Aftermath
You know how people say you don't wake up realizing something horrible happened? How they say it takes awhile to remember? That you roll out of your bed, start brushing your teeth, maybe even make your morning coffee before you remember?
They're wrong.
I waited for them to be right. I waited to wake and not remember what happened. I waited to not remember that Vic was dead. I waited to not remember that Royal was dead. I waited especially long not to remember that it was Robin's fault. I waited but it never happened. Just like everything else in my life, the news hit me. Hard. I had nightmares of it all night. Unfortunately, very few nightmares make me wake up. There was no relief for me as I slept through the repeating nightmares all night. They haunted me as I woke up, fully rested and tense.
I looked behind me and saw Robin, finally sleeping. I turned around with my back to his chest. It took me hours to calm him down enough to sleep. It was one of the scariest nights of my life. I closed my eyes to try and block out the memories. But just like my nightmares, they stayed. I fought back a sob, focusing on the feel of Robin's heart on my back. How did this happen? It was just a week ago that Jinx was driving me around in Royal's car telling me about the trip. It was only a couple of days ago Robin was comforting me in his arms. It was only two days ago that Roy met Robin. Only yesterday morning when everything seemed to be okay…
I mechanically slid out of Robin's arms, pulling the cover higher over him. I walked out the room, closing the door quietly behind me. I went to the kitchen, relieved that it was a three day weekend. I poured some coffee mix into the coffee maker. I turned around and jumped when I saw Uncle Mike. He was staring into an empty space with a very distant look on his face. He didn't see me. I walked over to him slowly, placing my hand on his shoulder. He jumped when I did, coming back to the present.
"Oh," he said, "I didn't see you there." He looked down at his coffee. I could tell it was cold. I sat down silently beside him. He had a grim look on his face. I recognized it as his bad news look. I was use to it. I saw it at least once every time I visited but this one scared me more than the others. This one was more distraught. My chest clenched at the sight of it. I waited for him to say whatever it was. There was no way it could be worse than what happened yesterday.
"Rae, I have some bad news." He told me gravely. Strangely, I was comforted by the words. At least some things stayed the same. "It's not easy to tell you this but…I got a call from Mr. Stone." The name sounded familiar but I couldn't exactly place it. I looked at my uncle's tired and sad face. Then I remembered that Mr. Stone was the Chief of Police…Victor's dad.
"What did he say?" I asked quietly. I tensed, knowing what he was about to say. Uncle Mike sighed.
"He told me about a call he got from a police station from California. Vic and his friend were down there for the weekend and got caught up in some gang activity." He looked me in the eye. I was frozen by the pain in them. "I'm sorry to say this Raven, but Vic is gone."
An unexpected wave of pain crashed over me. It was more painful hearing it the second time. I was surprised at the tear that escaped my eye. I wiped it away swiftly, nodding to my uncle.
"I know you two were starting to become close, so I thought you should know." He explained. He covered my hand with his, gripping it tightly. I know the gesture was supposed to comfort me, but it only made it more unbearable. My guilt was slowly overwhelming me. "They're having a funeral next week. We were invited." I swallowed thickly before nodding again.
I pulled my hand away from his, walking back to my room, my coffee forgotten. I closed the door behind me, refusing to look behind me. I instantly noticed a draft from outside. I looked and was met with an empty room and open window. Robin was gone. I felt strangely empty as I sat on my bed; my key necklace was on my cover. I picked it up but didn't put it on. I was glad that Robin was gone, so he couldn't witness the shame I felt as I put it in my drawer, hiding it away.
Robin dreaded going up the stairs to his house. He knew he was too tired to run from his mentor but a part of him wished he could sprint away from this place. He wasn't sure what he was going to do. Robin never felt so full yet empty. His emotions tormented him on the inside but refused to surface fully. He felt dizzy and nauseous as he walked into the foyer. It was quiet, undisturbed. Robin waited for some type of chaos, only to remember that the entire world wasn't unraveling. Only his was. He trudged up the stairs to his room slowly, exhaustion coming over him. Not even Raven's house could give him some peace.
