Chapter 21

Disclaimer-I Own Nothing!

This one's for you and me, living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters
~Lighters; Bad Meets Evil~

Tamaki stood in front of his mirror trying to finally get his tie on. He knew he would be a wreck but he never imagined he would be this bad. He had known this day was coming. Just before, he stood in the shower and cried as the water ran over him and now while he hadn't cried since he could tell he wanted too.
"Tamaki dear it's your mother is it alright to enter?"
Inviting her in he noticed Emma was with her. That's right she had volunteered to get her ready for tonight. They met him at the mirror and he could tell Emma was looking for Kyouya knowing he had been here the last time she saw him.
"Is this alright for her Tamaki?" Taking her from his mother he was felt his body satisfied to have Emma in his arms right now though he knew what was coming as she twisted in his arms trying to see if she could find him.
"Daddy?"
"I know princess, I know."
"Whenever you're ready Tamaki we're all ready to head over." Nodding he tried to just breathe and let the desire to cry pass. He was not looking forward to this. "Oh sweetie your tie is crooked?"
"Not again. Can you take Emma for me?"
"I've got it just move you arm."
"Mother I've got it. You don't need to treat me like a child."
"You have Emma my hands are free so I'll do it for you." Not going to fight with him she moved his arm and redid his tie. As they walked out of the bedroom Emma squirmed trying to get out of Tamaki's arms. He preferred carrying her down the stairs but he didn't have to so long as she held his hand to make sure she didn't fall.
"Emma come back here." Once on the ground she ran down the hall to her room, ran out empty handed and continued further down where their dining room table was. She was looking for Kyouya in the places she knew he had been with her. Tamaki met her outside the door as he knew she was getting ready to run back down the hall to his room. Before she got past him Tamaki grabbed her to hold her in his arms, he wasn't up to this right now. She started crying trying to get out of his arms again. His parents stood by the stairs knowing there was nothing they could do to help him right now, knowing their granddaughter had no clue as to what was going on and why she couldn't find her father was heartbreaking.
"Please don't do this Emma, momma is asking nicely for you to please just stay by me. I know you want to see daddy, we both do trust me but he isn't here."
"Daddy! I wanna see daddy!"
Tamaki held her close trying to get her to stop crying. He hated watching her like this knowing there was nothing he could do no matter how much he wanted to."
"I know you do, mommy knows you do.'"
"Where is daddy?"
"He isn't here anymore princess, that's where we are going. To see him one last time. So you can tell him how much you love him one last time."
"Momma?" She brought her hand to his face as a few tears fell.
"I know Emma you don't understand any of this." Wiping his eyes he walked over to his parents to head downstairs. It felt strange to be down here again, he had been upstairs these past few months to stay by Kyouya side, everything felt foreign to him now.

"Mother do you mind watching Emma for me. I would just like a minute before everyone arrives."
"Sure dear go right ahead." Taking Emma from him he walked into the only temple in the area that held no religion with it. Kyouya said he felt no desire to hold it in a Buddhist one when he was mad at any higher power for not listening to his one and only prayer or wish, or whatever it was called; to stay alive for his family. Plus, he never saw Kyouya as a religious person. Kneeling in front of the memorial he debated taking one last look at the one he loved. It wasn't hard at all but he knew if he did he would lose it and he should stay a little tougher figuring it would be a long night. Still, seeing the picture that was chosen and how perfect it was to represent him he felt another defense crumble.
"Your daughter has been looking for you since she got up and came into our room. It's only been a few hours since you left us and you know what, it's been really hard without you. I know you're at peace and I'm not saying I'm not glad for you but I really miss you. After all your suffering you deserve to be okay but I feel so lost without you. And Emma, she was been running all over looking for you and I don't know how to get her to understand that you're never coming home again. I don't know how I can handle seeing her do this; to be honest I don't know how to do anything anymore." The more he let his guts spill the more defenses fell before he was in tears again. "I know this day was coming I know you told me I would be alright but I'm not. Nothing could have prepared me for this day, I was never and still not ready for it. I can't even turn to someone to cry on their shoulder because you were that person to me. Oh Kyouya what am I going to do now?"

