Okay...Okay I am so rewriting these last two chapters because I don't believe myself right now, I forced the relationship on Hiccup and Astrid way to hard which is very very bad on my part since I love this pairing to death. I am so sorry for doing this to you guys I feel like absoult shit for doing this but once I reread all of this it was a total screw up on my part, now here I am making this way more believable now, and I hope you can see that, please tell me or pm me if this turned out better then before.

I suck at writing Hicstrid so please, please forgive me!

leave a comment and tell me what you think about this chapter please, I could use some love right now.

This Is It For Me Here

Chapter Twenty One

I Own Nothing

Hiccup's P.O.V

I was still in the same place I was in last night, laying in my fathers strong arms.

My head was resting on his large chest, listening to all the movements and sounds in the room, wondering if I could try to escape for the fourth time... I think. My dad seemed to be a deep sleep, so maybe I could I try to get up up. I knew my dad was going to be putting me on stricken lock down, especially since I tried to escape again right in front of his very own eyes. Releasing Toothless and trying to get away, but at least my dad lighten up and let Toothless stay with us for the night. That was the only thing putting my mind to ease.

I slowly moved my head looking up and seeing Toothless laying on the cold hard floor, opening one eye as he peaked over at me. I smiled a bit at my friend as I moved a bit more, seeing of I could escape my father's grasp, his large arm was still wrapped around me, holding me around my thin waist, I knew this wasn't going to be easy for me, but I had try if I was going to get back home to mom, she was probably freaking out by now, I was gone for a couple of days now. I had to get back to her and the nest, the nest was my home now, not Berk.

The snoring erupted from my father's mouth, starling me at first, but I slowly wiggle my way out of his grasp. Slowly pushing his hand off of my back and resting it onto his chest, I landed one foot off the bed, tip toeing through the room, all the way to Toothless, my fingernails ran against the edges of the bed. Listening to my father's snoring still, making sure he was still asleep, and not finding me out of bed and trying to leave him again. Part of me didn't want to leave but I had too, I couldn't stay here. I had to fly away and not look back, but then again my father would just rally up some of his men and come look for me again, and this wasn't going to stop, this was going to be a never ending cycle.

Toothless was standing up, looking at me happily, I quickly hushed him to be quiet, I didn't need him making any noise and blowing my cover. It was still a bit dark out, the sun was getting ready to rise. The villagers would soon be up, not making it easier for me to escape with Toothless, I couldn't get us away in the middle of daylight, this was our only chance before my dad could wake up, just as soon as I grabbed Toothless and opened the door, I heard something, causing me to straight up my back in fear, almost jumping out of my own skin.

"Going somewhere son?" A voice called out to me softly, making my stomach drop.

I froze right in my place, then I felt a strong hand on my shoulder, making me turn towards my father, both of his arms were crossed as I felt his grey eyes glaring right at me, I gave him a sheepish smile as Toothless moaned and plopped on the floor, covering his eyes with his paws. I kinda wanted to laugh but now wasn't the best time to be laughing. My eyes locked onto his, I felt like I was five again and getting ready to be yelled at by my father for doing something wrong, I sighed and looked back down at the floor, even now as a young teen I couldn't look my dad straight in the eyes. I rubbed the back of my head and tried playing this cool.

"Eh you caught me...again." I looked back at him, he was still pissed.

He sighed in frustration and pulled me into an embrace, he couldn't stay mad at me forever I know that.

"This needs to stop Hiccup." He said firmly, running his hand down my face."I don't care what I have to do to make you stay here, whether I have to tie you to a pole or against my wrist, you are never leaving my side again." He then held my tighter, squishing me until I couldn't breath. I had no idea if I should take him seriously or not, then again my dad has gone drastic measures before, he was willing to do anything to make sure I stayed on Berk...forever. I was his son, his only son the only living heir to Berk had, but everyday I didn't feel like it, all I felt like was dead weight, all my life I was treated like the runt of the village, no one cares about me. Only until now after I went out of my way to save everyone from the mass destruction of Drago Bludvist, if it weren't for me then this place would be burned to the ground and be nothing but ashes.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that ever happened, and to top it all off I almost died right in front of my dad, and now I'm a monster. I was just seconds from death until my own mother brought me back, I knew that there was going to be a price, but I didn't think it would be this great.

