Hello! Before you read any further I just wanted to thank you all for your continued support it means a lot to me. I'm giving you all an extra-long chapter! A few things before I go on. I have a Tumblr under the same pen name, you can join me on there if you want to see random stuff I like and be updated on my writing process or what's going on. I also created a discord server for people who want to talk about my fanfics or just talk to me in general are welcome to join. I'm always here for you guys. Truly. I have the link on my tumblr as well as on Ao3 where I post under the same name. You guys are a bit ahead of my archive folks, but I'm working on it.
TLDR; Thank you guys. I have a tumblr and I made a discord chat. Feel free to hit me up about anything really. I'm here for anyone who needs it. Here's an extra-long chapter.
"Okay, I did it." Alanna breathed happy to be able to move on from the area. Frisk began to walk back toward the landing for the Riverperson. "I hate the heat." She mumbled trudging onward.
"Why?" Frisk signed glancing over their shoulder.
"Heat is just…..how do I explain it." She mumbled running a hand through her hair in contemplation. She felt a small thrill that she could run it straight through without problems. "So, with the cold you can always put on more layers. Get a blanket or a fire. But with the heat there's only so many layers of clothing you can take off. It's not like I can rip my skin off to escape the heat."
"Why don't you go swimming?" They suggested.
"Well that's one way, but how often do you have a swimming place and a change of clothes when you really need it?"
"Yeah," Frisk relented, "cold is pretty fun. You can build snow skeletons."
"Skeletons?" Alanna contemplated. "Wouldn't making the bones be hard?"
They reached the landing and Alanna was astonished to see the Riverperson waiting for them, turning their darkened pit of a gaze to her. She shivered slightly despite the heat. It wasn't that the Riverperson made her feel threatened, but something about them felt ancient. Like having an eldritch being take you for a taxi drive.
"How did they know?" She muttered without thinking.
"I don't know. They're just always there when I need them." Frisk shrugged climbing into the boat.
Alanna slowly boarded feeling the boat bob underneath her added weight. The Riverperson watched her still.
"Where to?" They asked in that airy voice. Frisk elbowed Alanna to get her attention.
"You have to talk to them eventually. Your turn to tell them."
Alanna's mouth went dry. Damn heat, she thought ignoring the icy feeling that their gaze created. "Um," the Riverperson simply tilted their head as if to hear her better, "can you take us to Snowdin, please?"
"Please." They echoed. They hummed then, a soft and pleased sound. "We're off." The boat shifted almost of its own accord into the current.
"You told Papyrus that we could have a slumber party." Frisk signed after getting Alanna's attention.
"Yeah, I thought he'd like that." Alanna said starting to smile. "You know we could tell scary stories, or pretty stories," she amended at Frisk's slight head shake, "teach you guys how to braid hair. We could paint nails and watch movies. Make fun food. I figured I'd go shopping for it tomorrow."
Frisk snickered. "With what gold?"
Oh. Right. All the gold she had collected from abashed monsters was gone now. Not that she had collected a lot but it was enough to get some groceries. "Well…." she mumbled.
"Tra la la." The Riverperson sang. "I should have worn more pants today." They half said half sang. "Tra la la."
"Don't worry I've got plenty." Frisk grinned. "I wanna help."
For a moment the Riverperson's humming transformed into a familiar melody before it distorted and broke away. But the words of the song slowly began to surface in Alanna's mind. Frisk seemed to notice the shift in attention.
"What?"
"Oh," Alanna glanced to the Riverperson, "it's just….it sounded like a song I know." The humming fell silent as they leaned slightly toward her.
"Oh?" Even Frisk seemed disturbed by the quiet question they posed.
"Yeah," Alanna replied lamely.
"Would you like to sing it?" She could swear that the voice sounded like it was laughing in delight.
"Ah, I don't really sing-"
"You may have one question." They interjected softly. Frisk was frozen as was the boat it seemed easily sitting still in the current. After a moment Frisk nudged Alanna.
"They never answered any of my questions this whole time." The magnitude that was conveyed in that sentence astounded Alanna. The whole time Frisk had been in the underground? Even through the resets and saves? "Do it."
"But….I don't like singing in front of people." Alanna said shyly. The Riverperson simply waited. Somewhere on the bank of what looked to be Waterfall, something moved. Alanna was too transfixed staring into the darkness that was the Riverpersons face.
"Two questions." The voice had hardened slightly like that was their final offer. Frisk was squirming at her indecision.
Alanna sighed in defeat and took a small breath steadying her nerves. "Fine."
"Yes!" Frisk nearly danced in joy.
