Wow, wow, wow. Thanks for all the support and reviews. Especially to those who keep coming back to review, whether you are logged on or as a guest. THANKS! I really appreciate it. Happy you all responded so positively to that cliff hanger.

Hahaha, Lisamichelle17 glad you notices *wink*

Onlyxcareless. He was referring to the conversation they had after he had found the papers of the potential donors. When he told her she could have asked him, so yes that's what he was referring to.

At Lafantomette & the guest who are worried about how she could already know.. you will find out in this chapter.

Anyway, here's the next part. Enjoy and love to read your reviews :)

Chapter 21 – Pieces of Paper

"Harvey, I'm pregnant," she whispered then, her eyes immediately avoided his again. Waiting for him to respond, but he didn't. She felt his body go rigid. His hand directly stopped caressing her head, his fingers remaining in her hair. She listened to his regular but heavy breaths as her head moved up and down with his chest.

.

*24 hours ago*

She looked at him them and she's tired of fighting. Tired of fighting the feelings, she just can't any more. Tired of being the only one fighting for them. Maybe even physically tired of the situation between them. She searched his face for some sort of expression of hope, of something indicating that she's missing something.

She did see a look on his face, a look she couldn't place anymore. Maybe it was fear; maybe it was hope. Either way she needed to know and she wouldn't let him get away with a simple answer. Not like she had let him all these other times. She wanted answers. She needed answers.

"Why, Harvey?" she asked, "Give me a reason," she added, sounding more aggressive than she had intended.

Harvey took a step back and looked up at her. "You know why," he answered.

At this moment she wasn't sure of anything. Things had changed and turned so often between them within the last day, she couldn't place her thoughts anymore. She slowly shook her head looking in his eyes again, waiting for him to elaborate on his statement.

"You know I love you, Donna," he whispered.

Donna repeated the five little, but oh so important words in her head. You know I love you, Donna. A knot forming in her stomach, she wondered if she did or didn't know this. That he loved her. She always hoped it, but either way she never expected him to say it. To actually use that word. Love. Let alone using that word in a sentence that was directed towards her. A sentence that was about her.

Donna wasn't able to respond, she just stared at him. Her lips slightly parted, her eyebrows raised, watching him slowly turn around and leave her apartment. The door falling shut feeling like a slap in the face.

BAM.

One that woke her up from her thoughts, literally gasping for air as she still stood frozen on her spot. "Harvey," she mumbled then, but it was too late. It took a couple of seconds more before her body started moving. Moving towards the door, the hall way. She looked around, but he was nowhere to be seen. She ran back inside to look out of her window; the only thing she saw on the dark street were some taillights driving away. She assumed it to be those of his Lexus, but she wasn't sure. She let her head rest on the cold window, a tear running down her face.

"I love you," she whispered, the knot in her stomach only becoming worse. A wave of nausea hitting her at the realisation that the man she loved just walked out of her life. Physically feeling sick by being unable to tell Harvey what she had wanted to say to him at that moment. To respond to those words.

Tears streamed down her face as she tried to reach for her phone, her arms and chest aching. She tried to call him, she really wanted to call him, but she couldn't. Somehow she couldn't bring herself to dial his number. After a couple of minutes of simply staring at her cell phone, she was out of tears. But the hurt she felt was still there. She dragged herself to her bed, now feeling more tired than ever. But the sleep didn't come easily. She lay awake for hours, alone in a bed that felt too big to just be hers. To duvet not warm enough to comfort her.

.

The next morning Donna stumbled out of her bed. She still felt nauseous, her chest hurting. She figured it to be her broken heart. She moved towards her living room, one of the possible conditions of her current feeling staring at her. A nearly empty bottle of red wine. Maybe she hand a hangover.

She hesitated if she should take the last bit of wine now. How much harm could it do? She felt like crap anyway, but as soon as she removed the cork the smell became too much and she opted against it. Wondering if the wine had been good, she inspected the bottle. But the expiration date hadn't been reached yet; she smelled at the bottle again making her face cringe for the second time.