He woke up shortly after she left the room. He was immediately plagued with visions of the nightmare he was in yesterday. He could hear her uncle talking to her and he leaned against the door to hear what he was saying.
"He told me about a call he got from a police station from California. Vic and his friend were down there for the weekend and got caught up in some gang activity…I'm sorry to say this Raven, but Vic is gone." Robin sprint out the room as soon as he heard the words.
Robin shook his head to try and rid himself of the words as his steps echoed inside the house. He walked to his room and saw his guardian sitting on the edge of his bed. Bruce Wayne was staring at his hands as he entered. His head snapped up and Robin saw relief and despair. Robin knew he didn't have to explain anything. He already knew, catching him in one of his few hiding places.
"What happened?" Bruce asked calmly. Robin, despite how intimidating his mentor could be, was rarely scared by him. This wasn't one of those moments. Robin knew better than to believe Bruce's calm façade. He could almost feel the emotions his father held back that hummed right beneath the surface. Robin was terrified.
"It was an accident." Robin whispered. Bruce shook his head, looking away from him.
"That's not what I asked." Bruce asked with frustration. Robin didn't know why but his exhaustion was gone and replaced with adrenaline as he raced out his room. Bruce followed him quickly. Robin stumbled down the steps as Bruce caught the back of his shirt. Bruce couldn't understand the frantic look in Robin's eyes. Robin's moves were desperate. Bruce turned Robin to him, trying to make him stop. Robin didn't stop fighting him. Bruce gripped his arms, forcing Robin to look at him. Robin struggled in his grip. He forgot how strong Bruce really was. "Richard, calm down!"
"Let me go!" Robin could feel tears of desperation starting to fill his eyes. Even now, Robin could still feel the weight of Vic in his arms, the smell of the blood that poured onto his fingers, slowing taking away his best friend's life.
"Just tell me what happened!" Bruce demanded. He could feel Robin's struggles weakening. Bruce let him go gently. Robin ripped out of his grasp, holding the back of the couch for support. The last twenty-four hours rushed back to him in a blur. He took a deep breath, wishing everything he would say was a lie.
"We were walking along a street to meet up with our friends. Two gang members were walking the opposite way. One bumped into me. They were trying to start something with us. Me and Vic…were just trying to get back to our friends. I told one of them that I wasn't doing this with them." Robin's voice shook. "They punched me and Vic jumped at them. I tried to pull them apart. I got Vic off him, told him it wasn't worth it. We were walking away when-" Robin broke off. He couldn't say it. He only turned to his guardian. Bruce nodded in understanding. He sighed helplessly. He knew what it must have felt like for Robin. He experienced a death of a friend when he was in high school, as well. He hoped and prayed Robin would never feel the same.
"It's okay." Bruce said, moving to his side. Bruce placed a reassuring hand on Robin's shoulder. "Victor's dad will do whatever he can do to find his… you know." Robin shook his head as Bruce released his grip. Bruce was walking upstairs to his own room.
"They won't have to." Robin said. Bruce paused, turning back to Robin. Robin refused to look at him, fearing the worst.
"What do you mean 'they won't have to'?" Bruce asked him. Robin closed his eyes and turned to him. When they opened, a blank and unforgiving look appeared.
"What do you think?" Robin told him softly. Bruce was confused. He didn't understand what Robin meant. The only way that could even be possible is if…Bruce felt all the air rush out his body. He gripped the stair railing to steady himself. No. Robin couldn't…he wouldn't. But as Bruce stared at him, he knew it was true. Bruce selfishly wished that Robin would've lied to him. Anything but know the truth. He looked at Robin's eyes, exactly like his mothers. He stepped down from the stairs and walked past Robin, not seeing anything.
