A/N: Quoted italics can refer to song lyrics this time. With this piece, all I'm asking for is for you to roll with it and have fun reading it. This is crack. And hints of smut. And I definitely had a blast writing it.
...
"Oh, you're kidding me."
"The French are glad to die for love,"
This was one of the strangest cases Shaw ever had to work,
"They delight in fighting duels!"
It was a theatre case though, so Shaw supposed it made sense. The only other time Shaw has had a theatre case, she very confused and extremely irritated.
But, this time, she was only confused.
"But I prefer a man"
Dear god she better not be looking at me
"who lives and gives expensive jewels."
Root did not sing. Root did not sing at all. And Root definitely did not sing Broadway showtunes.
And if anyone ever accused Shaw of knowing showtunes, her bullet wouldn't hit their knee.
"A kiss on the hand may be quite continental,
But diamonds are a girl's best friend."
Damn straight. Diamonds and steak that is. Who needs love when you can love a piece of meat or a nice rock?
But, damn it Root, do not start walking off the stage and into the audience.
"A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental
On your humble flat! Or help you at the automat."
But she was. Root was actually walking off the stage and into the damn audience. And there was even a spotlight following her.
"Men grow cold as girls grow old."
Which is potentially why Finch and Reese are together, Shaw mentally snarked.
"And we all lose our charms in the end."
"But square-cut or pear-shape,
These rocks won't lose their shape!"
She makes a valid point. But why the hell Root was still walking over to Shaw - especially in the middle of a case - was something Shaw did not know the answer to. And she did not want to know the answer to.
"Diamonds are a girl's best friend!"
Yes. Diamonds, steaks, and restraining orders to keep ridiculously attractive women away from you. Ridiculously attractive women who were still slowly slinking over to your spot in the audience.
"Romance is divine and I'm not one to knock it"
Yeah, right.
"But diamonds are a girl's best friend."
"Romance is divine, yes, but where can you hock it?
When the flame is the gone,
Just try and pawn a tired Don Juan?"
Why would you need to do that, when Finch has you covered with his money?
"Some men buy
And some just sigh,
That to make you their bride they intend."
Now she was only a few feet away.
"But buyers or sighers,
They're such goddamn liars!"
Now Root was only inches away. And completely ignoring the audience.
"Assassins are a girl's best friends." She whispered sotto voce. This in itself was throwing off Sameen's focus.
But both women were lost to world when lips captured lips.
And when their perp of the day tried to escape the crowd after the surprise in the piece, he was taken out by some mysterious man in a attractive dark suit.
Said man walked over to the women who were still lost to the world.
And then promptly turned around, knowing better than to interrupt such a moment.
"Dinner, Harold?"
"I'd be delighted, John. Just no place that serves steak."
At the mention of Shaw's favorite food, John turned back to the women who were now entangled on the auditorium's floor and had definitely moved on to actions other than kissing.
"Show's over, folks!" He said to the other audience members who still hadn't left the showcase of the night. The director of said showcase seemed to be appalled - and mildly impressed? - at such behavior, but when she tried to intervene John just held up a hand.
"Professor Thorn," At this point, he was a little surprised that the professor in question didn't question a stranger knowing her name. "It would honestly be best to just close up shop and clean up in the morning. This is the part where a building could explode and they wouldn't notice. They're not going to be done any time soon, so it's really in your best interest to leave."
"Case is handled, by the way." He said to the women possessing the floor, still averting his eyes. And with that, he turned around. He then continued on conversation with Harold, content to let the Root and Shaw do… whatever it is that Root and Shaw do.
After watching the couple continue to moan around and move on the floor, Professor Thorn raised an eyebrow but conceded his point. She then proceeded into the sound booth before turning off all the auditorium lights and "closing shop".
How am I going to explain this? But that thought was overshadowed by another one, one which was quite worse: How am I going to walk over that spot without cringing or laughing from the absurdity of everything?
Either way, Professor Thorn was really quite content to just let it be until the morning.
As the door closed behind the dear professor, Root took a breath of air and looked up. She smirked.
"Finally. Some alone time." Sameen was panting below her. But the tables turned because soon Sameen flipping her over and pinning her to the ground.
"Shut up." Came the loving growl.
A/N: I have to say this was not something I expected to create. But I'm proud, and I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have.
On a personal note, I'm really happy to say I just got hired to be a writing tutor! I got interviewed and got the offer earlier this morning, and I'm just so thrilled!
Have a nice day!