A few hours pass and I'm still thinking about Jake and everything that Paul said. Jake hates the idea of imprinting and I guess I can see his point a little. They can be very controlled by the wolf. Imprinting isn't really in their control. They imprint when they meet the right person, and then the girl pretty much has control over the relationship. Paul said that he will have to support whatever decision I make. But does he have no say in the relationship? He can propose marriage. I'm sure he could propose divorce, too, if something were to happen.

They phase when they're angry, but they can phase voluntarily, too. They have less control over themselves when they're angry, but still, isn't it like anyone with a bad temper? You get mad and you snap without warning. Anyone can do it. And they phase when they aren't angry, too. They phase when they need to protect people. They phase when they want to communicate in "private" with the rest of the pack. They phase just to get away for a while if they want to be alone or whatever.

So, no. They don't have full control over themselves, but they do have more control than he probably thinks or wants to admit. Why is it so difficult for him to see that? No one else, that I know of at least, has a problem with imprinting except for Leah. Leah has a good reason to have a problem with it, though, after everything that happened. Jake isn't in that situation and none of the others will probably in that situation because no one wants to be in a serious relationship now after that happened.

I love Jake and all, but he needs to get over it. I'm sure that he will find the perfect girl for him and I really hope that he does. I'm sure that he feels second place to me all the time, and in truth, he is. He always has been. Edward was my lover and I would always choose him over anyone else, no matter what. Even after he left, Jake was still only my best friend because I always had that small hope inside that Edward was going to come back. And then I met Paul and my whole world was turned upside down. I mean, I think I can actually see myself being with Paul in the future. I could see it with Edward, but everything would've been forced. I would've been pretty much forced into marriage so that he would change me. I don't think that I will feel that with Paul.

Family with Paul is actually a possibility, assuming we both want a family. I'm still not sure and we haven't talked about it. Not yet, at least. Is it bad that I'm afraid of what he'll say, either way? If he says no, then I fear that I might be disappointed. If he says yes then he might be disappointed if I don't want to start a family. It's a tough path to choose. There was no thought about it with Edward because we all knew that it wouldn't happen. One, because vampires can't procreate. If they could, Rosalie and Esme would have had kids a long time ago. Two, I was selfish and I wanted Edward all to myself. "No, Edward, it's ok. I don't want kids. Really, there is no sacrifice." I would always say. At least there is a possibility with Paul now.

"What's wrong, Bella? You look sad." Paul takes the fork from me and dries it off, then puts it in the drawer as he helps me with the dishes after dinner.

"Nothing. Everything is fine." I lie.

He turns to me. "No, it's not. I can tell. Something's wrong."

I sigh. "Jake probably hates me. I always put him second."

"He doesn't hate you."

"He doesn't seem to like me either." I reply.

"Bella, trust me. He doesn't hate you. I hear it in his mind sometimes. He doesn't hold any grudges against you. He's just upset at the fact that it's not him that is making you as happy as you are. He's never actually said it, but he loves you. He loves you just as much as I do. He wants you to be happy. He wants to be the one making you happy. He's not mad at you. He isn't even mad at me, really. Not anymore or not as much as he used to be. He hates the reasoning, not you. Nothing is your fault."

"When did you hear this?"

"A few days ago. Bella, he thinks about you all the time. Leah keeps telling him to shut up about you."

"I should talk to him tonight." I hand him the last of the dishes and the drain the sink. He hands me the towel and I dry my hands off.

"I think that might be a good idea. Just you two. He'll be here in a couple of hours."

We finish cleaning the kitchen up. Paul settles on the couch with the remote and I head upstairs to get a shower. It's been a day of thinking about ten thousand things and my brain is almost overloaded from all of it. It's weird to think of how much so many things can change in less than two years. Going from big city, hot Phoenix to cold, rainy small town Forks and being introduced to the vampires and werewolves is just the start of it. Add in my relationships to them and a whole new fairytale is created. The unpopular new girl moves to a small town and falls in love with a vampire. Vampire leaves and enters the werewolf that will always love the girl, no matter what. But then there is the best friend that wants to be with the girl and it just makes everything even more complicated. The evil vampire is out for revenge because of the girl. And they all lived happily ever after.

I would like to think that but I don't think it's possible. Even Victoria isn't happy. She might now even be happy after she kills me because her mate is eternally dead. Jake can't be happy because of me and who knows how Edward is. No, he's probably happy that I'm not his girlfriend anymore. He probably found some beautiful vampire that he's married to. I always knew I wasn't good enough for him. I guess it doesn't matter now.

I shut the water off and dry off. I slowly get dressed and brush my teeth and hair, knowing that Jake is probably outside right now. I don't really want to have this conversation, but I know I have to. I can't stall any longer, so I slowly go downstairs and into the living room. I cuddle into Paul's side.

"Jake is out there."

"I know. I don't want to do this."

"You need to. It will be good for both of you. It will be better for all three of us."

"Then I guess I shouldn't wait any longer."

I get up and throw a pair of shoes and a light jacket on. The fall weather is rolling in and it's a little chilly tonight. I step out onto the back porch and see Jake's familiar wolf eyes staring back at me.