CHAPTER 21

BERKANA SEWERS

"Ahh, home sweet home!" Cinna said cheerfully as the party walked into Berkana. The place was unlike anything anyone had ever seen before. Huge rows of buildings stood in conforming lines, topped by numerous rows of smokestacks that spewed pollution up into the air.

"Home, huh?" Agrias asked. "I'd love to see your garden."

"My family is very poor," Cinna explained. "I need to write and sing songs to support them. Any money I make goes to them."

"..." Meliadoul said.

"Well, you're a very caring son," Alma said. "Can we meet your family?"

"Sure," Cinna said. "It's this way."

"Lead on," Ramza said. Cinna started walking through the street, followed by his friends.

"What's that smell?..." Meliadoul asked as she wrinkled her nose.

"Oh, that's just the ethanol plant," Cinna said. "They make clean-air gasoline for the airships there."

"You said that this was the capital of Zeratul?" Rafa asked.

"Yes," Cinna said. "Zeratul is a democracy, meaning we elect our leaders. President Maclus is our current president, and we have a bicameral legislature; two houses of congress. They squabble a lot, so it's a heck of a lot of work to get new laws passed."

"At least no one seizes power through bloodshed," Ramza said. "I've had enough of that."

"There are pros and cons," Cinna said. "Ivalice's autocratic systems are pretty primitive compared to the government here, but at least your governments can get stuff done fast."

Suddenly, a sewer grate opened in front of the party and two Morbols emerged. "GRAAAAHHHH!!!!" they growled.

"What in the?-" Mustadio asked.

"This's never happened before," Cinna said, readying his lute.

"LIGHTNING STAB!!!" Orlandu and Agrias yelled at the same time, vanquishing the beasts in an electric blast.

"Thanks, dudes," Cinna said. "C'mon, let's go meet my folks and see what's goin' on around here."

Meanwhile, back in Ivalice at the Zeltennia graveyard, a pack of grave robbers forced their way into Queen Ovelia's mausoleum (the crowbar is a miraculous invention, isn't it?).

"Oh, boy, can you imagine what kind of riches they buried in here with her?" one asked.

"Gold... jewels... precious stones..." a second drooled. "We'll be rich!"

"With King Delita out, we can ransack the place and get away with it!" the leader cheered. "C'mon, let's get this show on the road!"

The grave robbers started hauling all the good stuff out. When everything else was gone, the leader's eyes fell upon the ruby-plated coffin of the late queen. "Hey Forward," the leader said to one of his Thief friends. "I'll give you 1,000 Gil if you french-kiss the queen."

"Are you crazy, Orwell?!" Forward asked crossly. "That's disgusting!"

"That is kinda sick, even for you, boss," another grunt said.

"C'mon, you know you want to..." Orwell mused, waving the sack of gold at Forward. Forward finally snapped.

"Oh, ALL RIGHT!" Forward snapped, taking the cash. "Help me shove the lid off the coffin, guys."

Forward, Orwell and the others all lined up on the left side of the coffin and pushed. The lid creaked off, slid down and shattered to bits on the floor.

"OK Forward, there's your dream girl," Orwell said, pointing down into the sarcophagus. "Let's see some lip action!"

"Err, think again, boss..." a grunt said. "There's nothing there."

"What?!" Orwell yelled, looking down into the coffin. The grunt was right. The space was empty, not occupied by anything, living or dead.

"That's weird," Forward said. "I coulda sworn I saw King Delita and Captain Flite put the body in here after she died."

"Well, it's not that big a deal," Orwell said. "Hey, gimme my money back!"

"Here goes," Cinna said as the party approached the little one-story house that Cinna's parents lived in. He walked up and pushed the doorbell's button. Nothing happened.

"What?" Ramza asked.

"Oh, I know," Cinna said. "I bet the bell's not working. Hey, mom! The bell isn't working!"

"Try it now, dear," Cinna's mom shouted through a hole that served as a window. Cinna pushed the button again, and his mom yelled "DING." She then opened the door and threw her arms around her son. "Cinna! Welcome home!" she cried.

"Hi, mom," Cinna said, hugging his mom. "I came to see how you and dad were doing."

