AN: So please don't kill me... But the two last chapters are probably not going to be what you guys want...
Disclaimer : I do not own Victorious
Christmas had come and gone, New Years Eve is just around the corner. I sat in the big living room feeling more like I had been in museum than in a home. The big Christmas tree had still its glory and lit up the living room in a cosy light. I was alone; finally people had dare to leave me alone. My dad, his wife, the maids and Tori. Even though I was surprised that Tori dared to leave me alone. She was the worst, she had been protesting, asking me if I really could deal with being alone but after she had seen the look in my eyes she stopped protesting. Now I sat alone in a big empty mansion, in the living room feeling... Relived. Beck was gone, so was my constant fear of pissing him off. You don't know how it is, to be scared every second of your life and then suddenly, you don't have to feel it anymore. I finally could do what I wanted, I didn't need to think twice before I did something... I... I could just live.
All that was missing was my mother, she... Well she had recover but they still didn't want to release her. Why? Don't ask me, I have no idea what they do to her. Mostly because I am not allowed to visit her. Every minute that pass I think about her, feeling guilty. I could have saved her from Beck but I didn't because I am a coward. I let out a sigh, these days used to be spend with either Beck or my mother. I was missing my mother... Maybe Beck. I missed the way he always cared for me, how he was a security that I needed. My counsellor said it was normal to feel this way. Missing the person who used to abuse you that you get used to their torments and when it's gone you miss it... It was some psychology stuff that I quit frankly did not understand. I mostly sat there quiet and nodded... Thinking about Tori. Tori... I don't really know what to say about her, I mean I am grateful for what she has done to me, but am I rushing this? Am I together with her because I am feeling grateful for what she has done to me and associated it with love? Am I together with her because I want the security I need so badly, the attention from a lover. I didn't have the answer to these questions and it was wrong of me to go out on a date with her but I was caught up in the moment so before I knew it I was planning a date where I would amaze Tori. Well I had succeeded but this felt wrong. I felt like I used her...
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I felt how I froze, how I became frightened and how panic started to escalate to hysteria until I got myself together and cursed myself to fucking grow up. Beck is gone I tried to convince myself while I walked towards the door. When I was at the door I broke down, I couldn't be alone... I couldn't take this. What if it was Beck? My entire body was shaking while I texted Tori to come over here, NOW. Suddenly I heard André's voice outside of the door.
"Jade are you going to stand there all night or are you going to let me in?"
I felt how I collapsed down on the floor crying, shaking. Inside my head I cursed myself, could I be a bigger baby right now? Get yourself together woman I screamed at myself inside my head. I took a big breath in and out, just like the counsellor had taught me to avoid a panic attack. André let himself in and when he saw me he let out a sigh and asked
"So... First time home alone... Sorry I should have called or text."
"What André I... I am just inspecting the floor... You know controlling that those maids do their work correctly."
I think I never had been more grateful for what André did right there and then.
"Yeah I do that to... Well if we had maids." And then I laughed. It wasn't even funny but I started to laugh to it anyway. He helped me up and we went into the living room.
He started to talk about casually things until he felt like I was ready to hear what he had come here to say.
"So... Cat and I... We kind of... Well you know."
He gave me a look but I just got more and more confused, what did he mean?
"No I don't know..."
He let out a nervous laugh and then he begun again
"Well we kind of... Had a sleepover."
"Yeah?"
"You know those things you do at sleepovers?"
"... Sleep..."
He let out a frustrated sigh.
"Cat is scared of the dark, she always freaks out when you turn off the lights, if you came here to ask about that."
I tried to help but he just laughed.
"Well... I noticed that... I... I had sex with Cat!"
I dragged in a lot of air into my lungs, prepare myself to scream and shout at him. Come on! Who has sex when they are having a sleepover?!
"Why are you telling me this?" I hissed.
"Well... The condom broke."
I started to chuckle that escalated into a laugh. I laughed at him for another ten minutes, mostly because someone knocking on the door interrupted me.
"Right Tori..."
I texted her to tell her to come inside, that the door was open and I was in the living room with André.
"Have you laughed enough at me now and are you going to help me?"
I was still giggling but I nodded.
"Well so what if the condom broke, isn't Cat on the pill?"
André shock his head no. I dropped my jaw... What the actually fuck. They decided to have sex and didn't use double protection? They deserve to be in this situation.
"Why did you guys have sex if she wasn't on the pill?"
"Well-"
He was interrupted by Tori.
"Hi guys." She said in her normal, too cheerful tone.
"Why did you text me over, I thought you wanted some time by yourself?"
"Well André has a problem, you need to solve this because you are friends with him."
