Chapter 21: Breaking Down

BPOV

The next few days passed by very quickly, and before I knew it the weekend had arrived. My first priority late on a Friday night was to organize my room. I would not be comfortable until I had hanged and folded my clothes, put up my pictures, organized my desk, and put up my calendar. Once I had everything done I realized that; I had everything in perfect order except my heart. Yet, I knew no matter how much I organized my heart will still be a mess without Edward.

It was just after one, and I needed some hot chocolate. We had found a supermarket not far from where we were, and we had loaded up on food. I had even promised to make some American food for the guys, not all of them were too excited about trying out English food. My stand on that was that I tried it at least once. You never knew if you would like something unless you tried it first.

I walked over to our small kitchen and began to prepare myself some hot chocolate. After grabbing a mug I curled up on the couch looking out the window. You couldn't see much, because it was dark. The only light that filtered in was the light from the moon.

"Not tired?" Jacob asked walking into the living area.

"Not really, I just organized my entire room. There's some hot chocolate that should still be warm." I answered as he served himself a mug. He was a great roommate; he even cleaned up after himself. Plus he was a good friend, and very easy to talk to. "How about you? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"I don't need much sleep." He shrugged sitting next to me. "I usually sleep three or four every night. It's no big deal."

"That can't be healthy." I commented placing my mug on the corner of the wooden coffee table. There were a few books scattered from our study session earlier that day. Everyone had come over to work on our group assignment for a Shakespeare seminar. We were looking at themes and symbols in Macbeth.

"I don't see you running to bed." He pointed out as I rolled my eyes. I actually dreaded going to sleep. I barely got sleep, just enough to be able to pretend nothing was wrong. And even when I did sleep, I was plagued by nightmares.

"Not tired." I replied as he shook his head.

"You don't fool me, Bella. I hear your whimpers when you sleep." He admitted as my cheeks burned red. I had to look away from him and to the floor. Those damn walls were way too thin. It seemed like the emotions I buried during the day leaked through at night. "Do you want to talk about it?"



"Not particularly." I answered a hint of anger in my voice. I wasn't angry at him, I was angry at myself. I wasn't strong enough. I missed Edward.

Thinking about Edward brought a waterfall of emotions down on me. I would've fallen if I hadn't been sitting down. The tears streamed down my face as my body shook with grief. I had tried to hold back my tears for so long that now I had no control over them

"Don't cry, Bella." Jacob said awkwardly patting my back.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I just miss Edward. We've never been apart for so long." I explained through my sobs.

Jacob allowed me to cry, and he eventually ended up holding me. He was very respectful, treating me like a sister. He had never done anything inappropriate to make me think otherwise.

"Why don't you call him?" He suggested. "It should be evening time over there. You'll feel better once you talk to him." He continued.

"I don't want him to worry." I sniffled straightening up.

"This isn't about being strong, Bella." He corrected as I shook my head. If I called Edward it was only going to make me sadder. It wasn't very noticeable, but I felt the depth of his pain when we talked. I couldn't call him, because I didn't want to worry him.

"I'm just going to head to bed." I sighed.

"Bella." Jacob stated.

"Drop it, Jake. I'm fine." I lied before going into my room and locking the door. I didn't want him to get involved.

I knew I wasn't fine, but what could I do? I walked towards my desk picking up the love letters Edward had sent. I printed them, because I liked to have them easily accessible. They reminded me of his feelings.

I held the letter reading it for the tenth time that night.

My love,

I miss you more and more with each passing day. I count the days until I can hold you close once again. Know that I love and miss you dearly.

Love Letter #7 written by Gustave Flaubert, famous French writer, to his wife Louise Colet.

I will cover you with love when next I see you, with caresses, with ecstasy. I want to gorge you with all the joys of the flesh, so that you faint and die. I want you to be amazed by me, and to 

confess to yourself that you had never even dreamed of such transports... When you are old, I want you to recall those few hours, I want your dry bones to quiver with joy when you think of them.

Until we're together again, "keep my heart safe I've left it with you."

With all my love and desire,

Edward

I curled on my bed letting the sobs take over. I was stupid to have left, and I knew it. I held the letter against my chest as I cried. I felt alone, and the knowledge that Edward was just as alone as I was made my heart break.

A/N: Very short chapter, but I it has a purpose. I am considering doing the next chapter in Jacob's point of view. I am putting a poll on my author page. Go vote and let me know if you want the next chapter in Jacob's POV.

I know a lot of people want to know what he is up to...That will clarify his feelings/intentions. Go Vote!

Muggleinlove