Tamaki slid the door outside open to see Kyouya's family arriving. It looked like it was time for the wake to start. Taking Emma's hand he kept her close as they all walked in together, somehow he would figure out a way to get through this.
"Emma come be with grandma and grandpa for a moment please." Tamaki released her hand to let her go to them curious as to why they wanted her. As she walked over to her he could tell she was lost by this place and looking for Kyouya. How he wished he could close his eyes and make it all go away.
"Here Emma, see how grandma is, can you do that too?"
Seeing she was kneeling she copied, though Annie-Sophia could tell she looked lost. She could only imagine how hard this was going to be on her, she wasn't even three yet and barely able to speak sentences where she could be understood and she had to attend the wake of her father. They were asking her to say good-bye the best she could. "Good girl, now can you say something good about your father. Why you loved him"
"I love daddy!"
"I know you do sweetie. Now tell him why you love him so much."
"Daddy?" Perking her head up she looked around trying to find him. She was definitely smart by knowing her grandmother was talking about her father though she didn't completely understand what she was saying. Having her face forward she put her hands together. "Now say why you love him, so he knows."
Tamaki knelt down next to Emma forcing himself to at least half smile at her so should could hopefully understand and do it herself in her own words.
"Go ahead princess, I know daddy is listening. You may not see him but he sees you." He could have told her that he was right in front of her but she wouldn't understand that all the way and he wouldn't be able to handle it if she tried to "find" him. "Watch momma Emma." Taking a deep breath he ignored the fact that he wanted to cry again. "Kyouya, you were the best thing to ever happen to me. I am beyond lucky that you were the first person I really met when I moved to Japan. The house won't ever be the same without you there but I know you'll be watching over us and keeping me out of trouble." Exhaling he opened his eyes and looked over at Emma who was staring up at him not one hundred percent sure what he did. "See Emma, like that. Now you try."
Putting her hands together again she faced front.
"Daddy played with me, daddy napped with me in his room and told me not to tell mommy, daddy lots of fun, I want to play with daddy soon." Tamaki wrapped his hands around her as she looked over at him,
"Oh Emma." He couldn't tell her he was never coming back even if she understood what that meant he didn't have the heart to tell her. One of them endlessly crying was enough. Standing up he held her close to his chest as he walked off to the side. His parents got up soon shortly after giving Kyouya's family some time to themselves to say good-bye as well.
"Momma crying?"
"Yes Emma, momma's crying."

Tamaki kept Emma close as people started showing up. Most he knew but didn't know. He met them once or twice at events he attended with Kyouya for the hospital or funding events. A few of the doctors he knew from being their patient once or twice. He could always tell when Emma became scared, he would feel his pant leg bunch and her hands grip it tighter as she hid behind him.
"She is such a cutie and looks so much like her father. How old is she now?"
"Two and a half."
"Oh so young, how tragic to lose her father at such a young age."
"Yes it is." Tamaki couldn't do this; he didn't need to be reminded that his daughter just lost her father while still so young. Didn't people get that they weren't helping? Once they left and he had a second before more people walked over he knelt down to see how Emma was doing. She was being really quiet for everything that was going on around her. He had asked her too earlier but that didn't mean she was going to.
"Are you alright Emma? Want Momma to pick you up?"
Losing her attention to a shadow he gathered his remaining strength to hear what he had been hearing all night.
"Haruhi."
"Hello senpai, I apologize for taking so long to see you but we were stuck in the line of people."
"We?" Looking past her he saw the former host club and Ranka with her. She had no idea how happy he was to see them all right now. Standing up he threw his arms around her, it was great to see someone he knew.

