CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Sam turned the key into the lock of the door to her loft and when she heard the telltale click of the lock turning, she twisted the skinny doorknob and pushed it open. She took a few steps inside and reached blindly for the light switch she knew was somewhere along the left.

"Could you let there be light already?" Claudia's voice sliced through the silence. "I don't know about you but I don't enjoy stumbling around in the dark at all."

Sam glared at her in the darkness and smirked despite herself when she realised her sister couldn't even see her since there was still no light on. "I'm working on it. Relax." She replied instead.

"Working on it?" Her half sister came up behind her. "How hard it is it to flip a light switch?"

Sam grunted as she lifted her hand higher, now on her tippy toes trying to reach for the light switch. "It would be a lot easier if I could find the damn thing."

"Well, which side is it on?"

"The left." Sam answered and then after yet a few more seconds of reaching blindly and still not finding the panel with the switch, she blew out a breath of frustration. "At least I thought it was."

Claudia was at least two feet taller than Sam so as she walked over and inspected the left wall, she shook her head. "I don't see it over here." She then paced over to the other wall, closed the front door and reached on the wall. "Aha! I found it!" She chirped triumphantly as she flipped the switch and light filled the loft.

Sam walked over to the couch and shrugged as she plopped down on the far end. "Oh, so it's on the right side. I'll have to remember that."

Claudia flipped the lock on the door and took her leather jacket off. "How do you not know where a light switch is in your own place?" She asked as she draped her jacket over the desk chair on top of Sam's. Instead of answering there was silence. She turned around and looked at Sam only to find Sam looking around the loft uncertainly with a weary expression on her face.

"I'm still getting used to it, I guess." She finally answered quietly. Claudia looked at her in confusion. "Allie Monroe is the one that bought this place. It just seemed simpler to come here after everything."

Claudia felt like punching the doppelganger bitch when she heard the sadness in her voice. "That bitch is dead, right?" Sam's eyes flew to hers.

"Yeah, she was shot by Amelia Joffe right over there." Sam answered, gesturing vaguely to the back of the loft.

"Too bad." Claudia said, looking over to the spot where Allie had died.

"Why?"

"It would've been fun to have dealt with her together." Sam looked at her blankly and then rolled her eyes when Claudia's meaning dawned on her. "Oh, don't look at me like that. I've heard stories about you. You know how to deal with crazy bitches like her."

Sam shrugged. "I got to kill Jerry. That was enough vengeance for me."

Claudia shot her a sideways look. "You're telling me you wouldn't have enjoyed even just a few minutes alone in a room with her?"

"Allie wasn't the problem." Sam snapped as her eyes swirled with molten anger. "She was an amateur following Amelia's agenda. She never would have gotten away with any of it if I had surrounded myself with people who actually cared enough to really get to know me."

"Sam…" Claudia shook her head. "This is not your fault."

Sam scoffed incredulously. "Isn't it?" She stood up. "All my life, I've known that good things don't last. Happiness is really prolonged blindness. Trust is a fool's game. I forgot that."

"Do you really believe that you're not worthy of love?" Claudia asked her seriously.

Sam blinked back tears as she considered the question. "I had love. Before that summer, Jason and I were solid. I knew that there wasn't anything that we couldn't face together." She sighed. "There are some things that you just can't come back from and I should have walked away then. But I didn't because I forgot the number one rule."

"What's that?" Claudia wondered.

"Never fall for a con of your own making." Sam said. When Claudia looked at her quizzically. "I gave myself over completely to Jason. I loved him more than anything and anyone. And because of that, I let myself believe that Jason and I were strong enough to overcome all the mistakes and failures."

"I didn't realise the price I'd have to pay for that."

"What price did you pay?" Claudia asked.

"I lost myself." Sam answered. "I didn't know how to live without Jason because I had become completely dependent on him. And when he took that love away to protect me…" Claudia chuckled at the disdain in her voice.

"What a load of crap." She scoffed. Sam glared at her. "Sorry. Continue."

"When he left me in the hospital…" Sam began again.

Claudia's head shot up. "Wait, he left you while you were in the hospital?" She asked. "Why were you in the hospital?"

Sam explained the circumstances surrounding her shooting and how she had landed in a coma, had brain surgery and woken up only to have Jason tell her that they were over. Later, she had learned of Alexis' manipulations and other outside forces telling Jason he was no good for her.

"Let me get this straight. Jason decided to end things because people from all sides were telling him that it was his fault that you got shot and if he stayed with you, he would probably get you killed?" Claudia asked. Sam nodded. "So he decides that it would be better for you if he abandoned you, left you alone, wide open and vulnerable in a hospital bed with only your mother of five minutes that you had previously despised for years as your only backup and protection?"

Sam burst out laughing at the disbelief in her sister's tone. "Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Why didn't he tell the naysayers to go to hell?" Claudia asked.

"You'll have to ask him." Sam said.

A funny expression flashed across Claudia's face for a second and then disappeared. "So how is it that he has a son?" She asked, shifting gears, deciding that she might actually do as Sam suggested and ask Jason about his actions. Later.

Right now, she wanted answers about the bigger issues Sam was reluctant to talk about.

Sam was eerily quiet. Her eyes were blank and unfocused as she looked back at her. It was as if she wasn't even seeing Claudia, like she had withdrawn to some far off corner of her own mind.

A knock at the door snapped Sam out of her trance.

"Who is it?" She called quietly while Claudia got up and actually looked through the peephole on the door.

"It's your friend, Maxie," Claudia said at the same time that Maxie's voice came through the door.

"Your best friend," Maxie replied, knocking insistently again. "Come on, Sam," she said, sighing. "Let me in. I just came from visiting Spinelli and I saw Jason. You shouldn't be alone right now."