I was having the strangest dream. Isabella was there with me. we were walking and holding hands.

"I don't want to die." She whimpered.

Why would she say that?

I looked over at her, but now she was in that idiots, Jacob Black's, arms sighing as he kissed her neck.

"Could have fooled me."

Did Jake say that and what is he talking about?

Then Isabella was moaning and crying. They were not happy sounds.

I walked over and tapped Jake on the shoulder and when he turned to look at me, I head-butted him.

Head-butted?! Why? Although I did realize that my head did hurt.

I tried opening my eyes and was blinded by the bright lights over my head. I turned my head and saw the tell-tale pale green walls of a hospital. Hmmm, I was in a

hospital. Did I really fight Jake?

There was a police officer leaning against the wall at the foot of my bed. Huh! Did I kill Jake?

Then a cranky female voice, "Okay, let's get you cleaned up and ready to stitch up."

The police officer at the end of the bed was talking to someone. Oh, another cop. They were commenting on how much blood the person on the other side of the

curtain had lost.

"Is this going to hurt? Do you numb the area first? Before you stitch it?" A female whispered.

Isabella! Did she jump in between Jake and me? Who was she protecting?

"No. You cut yourself without pain killers, so we will sew you up without them too." Said the cranky nurse.

"Next time do everyone a favor and cut up along the vein, not across them. You will bleed out much quicker and have a better chance in succeeding." The bitch nurse

said. What the fuck! Telling someone how to kill themselves better...quicker.

She continued. "Then we don't have to waste our time sewing you back up."

It hit me then. Isabella had cut herself? She had tried to commit suicide? Why?

"Leah! That was completely inappropriate! Please leave this room. Now!" That was my uncle. I don't know if I'm happy or pissed that he is over there with Isabella.

"Isabella Swan." I hear him mutter as he shuffles the papers on her chart. "Bella?" You could hear the shock in his voice as he realized who was in front of him.

God how bad was it?

Isabella started crying and trying to talk. The words rushed out of her. "I don't want to die. I didn't mean to. It was an accident, a mistake. Please believe me. I don't

want to die."

"Shhh... It will be okay Bella. Let me get you sewn up and we will talk about this later." Carlisle reassured her.

They stopped talking, but I could hear the sounds of medical instruments and her soft hiccups and gasps. Then I heard the clacking of high-heeled shoes walking into

the room.

There was a long, silent pause, then Aunt Esme's voice. "Bella? Oh god, not you too!"

Then the privacy curtain was yanked back and there stood Esme looking down at me with tears in her eyes. Carlisle was sitting on the far side of the bed holding

Isabella's hand.

Oh. My. God! Isabella! She looked nothing like I remember her. All of her hair is gone...her long, beautiful, brown hair...gone. It's blond! Very blond and very short,

and it's sticking out in every direction. She also got her ears pierced, what looks like at least a dozen times. Her left ear is pierced all the way up. And then I see the

glint of the diamond in her nose. Shit! She pierced her nose too? What the hell! As I continued to study her face I realized she was wearing makeup...a lot of makeup.

Something my Isabella never did. She looked so different, yet at the same time, essentially the same. As I looked in her eyes, I realized the biggest difference of all.

Her eyes were dead. No emotion at all. It was my Isabella, just a little harder, angrier, edgier, more knowing...grown up.

"Edward, son, what happened?" Uncle Carlisle looked ashen as he walked towards my bed.

I didn't acknowledge him. I couldn't take my eyes off of Isabella.

She was lying on the next bed, and there was blood everywhere. All of her clothes were covered with the blood stains. Oh my god! Isabella!

I looked back up to her eye's and felt tears in my own. God! I almost lost her forever. I don't know if I could live in a world where she didn't exist. I reached out to

her across the empty space between our beds. She ignored my hand but she never took her eyes off of me.

"Why? Edward, why?" Esme cried.

