Title: Breaking Stasis

Disclaimer: Joss is boss!

A/N: As always, tremendous thank you to everyone who reviewed or added this as a favorite or follow! When I say that you are all the reason I keep doing this it is not just an expression, I really do mean it. I'm not 100% certain I'll be able to update next week, but since this chapter is a doozy (over 6,000 words! longest yet!) hopefully it's enough to tide you over in case I can't.

A quick note: Jayne does some things in this chapter that are not very moral. At all. However, Jayne is not a very moral guy and I try to write everyone as close to character as I possibly can. Since that is one of the things that people have commented on the most I think it's a safe assumption that you readers appreciate that about this story. With that said, I hope that I don't offend anyone and that you all enjoy!

Xiao gui.

There was no longer any River, only xiao gui. An imprint of the woman she had struggled to become, a shadow of a wraith. The hollowness of a broken shell, lying in pieces on a lonely beach.

They were morbid thoughts, to be sure, but they were too apt to be ignored. She moved when she was told to move, ate what food was placed before her, laid down when it was time for bed. But she never slept. Sleep was rest, it was rejuvenation. How could she be restored when Simon, the very last link that bound her to her old life, was dead?

Her parents were different; even as a child she had realized that they only had affection for her. Never love, at least not the love that they felt for Simon. Their abandonment had been the inevitable betrayal she had waited for, but Simon was something else entirely. She had always trusted in his love for her, known of his devotion deep in her very bones. Nothing, not her failed escape attempts, not AUs of space, could take that away from her.

And now… he was gone. There was a little pocket of the universe out there missing its Simon, a jigsaw puzzle without its corner piece. The rest of the world would keep moving on without him, heavenly bodies rotating in their predestined orbits. Everyone would keep living, being, even as every whispered breath threatened to collapse her lungs. Their own 'verses were intact when hers was missing a cornerstone. Each second was another moment when she was sure her own life would crumble around her, crushing her under the weight of its memories. So she stayed still, very still, using all of her strength to hold herself together.

She was sure that she could never rebuild her foundations when all of her energy was spent simply going through the motions. It would be impossible to do anything but grieve. But then, after hours, days, maybe years as far as her brain could measure, there was sweet, blessed relief. Relief she needed to feel something, anything, besides emptiness and pain.

One moment she had been curled up in her bed, the gaping wound inside her soul a black hole that captured all of her energy. And the next there had been arms around her, terribly strong and incredibly gentle. A broad, stable chest. The tantalizing smell of gun oil, cigars, bargain laundry detergent, and masculinity. A calm mind, patient and concerned.

And the interregnum was finally enough to alleviate the ache within her, almost as if the arteries and ventricles themselves were rebuilding within her chest. One by one she could assemble her pieces.

He hadn't meant to go into her room, honest he didn't. It was just that, well, she hadn't been eatin' or talkin' or doin' anythin' at all really. Used to be he couldn't get a moment's rest without her stickin' her nose into whatever he was doin', even if it was just somethin' as borin' as chores or a round at the bench press. Hell, she'd even walked back to his bunk with him a time or two after dinner, jabberin' on until he'd tell her to either come on down or go back to her room. She'd stick out her tongue at him, annoyed some but always lookin' kinda pleased too.

Weren't none of that now. Barely said two words to him, much less to any of the other crew. They'd all been kinda at a loss, Kaylee was even mopin' around and cryin' some. Sympathy grief or somethin'. Today she hadn't even made eye contact with him, just moved about like a shadow. Was lookin' more and more like that wanted poster of hers, gettin' all pale and kinda bug-eyed like her eyes were gonna pop right outta her gorram skull.

The way she held herself sometimes, the way she looked at her food, was like she didn't even remember what was real. Here and now and not whatever poison was all tangled up in her brainpan. Almost reminded him of how she'd been up on that catwalk thanks to that hundan lawman, all that time ago. When he'd been sure she'd fall or jump on accident and his heart had leapt up into his throat and everythin' else had fallen down to the pit of his stomach.