"Bruce?" Robin called feebly. Bruce didn't pause as he walked to the door. "Bruce!" Bruce didn't show any sign of even hearing him. Robin collapsed on the floor as he watched his guardian walk out the door without even turning his head. The sound the closing door made as Bruce left echoed in Robin's mind, as he watched one of his worst fears happen.
He always dreaded the day Bruce would walk away from him.
His tears from last night came back full force. He was a killer. And one of the people he was afraid of leaving him just walked out. Robin wished he could hate him. He wished he could be angry enough to want to hate him. But he couldn't. Bruce was the one who took him in and cared for him during his darkest time. Robin loved Bruce too much to hate him. He only hated himself.
"Master Richard," called a soft voice somewhere in from of him. Robin looked up with a tear-stained face at Alfred. Alfred looked at him with an empathic look. He held his hand out to Robin. Robin took and was surprised at the strength the old man had as he pulled him up. Alfred wrapped his arm around Robin's shoulder. "Let's get you cleaned up." He said acting as if nothing happened. Robin was grateful but couldn't get rid of the self-hate at the pit of his stomach.
I had to get out the house. No matter how normal everything seemed, there was the undercurrent of grief that no one could quite hide. I walked into the mild afternoon. They sky was gray as if in mourning. I paused at my car about to open the door only to drop the keys in front seat. Stupid, yes. But I wanted to make sure I didn't change my mind about not driving. I wasn't sure why I did. I just couldn't stand the thought of sitting down in one spot. I was too restless to drive.
So I walked onto the sidewalk, taking a familiar route. I remembered walking down this way all the time when I first got here. I was always gritting my teeth as I towed my heavy gym bag, wishing I had my car. My arms would hurt and my legs would be burning despite the cool evening around me. Now it was warmer and everything seemed distance in April. I looked up at the green leaves. Everything seemed to be blooming and dying at the same time. I sighed as my throat thickened at the sight of the gym. I refused to stop as I walked up to the door and entered.
I slowed to a stop a couple of steps away from the door. The entire gym was empty. The silence rang off the walls. I swallowed as I entered. My steps echoed through the place. I stepped up to the punching bag. I did a couple of quick punches before watching it swing back and forth in front of me. I waited for Victor to tell me what I was doing or to hold the bag or something. Anything.
But all that greeted me was the silence. I didn't notice the tears until I saw fall one to the ground. It was amazing how I didn't realize how much of a friend Victor was until he was gone. I covered my mouth with my hand as I muffled another sob. I froze when I heard the back door open.
I was immediately alert, knowing no one entered through the back door. I looked around for something to use as a weapon. There was nothing light enough and I forgot bring my knife. I cursed silently. I'll have to settle for my hands. I moved silently to the side against the wall, out of sight. The person steps were light. They made very little noise as they came in. I peeked around the corner and fought a gasp. I narrowed my eyes at the girl before walking out from my hiding place.
"What are you doing here?" I asked sharply. My voice echoed it the silent gym. Terra jumped at my voice. She set a hand over her heart, which I'm sure was racing.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think the place was open." She said in a soft voice. It was weird for me to hear it. I always imagine her voice would be sharper. Instead it was kind of rough but I could hear the similarity between her voice and Jinx's.
"And you thought sneaking in through the back would be any better?" I said while glaring at her. She put her hands up defensively.
"I didn't come here for trouble." I stared at her confused. Didn't she recognize me? Surely, she knew that I was Northside. She came here for something. But as I watched her, I could tell she didn't recognize me. She didn't know anything about me. It was like a two-way mirror. I knew all about her but I was a complete stranger to her. I was relieved by this fact. But why is she here?
"Then why are you here?" Terra looked away from me, her shoulders slumping.
"I…I don't know." She said barely above a whisper. I stayed silent as I looked at her. Her face was twisted into a painful expression. It was one of…guilt? I stepped closer to her. Terra had a stance of defeat. I don't know what came over me but for some reason I tossed her a pair of gloves. She caught with a startled look. I nodded over to the punching bag.