I couldn't drag my eyes away from Isabella. She had captured my attention and I couldn't pull away. I never wanted her out of my sight again. She looked so sad, so

small, so lost, so defeated, so different.

Esme walked to the far side of the bed, sat in the chair, took my hand and started to softly sob.

Carlisle looked at the two police officers and dismissed them.

"What's going on here?" Carlisle asked. He suddenly looked older as he ran his hands through his hair.

I tried to answer and realized I had an oxygen mask on my face. I lifted it and said. "I wasn't trying to kill myself. It was an accident. I hit my head, and must

have forgot to shut my car off and I was so dizzy. I was just going to shut my eyes for a minute." I couldn't go on as my lungs protested and I started coughing

uncontrollably.

Carlisle walked between Isabella's and my bed and put the mask back on my face.

Carlisle turned back to her. "Do you want me to call your mother?"

I snorted. Then lost track of the conversation as I got real dizzy and was trying to fight the urge to vomit. God the room was spinning.

I felt Aunt Esme stand up and I tried to refocus. She walked to Carlisle and pulled him from the room.

"Isabella?" I looked at her and reached for her again. She stared into my eyes but didn't move. Her eyes we so huge in her face right now, even with all the makeup,

and they were wet with tears that she wouldn't let fall. I just wanted to crawl into her bed and hold her close.

She shook her head and huffed out a big sigh, then rolled away from me, turning her back to me. I watched in dismay. She curled up into a ball. It looked like she

was trying to make herself smaller...less noticeable. Like she wanted to disappear...again. It sounded like she couldn't breath, gasping for breath.

Uncle Carlisle came back into the room and he looked sad. "Bella, I'm going to have to commit you..." What the Fuck?! No! She's not crazy, she's in pain. Isabella

needs her friends to support her, not some nameless, faceless person who could care less. I was lost in my thoughts, hating Carlisle, the world, the situation.

"Okay. In a couple of minutes an orderly will be here to take you up to the psych ward. When you are released in three days, Esme and I would like you come and

stay with us." He paused, taking a deep breath, before continuing. "Please, think about it, okay?"

Isabella nodded. So she agreed to be committed. Why? She's not crazy!

I ripped the mask off my face. "No! I just found you again. You can't leave me!"

Carlisle turned to me and frowned. "You're being admitted too. Not to the psych ward, but they have to get all of the poison out of your system and kept under

observation for concussion, before you can be released. Someone will be down shortly to move you to your room."

Then Carlisle bent over me and whispered, "We will get you whatever help you need, son. We love you! We will all figure this out."

It seemed like seconds later an orderly came in with a wheel chair and was taking my Isabella away. I started to cry, though I tried to hold it in. I must have made a

noise because Isabella turned and looked back at me and I reached my arm out to her again as she was rolled away.

Shit! What if she is crazy and the wont release her? What if they release her and she tries again and succeeds? God! This is so fucked up and it's all her bitch of a

mother's fault.

I was moved to another room. Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle sat with me for a long time. They didn't talk, just sat there looking at me. I was thankfully, released the

next day.

Esme hovered over me all day. Finally I had to say something.

"Aunt Esme, seriously, it was an accident. I have no desire to die. I have way too much to live for. Please stop worrying over me. I'm fine." I walked over to her and

hugged her and kissed her cheek.

"Okay, Edward, but if you need to talk, I'm always here for you. And if you wanted to talk to a therapist, that would be fine too! Whatever you want...whatever you

need."

Well, at least that was okay.

Then Alice got home and she had to be told. I pulled her aside after dinner.

"Hey, Pixie" I patted her on the head. "I need to talk to you and I need you to let me tell you everything before you start asking a lot of questions."

She nodded. "Okay."

"I found Isabella. She was in the hospital E.R. after attempting to commit suicide."

Alice gasped, her hands flew up to her mouth, but she didn't say anything, just kept looking at me, waiting for me to continue.