Another sigh. Alanna looked up at that dark mass and slowly began to sing.
"It's getting late and I cannot seem to find my way home, tonight. Feels like I am falling down a rabbit hole...Falling for forever, wonderfully wandering alone." She quietly sang. The Riverperson seemed delighted and softly was humming along with her.
It felt...different. As if the world on the outside was melting away. Like their soft humming was cutting through her nerves so that she could sing the song like it was supposed to be. She hardly noticed when the boat began to lazily move through the stream, still at odds with the current around it.
"What would my head be like, if not for my shoulders, or without your smile may it follow you forever. May it never leave you to sleep in the stone, may we stay stay lost on our way home." In the corner of her vision she saw Frisk looking calmly between her and the bank. Frisk finally settled on staring at you a smile tugging at their lips.
"C'mon, c'mon with everything falling down around me, I'd like to believe in all the possibilities." Alanna let herself stop. The Riverperson she realized had moved very close to her, and the darkness dominated her vision. They had to be a few inches apart. She still couldn't see their face.
"Ah," they breathed and Alanna felt a shiver run through the core of her. They sounded disappointed she had stopped but moved slowly backward. "It's nice to hear music from above." They sighed. There was a small jolt and Alanna squeaked out in fear almost automatically reaching for her magic. She felt it flow through her for a moment before she worriedly let it go. The Riverperson watched her for a moment that felt almost infinite.
Frisk tapped Alanna and she broke the strange standoff between them by looking down at them. "Ask what their name is." Frisk had already climbed out of the boat onto a snow-covered bank.
"Someone else needs me." The Riverperson told her with a small hum. It was strange, but she understood on some deep level that they wanted to be alone with her if she asked questions. They were for her to hear, not anyone else. She nodded and stepped out of the boat, happy to be back on solid ground.
"Have a good day." She said with a small smile.
"Tra la la," they sang without moving, "beware the man who speaks in hands." Alanna froze staring at them. "Do what you think is right." Their voice was so soft Alanna wondered if she had imagined it. They nodded slowly once and then pushed back into the stream humming their discordant songs until they had disappeared.
"You were supposed to ask a question!" Frisk whined out loud truding the familiar way home. Without her coat she could feel the cold sharply, but it was so much better with clothes that fit.
"I'm going to ask two questions later." Alanna corrected with a small grin. "I didn't see you singing for an eldritch boatmaster."
"Eldritch?" Frisk asked softly.
"water you two doing?"
Alanna nearly screamed when she realized Sans was just walking next to them as if he had been adventuring with them this whole day. Alanna belatedly laughed at the pun and Sans turned his lazy smile onto her, but it froze as did the rest of him.
His eyelights were locked onto Alanna, roaming in quick succession her hair, face, and her new clothes. Feeling slightly gawked at Alanna ducked her head and quickly began to head for the house hitching her backpack a bit higher. Frisk lagged behind with Sans.
"Staring is rude." Frisk snickered.
"heh, yeah you're right, kid. eye see what i did wrong." He quipped back. "didn't realize our other human would be such a vision in some new clothes."
Alanna walked faster knowing Sans wouldn't want to put forth the effort to catch up with Frisk by his side. It was late enough that the normal monsters who decided to walk around Snowdin were inside. The light had shifted fading by the second. By the time Alanna made it to the house its lights were the brightest thing around.
"HELLO NEW HUMAN!" Papyrus greeted her as soon as she crossed the threshold. A small part of her was sad to realize all the time they spent together was forgotten.
"Hey Paps. You can call me Alanna you know?" She added knocking the snow off her shoes before stepping into the warmth of the house. Papyrus rushed up to her sweeping her into an enthusiastic hug.
"WOWIE! YOU LOOK NICE." She automatically blushed. Papyrus didn't really do insincere compliments. "DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR HAIR?" He added setting her back onto her feet.
"I brushed it." Alanna nodded pulling her backpack off and setting it in its usual spot underneath the side table.
"ARE YOU HUNGRY, I AM SURE THERE IS SOME LEFTOVERS FROM MY FAMOUS SPAGHETTI." It was so normal and comforting to hear him. Even if he had no idea how to control his volume, he still set her at ease like a balm to her soul.
"I already ate some ramen with Alphys." She said settling onto the couch.
"AH YES OF COURSE!" Papyrus sat next to her. "WAIT!" He suddenly twisted to face Alanna looking….well slack-jawed. "YOU KNOW ALPHYS?"
"Frisk introduced me."
"OH! IT IS GOOD THAT YOU ARE MAKING FRIENDS SO QUICKLY HUMAN!"