So, yeah, maybe he started to keep a closer eye on her. Just weren't right, her finally gettin' happy all proper like and now it was all shot to hell. She deserved to be happy at least, shouldn't be too much to ask for after what she'd been through. And when she couldn't even look at him the worry started to grow into somethin' akin to dread. Somehow he'd found himself down at the passenger dorms, feet carryin' him there all of their own accord.

When he'd stuck his head in there, just to make sure she was in there was all, she'd looked so tiny lying there he weren't even sure she was still breathin'. And for some fool reason he couldn't help thinkin' that she really had stopped breathin', that she'd slipped away all on her lonesome to join that damn brother of hers. So he'd gotten closer, just so that tightness in his throat would ease up some. She'd been okay, even if her breaths were just little gasps of air not near enough to sustain a kitten.

Even though she'd been sleepin' she'd seemed to know that he was there. She'd rolled over on her side, turnin' her face towards him and her arm swingin' around with her hand brushed up against his cargo pants alongside his knee. Her little fingers had curled into the fabric, clingin' to the rough material like it was a ruttin' lifeline on her spacesuit. And somehow when she'd kinda pulled him closer to her he'd found himself sittin' down on her bed next to her, and in between the sittin' and her hangin' on him she'd ended up in his lap. Didn't wake, just rested on his shoulder. Stiff as a board at first then slowly started to relax, meltin' into him like an ice planet in the sun. After a while even started to make those little contented noises in her sleep, hadn't heard those in an age.

Not since she'd used to cry herself to sleep in his arms. It was awful similar to that too, except now instead of just her hurtin' somehow he felt kinda bad at the same time.

This empathy thing fuckin' sucked.

"You know, they walk just as easy if you lead 'em," Mal groaned.

"I like smackin' 'em," Jayne grinned back, herding the cattle along the makeshift corral. He threw a glance over his shoulder at crazy delicately stepping around the steaming piles of shit. Only she could still look regal surrounded by cowpats.

After one long ass trip they'd finally made it to Jiangyin. Jayne had been vesselside since he'd been a teenager, spent so much time on ships that even that recycled stale air smell didn't bother him none. But the feeling of hitting dirt after weeks in space, the assault on his senses as he came into contact with rich earth, clean air, an entire gorram planet just teeming with life – weren't nothing like it.

River shuffled through the grass, cautiously approaching the metal fence and crouching down beside it. A calf stood just opposite her, its bovine features confused and content. "Little soul, big world. Eat, sleep, and eat… many souls."

Both Mal and Jayne swung their heads around to stare at her. Was the first thing she'd said in weeks that weren't something morbid or creepifying, or those quiet one word answers. Mal shot Jayne a wry smile. "Cattle on the ship three weeks, she don't go near 'em. Suddenly we're on Jiangyin and she's got a driving need to commune with the beast?"

"They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see the sky and they remember what they are." A most disorienting feeling. River felt a surge of sympathy for the cattle; all too often she too forgot who she was, was frozen in stasis until something, or someone, could reach for her and help her to remember.

An entire rutting sentence and Jayne even understood it this time. Did that mean he was losing it too or that she was getting better? Probably both, he thought with a groan.

"Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?" Mal called over to Jayne. The captain had always appreciated cows, growing up alongside them one couldn't help but respect them at least. And stepping off Serenity for more than a day or two sure did turn his head around. Still, the idea that on occasion he thought along the same lines as a herd of cattle weren't exactly the most flattering of comparisons.

Holding back a grin, Jayne allowed a smirk instead as he straightened the hat on his head. Was always nice to know he wasn't the only one losing his mind.

"Look, Jayne. Got Zoe here and Book lendin' a hand, why don't you clear out with River? She got that look in her eye that she's just bound to spook these steers." Bound to cause some sort of trouble at least, Mal was sure of that. On top of that the poor kid had been so damn depressed lately. He'd tried not to worry overly much on her welfare; she was Jayne's responsibility after all, and liable to turn into a ticking time bomb at some point or another. But hell if she didn't remind him of Kaylee sometimes when she got all sad like and it'd take a man with a heart of stone to be harsh with Kaylee.

"You mean I get the day off?" Jayne gaped, then narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Wait, I still get paid, right?"