After my dad was done crushing me, he finally let go of me."Come on, lets go eat and get the day started ya?" He started taking me to the den of the living room," I still want you to rest up a little bit before you can leave this house, understand?" I nodded at him."Good."

I was a little hungry, I could go for some fish right now, I knew we had some laying around, still raw just the way I like it. Ever since the change I started eating all my meat raw, with the scales or fur depending what it was still intact. Mom would never be there to see me feed thank the gods, I turn into a crazy animal when ever I eat, I had no table matters what so ever, I would always have scales or small bones stuck in my teeth, picking them out with my nails. I really have lost some of my manners haven't I? Next thing I'll know I'll have a tail growing right out of me and sprout a thing of wings.

I sat down at the table while I watched my father cook over the fire, my mouth waters when I saw the fresh cuts of fish, I just wanted to snatch it right out of his hand and eat the whole this with greed. But I had to control myself, I can't be acting like a wild animal.

"Ill be right back, I have to go get some herbs from the backyard." He got up."Don't move." He said sternly before I nodded as I watched him leave again. I looked over at the counter, half of the raw fish was still there, guts and all laying right there. I could feel my mouth getting wet real quick, I wanted it, no I needed it. Without even thinking I got up, smelling the fresh blood from across the room, making me my stomach growl with fury. Toothless was watching me, he let out a whine as he saw me picking up the fresh meat, I told I would give him a bite once I got myself a piece.

I grabbed the raw fish, holding it against my nose, inhaling the rich scent."So good." I whispered before opening my mouth, sinking my teeth into the scaly meat, Pulling it right off the bone as I munched on my meal. This was so much better then a cooked meal, I could feel the cold fish slide down my throat, I let out a shudder as I wiped my mouth, it's been while since I last ate, even though I didn't eat that much. I was still small, but I wasn't as weak as I was before, but after my change it was like the hungry wolf or this case dragon just came out of me. Half the time I didn't even know what was happening, until I looked down at my hands and saw nothing but blood and bones, sometimes the hunger would get the best of me.

I took another bite, this time a little deeper into the meaty fish, it was a huge salmon, enough to feed at least three people. Even though the other half part was cut off, it was still good. But of course stupid me wasn't paying attention to where my father was or when he was coming back.

"Alright Hiccup I'm back-" He walked right in, catching me off guard as he looked at the horrifying sight, I didn't know I had blood covering my lips and mouth, some of the crimson liquid running down my chin."What in Odin are you doing!" He yelled as I gently pulled away from the raw delicious fish."Why are eating it raw? You're gonna get sick!"

I quickly back up, letting out a low growl."I'm not gonna get sick, Iv'e had this before dad, it's not going to kill me."

He arched a brow."You've been eating raw meat?"

I took another bite, making him cringe a bit."Yeah for the last couple of months now, why?"

He sighed."Alright, if that's what you want then I guess I can deal with that." He went back to stir the pot with a large wooden spoon,"And please use a napkin, you have blood all over your face." He said softly, I gulped a little bit, I didn't look that bad did I?

I quickly wiped my face with my shirt, licking my fingers and lips. I couldn't help myself this was just me at this point, I looked back down at Toothless so I handed him what was left of the fish as he quickly gobbled it up like it was nothing. He then purred and brushed himself against me, thanking me for giving him a bit. I knew he needed more, Toothless pretty much eats three time more then I do. I think Iv'e seen him eat three barrels worth of fish without taking a break, if I ever ate that much I would be big as a house. But I turned around and grabbed a small jar of mint in a small jar, I popped three leaves in my mouth, making my breath a little more fresh.

Once my father was done eating he turned his attention back to me."You need to take a bath." He said to me with concern.

I arched a brow."Uhh why?" I asked not knowing why, I thought he gave me one when I was out unconscious.

"Because after what you just did I think your going to need it Hiccup."

I sighed alright,"I'll go to the bath house." I slowly got up and made my way to the backyard, Toothless following behind me. I knew my dad would be sitting outside of the bath house waiting for me to get done, but I guess it would give me sometime to myself. Before I went in I was handed a fresh tunic and pants along with a new pair of fur boots, I guess my dad really wanted to take care of me or didn't want me to stink like rotten fish, either way I had to take a bath. At least I could have a hot bath all to myself, the tub was already filled and warmed up.

