Reminiscence
Nemu awoke, feeling strangely stiff and uneasy. As she blinked the sleep away and rubbed her neck, she was surprised to find herself sprawled on the window seat, her books placed in a neat stack next to her. The girl rose slowly to a sitting position and eyed the library. It was dark outside, which meant she had probably slept through the entire day, but…why hadn't anyone come looking for her.
She would've asked herself how she got to the window seat as well, since she remembered dozing off on the table, but that was quickly answered when she realized she was covered with a long white coat, property of Ukitake Jushiro. The man himself was nowhere in sight, but Nemu supposed that he would show up if she called for him. She was halfway to do so, too, when, instead, she picked up the coat and examined it.
There was no logical explanation why, but the man looked amazing in white. Whether it was the strange color of his hair, or his pale complexion, the color suited him naturally. Nemu herself hadn't given much thought to what color, or clothes, would suit her best. She'd grown up wearing clothes from second-hand shops because her father didn't see a reason to waste money on brand new ones. If possible, she even wore his old lab-coats at home. He breathed a 'hallelujah' when she went to kindergarten, and then to school, because they all wore uniforms that were also good for wearing at home. Now she just put on whatever she felt more comfortable in, with no regards of fashion or design. It didn't bother her like it would bother most girls her age-Nemu had just figured that it wouldn't matter, or make a difference.
It was strange, therefore, that she noticed how Ukitake was dressed. He had natural grace, an elegance that couldn't be hidden-from the way his hair fell to the way certain colors looked on him. Did he notice how she looked? He'd never remarked on her choice of clothes, but then again, he was pretty tactful when it came to people's flaws, and he was conscious of his looks. And why was she suddenly feeling so uneasy if she imagined him disapproving of her? Her father's wrath, she had had reasons to avoid it, but somehow, the thought of Ukitake-san being disappointed in her offered a whole new level of shame?
Nemu had gotten the idea that women valued looks more than men, and yet she remembered some passages in the book that she had been reading where entire paragraphs were dedicated to the clothes, shoes and make-up of the characters. The main hero seemed more interested in the heroine when she was "dolled-up", and she recalled distinctly how he commented on that whenever they were about to engage into sexual intercourse.
It was a curious thesis. She had to ask Ukitake-san if it mattered to him whether the woman was dressed well or not. Filing this for future reference, Nemu also recalled a certain paragraph where scent was described as one of the villain's obsessions. Remembering the way he smelled at every object he got from the woman and got an 'impression of her', she brought the coat closer to her face and carefully sniffed it.
"Ah, Nemu-san, you're awake." The voice made her start and nearly drop the garment, but the years under her father had taught her, if not perfect obedience, than self-control. She turned around to see Ukitake-san walking through to room with a few books in hand.
"I'm sorry. Did my mother sent you to look for me?" she asked.
"Oh, no. Unohana-sensei was busy with a problematic patient. I just decided to come down and get some books to read. You got me interested in Charlotte Bronte, and I wanted to be ready for our meeting tomorrow. I hope you will excuse me-I saw you lying on that table and thought that you might get a sore back, so I moved you here. Are you alright?"
"Yes. I am very well. Thank you." Nemu swung her feet off the seat and handed him the coat "Weren't you cold?"
"No, I was fine." He smiled, and for a split second she felt something tighten in her chest. Why did she feel so…enclosed all of the sudden? She had the most distasteful urge to jump up and scream happily. 'Over-exuberance is unbecoming.' Her father once told her. Like everything, she had taken it for granted. But didn't he say that novels were for fools? And Ukitake read Bronte, despite the fact that he was very intelligent. "So, you decided to do some reading yourself?"
"Yes." Nemu picked up 'Story Hearts' and showed it to him "I was curious to read some contemporary literature and found this."
"I've never heard of that author." He noted, taking the book from her and going over the pages where her bookmark was set. Immediately, his eyes widened and a strange flush surfaced on his cheeks. Nemu had cut her reading right in the middle of a rather racy love scene in the stables, which the antagonist had been observing. Apparently, the part right after his thoughts and feelings were described had bored her to sleep, but Ukitake had a really hard time keeping his jaw from dropping as he skimmed over the words and sentences.
Really, why did Unohana keep such novels in the library? Sure, people had different tastes, but if Nemu could read things like this, she would get really strange ideas. She was supposed to expand her horizons, but not in this direction. But then again her mother had probably thought that she wasn't the….type, to read such literature.
Carefully closing the book, he returned it to her. "Well…this was most…educational."
"You read something interesting, Ukitake-san?" she asked.
"Nemu…um…why did you pick this book to read? It definitely doesn't seem like something you'd choose."
"That is exactly why I took it. And I was curious, because I seem to warm up towards Richard, the antagonist, and wanted to see if the author will show him as a good guy at some point. So far, however, she is trying her best to make him look perverse, antisocial and evil, but her efforts to do it through pointing out the goodness in his counterpart only make the former look clumsy and unfinished."