Rolling his eyes, Mal nodded. "You'll get your cut, just get her outta here. Dong ma?"

"You got it, cap'n!" Bracing himself on one of the metal posts he vaulted himself over the fence. He stopped long enough to pull the moonbrain to her feet before tearing out of there. "Thanks, Mal!"

"How come he only calls me captain when I ain't actually assertin' any authority?" Mal complained under his breath to the empty air. Weren't that just Jayne's way.

"Where are we going?" She trailed along behind him slowly, like a tether was still drawing them together as it had back on Serenity's belly.

"Got an idea," he hollered over his shoulder. He'd been thinking on this for some time, just waiting for an opportunity to test his theory.

The ground was hot and dry and haphazard shrubs and growth surrounded the pathway into the town. So unlike Osiris with its immaculate gardens and pristine orchards. It was a relatively newly terraformed planet, but each organism had already learned its proper place. Did the plants, grass, always know their nature or did the fresh air trigger something within them? Did each ray of sunshine remind them of cellular formation and mitochondrial alignment, or were the flora more grounded in their sensibilities than the fauna over-burdened with thought?

It was an intensely philosophical conundrum with no apparent answer and it kept her frazzled mind well occupied until they reached the settlement. Jayne sauntered up to the watering hole with nary a word, but before she could admonish his behavior he had returned with several empty bottles in his hands. She stared at him in puzzlement, cocking her head to the side.

"C'mon, quit lollygaggin'," he jerked his head down the street and they walked away as quickly as they had come.

Her brain was exhausted from grief, its grip on reality tenuous and weak. Though she could see that there was a pattern before her eyes logic was unable to discern the motivations of his actions. Even when he laid the bottles in a row along the top of a split-rail fence and moved them back a fair distance she could not understand.

Only when he pulled the LeMat from the holster at his waist and thrust it into her hands did she comprehend. "Here girlie, show me what you got."

With trembling eyes and quaking fingers she pushed the weapon back at him, shaking her head furiously. "She can't, she won't."

"Just give it a try, show me some of that fancy shootin' you got." He held the muzzle in his hand, holding the grip for her to take. Ever since she'd saved his hide from Niska's crew he'd been itching to know if she could make that a routine performance. Had been too gorram perfect to be a proper fluke, but she hadn't shown near any inclination for anything like it since. She was all there right now, he could tell by the look in her eyes, so now was as good a time as any. Plus would be a good distraction for her; nothing beat the feel of a gun in his hand when he needed to take his mind off of something. Well, that and sexing, but he weren't dumb enough to push his luck on that account.

Not right this minute anyway.

"Can't," she whispered, tears streaming down her face. Wasn't right, no one should ask her of this. Least of all the only one that kept her grounded.

"Why the hell not?" he asked in genuine bewilderment. Her aim, her skills, shiniest thing in the whole gorram 'verse. Ta ma de, what wouldn't he do to be that good? To be the baddest son of a bitch alive? All that power, resting in her tiny fingers, just lying that 'cause she was a little squeamish? What was the use in that?

She struggled to form the words, to express the terror that was gnawing a hole through her stomach lining. "There are… pieces. Lots of pieces. And some are mine and some aren't mine, and some I can't remember if they used to be mine but I've just lost them…" She swallowed hard, fighting to suppress her anguish and corral her emotions. "I get confused, and some of it's made up, and… some of it can't be quantified… and there's secrets."

"Just 'cause they weren't your pieces to start with don't mean you can't pick them up now," he reasoned. Hell, he took Vera from a bunch of thugs that were out for his blood, don't mean she didn't fit better in his hands than she ever did with those pissants.

"Tainted in blue, dirty and filthy and wrong. Wrong to use, to touch." Not a weapon, never a weapon. A girl, or a woman, or someone lost in between, but not an instrument for the hands. He couldn't ask that of her; it wasn't fair. The strength was birthed from their greed, their struggle for dominance. How could anything that was stained by their presence ever be clean again?

"Bein' strong ain't wrong, it just is what it is." He grunted, running his free hand roughly through his hair. How could a genius like her not get this? "Look, next time those Alliance thugs come hankerin' for that brain of yours you could slap them down."