"Alanna." She corrected almost instantly.
"ALANNA." He corrected himself. She grinned at him, which caused the smallest dusting of orange to cross his cheeks.
"So do you mind if I cook dinner for us tomorrow? I know it's usually your thing but-" Papyrus cut through her quiet explanation stars shining in his eyes.
"ALANNA, YOU CAN COOK?" There was an unexpected burst of joy at Papyrus actually using her name on its own.
"Well...yeah...I've lived alone for like the last 5 years. I had to learn how to cook."
"five years." Sans repeated settling on the other side of Papyrus. Frisk sat against Alanna's legs happy to sprawl on the floor. "you would have been 17 or something like that."
"18," Alanna corrected, "my birthday is…." She paused. Technically it had already passed without celebration, but now that time had been reversed… "Probably in like a week or so?" She finished shrugging. "So it's almost been 5 years."
"Your birthday is soon?" Frisk asked aloud looking betrayed. "Like really?"
"Um, yeah." Alanna mumbled. "I haven't celebrated it in a long time." She added hoping that would help.
"NOT CELEBRATING A BIRTHDAY?" Papyrus seemed appalled. Even Sans was watching with interest.
"Can we not do the whole birthday thing?" It was getting hard to breathe. Roaring began in her ears, faint but quickly growing.
"Why?" Frisk demanded. Of course they would have very strong opinions on birthdays. They were ten or so at heart, age must be a strange thing to deal with when time was so fluid.
"Bad memories." Alanna tried her hardest not to remember. She felt herself curling up slightly as her mind scrambled to latch onto anything other than the memory. Phantom hands holding her wrists. The metallic taste of blood. A stinging slap for fighting back. Violation.
She couldn't be here anymore.
"But-"
"kid." Sans began but Alanna was already moving pushing out the door and into the cold. It wasn't enough to take her mind off of it, so she ran. She ran until she couldn't breathe, until her legs were burning so much they felt like they were on fire. Alanna pushed farther until she couldn't think past the pain of her body. The cold whipping past her. The fight to stay on her feet as the snow tried to slide underneath her.
Something popped into her way. There was no time to stop herself, only a brief flash of blue and then what should have been a collision. Except in a move that was strangely familiar, skeletal hands guided her momentum in a circle. She hardly got her legs underneath her before she was being crushed into a hug. For a moment confusion cut through her panic.
"breathe." It was a command. She tried to shake loose and the grip immediately went slack. She stumbled backward. It wasn't enough, nothing was enough to stop the torrent coming at her. She had avoided it. She had moved past that day without a thought about it. Too busy dealing with static laced dreams and monsters to really think about it.
Sans watched her warily, like a wild animal that was liable to lash out. Perhaps I should, Alanna thought angrily, it would serve him right for almost killing me. Anger and terror danced through her limbs, and without calling it her magic began to rise. Panic added to the mix she tried to stifle her magic, knowing that Toriel had warned against any monster knowing of it. Even so it filled her rushing through her body with the rage of that night. The need to protect herself. She looked up at Sans her anger bleeding through her expression.
"what the hell?" Sans' voice was harsher suddenly as his eye lights went out. "damn it." He muttered taking a step back into lax but vigilant stance.
The world began to flicker, and his eye ignited. Alanna screamed. Overwhelmed she watched as her soul came shining into view. She could see Sans' silver soul come into view and distantly like a death knell she could hear a manic song begin. She dropped into crouch and everything went hazy. As if she were watching from a very far distance she saw the confusion on Sans' face. Liquid silver lace burst from her body rolling into a shield around her. She had wrapped her arms around her head. It flowed around her slowly as if she were submerged in water. Sans' eye flickered out as he held his hands out showing he wasn't trying to hurt her. Off to the side Frisk and Papyrus appeared, Frisk being seated upon Papyrus' shoulders. She didn't care.
Fuck everything.
"hey, i'm sorry bud." Sans had moved closer, standing just outside of her shield. "you just startled me. your eyes changed colors." He said as if it explained it.
"BROTHER WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ALANNA?" Papyrus was actually yelling.
"Alanna, it's okay." Frisk was standing near another edge of her safety net. "Don't cry."
Alanna didn't realize she had been crying, but it made sense that's why her face was wet. She closed her eyes.
"paps i didn't mean to." She could feel that he was sparing her. Didn't need to read it.
"Your soul." Frisk breathed off to her left.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER SOUL SANS?"
"it was…." His voice faltered for a moment. "it was already like that."
"Alanna," something featherlight touched her shield to the left. It didn't feel like an attack but she was too far gone to care.