"I suppose that too much goodness in one is not healthy." He said wisely, sitting next to her on the window
"Ukitake-san…I wanted to ask you a few questions that rose from my reading this book." She began, as she made more room for him.
"Questions?" oh, boy, this would get ugly, he thought, bracing himself for the storm
"Yes. There are quite a few things that the author underlines through the narrative and I wished to discuss them with someone. First…why does the heroine pick the hero over the villain? If one overlooks the obvious difference of habits and behavior in society, their characters would suggest that she should fall in love with Richard, because he is smart, calm, and reliable. Second, if the heroine should be as brilliant as she is described to be, why does she give such importance to her looks and does not read? And finally, how do looks and copulation fit into the whole scheme? I understand that the former has a great meaning to relationships nowadays, but a great many paragraphs are dedicated to the description of a dress, which has no relevance to the situation because it is more or less discarded by the end of the chapter."
Ukitake's expression could be described as…totally and irrevocably dumbstruck. Even his control over his jaw had slackened, opening his mouth a bit. Why on Earth…well, he knew that everyone had their own writing style, but…How was it possible that the girl was nearly twenty years old and she couldn't understand things like that? He was definitely having a word with her mother.
"Well…for the first and second, I can't answer you unless I read the book…" which, at this point, was unavoidable "And as for the third…well…Nemu-san, as you said, sex is considered a milestone in a relationship nowadays. It means that the two people involved trust each other and care for one another enough to take such a step. Looks…well, they shouldn't be that important, but when people are in love, they try to look their best for their…partner, because good looks are generally valued in today's society." He spoke the words slowly, carefully, as if he himself wasn't sure whether they were correct.
"But you just said that it shouldn't matter. Does the change matter or the changing itself?"
"Well, yes. The changing matters, because….because it means you are willing to do something for your special person, even though you yourself never considered it."
"But that would go against people's beliefs. If people went against their beliefs, they wouldn't be themselves. If they are not themselves, the others would love them for something they are not."
That was…generally true. However, there was more to it….
"A slight change wouldn't hurt anyone, and it might please the one you love." He hoped that it would be enough of an explanation.
"Do looks matter to you, Ukitake-san?" She asked "Would a woman's attire determine whether you would engage a relationship with her or not?"
"You can't judge a book by the cover, Nemu-san. I generally wait until I get to know her before we become a couple." Why was it so hard telling her this? He was older than her, a man aged before his time, and he was supposed to be teaching her the ways of life. She wasn't even an adult, more like a…woman-child in her innocence. Why was it so hard to be a father-figure for her then? With every passing day, he realized that he couldn't handle the themes of their conversations. Whenever it was about love, relationships or simply….sex, he felt that he couldn't be impassive about it. And the looks he caught himself giving her…as if he was evaluating something.
The things that happened beyond his reason freaked him out, disgusted him…
"Generally, I prefer to get to know her…but I can't deny that sometimes, I feel inclined to get to know someone who is…more attractive."
"I see…" she nodded, before getting on her feet and excusing herself for the night.
Nanao stretched as she finally finished the document she'd been writing on her laptop. She was inclined to crash in early, disregarding the fact that she didn't need to get up early tomorrow, when something flashed and a chat room screen opened.
Nan-chan's-knight: Nanao-chan?
Hesitating between turning it off or not, Nanao looked at the profile carefully. Japanese. 31 years old. CEO. Shunshui?
Nan-chan's-knight: I wrote you another poem. Wanna hear it?
Yup, definitely him. Not that the username was very cryptic.
: I don't want to hear it, thank you very much.
Nan-chan's-knight: Ah, so cruel, Nanao-chan. I thought that the distance straightened love, and you are still unchanged.
: I've only been away for less than a two weeks.
Nan-chan's-knight: It feels like an eternity to my lovesick heart.
: Do you have any reason to call me, other than waxing eloquent about your heart again?
Nan-chan's-knight: I wanted to know how you are doing, my Nanao-chan. How is it? Are your neighbors good to you? Are they good men?
: Yes. But I'm living in a female dorm.
Nan-chan's-knight: Ah, you care for me, Nanao-chan! You spared my heart! No men around you then?
: The only thing I would admire about you is your ability to type fast.
Nan-chan's-knight: One day you'll say it, my sweet.
: Say what?
Nan-chan's-knight: That you cannot live without me.
She didn't answer. For one, she wasn't sure what to say. He was right, to some extent, but…she wouldn't tell him. And…how could she actually tell him anything, when she wasn't absolutely sure it was him. For one thing, he wrote with amazingly little mistakes.
Nan-chan's-knight: You there, Nanao-chan?
: How did you find me?
Nan-chan's-knight: You said where you were going, remember?