While Tamaki spoke with the others he noticed Emma released his leg as Haruhi knelt down to talk to her. When the group walked away to the memorial and Kyouya's family Ranka stepped closer and put a hand on his shoulder.
"How are you doing?"
"How did you do it sir? I feel so lost and I can barely look at Emma without crying. She looks so much like him."
"I know exactly what you're going through. I had the same trouble when Kotoko passed away. I want you to know that if you ever need to talk feel free to call me. Haruhi offers her services to you for Emma as well. We know she is too young now to understand but if she get s older and needs to talk to someone who's been there Haruhi wants one of you to call her."
"Thank you so much sir, it truly means a lot to me."
"Please, you don't have to be so formal with me Tamaki I've known you for years and besides I was fond of Kyouya so of course I want to help his family any way I can."
Tamaki got a corner of his lip to turn upward from Ranka's attempt to help him. Still though, tears threatened to flood his eyes again.
"Can you step out; you look like you could use a breather. I'll bet you've been hit with, "she is so young", at least a dozen times by now. My favorite was always the, "it's so tragic for a child to lose her mother so young."
"I'm sure I can sneak out for a minute." He was glad someone understood what he was going through right now. He didn't feel so alone. He may have been surrounded by family but none of them had gone through this, maybe's Kyouya's family but he was never actually told what happened to Kyouya's mother. Seeing Emma had walked over with Haruhi he slid over to Akito since he was closest.
"I need to step out for a minute. Do you mind keeping an eye on Emma? She is with a friend of mine so she should be okay."
"Go ahead, I'll keep an eye on her."
"Thanks a lot."

Stepping out Tamaki took a deep breath allowing the cold night air to hit his lungs. With so many people inside the temple he forgot it was the middle of February.
"Sir, I mean Ranka, I need to ask how you did you do it? How did you handle watching you wife reach the final stages, those last days?"
"It was rough, I'm not sure I know how I did it exactly. I know I cried when I wasn't with her and found a way not to when I was. I believe I did it because I wanted to see her at ease. Some days I wanted nothing more than to take her hand and cry over the fact that I was losing her but I couldn't handle watching her struggle. I couldn't watch her suffer anymore."
"So it wasn't just me that felt I losing my mind over watching him."
"I'm sure it's pretty standard."
Even though he was cold standing outside he was glad he talked to Ranka for a little bit. He wasn't sure how long he would feel like everything would be okay but he would take it for now.
"I know this will sound strange but I was wondering if you could pass a message along to Haruhi in case I don't see her again tonight. I would like her, with the rest of the gang, at the service tomorrow. She was part of our family back in high school and,"
"I'll have her know and I'm sure she'll have the twins pick her up."
"Thank you, you're welcome to join her as well, though I know you're busy and it's not really a good get together. Actually I want you thank you for coming knowing you're probably missing work."
"I told you I was fond of Kyouya. It was only right I come pay my respects to him." Ranka went wide eyed as Tamaki burst out into tears. Wrapping an arm around him he allowed him to cry on his shoulder.

They walked back in to see Emma with Fuyumi who hadn't stopped crying since she showed up. He could see Yoshio trying to get her to control herself, even at a wake Yoshio was still Yoshio. Though she really was a mess, Tamaki was proud that wasn't him. No one saw the outburst he had outside so no one knew about it other than Ranka and he figured he wouldn't say anything.
"Momma." Feeling a tug on his pant leg he bent down to pick Emma up. He could tell she was getting tired from being here and he was proud of her for being so good during the wake.
"Momma. I sleepy."
"I know you are princess, we'll go home in a little while momma promises." He had her snuggle him better in case she wanted to fall asleep.
"In, momma."
"What Emma?" Looking over at where his daughter was pointing he saw Rin and the other housekeepers entering the temple. He guessed it wasn't a total surprised they showed up, he never told them that they couldn't leave the house.
"Stay with me Emma she'll come here I'm sure."
Feeling her wanting to run over at the familiar face he held her tighter so she wouldn't run off. She was bouncing when they finally made it over to her. They didn't say much or stay long but he felt so honored by their presence. He could see the sadness in their eyes meaning they had no problem working for them. That was always his fear, that the staff didn't know how much he, no, both of them appreciated all they did.

