Well, this fic is winding down. Just a few more posts. But, next I will be posting an Ord Mantell fic, Mission Misfire, which is a prequel to Foreign Territory. There is also a sequel that I will post after. I must have been channeling George Lucas when I wrote them out of order lol. Thank you again to everyone reading along, it's fun to entertain you guys :)
Sleep eluded Han. He tried to clear his mind but found thoughts of Leia and the future bouncing inside his head like the ball in a smashball court.
Asleep beside him after several hours of tossing and turning fitfully, Leia looked young and angelic. Her dark, thick hair billowed behind her and her face was absent of worries. She looked more beautiful than usual. He could imagine the young woman she would have been had she not been forced into a life of loss and war.
Was he in love with her? Blast it, he probably was. He had never been in love before and hadn't given any thought to what it might feel like.
He was pretty sure she loved him too, although he couldn't fathom why. When they first met, he had been certain she would never go for a guy like him. She was a Princess. And although he had been very attracted to her, had used any excuse to be near her, he never really believed there was a possibility of anything happening between them. But then, slowly, he started to notice something in her eyes when she looked at him. And on Ord Mantell, he became quite certain.
Somewhere, he had once heard that sex was better when you were in love. He had scoffed but was now surprised to find that it was true. He had always wanted to please the women he was with. It was only fair, and honestly, it fed his ego. But pleasing Leia, hearing and feeling her responses to him, turned him on more than he ever thought possible. And being inside her, their bodies fused together…he was getting hard just thinking about it. He hadn't been so easily aroused since he was a horny teenage boy.
She had no idea the hold she had over him. He knew he would do anything for her. He had risked his life time and again on her behalf. It surprised him how much he cared about her feelings. Every time he sensed she was upset he wanted to ease her pain. He had never been much of a talker. Words made him uncomfortable. It was easier to just walk away. But Leia's happiness was tantamount. For the first time, he cared about a woman more than he cared about himself.
It killed him to leave her, knowing it would hurt her. Hell, it would hurt him too, more than he ever dreamed. And it pained him to tell her his suspicions about his fate. But he wanted her to realize that he wasn't leaving because he wanted to, he was leaving because he had no choice. And he couldn't give her any promises.
He deeply regretted letting this debt go unpaid. It was quite possibly the biggest mistake of his life.
He wondered what would happen if he were able to stay. If the war ever ended, Leia's life would change drastically. And where would that leave him? Realistically, he couldn't expect to have a future with her. It was all well and good while they were living underground with the Rebels. But when it came to real life…
What was wrong with him? He was thinking about the future, which completely went against all his principals.
Han banished those thoughts from his mind. What was the point? He was leaving, he had no choice. There was no reason to ponder the 'what ifs.'
But when he was honest with himself, he knew he wanted to tell her that he would come back, that he would find her no matter what. But he couldn't make promises that he might not be able to keep. He couldn't leave her waiting on him. If he didn't make it out of Jabba's palace alive, he didn't want Leia stuck in time, waiting for him to return.
He reached over and ran his hand through her dark tresses, careful not to wake her. She was so beautiful. He hadn't noticed right away on the Death Star; she was so mouthy and had irritated the hell out of him. It was only in the Falcon's cockpit, after escaping the TIE-fighters, when she got that fire in her eyes and told him off that he really saw her for the first time. A slight thrill had gone through him. Then, at the medal ceremony, she had been radiant. Beaming, hair in a much more flattering style, her figure was more visible in a form-fitting gown. Han had been taken aback by just how attractive she was.
He should have known then that he was in trouble. It was in that moment that he decided to hang around and work for the Rebels for a while.
Now here he was, three years later, captivated. The thought of leaving Leia now brought a sharp ache to his chest. It felt vaguely familiar but Han couldn't recall what in his past might have made him feel this way.
Thirteen days from Bespin. Once there, they had two, maybe three days, tops. One more day after that to reach the fleet. Han had grown up on the streets, freed Chewbacca from slavery, smuggled for the biggest crime lords, and piloted through an asteroid field. How could saying good bye to a tiny, slip of a woman be the hardest thing he ever had to do?
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On the last night of the long journey to Bespin, Leia decided to practice her newly-acquired cooking skills by making dinner to celebrate their safe arrival. So many things could have gone wrong. They were lucky to have survived the trip. It seemed to Han, however, that using the term 'celebrate' was a bit ironic.
Apparently, she had saved some of their better freeze-dried food for tonight. She had insisted that the hesitant Chewbacca join them, that they all needed to celebrate together. Chewie had tried to beg off, but Leia wouldn't take no for an answer. And when she had her mind set on something, Han knew it was better to just give in. Apparently, Chewie knew this too, because here he was, seated in the crew lounge across from Han.
Chewie growled quietly to Han. Han grimaced. "Yeah, I'm a little scared too."