"it's magic." This was soft, almost amazed. "she's using magic."
There was a brief moment of quiet, the fluttering on her left ceased.
"naw, not like the mages." Sans answered some unspoken question.
"...is it?" Faint words that were not words at all floated through her.
"i think she's using monster magic."
"HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE. ALANNA IS A HUMAN."
"a hybrid." Another flutter, this time in front of her. It was strange, like someone running their fingers just above her arm. "should be impossible but if she is then. fuck that's why her eyes.." He trailed off.
On her left she felt something flutter again. She could tell there was more force behind it, but it still hardly felt like she should notice it. A sharper feeling, and a small grunt.
"It's soft till you hit it. I can't make it move." That strange not a voice said. She knew distantly that it was Frisk. "Can you break it?"
"don't want to hurt her." Was Sans' clipped reply.
"ALANNA HUMAN?" Another flutter. She wished she could cut off her hearing. "IT IS OKAY. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO COME OUT."
"what?"
"I WILL WAIT HERE AND GUARD YOU UNTIL YOU FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO LEAVE. I AM A GREAT PROTECTOR AFTER ALL!" He boasted.
"bro."
"SANS, DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN ALPHYS HAD A PANIC ATTACK?"
Some part of Alanna wanted to know how Papyrus knew about panic attacks. Was that what this was? She hadn't had a really bad one in a while. Not since she moved to Ebbott.
"yeah."
"I THINK THIS IS SOMETHING LIKE THAT. YOU PROBABLY DID NOT HELP." He added.
"her eyes changed color."
"She hasn't talked to her." Frisk 'said'. "We talked about it today."
"fuck." He sighed.
It fell silent, and that silence lasted a long time.
"FRISK YOU ARE SHIVERING."
"I'm fine."
"IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO GO BACK TO THE HOUSE. SANS WATCH OVER ALANNA. I'LL BE BACK."
"No I want to stay!" A small struggle. "Papyrus!"
There was a hearty Nyeh heh heh that quickly faded into the distance. More silence.
"shit kid, i'm sorry. i didn't think."
"please come out."
"no need to be so guarded."
More silence. Snow shifting, and a flutter on her shield.
"when chara shows up...frisk's eyes turn red." It was a soft confession. "i saw your eyes change and…" There was unspoken pain there. A never ending cycle of being trapped and then slaughtered. The legacy that Frisk had created out of fear. The same legacy that they wanted her help in destroying. All they wanted was to save the monsters. Alanna knew that now.
Past the roaring in her mind she let herself spare him. The divide that had cleaved her consciousness between her body and soul blurred and then merged, bringing with it the cold and the burning of her body. Crouching for so long was hurting.
"hey," another flutter against her shield, "you know 'm not gonna hurt ya, right?"
She didn't respond but kept her barrier out, even as it started to ache the smallest bit. Like exercising a muscle that usually didn't get a workout.
There was a sigh followed by a larger flutter. It constantly told her something was pressed against her.
"heh. 's weird that it moves so much." Sans spoke filling the silence. "hard to get comfortable."
It wasn't for his comfort, Alanna thought weakly. It was easier to breathe now, without her soul hanging out in the open. She felt a strange type of shame, letting them see it. Letting them see this.
"don't worry kid," Sans yawned, "paps will be back soon. nothin' can get to ya. snowbody would even try."
Alanna slowly cracked open her eyes and was surprised to see Sans sitting in the snow, his back propped against her barrier, head tilted back just enough that if he had his eyes open he would be able to see her.
"least paps is getting to do what he's always wanted to. closest he'll get to it right now…not that he'll know." Sans continued in that low voice. It could almost count as being soothing if not for the fact he had tried to attack her when she was having a panic attack. "you ever get to hear about his dream? bein' in the royal guard?"
"Yes," she answered softly. It was easier to talk to him about Papyrus. His eyes snapped open and locked onto her face.
"heh." He almost seemed to be laughing nervously. His eyes locked onto hers. "wanted to catch a human so bad. now he's got two."
"Why?" One word sentences seemed to be her limit for the moment.
"why does he have you two or why does he want to catch you?" Sans asked slipping into his normal lazy smile. He must be relaxing now that she had spoken. Maybe he really was afraid that she would never leave.
"Second." She clarified. The silver twisting and weaving around her was strangely comforting.
"probably not the best time to talk about it. might need more of an open mind."
She bit her lip trying to stop the sharp retort in check. How Sans was able to joke in her darkest moments were beyond her. The thought of him worrying over her seemed idiotic.