Pressing her lips into a thin, firm line, she looked up at him deploringly. "Can't. Please don't ask me." Falling silent for a minute, she expressed one lingering doubt that had remained hidden in the depths her thoughts. "If they, if they came back…" she moistened her lips, gathering her courage. "Wouldn't you be there? To help protect me?"

"Shit, 'course I would." The words fell from his lips without thought. "Have before, haven't I? But, okay, what if someone is tryin' to end me, huh? Saved my ass before, whether or not you wanna believe it."

Her forehead wrinkled up in thought. All of her recollections from that day were focused on her loss of control, the petrifying emptiness when the implanted programming had overcome her functionality. The loss of control that had indeed saved Jayne's life, perhaps even the rest of the crew as well. But still… it was too alien, too foreign. Too horrifying to contemplate.

"Just fire one shot. You can do it." She was one of the bravest people he'd ever met and she didn't even have the stones to pull one little trigger?

Shaking her head mutely she slipped her little hand into his much larger one. His colors were worried, to be true, but shot through with the beautiful green of pride. And she had caught the trail end of his last silent question. He thought that she, who wept endlessly and cowered at her shadow, was brave. His belief was strong, unwavering, certain. Perhaps, in time, that would be enough.

In time.

"I'll try later, I promise. But need time to assimilate the raw data." She looked up at him with a watery smile. "Perhaps, for now, you could exhibit your prowess."

He'd be damned if that smile didn't tug something in his chest that he liked to keep firmly tied down. Guess it wouldn't help none to belabor the point anymore. "You swear?" When she nodded solemnly he bit out a chuckle. "Well, alright. But we're gonna have to move a hell of a lot further out to show off my prowess."

As they wandered off together he couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. "Prowess. I like that!"

Even by the end of the day the girl was too skittish to handle a gun, but she stood by him quiet enough as he did some target practice. Considering how she used to spook just being close to a firearm, he'd say that was considerable progress.

Couple of deadbeats hung around the outskirts of the clearing for a few minutes during the afternoon, skulking about like he couldn't see them and making more noise than any animal ever could. When they didn't seem to let up he sent a pointed glance in their direction, catching the gaze of the piece of trash that looked like their leader. Jayne had always found that some good eye contact and an exhibition that he was not fucking around always had a positive effect on dumbass punks; sure enough when he fired a few warning shots in the air they crept off to wherever the hell they'd come from, throwing evil glances over their shoulders.

Even when they saw Serenity leave atmo with no small degree of urgency, he wasn't worried none. Not a chance that Mal would ditch him without sending a few bullets his way and that was only if he wasn't feeling particularly vindictive. Crazy had been awful upset for a bit too, screaming about something or another until he could calm her down. He'd holstered his gun and they'd both just sat there in the meadow until she'd gotten over her mood.

Was a real nice planet, Jayne had decided. No proper cathouses or nothing and the bars were pretty second rate even for his incredibly low standards. But this weather was something else. Warm and peaceful and kinda quiet like. For the millionth time he wondered why the hell anyone would ever settle on a frozen dump like Asgard in the first place. Too cold to ruttin' breath, much less lay about like this.

When the girl had finally settled herself she'd gotten real sleepy, eyes struggling to stay open like a little kid. She'd fallen asleep, head resting on his shoulder, and he hadn't the heart to wake her. Hell, if he'd trusted this rock even a little he probably would've taken a nap along with her. Instead he'd just sat there, basking in the sunshine and the proper air and certainly not minding a bit that a warm woman was curled up alongside of him.

Course, when Mal and the crew still hadn't come back and night was about to fall that did change the landscape something fierce. Way Jayne figured it they had two options, camping out here in the woods or trying to find a place to bunk in that pisspoor excuse for a town. Hadn't much coin on him, but that weren't what concerned him. Odds were pretty good that crazy would have another fit during the night and it would be a mite bit difficult to explain her screeching to the folk here. Probably call the local lawman on him and then they'd both be humped.

No, he thought with finality. Better to wait for Serenity to make her way back, and besides didn't get cold here or nothing. They'd be fine for one night at least.