"I actually found her by accident. Maybe it was fate. You see, I was also in the E.R. for asphyxiation. I hit my head the other day and fell asleep in my car. It was still

running and I was parked in the garage with the garage door closed.

They thought I was trying to commit suicide too. It was all a big misunderstanding. Anyway I ended up in the bed next to Isabella. She slit both of her wrists."

Alice started crying and shaking her head.

"Isabella is okay, but they committed her to the psych ward for evaluation. That's where she is now. We're just waiting to hear from them that she has been released.

Esme and Carlisle want her to come here to stay."

I looked to Alice to see if she had any questions, but she just threw herself into my arms and cried.

"Oh, one more thing...Isabella changed her appearance. You wont recognize her." I muttered, still confused with the drastic makeover.

"Do you want to go with me when she is released?" I asked the tiny pixie in my arms.

"Do...do you want me to go?" She asked, sniffling, trying to get her emotions under control.

I smiled at her. "No, not really. I want to see her alone."

Alice nodded "Okay then, but you better make sure you bring her here then. We can't lose her again, We can't let her disappear again."

I nodded. That was the plan. I didn't want to let Isabella out of my sight every again.

The next day we got the call and I went to the hospital to get her. I was waiting just outside the psych ward doors for her to be allowed out. I was getting

impatient...nervous. I wanted to see her. I wanted to make sure she was okay.

The door buzzed and swung open and there she was. Isabella! I sighed in relief as she walked towards me.

"Hi" She said so softly, I almost didn't hear her.

"Hi." I whispered back. Man I was nervous. I took her hand in mine, and she immediately tried to tug her hand away, but I wouldn't let her go. I started to walk out

of the hospital.

"How are you?" She murmured softly.

I sighed. "Fully recovered." Was she? "You look much better too!"

Isabella's eyes went down to the ground and she nodded. "Thank you."

I know I was staring. I couldn't help it. I raised my hand to her short, messy hair and touched it. It still felt like silk.

"Uhm...I love your new look." I just wanted to hold her, and she was trying to pull away . I couldn't let her go!

"So...I know Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle invited you to stay with them...with us. Do you want to go to your place and get some stuff to take with you?" I asked

hopefully.

She shrugged. I don't want to be a burden...charity case, Edward. I would just rather go home and stay there."

"You're not charity, Isabella, you're family." God! She looked so sad...so defeated. I just wanted to see her smile again. I ran a finger down her ear touching all of

those piercings.

"Esme and Carlisle really want you there, and Alice too! she's home for winter break..." and I want you there...I love you! I didn't have the balls to say it though...not

to mention, she looked like a dear caught in headlights. I didn't need to frighten her more.

"Edward..." Dammit she was trying to pull away.

"Isabella." I groaned as I tugged her into my arms to hug her. I felt her whole body freeze, but I just held her. "Don't ever do that again! Don't disappear. Don't leave

me like that ever again." I croaked out. I felt like I was going to cry. And men don't cry. This was so fucked up!

She bolted out of my arms and wrapped her own arms around her body. Like she was trying to protect herself. She was gasping and panting...trying to catch her

breath.

I stepped back up to her and wrapped my arms around her. "Isabella, please come stay with us for a while." I whispered into her ear. I actually really liked all of the

piercings. It was sexy as hell. I softly kissed her ear.

"Edward. Don't tease me, don't play with my emotions. Please don't hurt me. I don't think I could survive if you did." She moaned. I could her the panic in her voice.

"Isabella, I'm not playing. I'm serious. I'm not going anywhere." I whispered, trying to convince her to trust me.

Dammit! I could feel the tears in my eyes as I looked down at my broken Isabella.

Finally she looked me full in the face, looked me straight in the eye. Finally! She believed me. I could see the surprise on her face as she continued to stare up at me.

Her perfect lips twitched into the barest of smiles. It was a start at least.

I would put a full smile back on her face...it if was the last thing I ever did.

I was determined.

I would see her smile again.