"Well, come on in," Cinna's mom said. "Goodness, you've brought a lot of friends. Come in and we'll try to make you comfy."

It turned out that 'comfy' meant not sitting on the greasy spots of the floor. "Kind of gross, isn't it?" Agrias asked.

"Shush! They're trying their best. Be nice," Orlandu hissed at Agrias.

"Help yourself to some tea and cookies," Cinna's dad said as he passed a plate full of month-old crackers around and a pot of cold tea with a week-old tea bag in it. The group gladly accepted the food and munched the crackers without complaint from their mouths (their stomachs, however, weaved absolute tapestries of obscenity).

"Mom, what's happening in town?" Cinna asked. "We were attacked by Morbols on our way in, and they came out of the sewer."

"Also, I didn't see many other people out and about on the way in, and it's only noon," Malak said, looking at his watch.

"Things have been real high-strung since a strange monster appeared and took over the sewers below Berkana," Cinna's dad said. "Isn't that right, Flo?"

"Everett's right, kids," Flo said. "Some strange robot rat thing is runnin' around down in the sewers and making monsters and stuff. Folks're too scared to go out, even though President Maclus insisted that he has troops out trying to find the beast."

"A rat, huh?" Ramza asked. "Sounds like a Mechannite. Mr. and Mrs. Garnomm, I'll go and find that rat and get rid of it for your town."

"That's really nice of you, dear, but what can you do?" Flo asked.

"Mom, surely you jest!" Cinna said, standing up. "This is the acclaimed Ramza Beoulve of Ivalice! He defeated a slew of demons in Ivalice and protected Konra and Rose Trade Town from King Delita's attacks! He's quite capable of finding one little rat."

"So, YOU'RE Ramza," Everett said. "Cinna's spoken very highly of you. Go on and save our town then, son. But promise me to take Cinna with you. He knows the sewers better than anyone."

"He knows everything better than everyone," Alma chuckled.

"I'll come and help, too," Agrias said.

"As will I," Orlandu nodded in agreement.

"Me too," Malak said. "Let's get 'em, Ramza!"

"The rest of us will wait here for you," Rafa said. "Good luck, Ramza, Cinna."

"You got it," Cinna said. "C'mon, there's an entrance just outside of the house."

The four adventurers followed Cinna outside to a manhole. "Right down here," Cinna said, pulling up the manhole and climbing down the ladder.

"Ummm, does the sewer have what I think it has in it?" Agrias asked.

"You bet," Malak chuckled. "Boatloads of it."

Agrias's face went green, but she shrugged it off and climbed down. Orlandu, Malak and Ramza followed and the group reconvened on the walkway next to the flowing water.

"Judging from what Mom told me, the attacks were occurring the most near the Presidential Residence," Cinna said. "That's this way."

"Out of curiosity, what's the address of the Presidential Residence?" Agrias asked.

"1600 California Avenue," Cinna said. "Why?"

"Never mind," Agrias muttered, shrugging. The party set off up the road next to the sludgy water that flowed past them below.

After about an hour of Cinna navigating the tunnels, Orlandu finally had the gall to ask "Cinna, are you SURE you know where you're going?"

"Sure!" Cinna said. "I've played down here since I was a little kid."

"Since then?!" Agrias asked. "No wonder your mom's two feet shorter than you."

"Shhh!" Malak whispered, motioning for everyone to be quiet. "I hear something."

The group strained and listened. There was a slight gurgling to be heard in the water.

"Big deal, Malak," Agrias said. "It's probably just an air bubble."

"Who're you calling an air bubble?"

Everyone stepped back as the gunk in the river began to shift and take on form. It splattered onto the walkway just as two candelabras with blue and purple-blazing candles appeared along with a circle with a drawing of a rat. The gunk shifted and modeled itself until it became a shining, slimy rodent. The stench was unbearable.

"The Rat Mechannite!" Orlandu exclaimed.

"Sludge Rodent at your service," Sludge Rodent wheezed. "Ahh, I love the smell of sewer slime in the morning... but you guys are clean! Bleaach! Putrid! I'll have to dirty you up a little. Get ready for a fight you'll never forget!"