River looked up at Jayne sitting behind her on the ground outside the now empty corral, rubbing her eyes that had started to burn. She had felt a terrible, agonizing bolt through her system earlier and she had somehow been certain beyond measure that something horrific had happened to the gray elder. His serene presence, still glowing at the periphery of her vision even though they were miles apart had dimmed to a minute spark, flickering and wavering like a spluttering candle. Only when she had seen that the faint flame still clung to its wick was she able to slow her breathing, to attempt to quiet her fear. It had taken so much of her strength to gather herself that she'd been drained, exhausted, and fallen into slumber without thought.

It had only been a few hours, but the rapidly falling darkness called upon some innate behavior within her to rest again. But this, sleeping beside him in the night was vastly dissimilar from an afternoon nap on his shoulder. It made her apprehensive and excited and so nervous she worried for a moment that she might be sick. Every possible scenario she could imagine ran through her mind, a multitude of possibilities each more nerve-wracking than the next.

Her very skin trembling she laid down on the soft grass, her body shivering all the more when Jayne laid his heavy coat over her despite the warm air. The fabric was heavy and rough and smelled deliciously of Jayne. With a start she recalled that this was the very jacket she had worn when she had emerged from the cryostasis unit. When she had emerged, completely, utterly naked and the air itself seemed to pulse with the red of his desire. She silently thanked the darkness for concealing the blush that began to bloom across her face and chest. Rolling over on her side she turned her back to him and so she heard rather than saw him settle down next to her.

Jayne was enjoying himself. It was just so gorram warm here on this planet, he couldn't get over it. Still, the girl had been shaking like she was cold so he'd given her his jacket. She'd worn it once before, hadn't that been a sight. A smirk growing on his face, he allowed himself to dwell on those oh-so-pleasant memories. His hands on her thighs, sliding up, up, up…

Even with her eyes tightly closed she could still see the brilliant crimson behind her eyelids, feel Jayne's want as it flowed over her in waves. In spite of the wariness that was growing in the pit of her stomach and her better judgment she rolled over to face him, opening her eyes. He was lying with his hands clasped behind his head, staring at her with such fierce concentration that the tension in her abdomen spread with reckless abandon clenching at her intestines. Her emotions were so convoluted that she wasn't sure if she was aroused or nauseous; either way despite all physiological laws to the contrary she felt that the bottom of her stomach had abandoned her entirely.

She was watching him, totally still except that now and again her tongue would dart out and wet her lips. Probably didn't even know that she was doin' it, but Jayne would have struggled in that moment to think of any woman that had ever seemed sexier. Was a good thing she was looking at his face too, since his John Thomas was insistently remindin' him that he hadn't gotten any trim at all in far too long.

She didn't want him checkin' out Zoe? Fine. But he weren't no damn monk; a man had needs and he weren't exactly the type to deny himself somethin' that felt so good. His hand was some mighty poor company, especially knowin' how close she slept. How much she'd wanted him before everythin' had gone straight to hell again. But now there weren't no distractions, she wasn't actin' all crazy like, and she'd even seemed to have put in the back of her mind that her gege had given up the ghost.

Weren't nothin' holdin' him back.

Her eyes constantly trained on him he moved his hands from behind his head, rolling onto his side and sidling up next to her. When she stayed still, just kept staring at him, he slung one leg over her moving slowly in case he'd read her wrong and she weren't up for it like he'd hoped. Bracing his hands on either side of her head he gazed down at her, but those dark of eyes of hers that were normally so expressive were ruttin' impossible to read right now. Still, with a whisper she breathed out his name and that was all he needed.

His lips crashed down onto hers, struggling to be gentle despite his voracious need. When she kissed him back, all tentative like, something sparked within him and he drank her in greedily. Every breath, every whimper. Her smell, her taste. Fuck, he'd needed this. Her hands reached up to clench at the material of his shirt around his shoulders and he lifted himself off of her long enough to tear his coat away from her, revealing her bare arms and all that creamy skin above her neckline.