As the wake come to an end and everyone beside family left Tamaki felt unsure about going home. It would beat here sure but the house would be so quiet without Kyouya. He didn't want to think about how big and lonely their bed would be without him.
"Ready to go home princess?" He could tell she was practically falling asleep in his arms, hopefully she would actually go to bed once they got home.
"Tamaki are you sure you want to go home? Why not spend the night at your father's and then tomorrow we can all head to the funeral together."
"It's alright mother I would rather be home."
"Are you sure Tamaki you know just because you knew this day would come doesn't mean you have to be alone."
"I know but I'm alright really. And besides I think Emma would rather just go home. We'll see you tomorrow."
"Well alright but don't hesitate if you change your mind."
Parting ways Tamaki strapped Emma in their waiting car to go home. There was no point putting it off nothing would change by waiting.

By the time Tamaki could get to his room he was done, drained by the extremely long day. Emma, though tired refused to go to bed without Kyouya there to bed her to bed as well. How could he get her to understand that he couldn't? Watching her cry over not getting to see her father was unbearable and the more she fought with him the more he could feel himself losing it.
"I know you want your father but he isn't here anymore! He isn't coming back Emma so please stop fighting me!" She stopped to cry over him yelling at her, he realized what he did and held her close until she fall asleep. "Momma is sorry Emma. I didn't mean to yell."
Getting to his room he stopped in the doorway, all the medical equipment was gone. Akito must have had someone take it out during the wake. It had been here for so long that now the room felt empty. Without it the silence was deafening and it made it seem like he had never been here. Was this how it started? Was this how he moved on, by acting like Kyouya hadn't been in this room for months; that he hadn't died only this morning? Is this what would lead to loss of remembering his voice, his smile, his touch? No, anything but tha,t he couldn't, no, he didn't want that to happen. He needed his memory to stay strong forever. With shaking hands he moved into the bedroom further undressing out of his suit. Unable to see he collapsed on the bed to let the tears soak the sheet uncaring that he was only in his boxers. He was terrified over the thought that he would forget anything about the one he loved for so long,
"Oh god Kyouya, why did you have to die?"

Tamaki woke up at the first rays of sun hitting his eyes. He felt exhausted as if he didn't sleep at all last night though he remembered basically crying himself to sleep. Sitting up he just sat in bed already feeling that today was going to be longer than yesterday. Looking over at the empty spot on the bed he leaned over grabbing Kyouya's pillow, holding it close. Maybe it was just his mind already being lost to his grief but he smelt Kyouya's favorite shampoo. Holding it tighter he closed his eyes and allowed his mind to believe that was Kyouya he felt in his arms as he dozed back off for another couple of hours.

Tamaki sat in the kitchen feeling defeated as he tried to get Emma to eat breakfast.
"You're not still mad at mommy are you? I'm really sorry I yelled at you Emma. Please eat. Look its cinnamon pancakes, you love cinnamon pancakes. If your waiting for daddy than please try to understand that he doesn't live here anymore. He is somewhere where we can't get to and he will never be coming back. From now on it's just us princess and momma promises to make it all work out somehow." Trying again he got her to eat helping him relax though she seemed sad. She obviously didn't understand completely and wanted Kyouya.
"Emma there is one more thing momma needs your help with. Momma needs you to stay near me later and keep your voice low okay? Can you do that for momma?"
"Okay momma." Finishing up she allowed Tamaki to pick her up and get her dressed for the funeral. He wondered if she hadn't had a bad dream or something last night and he never heard her from being so out of it.