It would be really bad if the food was terrible. He would eat it anyway, but what was he going to say to Leia? 'Nice try, Sweetheart. I'll choke it down?' If he lied, she would probably know. If he was honest, she would probably be mad. It was a lose-lose situation.
"Maybe this'll help, Buddy." From under the table, he pulled out a large bottle of Astorian wine. He had been saving it for the last night, for Leia and himself. But it might benefit them most if they drank it with the meal.
Chewie roared enthusiastically as Han filled the three glasses on the table. When he reached for it, Han motioned him to wait. He figured Leia should be there.
She appeared from the corridor, carrying two plates. She looked slightly frazzled.
"You need help?" Han offered.
She shook her head. "No, thank you." She placed a plate in front of each of her companions then disappeared.
Han looked at his plate skeptically as Chewie sniffed. He barked quietly.
Han smiled grimly. "Well, if your big nose doesn't think it smells bad, that's a good sign."
Leia returned with a third plate, set it down in front of the seat next to Han then sat down. She noticed the filled glasses. "What's this?"
Han produced the bottle from the floor and held it up for her approval. "I've been saving this for a special occasion. I guess this is about as special as it's going to get."
Leia smiled and Han wondered what she was thinking. She turned towards her plate. "I hope you like this." She sounded anxious.
Right, Han thought wryly. He looked at Chewie to find him staring back with the same trepidation he felt. He examined his plate filled with noodles, what looked to be some type of vegetable, and tagorian beans.
"Why do you look terrified?" Leia asked, eyes narrowed.
He shot her an innocent look. "Me?" He pointed at his chest with his thumb. "No way." He hoped he sounded convincing. He mustered a brave smile and dug his fork into the noodles. Here goes nothing. He shoveled some food in his mouth and braced himself for impact. He chewed, keeping the smile plastered on his face. As the flavors coalesced in his mouth, he slowly came to the realization…it wasn't bad. He chewed a moment longer, swallowed, then turned to Leia. "Hey. Not bad. I'm impressed."
Leia's smile was crooked. "I guess that's the best I can hope for." But she seemed pleased.
With a dubious expression, Chewie took a bite. He chewed thoughtfully, barked approval, and patted Leia gently on the head.
Leia's smile widened. "I had a good teacher."
Chewie guffawed and returned to his plate.
Han raised his glass. "Hey, a toast."
Leia and Chewie each held up their glasses in turn.
"We made it," Han said simply. He clinked each of their glasses and took a sip. Tomorrow they would arrive on Bespin. The moment was bittersweet.
For the next few hours, Han, Leia, and Chewie talked, joked, and traded stories. Many of Chewie's stories did not portray Solo in the best light. Han felt fortunate that they mostly relied on him to translate.
"I'm not telling her that." Han laughed and shook his head as the Wookiee doubled over with laughter.
"Oh, come on," Leia urged. "Tell me." She was sitting, legs crossed, facing Han and smiling broadly.
He downed the last of his wine. "That goes up with the ship," he told her with a grin.
Chewie stood and informed them that he was done for the night. He gave Leia an affectionate hug around the shoulders then slapped Han on the back a little harder than necessary. Han winced slightly but said nothing.
"Good night, Chewie," Leia called softly after him. He grumbled gently in return.
Silence settled over the lounge. The evening had been a much needed distraction. Now that they were alone, Han was aware that he was feeling emotional and was uncertain what to say. He considered pouring himself another glass of wine then decided it was a bad idea. Who knew what damn fool thing might come out of his mouth if he were drunk. Instead, he took Leia's hand in his. They stared into each other's eyes and Han felt as if they were saying so much without uttering a word.
She squeezed his hand and he leaned forward to kiss her, long and slow. She clutched his shoulders and he wished she never had to let go. Dimly, he wondered when he had turned into such a sap of a man.
When their lips parted, Leia spoke first. "When we started towards Bespin, thirty-eight days seemed endless," she said with quiet seriousness. "But it went by very quickly."
"It did," Han agreed, matching her tone.
She sat back and looked at him and Han could tell she was contemplating her next words. "I'm going to miss you," she finally said in a soft whisper.
It tugged at Han's heart. His eyes fell to the floor and it took several heartbeats to form the words he had been wanting to say for days. "You could come with me," he said casually, not looking at her. He waited a long moment. When she didn't respond, nerves fluttered in his stomach and he forced his gaze back to hers.
She watched him wistfully. "You know I can't do that." Her voice was barely audible.
He knew. He had known it was a terrible idea to ask before the words even left his mouth. But, somehow that hadn't stopped him.
Leia leaned close and placed a hand across his cheek. "Take me to bed, Han," she whispered. "Let's forget for a little while."
For a long moment, Han looked into her eyes. Then he stood slowly, gently pulling Leia to her feet. He swept her into his arms and kissed her passionately before carrying her to the cabin.