When his lips moved from hers down to her jawline, following it up to the column of her neck, River wondered dimly if she had truly lost her mind. She couldn't think, couldn't process, could barely breathe under his ministrations. Her gut was clenching so ferociously that it was almost painful, but she couldn't discern its source. Was it the thrill of passion? Was it the expected, normal anxiety every woman experienced the first time she made love or was it genuine dread at what was to follow?

She struggled weakly to sort her thoughts, but it was nearly impossible. Not with his mouth climbing the swell of her breasts above her dress and one simple tug of the straps would expose so much more to him. Not when the hand that wasn't beside her head was reaching beneath the hem of her skirt, gliding swiftly up her thighs. Not when she felt him pressed firmly against her opposite leg, insistent and sure.

It was too much, it was all too much. She felt everything around her, every emotion amplifying the next until she was overwhelmed by feeling. She fought to assemble the pieces of her flustered mind, to fit them into some semblance of order so that she could regain some sense of cognizance. And when she was finally able to see with some clarity, a thousand fears that she had dwelt on alone in the safety of her dorm came flooding back.

Jayne wanted her as a man wanted a woman. It was empowering and exciting and just slightly alarming. But he was a man who had wanted many women, who had laid with many women. Whenever she had been able to read into the tangle of his thoughts they had almost always dwelt on women, with food, guns, and personal safety falling far behind. He was a man with voracious needs, his wants wild and unrestrained.

So what if that was all that she was to him? A want to be fulfilled, a thirst to be quenched? She cared for him deeply, so deeply it made her distinctly uncomfortable to pinpoint the emotion. But would he, after she had given herself to him, simply see her as a vessel for his needs?

Would he still want her?

Tomorrow, would he still care?

It would be better to never know his touch than to be suddenly bereft of his affection once his appetite had been satiated. And so she stifled her own want and grabbed at the eagerly exploratory hand beneath her dress, pushing his chest back with her other hand. With a voice that she proud to note only trembled slightly, she spoke calmly and softly. "No, Jayne."

It took him a moment to even register what she'd said, she felt so damn good. Then it hit him and he slowly untangled his hand from hers, moving down to rub the sensitive skin behind her knee. She was just skittish was all, probably just nervous Mal'd show up at the worst possible time. He bent down to nuzzle behind her ear, murmuring against her skin, "C'mon, it's alright. Ain't nobody gonna see us."

"Not my concern," she breathed raggedly. His hands and mouth were ruining her concentration, but she held her concerns in the forefront of her thoughts as she focused her psyche with all of her strength.

"Shiny." It was the only word that came to mind. Only word he could think of when he stared down at her unless he wanted to move into some more colorful vocabulary that was sure to startle her.

"No. Jayne, we can't." That treacherous hand was starting to slink up her leg again and she slapped at it. "They can't."

"Gimme one good reason," he muttered, biting down lightly on her clavicle.

"Because!" Shoving her hands against his chest, ignoring the feeling of those well-defined pectorals beneath her skin she wriggled out from underneath him. "Because they can't!"

Breathing harshly Jayne gaped at her, suddenly feeling cold without her beneath him despite the balmy temperatures. "Why the hell not?" he stuttered.

"She can't! It's too much!" Sitting on the ground and wrapping her hands around her legs she pressed her face against her knees so she wouldn't have to see his face.

"It's just sex!" he yelled, stepping closer to her.

"Not for me!"

He gritted his teeth in frustration. "Are you kiddin' me? Damn it all to hell, so horny right now and you just—" He fought to lower his volume and failed miserably. "It'll be real good, I swear. C'mon, lemme show you."

"No," she whispered. If she let him touch her one second longer she truly would lose all of her sensibility.

"Fine!" he bit out. "But you are one fuckin' tease, you know that? Have to pry you off of me half of the time and now we're actually in a position to do somethin' you turn tail."

She didn't say anything, didn't even look at him which just made him angrier. "This all just a fuckin' game to you then? Think it's funny?"

Her head shot up at that. "Of course not!"

"Think it's fun to rile me up?" He wanted her so bad that it was literally painful, at least below his belt, and she was just playin' with him. Make the big, dumb merc pant after her and then leave him all by his lonesome with a ragin' hard on. It was a typical move he'd seen time and time again, but he'd never thought she'd be so cold as to pull that on him. He'd thought… well, it didn't matter what he thought.