Arriving for the funeral Tamaki noticed their friends weren't here yet. He really hoped they showed up Kyouya would really love them all together one last time.
"Uncle Acito!" Moving her hands away from Tamaki she reached out to go to him.
"Well hello there Emma it's good to see you too."
"Remember what momma said before okay, low voice."
Since Akito was near him he wanted to let him know something, something he should have known all along. "You didn't have to keep it a secret, he would have been happy for you." Seeing Tamaki was looking over at his wife he just nodded.
"I couldn't do that to him. He is my brother and I couldn't give him what he wanted most. I couldn't tell him that I was going to get it instead. We both know all he wanted was be with you and Emma. I couldn't have told him that I would get to spend my life with my wife and child while he never could."
"Well congratulations all the same, I'm sure you're excited and I know he would have been to for you."
"Thank you Tamaki." He meant it for everything as well; he found out right before he went to stay with them and chose then not to say anything. Seeing how much his baby brother loved his family made it impossible to bring it up, to talk about the upcoming growth in his while knowing he would get chances Kyouya never would.

No one wanted to say how horrible Tamaki looked; this had to be the hardest on him. Sure they lost a brother and son but he lost a husband and a father to their child who couldn't understand why she couldn't see him anymore.
"Are you all okay with seeing him one last time before they start?" Tamaki looked over at Kyouya's family, nodding they all decided leaving only the question of what to do with Emma.
"She can stay with me. I don't mind watching her."
Turning they saw Ranka walking up with the others.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course, as long as Emma is okay with it that is."
"Why don't you go in first sir, I know he is grateful for all your help both yesterday and today." Leaving Emma with Akito Tamaki walked in with Ranka at his request.
"He looks happy."
"Yes he does and I'm so relieved. Happiness is all I ever wanted from him, from the start of it all."
"You made him very happy in his final moments you should always remember that. You did for him what no one else could."
"I guess your right I never thought of it that way." Thinking about their final moments his lips tingled thinking about their final kiss. When Ranka walked out and everyone else come in Tamaki noticed they were all the families Kyouya was leaving behind. The one from his childhood, the one forced upon him, and the one he created, were all together, who would have guessed the shadow king was such a family man. Feeling a hand grab his he noticed it was Haruhi as Hikaru had an arm around her while holding Kaoru's hand. She smiled up at him while her eyes glistened with tears. He was sure of it now, they would all get through this, it would be rough at times but they were a family and family stuck together.
*Good-bye Kyouya I love you. Please watch over Emma; maybe visit her in her dreams. You know mine will always be waiting for you.*
"Tamaki, I need to ask something of you." Blinking to clear his eyes he noticed Yoshio had walked over, for once his face didn't seem only serious. "I would like to spread half of his ashes on the family grave. I am well aware my son had given you the right to them and I will not over step that. All of his ancestors as well as his mother are there and that is why I ask."
"Its fine sir we had discussed it at one point but I believe he was leaving it up to you. That's why he never changed any of the paperwork."
"Thank you Tamaki."
'Of course sir. Please never forget he doesn't blame you, he is grateful that you and Akito did all you could, what your whole family did for him and us," he nodded towards the door where Emma was outside, "giving us the most time possible with him. From all of us, thank you."
Saying their last good-bye to their friend and family member they walked out, Tamaki was behind them all taking one final look at his loves face before leaving.

Emma was held tighter in Tamaki's arms as the smoke started to rise from the chimney. It had started then, he could feel he hole Kyouya's death caused in his heart start to increase. Everyone around him watched with tears in their eyes. The realization of how real what was happening hit them. Kyouya was really gone and never coming back. At only thirty he was taken from them and this world that still had so much to offer him. Haruhi grabbed her father's hand as the memories of this scene came back. She had only been five at the time but that day stayed on her mind throughout the years. Her heart went out to Emma for having to go through it as well. She looked over at them as she heard Emma talk to Tamaki.
"Mommy?"
"It's alright Emma, we'll be alright. Somehow we'll be okay momma promises."

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Sorry this took so long to get up. It was really busy at work from the hurricane, though I wasn't really hit with anything other than rain. But the u-scans I usually work and do my writing on busted the Sunday after and I wasn't on them so my writing stopped. Not to mention I have a lot of shit going on here and haven't been up to working on it. I hope it doesn't take so long for the next chapter but with so much going on and up in the air here I can only see with you guys. Please review for you know I love them and as long as they don't flame me they make me very happy. Thanks again.
~Femalefighter~