She poured the bottle in the sink and decided to make herself a full English breakfast, it's what she always ate after a late night of partying. Might as well eat it now. Instead of drinking her broken heart away she threw herself on food, but this time it didn't help. It didn't make her feel better. At all.

Donna placed her plate with most of her breakfast still on it on her coffee table as she stared at the bunch of papers Harvey had given her last night. She hadn't found the courage of motivation to look at them yet. But she knew she had to. Eventually. She reached for the papers, her eyes immediately spotting his signature at the bottom of the piece of paper.

Harvey Reginald Specter.

It was his signature this time. Just like she had signed the papers nine years ago. Donna kept staring at his name, the three simple words affecting her more than it should. Maybe even more than the meaning of the paper they were written on. The words she had probably spoken most in her life, Harvey Specter. The words she had affiliated herself with, the word that were always on the tip of her tongue. His name. Harvey.

Donna let out a sigh as she stared at the blank spot next to his signature. The space where she was supposed to sign. Her name. But she couldn't, she wasn't ready for that. Even though she had told Paula she wanted this, she couldn't do it. She couldn't sign the damn paper. Putting the divorce paper aside she discovered a handwritten letter with a post-it attached to it was underneath it. The post-it she had written just a couple of days ago.

You're making me fall in love with you all over again.

Another tear fell on her cheek as she read her own hand writing. She swallowed. She had been falling in love with him, she is falling in love with him. She is in love with him.

The knot in her stomach once again returned, but it travelled upwards. Like small stabs from her abdomen to her heart, her broken heart. Her broken heart that made her entire body ache and tense. She slowly unfolded the letter, removing the post it revealing the underlying content of the letter.

For the one that has my heart.

Dearest Donna,

Donna gulped at the first lines. Just like the words he had said to her last night, she was reading words she didn't know where in his vocabulary. She wondered why she didn't know he could write like this. Maybe deep down because she couldn't? Because she, Donna, was actually the same as Harvey. Struggling with her feelings, albeit less than Harvey, but struggling non the less. Ever since she silenced their relationship by reinforcing that rule, she couldn't express herself. Maybe that was her problem.

I remember the day I met you. I was in the bar celebrating my first win in the D.A.'s office and they had bought me a drink I didn't bother to enjoy. 'You know usually when someone wins their first trial they at least pretend to finish the drink their fellow A.D.A.'s bought them,' that's what this sparkling redhead said to me when she joined me at the bar. Her auburn locks and bangs framing this gorgeous face, these hazel eyes. A brown blocked shirt and pencil skirt was what you were wearing. One that showed your prefect figure, I won't lie about it, I checked you out that day. Thought you were gorgeous. You told me it was my lucky day, the day I got to meet Donna. And it was. My lucky day. It was the day that changed my life, for better. It has never been the same since.

Donna smiled as she recalled that moment, how she had been the one initiating their work relationship. She was surprised he remembered that moment so vividly. So precisely. She knew he knew her almost as good as she knew him, but she had never thought it would reach back to the very first minute they met.

You told me from the start you wanted a work relationship, but that only made me want you more. It was like you had bewitched me. You know I tried, day after day I tried to convince you otherwise. To go out with me. I know you thought all I wanted was to sleep with you. Maybe that's why you told me about your rule; maybe you always had it. Maybe you made it up on the spot. And it was what I wanted at first, but day after day what I wanted became more. I just wanted you.

Then there was the other time, as you refer to it. I know I'm not supposed to mention it, but we're past that point I believe. That night was a night like no other. I showed up at your place that night because your rule didn't apply to us anymore. Giving me courage and hope. A hope you answered by opening that door in nothing but a silk lilac night gown and white sweater. A devilish smile on your face that made my knees week, the bottle of whipped cream in your left hand from the ritual I sketched out. Like you could read my mind, and maybe you can. That night you rocked my world and the fact that it didn't feel like just sex scared me. Scared me more than I'd like to admit, scared me more than I could understand at that moment.