His bitterness hit her like the heat from a blast furnace, a resentment more than just simple sexual frustration. Even though he was still enraged, it made her pleased beyond reason to see. "Her mind… my mind," she corrected, her words trailing off. "Need time. Assembly and order is a painstaking ordeal." She needed reassurances as well, needed confirmation of his devotion, but she was too much of a coward to say it. So she placated with words she knew he would accept.

Groaning loudly he grabbed his head in his hands, pulling at the roots of his hair. "And you couldn't have fuckin' told me that from the get go?"

"Was confused…" she murmured, but he seemed to understand.

"Ta ma de, when you ain't confused it's gonna be a gorram miracle." Sighing in resignation, he glared over at her. "You stay right here, you got it? I'll be back."

As he stomped over into the undergrowth to attend to… business… River couldn't help but feel that a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She wanted him, needed him, cherished him, but she could not overcome her reservations. And what was worse, she couldn't even properly express them. "Perhaps I should compose a manifesto," she sighed forlornly to the empty air.

The night sky far above her began to glow with light and energy and she could feel familiar souls returning. Jayne was right, Mal really did have terrible timing.

As soon as the ramp descended Jayne was up it like a shot. He was going against his nature and trying his damnedest not to be a complete asshole, but it would be a hell of a lot easier not to say something to piss the girl off if he weren't actually anywhere near her. He slapped Mal on the back as he passed, missing the captain's wince and the hand that reflexively went to the still-healing wound at his side. "'Bout time, took you long enough," he snarled.

Walking gingerly Mal followed him up into the cargo bay, leaving River to patter demurely through the bay doors. Zoe stood just inside the first set of doors, giving her a hard look that was not without compassion. "A word, River?"

Nodding, River stood a respectable distance away from the warrior woman. She was too exhausted to even attempt to discern the motivations behind this highly irregular conversation. The woman in brown rarely instigated words with either herself or Jayne.

"I ain't tryin' to pry here. Your business is your business. But I ain't gonna pretend to be blind either. You must know that the captain doesn't hold with any kinda dalliances between crew." Zoe's posture was impeccable, her body language stern. The looks on both Jayne and River's faces had practically shouted to the treetops that something was going on between them, not to mention the way that the merc had practically bolted away from the girl. Combined with what Wash had told her and what Kaylee was always chirping about, it amounted to evidence too insurmountable to ignore.

"Are you going to tell the captain?" River asked quietly.

"Not sure there's anythin' to tell, to be honest." Zoe had some pretty fair assumptions, but she'd own as how she'd never actually seen anything. The few times she'd cautiously broached the subject to Mal he'd acted completely oblivious and she wasn't about to stir up trouble where there weren't none to begin with. Still, if something actually were happening, soon it would be time to speak up and Zoe was sure as hell that it wouldn't be Jayne voluntarily sticking his neck out. "But if there is somethin', anythin' to tell, you gotta be straight with Mal. Are we clear?"

River nodded tremulously. There was nothing to tell and if she couldn't sort her thoughts there never would be. "I understand."

An unexpected surge of sympathy hit Zoe. Jayne and River… well, that didn't make any kind of sense at all. But, then again, she'd heard that herself more than a time or two. Considering the fact that Jayne had actually stopped acting like a complete and utter ass these days, she wasn't entirely certain that it was a bad thing. And while she would always abide by Mal's rules, it was difficult not to feel some kind of empathy for a girl who was so clearly in over her head. A gun for hire twice her age was a far cry from a girl's ideal first love. Especially ones like Jayne. "Listen, if anythin' were to happen that you didn't abide with, a man like Jayne needs to be put in his place."

"Put in his place?"

"I've found that the threat of castration works well," Zoe smiled wryly.

Aghast, River reared her head back. "I could never do that!"

"Well, let me know. That's one message I'd be more than pleased to deliver." And with that she strode through the cargo bay doors, leaving a very confused River to trail behind her.

xiao gui: little ghost

hundan: bastard

dong ma: understand?

ta ma de: motherfucker