana sighed, then looked up into Lara's caring eyes. "I know that what he does is vital for Tortall, but I cannot help but wish that he were here in Corus with me instead. And what he does as Spymaster is so very dangerous, I worry that something terrible will befall him."

Lara nodded, her face understanding. "Every time Lucas rides off with the Own I wonder if he will ride back to me and my children, or leave us mourning his untimely death. But though I doubt his ability to take care of himself, I trust Will and his men to keep him safe and unharmed. Marc is no stranger to danger, Ana; he has been Spymaster for many years now. He knows what he is doing."

Ana's eyes were bright, but she nodded. "Yet still I worry," she sighed.

Lara's kind eyes were knowing as she said, "You just have to learn to live with it—that is the way of ..." She paused, then said quietly, "Then you like him very much?"

Ana nodded, grateful to finally be able to say the words. "I love him."

"Ana," Lara said hesitantly. "I know that you feel very strongly about Marc, but I must warn you, as a friend…and someone who has known Marc much longer than you have…" She hesitated again.

Ana put a hand on Lara's arm. "Please tell me," she said seriously, "I would like to know what you know of him…good or bad."

It was Lara's turn to sigh. She gestured at the chairs and settee that faced the fireplace. "Perhaps we should sit?" She asked. Ana rolled her eyes, but followed Lara and sat next to her on the settee.

The older woman inhaled a deep breath, then said, "Marc is known as quite the ladies man around Corus," she said quietly. "I know of too many servants who have been left to raise the offspring of his dabbling—and not a few noble women, though they have ways of divesting themselves of such shameful burdens—to doubt it. I only ask that you be cautious before you give your heart to him. I would not want to see it broken..."

Ana looked at her hands. I think it has just broken, she thought. She felt a sharp jab of jealousy rip through her at the thought of all of the other women who had looked into his soft brown eyes and seen a smile there.

"Ana." Lara whispered, leaning over to lay her hand on Ana's knee. "Are you pregnant? Is that why you have been so depressed lately?"

Ana stared at the other woman in surprise. Her cheeks flooded with a deep blush as she realized the conclusion that Lara must have come to at Ana's reaction to her words. "No!" She stammered. "No, I'm not…we didn't…" Her blush grew deeper in her embarrassment. This is what comes of sleeping in the tents of men, Ana thought, everyone thinks you're a hussy!

Lara blinked, obviously startled. "When I heard that you'd been sleeping in his tent I assumed...I apologize."

Ana shook her head, embarrassed. "It was very inappropriate of me, I cannot blame you for coming to such a conclusion," Ana said, "but I just wanted to be with him. He was…very patient with my shyness. He was always such a gentleman…he said that he was content to watch me sleep and to have his face be the first I saw in the morning."

Lara put her hand on Ana's shoulder. "It will be comforting to you to know that I have never heard of him being so very patient before," Lara said, "Perhaps he does feel for you as you do for him."

"I hope so." Ana whispered. "And in the mean time, I will just have to resign myself to worrying about him."

Lara smiled suddenly, her eyes twinkling with sly humor. "I think I might have just the distraction to keep you from worrying too much about things that are out of your control," she said. "Now, to let you in on the reason for this little visit…I brought you here because the King's birthday is coming up, and every year we hold a celebration for him." A frown flickered across Lara's face. "This year will be no different from any other. With the threat of the Scanrans hanging over our head we need a reason to relax. Since you'll be attending the ball you'll need a dress, because you certainly won't be able to wear those," she waved a hand at Ana's breeches. She didn't seem to notice the stubborn look that came unto her face. "I think–"

Ana cut her off. "I'm not going to any ball," she scowled.

"And why is that?" Lara asked.

"Because!" Ana threw up her hands. "Every ball I've ever attended has ended with me either horribly embarrassed or fainting!"

"You attended balls in Thaylia?"

"Of course I did!" Ana cried, the words tumbling from her lips in her agitation, "My Mother, may she live forever, forced me to go! She didn't care that I am a most horrible dancer. She didn't care that the entire Court hated me! All she ever cared about was what was proper!" Ana collapsed into a chair, exhausted from her outburst.

Lara was looking at her thoughtfully. "And who was this mother of yours to have treated you in such an inconsiderate fashion? Not the Empress herself?"

Ana gasped. "How did you guess?" she asked, her irritation forgotten.

Lara smiled, "I've never heard anyone say that their mother should live forever, when they're obviously upset at them."

Ana looked frantically at Lara. "Please, please don't tell anyone!" she pleaded. She closed her eyes, cursing herself for her indiscretion. "If it were generally known…" she trailed off, horrified at the implications.

Lara grinned impishly, "I won't, as long as you come to the ball."

Ana muttered something unintelligible under her breath.

"What was that?" Lara asked.

"Fine. I'll go," Ana sulked, "but that doesn't make me any better at dancing."

Lara laughed. "Is that all you're worried about? Well I can teach you how to dance easily enough."

Ana stared at her. "Would you? I mean, with a dress and everything?"

"Of course. We could start today, I'll bring a dress."

"Where should I meet you?"

"Right here, an hour after dinner."

Ana smiled, happy once again. "I've always wanted to really learn how to dance well." It was a prominent feature in many of the novels of her childhood. She'd always resented the Court for denying her the pleasure of enjoying herself at a ball.

Lara laughed, "I'll be happy to teach you."

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