The next day in the diner I told you I didn't want to lose you. Lose you as my secretary, that was all I was able to pronounce when you mentioned your rule again. Shutting me down, cause it wasn't all I wanted. I wanted more, but you made clear I couldn't. I couldn't have both; so I chose work.

Cause relationships scared me and although it was what I wanted, I got scared. I backed out. I settled for work, because it was better to have you in my life at work than not at all. I can't say I regret that day all together, because we've had twelve years since. Working side by side. But looking back I regret not fighting for you in that moment. For not protesting about your rule, for not putting it all out on the table. For not discussing all options. For not telling you how I felt.

Donna sighed as she remembered the morning after. Him asking her to join him at the firm. The disappointment she felt but tried to hide by reinforcing the rule. An action she had always wondered if it had been the wright move.

You told me to put it out of our minds, to forget it ever happened. Well that's something I've never been able to do, but I did try my best to respect your rule. To not pursue you, but then you helped me with the whole wedding thing. And I know it's not fair and I know I broke your rule, but seeing you there standing in front of me. Beautiful as you are. I couldn't help myself, I had to kiss you.

I know you agreed to marry me to help me get my apartment, but after that 'second' kiss I hoped there was a chance for us. I hoped it would mean finally being able to do something about those feelings I had been pushing back all that time.

That kiss and the house party making me realise that agreeing to your rule had to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I didn't forget to sign those papers, I chose not no. And I'm really sorry for lying about that, but I couldn't tell you the truth. That I have had those papers in my desk for over nine years, unsigned. Because I didn't want to sign them.

What I told you about Gordon is true. He always asked me about you and our relationship. When I would man up and finally tell you how I feel. He kept bugging me about wanting to live to see his redheaded grandchildren. After he passed away, I couldn't annul out wedding anymore. I regret not telling you this, but looking at everything that happened I do not regret not signing those papers.

Donna smiled as she thought about his farther. Gordon. How he had been so proud of his son, always calling the firm to ask how things were going. In the beginning she always had to tell him Harvey was too busy to answer. But that didn't stop him from calling, he once confessed he know just called to talk to her. Talk about Harvey, about her. She had noticed the hints about them every once in a while, but she never responded to them.

I know you were pissed at me for not signing those papers and you have every right to be, but it did bring us last week. And to be honest it has been one of the best weeks of my life. I've always secretly wondered what it would be like to live with you. Reality has exceeded my expectations, my dreams.

If I look around my house now it feels empty. Deserted even. You brought me that cactus because my apartment needed life. It does, but not that kind of life. My apartment needs you. My life needs you. I need you.

I believe this past week has brought us closer together than ever. I thought we were finally in a place we both wanted. I thought you felt the same, I really did. But after you left Monday. After that court ruling, I'm not sure anymore.

I hoped we would be able to figure things out together, but I know I've been dictating the shots for over nine years and this, whatever may happen, has to be your choice. I will not be the one holding you back this time, like I did nine years ago. I want you to be happy. I want you to get everything you've ever wanted from life. Even if it won't be with me.

You have been making me fall in love with you from the start. Every day, all over again.

I love you, Donna.

Forever yours,

Harvey

The amount of tears falling down her cheeks only increased by the time she had finished his letter. His letter explaining how he felt. For a man that didn't do emotions, couldn't pronounce or express them, he sure could put them down on paper. She had always known he was good with words. In court.

But she now realised how good he could be. It had been the second time a letter by Harvey had brought her to tears; this one even more than the other. Donna couldn't stop the tears and gave in to them, the sound of her phone beeping the only thing that woke her up from her thoughts.

'11 AM – Appointment at the clinic'

Donna sighed and stared at the screen, two weeks ago this had been the day she was looking forward for, but now she wasn't so sure anymore. If she really wanted to do it like this. Alone. Anonymous.

Or if she wanted more. Wanted to do this with the man she loved. To have the fairy tale, all of it. She looked back to the letter on the couch next to her. The one that showed her his feelings, but it also was the letter that had set her free.

It almost felt as if he was putting an end to all of it.

.