"It helps." I told her. She nodded, walking over to it. She started punching the bag. I didn't try to correct her form, knowing it didn't matter. Neither of us spoke to each other. I watched her as she continued to hit the bag with more a more anger. I wondered what she felt guilty about. "Why do you feel guilty?" I asked her.
Terra paused at the question. She was silent as she slowly went back to hitting the bag. I held back a sigh. Should've known she wouldn't talk. I stood up, about to leave, when I heard her stop. I turned back to her. She wasn't looking at me but I could tell that she was no longer focusing on the bag.
"It's my fault." She said quietly. I took a step back towards her. She didn't move.
"It's my fault and now she'll hate me again." Terra turned to me. "I don't know how to fix it." I tried to make sense of what she was saying but wasn't sure what or who she was talking about. I sighed. I shrugged.
"I don't know what to tell you." I told her. She looked down helplessly. "Maybe you should try facing her." I made to turn and walk away when she spoke.
"Do I know you?" she asked. I froze. "You looked familiar." I looked at her over my shoulder at her.
"No." I told her. I didn't look back as I left.
Jinx sat at the very back of the club, Spin. She watched the dance floor, watching the blissfully ignorant couples dance together happily. She narrowed her eyes at them. She hated them all. She everyone who could smile and laugh when Royal could never do that again. And it was her sister's fault.
She took another sip from the drink she ordered. She pressed the cool glass to her head. Another pair of tears slid down her face. Her face has been tear-stained for the entire day. She didn't bother to wipe them. Why should she? Everybody should see and witness her pain.
She continued to watch the crowd as she saw a form working its way to her. She looked up out of dull curiosity, setting her glass on the table in front of her. The form parted from the crowd and stared down at her. Jinx looked in the person's eyes and felt a slow rage simmer in the pit of her stomach. Terra should have known better than to look for her. Terra didn't say anything as she sat next to her sister.
"I am so sorry, Jinx." She said quietly. Jinx gave her a cynical and hateful smile. Terra frowned at it, feeling her heart race. She looked at the table and saw Jinx's glass. It was nothing but vodka with a curled lemon peel at the bottom. Jinx was never up to anything good when she drank alcohol.
"Why be sorry?" Jinx said calling Terra's attention back to her. Jinx picked up her drink. "It's not like it's your fault." Jinx moved the drink to her mouth but paused before she took a sip. She looked back at Terra and smiled with an edge. "Oh wait. It is, isn't?" Terra didn't say anything as Jinx down her drink quickly. Jinx shook her head.
"A shame, really," she said, "I really thought I could trust you this time." Before Terra could say anything, Jinx called for a waitress. The waitress approached her warily. Jinx sent her a malicious smile. "My friend wants a drink. Mind bringing us a bottle? Vodka." The waitress nodded, walking away before Jinx could say anything else to her. Terra watched as her sister leaned back. She shook her head.
"Jinx, stop," she told her. Jinx raised an eyebrow at her. "You're drunk. I'll take you home." Terra grabbed Jinx's arm. Jinx pulled out her grasp before pointing her finger in Terra's face.
"You are the last person who should be talking about being drunk." The waitress set down the bottle of vodka on the table silently. Jinx grabbed it. "Let's recall the times I had to stop you from doing something stupid because you were drunk or holding your hair back when you threw up. Not to mention all the crap I put up with because I did all of that for you. Because unlike you, I cared." Jinx shrugged as she cracked open the seal. Terra watched silently. "But that was always my problem. I always trusted you. And I'm the one who would always get burned in the end." Jinx smiled at her. Terra's stomach twisted at the cruelty in it. "But not this time."