I took all my clothes off and jumped in, I started scrubbing myself raw, making sure I was fresh and clean. Back at home we had hot springs, it was a lot nicer then just a simple bath, my skin was more smoother back then, but this would have to do for now. At least I had most of my own privacy back then and not have somebody standing outside the door, I looked back down at my hand, the black dragon was still wrapped around my hand and wrist. I then grabbed the soap and scrubbed my hair, it had gotten a bit more thicker in the back, I was going to have to start braiding it soon. I wonder how long I would grow it out, I didn't want it too long, maybe I'll cut it later when I get the chance, that is if my dad trust me with a sharp pair of scissors.

The steam from the water calmed me a bit, I sunk into the tub, going under water and scrubbing out the soap. I was under water for a minute until I pulled myself up, pushing all the hair back. I took in a deep breath, I kind of didn't want to leave this bath tub, it felt good being in the hot even though it was scorching hot, it might have been too hot for others, but for me it was perfect. But a few minutes later I was all nice and clean, I wrapped a towel around my waist and grabbed my new clothes and put them on, it was a long dark blue tunic. As I dressed I could hear my dad talking outside, who was he talking too? Once I was done I opened the door.

I met a pair of light blue eyes and long blonde hair."Astrid?" I said softly as she turned around to face me, she smiled at me. But the next thing that happened really caught me off guard, she wrapped her arms around me, I couldn't help but hug her back. This was my dream girl right here, and she was hugging me! Me out of all the people in the world she is hugging me, so many thing were going through my mind, why was she doing this? I should be the last person in the world that she should be hugging.

My father excused himself leaving us alone, which I was surprised to. Toothless wasn't sure what was going on, so he just sat there in the back, watching me like a hawk.

"How are you?" she asked me softly, why would she be asking me that?

I shrugged."I'm fine I guess." Not really sure what to say to her at this point. Shouldn't she be afraid of my appearance? I think anyone would right now.

She didn't seem to believe me, but didn't push me."How long have you been awake?" She asked.

"Since last night." Just try to keep most of this small talk. I didn't want her looking at my eyes, dark green with slits, I tried hiding my nails by curling my hands into fists.

Her expression then changed a bit, giving me a more of a sadden look."I can't believe what you did for us, you almost died trying to save us Hiccup." Oh great here we go, here come the guilt tripping, it was nothing I didn't really care anymore about myself."Why did you leave us Hiccup? Everyone thought you were dead, we had a funeral prier and everything, your father was a mess without you."

I looked away from her, I could smell her sweet skin, she smelled like wild flowers along with leather.

The she brought up another question."What happened to you Hiccup?"

I froze for a split second."I don't want to talk about okay." I shrugged it off as if it was nothing."Why, are you afraid?" I made one glance at her, my eyes were piercing her soul by now.

"No." she replied almost softly."You still didn't answer my question." She stepped a little closer to me."Why did you make everyone think you were dead then?"

I turned back to her, looking at her sea blue eyes."I left because I don't belong here Astrid, I have always been the runt of this village, I was treated like dirt under everyone's shoes, no one cares about me, and you know it, especially you Astrid." I said with some venom in my voice, I was expecting her to hit me or to find some kind of snarky come back at me for being such an ass to her. But instead I got this...

She looked down."I know, and I'm sorry Hiccup."

"What?" I shot up, was she really telling me she was sorry? Okay none of this seemed right.

"I said I'm sorry Hiccup." She repeated to me."You didn't deserve any of this, after everything you went through."

I wanted to glare at her."You have no idea of what I have been through Astrid." I said with venom in my voice.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed heavily, no one has a clue of what I am going through right now, I was angry, I was fed up, but I can't just start being an ass and blaming everyone for my problems, this wasn't me, I wasn't going to start acting like a prick and just ignore everyone. I looked back at Astrid, she looked like she was getting ready to cry, okay now I was feeling like a total asshole. Even though she seemed to understand what she had done, I couldn't just ignore her, I wasn't like that.

"You wanna go for a walk or something?" I asked as she perked her head up at me.

She smiled a bit, staying silent for a few moments before."Okay, where are we going?"