"Really Harvey, like you wouldn't run for the hills if I came to you for this?'" she recalled herself asking him as she stared at the sign above the door. The sign of the clinic, her feet had dragged her here. She didn't really know why. Hesitantly she redirected her gaze towards the handle of the door, her right hand also moving towards the object she was now staring at. "I would," she remembered him answering, being the final push as her hand pushed the door open. Letting out a breath before she stepped inside.

"Mrs. Specter," the older blonde woman said as she spotted the redhead walking into the clinic. A woman she remembered vividly. Donna swallowed. "It is Miss Paulsen now," she lied as she held the divorce paper in her hands. The one she hadn't been able to sign. "It's all taken care of," she added as she demonstratively placed the papers in the inner pocket of her Burberry coat again.

"Alright," the nurse continued with a smile, "please follow me," she continued as she signalled Donna to follow her to one of the rooms in the back. She waited for Donna to take a seat as she walked around her desk and did the same.

"So," she started, "as I explained two weeks ago today we'll start with the entire process. No final decisions have to be made, but we're going to take in all your details and do some test to make sure it is even possible to continue with the treatment." Donna stared at the wall for a second, letting the words sink in. "Okay," she finally answered, letting out a breath.

.

"Is there a problem?" the nurse asked as she noticed how Donna had stopped filling in the questionnaire and kept staring at the piece of paper. "Uhm," Donna mumbled as she looked up to the nurse again. "Maybe."

"Let me see the question," the blonde replied as she reached for the questionnaire and scanned the paper until she found the question Donna had stopped at. Have you had unprotected sex recently? The nurse looked at the paper again and back to Donna. "Did you?" she simply asked, although it felt more like a statement.

Donna thought about the past weekend. That Saturday night. The first time since 'the other time'. How she hadn't even thought about it at that time. Or that weekend for that matter, but she had been on birth control since she was a teen. So there was nothing to worry about, was there? "Crap," she mumbled then, as she remembered tossing away her birth control pills two weeks ago. How could she have not thought about that.

"I'm sorry?" the nurse asked as she couldn't really hear the response from the woman across the desk.

Donna closed her eyes for a second, letting out a breath. Suddenly feeling chilly. "I did," she replied louder this time.

"Okay," she heard the older woman reply. Feeling sick as she registered the judgemental tone, something she had never expected to happen in a place like the one where she was right now. "When did this happen?" the nurse continued.

"Five days ago," Donna replied. "And when are or were you due to ovulate?" Donna did the math in her head, counting on her fingers. "Five days ago," she whispered. Her mind catching up on the possible consequences of her actions these past days.

"Alright," the nurse replied, "it's a bit early, but I do like to do a blood test. Just to be sure. Have both you and your partner been tested for any STD's?" The last question making Donna's stomach turn as she thought about Harvey's history. She never heard him talk about it, but she didn't know for sure.

The nurse took in Donna's silence. "We'll test for that as well then," she replied and signalled for the treatment bed. "If you could take place, I'll get the test." Donna took of her coat, suddenly feeling extremely hot. Her hand reaching for her head as she walked over to the bed, trying to regulate her breathing.

.

"We'll know more at the end of the day," the blonde said to Donna as she placed the tubes of blood in a small white box, "you're welcome to stay here, but you can also come back around six o'clock."

"Six o'clock," she repeated mumbling as she got up from the bed. Putting on her coat and walking towards the door. "Six o'clock," she mumbled again. Donna ended in central park after she had made a stop at the bagel stand. Getting his favourite bagel. One with cream cheese and a decaf coffee to go.

Just in case she, she couldn't even complete her thoughts as she took a bite from the bagel. It didn't taste the way she remembered, flushing it away with a big sip from her decaf. She cringed at the taste of it and wondered how people could drink it. How some called it coffee. It was a far cry from her skim milk triple latte with whipped cream.

She sighed as she stared at the cup for a second before she redirected her gaze towards the park in front of her again. She observed the people walking around; a lot of them seemed to be on their break from work. But every now and then she spotted a young couple. Holding hands or kissing, her chest aching again as she remembered how that had been them last Sunday. Her and Harvey. She spotted a woman with a stroller in the distance and she wondered if that could be her someday. She hoped it would be her one day.