"Bring it on, cheeseball," Malak growled, his Octagon Rod poised.

"You'll never win!" Ramza said, his sword drawn and ready.

"We're taking Ovelia back!" Agrias declared.

"ACID GLOB!!!" Sludge Rodent yelled, spewing gobs of green goo at the party. They splattered all over the adventurers' armor and melted it.

"Looks like we'll have to finish him fast, before he melts all our armor clean off," Ramza said.

"Split Punch!" Orlandu yelled, attacking with the Holy Knight ability. Sludge Rodent wavered for a minute, but he kept attacking.

"GUNK SCRATCH!" he shrieked, slashing Agrias with his slimy claw. Green goo flew everywhere.

"Ughhh!" Agrias groaned as she fell backwards. "HOLY EXPLOSION!!!"

Agrias slashed her sword and hit the rat dead-on with a heavenly blast. Sludge Rodent bounced back into the water and vanished.

"Did we get him?" Cinna asked.

"No way! I'm just getting warmed up..." Sludge Rodent's voice echoed through the sewer. Suddenly, the entire mass of water in the sewer started to shift and take form into a much larger version of the rat. "Didn't you know I can take on more gunk and get bigger?" he teased. "Well, you learn something new every day!"

"If he gets any bigger, we'll be crushed!" Ramza remarked.

Orlandu used a Lightning Stab attack to knock a hole in the ceiling of the sewer. "We'll take this battle to the streets," he said. "Hurry!"

The party scurried up onto solid (and clean) ground just as the humongazoid rat oozed out of the sewer. At his full height, Sludge Rodent was about a block long in length and about a street wide. "Now, where were we?..." the rat cackled.

"Space Storage Back!" Malak yelled, sending his satanic rays at the rat. Sludge Rodent absorbed them without much thought.

"Don't you get it? You can't beat me!" the putrid mouse laughed. "Get ready to be slimed big time!"

"He's right," Cinna said. "We can't hurt him in this gooey form."

"And the stink is getting worse!" Agrias yelled, holding her nose.

Ramza looked at the huge, gunky rat hard. He could see that in the center of the monster, the Rat Stone glittered brightly. "We don't have to beat him," Ramza said. "We just have to break his heart."

"What?" Agrias asked. "Ramza, this is no time to get romantic!"

"Aim for the Stone!" Ramza shouted, slashing through the goo until he got to the rock and stabbing it hard. Sludge Rodent howled in agony.

"You little fool! How DARE you!!!" the rat said, and morphed into a huge ball and Ramza trapped inside it. "I'll just smother you out of existence!" he cackled. Ramza was obviously choking to death in the gooey mess.

"This ain't good," Cinna said.

"Let's do what Ramza said and aim for the stone!" Orlandu said, focusing his weapon. "CRUSH PUNCH!"

"LIGHTNING STAB!!!" Agrias yelled, unleashing a shocking barrage of energy.

"SKY DEMON BACK!" Malak shouted, letting the random blasts splatter goo everywhere and shock the stone.

"Sambaaaaaaa!" Cinna yelled as a load of notes penetrated the sticky mass and beat upon the gem.

"You stupid fools!" Sludge Rodent cackled. "You still haven't beaten me! Hey, what're you doing?!"

Everyone could clearly see Ramza slowly thrusting his sword through the goo. With one quick stroke, he struck the Rat Stone and disintegrated it. Sludge Rodent screamed in agony and, unlike the other Mechannites, just melted away. The goo and slop just oozed back into the sewer and all was calm again. Another Rat Stone appeared in Ramza's grimy hand.

"Nice job, Ramza!" Agrias cheered. "I forget you have brawn AND brains sometimes!"

"You did great," Cinna said.

"Yes, fantastic job, but..." Malak said.

"(Cough, sputter...) But what?" Ramza asked.

All four of his friends grabbed their faces and lurched backwards. "You REEK!!!" they yelled.

"Hey, let's see you get absorbed by a giant sludge rat and come out smelling like a Glade Plug-In," Ramza retorted. "Still... Cinna, does your house have a shower?"

"There's one out back," Cinna chuckled. Then everyone started laughing heartily.