"HUMAN ALANNA!" Papyrus was suddenly there as if he had never left. He must have ran there and back. The fit skeleton didn't even have the decency to look tired. "I HAVE RETURNED TO GUARD YOU. NO NEED TO FEAR FOR I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL KEEP YOU SAFE!" He puffed up with his own praises, trying to use them to comfort her.
"Thank you." Speaking felt difficult. Alanna wanted nothing more than to fall asleep her energy depleting at a rapid rate. As if in response her shield shuttered as did her body. The stress of the past day almost overwhelming her again. Alanna felt as if her very veins were filled with lead, slowing her movements and making every moment more tiring than the last. Tears burned faintly and she used what energy she had to keep them at bay.
Papyrus was as good as his word. He simply stood watching around her with single minded focus. Moving every few minutes to check the perimeter around her. Sans went quiet once Papyrus had showed up.
Without warning her legs gave and dumped her into the snow. It was both a relief and painful. The world swayed around her, swimming with whites and blacks. Red and blue. She forced herself to slowly stand, noticing that the shield expanded without any real thought on her part to accommodate her as she stood.
Sans had been startled out of his resting place and was now standing and watching her. She stared him down, feeling her anger flare at his lazy grin. The soft light that her shield shed intensified for a moment. He simply watched her through the magic.
Alanna turned away from him, not ready to deal with that situation just yet, instead she looked to Papyrus who had stopped his guard routine to watch her patiently. A nervous but reassuring smile on his face.
Time for me to go back, she thought. The shield collapsed inward, brushing cool and tingling over her skin as it retreated back into her. Deep in her center there was a relief and ache. Alanna wondered in some distant part of her mind if using magic really was like using a muscle. If so hers must be atrophied.
"ARE YOU READY?"
Papyrus seemed so childlike all the time. It was a moment like this that made Alanna realize that perhaps it wasn't the truth. Excitable? Of course he was. He was so driven to reach his goals. It was so easy to take in the surface Papyrus and treat him like he had no idea of what was going on. Even Sans seemed to treat him as such. But Alanna saw the keen intelligence in his eyes, the understanding and patience, and she nearly laughed with how underestimated he was.
"Yeah, Paps. I'm ready."
"GOOD! DO NOT WORRY ALANNA I HAVE ALREADY PREPARED YOUR BED AND I GOT YOU A SPECIAL PRESENT TODAY!" He said walking at her pace. It took a moment but Sans appeared at her other side, watching his feet rather than looking at her. Her skin crawled slightly at how close he was, but she didn't want to make Papyrus upset. So she allowed it.
"IF YOU WANT," Papyrus was a bit louder than normal and Alanna automatically knew he was getting excited, "I CAN HELP YOU TRAIN."
"Train?" She noticed her own voice was scratchy, probably from screaming earlier.
"I WOULD SAY THAT YOU CAN TRAIN WITH UNDYNE AND MYSELF, BUT…"
"Her opinion is still murdery." Alanna finished for him.
"YES!" He sounded strangely excited about that. "DO NOT WORRY HUMAN, ONCE I TRAIN YOU WE CAN GO TO MEET HER. SHE WILL LOVE TO HAVE A SECOND HUMAN FRIEND ONCE SHE CHALLENGES YOU."
"you think you can help her, bro?" Sans asked.
"OF COURSE, MY TRAINING SKILLS ARE VERY GREAT!" Papyrus said with that all too familiar self-importance.
"I'd like that. I'm tired of hiding it." Alanna mumbled. Papyrus reached out and took her hand, and she felt such a burst of love for him she was surprised her own eyes didn't burst into stars.
"you hid it?"
"YOU ARE NOT VERY GOOD AT HIDING THINGS ALANNA." Papyrus said bluntly. The bones of his hand were warm and she found herself leaning toward him slightly.
"I guess not." She mumbled realizing that he didn't remember the long days of being attacked. How she came home scrapped up. How she never used her magic no matter how many times she wanted to.
Sans was watching her, and something in his expression made her think of puzzle pieces falling into place. Lots of them. His step stuttered, and she could see how his expression almost looked pained for a second before smoothing expertly over. She didn't care, she decided looking away from him. He shouldn't have attacked her.
He thought I was Chara, a little voice whispered in the back of her mind, he was probably scared. To have Chara, this evil thing take over a larger host. That was a scary thought.
"TRAINING SHALL BEGIN IN THE MORNING ALANNA!"
"What about the slumber party? I have to get ready." She asked not so subtly trying to get out of her first training session.
"YOU CAN GET READY AFTER! WE WILL NOT MAKE THIS A HARD SESSION." Papyrus beamed.