.

"Welcome back, Miss Paulsen," the nurse said to her as she held the door, waiting for Donna to enter the room they had been in earlier that day. Donna nodded at the woman, unable to formulate a verbal answer, as she seated herself in the chair she had sat in only hours ago.

The nurse scanned the paper with the results one last time before she spoke. "As I explained this afternoon, it's really early and to be one hundred percent sure I want to do another test in a week, but –"Donna gasped at the words, waiting for the confirmation of what she had prepared herself for to hear. The conclusion she had already drawn that afternoon.

" – you do have very high hCG level. Which is an indication for a pregnancy," the nurse told her.

"Pregnant," Donna mumbled. "Might be," the nurse emphasized again. Donna nodded, but she knew. She knew she was pregnant. That afternoon she had finally recognized the early symptoms. The symptoms she had felt once before, twelve years ago. The constant knot in her stomach, the tiredness. The food that didn't taste the way it should.

That afternoon she had put one and one together and had come to the conclusion that was now merely confirmed. Even though the nurse couldn't guarantee for sure, Donna knew. Tears forming in her eyes, a mixture of happiness and sadness as she remembered what had happened twelve years ago.

.

*now*

"Harvey," she whispered after a couple of minutes as she leaned on her elbow. Still waiting for his response, but he didn't reply. Harvey's eyes met hers and in them he saw a bigger fear than he felt himself. He just wrapped his arms around her again and pulled her closer.

Letting her head rest on his chest as his hand went through her auburn locks once more, his lips placing a kiss on her forehead. Her felt her body slightly relax in his arms, but he knew it were mere seconds before she would ask for an answer again. Ask for a conversation he didn't know how to handle right now.

"Let's talk about it tomorrow," he whispered.

.

Donna woke up and stretched her arms letting out a yawn. Realising the movement of her arms wasn't interrupted by the body that had been next to her, but were greeted by cold sheets instead, she opened her eyes. Harvey wasn't there and she wondered if it was an indication of what was to come.

She dragged herself out of his bed, following her nose towards the kitchen as she smelled blueberry pancakes. "Hey," he whispered as he sensed Donna's presence in the kitchen. "Hey," she replied, a smile on her lips because he was still there, as she took a seat on one of the barstools.

Harvey turned around and placed the plate with pancakes in front of her. "You made me breakfast?" she commented, not sure if she was merely stating what was happening or actually asking him about it. Harvey smiled at her as he rolled the sleeves of his shirt down. "I did," he replied as he put on his jacket and reached for his phone. Donna sighed as she watched him getting ready for work. "Harvey," she whispered, pausing for him to face her, "about last night. I think we –"

"Donna," he interrupted her. "I'm sorry," he started, immediately cursing himself for his choice of words as he took in the look on her face. "Jessica called. There's an emergency at the firm," he quickly added as he walked towards her. "We'll talk," he continued as he lifted her chin with his index finger, "I promise I'll be back as soon as possible," he added as placed a kiss on the top of her head again.

.

Harvey let out a deep sigh as he reached for his keys in his pocket. Glancing at his door sign one more time before he entered his apartment again, immediately being greeted by a smell like he was inside a bakery. He took of his jacket and continued walking towards his living room.

He spotted multiple cupcakes on his kitchen counter and an even bigger one on his dining room table. Next to it a teapot he didn't know he owned and in front of it he spotted Donna. Still wearing his old Harvard shirt and his boxers, she seemed to be looking at some book he didn't recognize.

He swallowed as his heart melted at the sight in front of him, as he took in the atmosphere. He took a couple of steps towards Donna and placed himself in one of the seats next to her. He now noticed she was looking at one of his old photo albums. An album that his farther had made about him.

He looked at the pictures of him as a baby and back to Donna, repeating the words she had said to him last night in his head. "Donna," he whispered, making her turn her head towards him and meet his eye.

"Is it mine?" he asked then.