"Hey! I came to you so you could..."
"What?!" I hissed. I didn't have any kind of desire to take care of a situation like this. Couldn't André just go and buy a day after pill? And not drag me into this?
"I tried to tell her she should take the day after pill but-but-but... Cat wants a child!"
Both I and Tori got into shock and just stared at him. Tori tried to be a little comforting by saying "André that's..." When she couldn't find the words for it I just said "Sucks to be you."
Both André and Tori stared at me.
"Jade you will help André, he have been helping you! You will go over to Cat and you will convince her to do the right thing!"
"And what is the right thing to do exactly?"
"To take the day after pill!"
"What if it is too late?"
"Well... I guess we will just have to babysit a lot then."
I froze, me babysitting? Oh no, I don't babysit. I got up and left Tori and André.
"Where are you going?" Tori shouted after me.
"Go and talk to Cat!" I screamed.
I stood outside of Cat's grandma's house, knocking fiercely on the door. After hearing Cat scream with wait a sec I just knocked on the door harder. Almost breaking the door while doing so. Cat jerked up the door and screamed "WHAT?!"
"Geez Cat you don't have to be so rude."
Her eyes almost popped out and she looked annoyed. "You almost broke my door! You are rude!"
"Let me in."
"No."
I let out a growl and pushed myself past Cat and sat down on the couch.
"We need to talk."
"Why?"
"Why are you so rude?"
"I am not rude." Her voice raised by like twelve octaves and her cheeks started to become red.
"Okay... You are not rude but you aren't exactly Cat-like."
"What is that suppose to mean?!" She only seemed to be able to breath in and not out. Poor girl, probably having a panic attack.
"You aren't happy... You seem not being able to breath... And you seemed to have grown up. What's wrong?"
"I don't want to be in this situation!" Cat shriek out. She started to sob, tears spurting out from her eyes and she let herself crawl into my lap, without my permission!
"There, there." I patted her on her shoulder. I was not the right person for this God forsaken job. This was more Vega's thing. When she didn't stop crying I just gave up with trying to comfort her. It was time for actions.
"Why don't you just take a pill?" I asked.
"A pill?" Her cute and innocent side was starting to show. God she really was a baby, which meant no-one should date this girl!
"Yeah a pill that makes this situation to go away."
She seemed to brighten up. "Like magic? Or time travelling?"
"What?! No Cat, a little medical pill that will make you... It will solve this, okay?"
"Is there a baby in my tummy?"
"Hopefully no."
"How do you know this Jade?" Cat asked carefully.
"I have an A in biology." I hissed at her, which made her tear up. God I would kill this girl if we wouldn't leave this house soon.
"Come baby girl, it's time to go." I tried to sound calm but I sounded more like the evil queen whom lure small children in to the woods so she can eat them.
She scoot up and skipped out from the door. I only shock my head and drove her to the midwife where she got the pill. Then we went to my place.
Cat took the pill, André jumped up in excitement, which made Cat happy. Both were ignoring my threats, suggestions and warnings. When they left I walked to the couch and dropped myself down next to Tori. She smiled at me, a warming soothing smile. She started to stroke my arm, up and down. I rested my head on her shoulder and let out a sigh.
"If this happens again I am personally going to make both André and Cat sterile."
I got a disapproving look from Tori, I only put up my hands in defeat. "Just saying."
"You saved them both a lot of problem, they have saved you from a lot of trouble. See this as you returned the favour."
I nodded, I never had seen it in that way. I looked up at Tori were I could see in her eyes nothing but tender love for me. I leaned forward to kiss her and before I knew it we were making out on the couch. Clothes were ripped off from each other until we both were in our underwear. Tori had a crazy look in her eyes. There were none of the tender love I had seen before. Now they were filled with lust, she looked scary but I bite it together. I wouldn't chicken out now. I lean forward to continue to kiss her but she pushed me down, strapped me and started to have her way with me. I felt how my heart was racing, it's not rape if you want it, you want it Jade! I tried to convince myself but when Tori started to unhook my bra and kiss my breast it became too much.
"Stop!" I screamed and pushed Tori off me. Tears were running down my cheeks and I started to sob. What was I doing?
Tori was quick to collect herself and she stared to comfort me, saying it was okay. We didn't need to have sex but I wanted, it was my body that would panic. I wanted to move on but it was my mind who still was stuck in the past. Maybe I was stuck in the future? Either way after I had apologised to her and she had reassure me it was okay we got dressed and watched a movie. Why couldn't I just forget everything and move on? Why did I freak out when someone was knocking on the door? Why couldn't I let Tori touch me the way she and I wanted? Why couldn't I just drop everything and move on with my life?