Terra looked at her confused. Jinx started to pour vodka all around them and on the dance floor as well. She threw the bottle in the middle of the crowd. The crowd gasped and murmured. Jinx took out her lighter. Terra's eyes widened at she saw Jinx flick it open. Jinx sighed at the small flame it produced.
"To Royal," Jinx turned to her sister. Terra stood frozen by her gaze. "And you, Terra." Jinx dropped the flame and the club burst into an inferno. Terra screamed in fear as she was so surrounded by it. She could vaguely see Jinx walking out the club. Terra coughed as smoke entered her lungs. She looked around her at the chaos.
How am I gonna get out? She thought. She could see no exits. She was trapped.
Bruce Wayne stared at the sunset as it reflected of the city. Bruce stood at the top of the highest building in the city. This is where Alfred found Bruce. Bruce knew Alfred was standing behind him with both a concerned and disapproving look. He sighed, not looking away from the view.
He could remember every time Ava insisted on bring them there for a sunrise picnic when she would visit him. She would wake both him and Robin up extra early and have Alfred help her prepare breakfast. They would then ride here as the sky started to turn from black to a dark blue. Ava always made sure they came just in time for them to see everything as the sky burst into colors. He closed his eyes, savoring the memory. He shook his head. How could the same little kid that was amazed by the sunset on top of the city be the same one that…he couldn't finish the thought. It was too painful to think about it.
"Master Bruce," Alfred called quietly. Bruce didn't respond. "Bruce." Alfred said in a stern voice.
"Not now, Alfred." Bruce said. He tried to speak but couldn't think of the right thing to say. He shook his head, staying silent.
"Yes, now, Master Bruce. You can try but there is nowhere to run." Alfred said in a tone so firm, it made Bruce pause. Bruce turned to him so he had his undivided attention. Alfred relaxed a bit before speaking once again. "How could you walk out like that?"
Bruce turned away from Alfred. Alfred waited patiently. They were in a deadlock silence as the sun continued to set. Bruce watched the fading sun.
"How did this happen?" Bruce asked quietly. "How could that innocent, little boy grow up and become…" he couldn't finish it. Tears pricked at Bruce's eyes at the pain that rush through him, making him lose his breath. Alfred stepped closer. Bruce didn't notice through his confusion. "I failed him." Bruce admitted, hanging his head in shame. Alfred gripped Bruce's shoulder tightly. Bruce refused to look at him.
"Master Bruce, you cannot blame yourself for Richard's mistakes-" Bruce cut him off with a sharp look.
"I was stupid and careless with him!" Bruce exclaimed. He moved out Alfred's grasp as he paced back and forth. "I should have spent more time with him. I should've trained with him more, been more stern. I should've been there for him instead of trying to make him move on. How could I fail her son like that? I promised her and now…" Bruce stopped, once again at a loss for words. He looked at the indigo sky. He looked back towards the sunset where only a sliver was visible.
"Sir," Alfred called softly. Bruce reluctantly turned to him. Alfred gave him an ancient look of grief. "I'll admit I don't know what to say to comfort you. All I can tell you is that you burden yourself unnecessarily. While we all were grieved by Ava's lose, we had to move on. You can't blame yourself for everything mistake he makes. Master Richard was overcome with grief and acted irrationally. Yes, you should have taught him better. And while that was a mistake on your part, no one was prepared for this situation.
"But right now, you are making the biggest mistake you could make as a father. Despite Richard's mistake, he needs you now more than ever…he's already lost his mother. He doesn't need you to abandon him too." Alfred moved towards the stairs to leave.
"You say this as if I'm his father." Bruce stated. Alfred turned back to him with a ghost of a smile.
"With all you've done and how you and Miss Ava felt for each other, do you still doubt that you deserve that title?"
Alfred left silently. Bruce closed his eyes and sighed. He stayed at the ledge, watching the last sliver of the sun slip over the horizon. He still didn't move as darkness soon fell over him, cloaking him like a blanket.