: I meant how you found me here.
Nan-chan's-knight: I asked Ran-san, of course.
: Why hasn't she called me yet?
Nan-chan's-knight: Problems with Hitsugaya-kun, I guess. The company's drowning in paperwork.
She paused. Her lips quirked into a thin smile, and she allowed herself a small laugh as she typed down: "Nice try, Aoi-san." ,before logging off. If Rangiku had problems with Hitsugaya, the paperwork would've been the first to know.
Meanwhile, Matsumoto's future couldn't look any brighter. No, seriously bright, because the young woman was standing on the last floor of a construction site, where, according to the manager, hers and Hitsugaya's new apartment would be.
The building was nearly finished, although the front façade was still missing, leaving them staring at the park through no windows or walls.
"Like I said…" the man showing them around caught her attention "It'll be another six months before anyone could move in, but by that time, everything will be fixed. The best part of buying a place that is still in construction is that you guys can have some walls changed and get a saying in the paint job."
"Yeah…" Hitsugaya murmured pensively as he looked over the blueprints. "Look, Rangiku, we can arrange for shelves to be installed. Do you want to set up a library in this room, or the other?"
"Hmm…" she swallowed hard, tearing her eyes away from the view and holding onto the wall hard enough for her knuckles to turn white. She had to stop thinking about the fact how high they were. "Well…I'm not sure that…I mean…" she looked at him "Toushiro, are you sure we need a three-room suit?"
"Yeah." He said, eyebrows winging upwards "I mean, we'll need one for guests, won't we?"
"Erm…probably, but…" she slowly walked away from the edge, careful, lest she be walking in the wrong direction. "My mother wouldn't visit that often."
"Neither will mine, but with Nanao running away from Kyoraku all the time…" he left the blueprints and took her hand in his "Are you alright?"
"Sure…Just…too high…" she swallowed hard, wiping the cold sweat from her brow. Just one step towards the drop…Oh, Lord!
Matsumoto took a deep breath to hold herself together through the elevator ride. Mercifully, she made it to the parking lot, where she braced herself on a tree and threw up.
"Sorry…" she mumbled when, a few minutes later, the two of them were walking through the park. The smell of verdure and autumn was slowly calming her down, but she still felt shaken "I guess I can't take heights too well."
"It's alright, really." Hitsugaya said, brushing a few strands of strawberry hair from her temples. They stopped to get a bottle of water. "Though it never bothered you before."
"Everything's fine, as long as there's a nice wall between you and the drop." Rangiku explained, drowning the beverage in one gulp. "I don't understand it either, but all of the sudden I felt absolutely…light-headed. And then I was cold." She shivered "One wrong step and I might have fallen."
"I wouldn't have allowed it." He assured her, shrugging off his jacket and throwing it over her shoulder. "Are you feeling better."
"Somewhat. I don't know, Toushiro, maybe we shouldn't aim for big places like that. We really don't need three bedrooms."
"You're right." He nodded "I've got to stop thinking like a…never mind. I just thought that, since you liked guests so much…that we would need more space."
"I like to have people around me, but my place is smaller and I still manage to throw nice gatherings. Really, we shouldn't waste money on a mansion when we wouldn't need half of it."
"I'm more concerned about you." He said, reaching out to touch her forehead "You're warm."
"I don't feel warm." Rangiku sighed, hugging herself deeper into his jacket.
"Come along." He wrapped his arms around her "Let's go home. You'll lie down, you'll relax, and I'll finish up your share of paperwork."
"As tempting as that sounds…" she laughed "I really have to go back. Shunsui's tearing his hair off and you know how bad that looks."
"Point taken. But Rangiku…" he looked at her in the eyes "Promise me that you'll look after yourself. If you feel the slightest discomfort, you are going straight home, do you understand?"
"I guess there's no way I couldn't have." She smiled, hugging him gently.
However, as the day advanced, the less paperwork was being done and her visits to the ladies' room became more frequent. She couldn't even look at the lunch Kiyone brought for her, and she was getting edgier as the hours passed.
She tossed her pen aside with disgust and eyed the office as if it was somehow responsible for her misfortune. It wasn't really her fault that she got sick, just…she didn't want to be. There were too many things to do. As her gaze went over the familiar objects in search for a distraction, it fixed on the calendar. Matsumoto frowned. Something was wrong, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. The square was on the correct day, but…something bothered her.
Getting on her feet, the blond crossed the room and eyed the carefully scribbled dates. And then…then all the air left her body and she had to grab onto the wall, lest she fall down. Her heart seemed to stop beating and a cold shiver went down her spine. Because something, or better, the lack of something, was staring at her with such a surprising clarity that it brought a panic attack to her.
"Oh God…" she moaned quietly, sloping down on a chair "God, you can't be doing this to me."
A/N-Reviews, people!