I lead the way from the back of my house."To the cove down by Raven point." I looked back at Toothless."Come on bud." Toothless let out a moan as he followed the both of us to Raven point to where our friendship started. The three of us snuck through the village, it was still early so not many people were out yet, giving us enough time to sneak into the woods, Astrid kept quiet the entire time, not questioning me at all. I think she knew I didn't want anyone to see me like I am right now. Soon we had made it to the safety of the forest, the trees had cover us, I could breath a little bit as turned around to face her.

"So how did you and your Night Fury meet?" She questioned me as she hopped off a large rock,as I kept leading us to the cove.

"Remember I told my dad I hit it almost a year ago?, yeah that was Toothless." I pushed some of the thick brush away, holding the branch up so it wouldn't hit her pretty face.

"Yeah It really wasn't much of a shocker since we saw you riding him and taking out a giant dragon bigger then the entire island." She smirked, making me laugh a bit.

"Okay were here." We both walked in, Toothless flew over, landing on the edge of cove, sticking his head underwater, pulling out a large fish. This place contained many memories, taking me back to my good moments here, my only place to get me away from the darkness of my life, this place was my secret place to get me away from all my troubles, if it weren't for Toothless then I would killed myself a long time ago. If it weren't for Gobber saving me from hanging myself I would have been dead before I met Toothless, I wouldn't have met my mom or saved Berk.

We were both silent for a few moments until I cleared my throat."So I guess you really wanted to see me?" I smiled awkwardly, I think this was my first time alone with Astrid, it felt weird but yet really exciting at the same time. Over the last eleven years I waited for something like this, even though deep down she most think I'm a freak, I was sickly thin, with claws,eyes of a monster. Who would want to date me? I couldn't get her or any other girl here before, so maybe now is my chance? It was a long shot, but I could try right? Snotlout was always trying to please her, but of course she would always hit him square in the face and tell him to piss off. I couldn't blame her on that one, one of these days I might give my cousin a run for his money.

"Of course I wanted to see you, everyone dose because we all care about you, I know you don't see it now, but you will soon, I promise." She sounded so certain.

I looked down a bit."There not gonna like what they see." I looked at my black nails, then I felt her hand slowly clasp onto mine, I looked up to see her crystal blue eyes looking into mine, she smiled at me again, this time I smiled right back, but this time it was real.

"It doesn't matter what you look like Hiccup, it's what on the inside that counts." She then placed her hand on my heart, I could feel it beating faster in my chest as my palms started to sweat, hopefully she wouldn't notice.

I shot her a look."Why are you even giving a shit about me Astrid?" I walked up to her."Why all of the sudden are you looking at me as if you've know me your entire life, when all you did was treat me like an outcast." I could feel myself getting more angry, but tried to hold."Just because I save all of you, doesn't mean everything is okay between us, I'm still hurt for what you and everyone else did to me."

She silently nodded."You have a right to be mad, we did make you feel like an outsider, never really except you as one of us."

I huffed."All because I couldn't kill a dragon, or Hell even put out a small fire with a bucket of water to save my life." I laughed a bit darkly, that was my miserable life back then."I don't regret saving Berk Astrid, the only thing I do regret is being stuck here."

"Don't say that." Astrid said in a frantic tone."Your here for a reason, and you'll find it."

I sighed."You have no idea of what sort of Hell I have been through do you?" I walked back up to her." I almost died Astrid, but I got brought back, I feel like a dead man walking every time I open my eyes and look around at all the normal human beings around me, and do you know how I feel?, I feel like I should be dead and buried fifty feet under ground where the worms and maggots will bury there way through my flesh, picking through my brain until there is nothing left of me." I said coldly."That's how I feel."

She looked at me totally speechless, not knowing what to say or tell me.

Then I heard a cry of a Storm Cutter going through the air, I gasped a little and swore under my breath."Oh shit." Things couldn't have gotten any better for me.

"What? What's wrong?" Astrid caught a gimps of what I was looking at.

I breath slightly, turning back to her."Mom." I whispered.

Okay guys hopefully that satisfies you until next time, I'll try my best to update faster I promise. I know this probably wasn't any good, like I said I suck at writing romance so sue me LOL

I'm redoing the romance with Hiccup and Astrid a bit, this time it will take more then three chapter to get together, cool? Cool. Okay I take that back maybe two chapters because I kinda want to wrap this story up around thirty to thirty five chapters. I doubt I'll be making a sequel to this because I just can't see my feel continuing after all of this.