Terra climbed up the fire escape, struggling with each step to breathe. She still was dizzy and weak from her escape from the burning club, smoke caught in her throat. Several burns dotted her arms and legs, each searing with pain with each step she took. She lifted herself up until she saw her. Jinx sat on the step, smoking as usual. She looked at Terra expectantly. Terra gritted her teeth as she stood up slowly; her clothes tattered with a wild look. Jinx gave her a cold smirk. She flexed her arms a bit. Terra saw the scar where she accidentally shot her and couldn't help the guilt she felt.
"Look who came back from hell." Jinx said. Terra narrowed her eyes at her.
"Look who was about to send me there." She said in a hoarse voice. She didn't care. "Why did you do that? It's as if you didn't care if I died!" Jinx started laughing at her. Terra looked at her confused. She couldn't help the fear that grew as she watched her sister. Jinx sighed ending her laughter.
"You act like I should." Jinx told her, with a hint of amusement. Terra looked at her in disbelief. Did she really just say that? Jinx stood taking a drag. She blew it into Terra's face. Terra started to cough, waving her hand to fan out the smoke when Jinx grabbed her throat. Jinx tightened her grip. Terra was in shock as Jinx started to choke her. Jinx brought Terra closer to her face. "I trusted you. I trusted you when you said it would be harmless and quick. That he wouldn't get harmed. And once again, you let me down. I bet you even set this whole thing up just so you can weaken me like I weakened you." Terra couldn't speak as Jinx shook her slightly. Terra started getting dizzy with lack of oxygen. The edges of her vision started to turn black. Jinx sneered at her, before throwing her down. Terra slammed into the steel platform, sending pain through body once again. She took deep breaths as she lay on the floor gasping in pain.
"And now he's dead!" Jinx yelled. Terra looked around frantically, knowing this was getting dangerous and quick. Who knew what stunt Jinx would try to pull right now?
"Jinx, please, calm down-"
"Calm down? Don't you dare tell me to calm down!" Jinx looked around at the quiet neighborhood. "What you afraid someone will hear me?" Terra struggled to get up but her arms were weak. Jinx once again smiled. Terra didn't hide the fear she felt as Jinx grabbed her.
"I think yours will wake them up before mine." Jinx said. Terra couldn't understand what Jinx meant, until she dragged her over to the ledge. Jinx lives on the 7th floor, Terra thought as Jinx grabbed her neck again and leaned her over the ledge. Terra grabbed Jinx's arm tightly as she felt her grip start to loosen.
"Jinx, don't do this!" Terra begged.
"You killed him!" Jinx yelled. She pushed Terra farther over. Terra's grip tightened. "You don't deserve mercy." Terra let out a small cry as she looked down.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean for him to die. It just-" Terra was cut off by Jinx's burning gaze.
"It just, what? Happened?" Jinx continued to yell. "What a cop out." She started to pry Terra's fingers off her arm.
"JINX PLEASE!" Terra screamed tears falling down her face. "PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!"
"I HATE YOU!" Jinx screamed. Terra looked in her eyes and saw the blankness in them. She wasn't lying. Jinx pulled the last of Terra's fingers off her arm. Terra scrambled for something to grab but only teetered on the edge. She was about to let out another scream when she felt someone grab her and pull her off the edge. She felt herself slam down on the floor. It was one of the worst pains she ever felt but she was grateful for it, knowing she was closer to a worst one.
She looked up and saw Jinx standing over her. She had tears slowly trailing down her face once again. Jinx took out her knife. Before Terra could protest, Jinx slashed her arm. Terra covered her mouth to muffle the cry she let out.
"Blood for blood," Jinx said emotionless, "You still owe me." Terra didn't respond as she dragged herself into a sitting position across from Jinx. Jinx looked past her into the night. Neither lingered on what just happened, the only evidence of it was the new scar that was forming on Terra's arm. That was their relationship. They hurt each other, almost killing them, before moving on, leaving only a scar behind.