Author's Note: Hello all! Right now I just got back from babysitting my cousin's son since she and her husband went to see Tom Petty (grr), and I had time tonight instead of mowing the three acres of lawn (since I only got three hours of sleep last night lol), so I decided to update this early; which of course you probably don't mind. I just thought this would be interesting to share: My sister and I took Jackson- my cousin's son, on a walk to this park last night, and while we were walking, we passed by a street; 7th Avenue. I looked at the road and the sidewalk, and I was in total awe; it as exactly like I pictured 7th Avenue in the story. But I hadn't ever noticed it was that street before, or even really looked at it; it was crazy! I thought it was really cool though, it made me sort of sad at the same time haha. I hope you guys like this chapter, it's a little sad, but there is humor in it as well. It deals with Valentine's day, and growing up, and then a sort of shock thing at the end, which is my prediction for one of the reasons Hyde hates V-Day (besides the total government scam :D) And keep voting on that poll on my profile, please? And check out the forum board URL in the reviews section (I'll post it right away!)

Thanks!

Love,

Angie

PS: I know Mrs. Shinsky was the 2nd grade teacher, or that's what I think it is at least (I can't remember, although that sounds about right) but I made that Mrs. Briggs… so bear with me :D.

I changed my color for you, I shed my coat with caution, and I lack the beauty you display. See here there are the bruises, and some were self-inflicted, and some showed up along the way. So I nod my head; I'm ready for the world to see the secret I kept here inside the man you thought I'd be. Slip into coma calm, the coma where I calm myself down; here comes excuses, why I let you down, Stand by for another breakdown, sound off the alarm; is this the chameleon boy I swore I wouldn't become? Chameleon boy, chameleon boy. So now we've come upon the hardest thing I've ever done; It's telling you that I'm a mess. What sort of mess I mean is self-destructive gasoline. The kind that strips you of your best and while I play instead the way that most would end up dead. You sleep alone at home and wish that I were in our bed. With this I'm telling you my color changes back to blue. How do I ask you this, will you help me through? Stand by for another breakdown, sound off the alarm. Is this the chameleon boy I swore I wouldn't become? I try to think of all the people I looked up to, while growing up who would I be. Now the twisted part: Where did all my idols end up? They've all passed away...

Three dismal months had passed by, with little joy, and a lot of cold. Hyde and Edna stayed with "Uncle Ray" until the first part of December; their house was finally repaired so they could live in it once again. Hyde never realized how much he could miss their running down, creaky house, until he lived in a trailer that used a curtain for a bathroom door.

Hyde was determining whether or not he should pull away from the people he loved. He was so scared of getting hurt by them when they would leave him, just like everything and everyone else in the past. But at the same time, they made him feel safe and secure, and he never felt that way. It felt as if at least the Formans would always be there for him, and he needed that. His friends were the best he knew he'd ever have; he didn't want to hang around with the bullies, because that's where he knew he'd be if he didn't have them. Either the bullies, or no one.

Today was Hyde's most dreaded day' Valentine's Day. All of the students in his class were so excited for the day; all of them talked about crushes or their 'partners' and got lots of candy and cards and treats, and it all made Hyde sick. Why did lovers need a holiday dedicated to them? The lace, the pink, the whole idea of Valentine's Day made him sick. The government was just trying to get people to buy their products and brainwashing them to help corporate America, but Hyde saw through there ways; though he was the only one. Even Donna was excited about the holiday, which really surprised him.

"Students," Mrs. Shinsky called, "You can begin to pass out your treats!" All of the kids cheered, yet Hyde just scoffed, opening his desk and grabbing out the notebook Donna had bought for him for Christmas. Turning to the last page he had written in, he continued the passage and ignored the sudden loud chatter of his classmates as they ran around the room, passing out love notes and sweets.

It's chaotic. It's madness. It's everything I hate but I'm caught in between and I can't stop. It's suffocating, I'm losing this battle. It's absolutely crazy now, I feel like I'm in this tornado, or whirlwind of life, emotions, actions, everything; it's crazy man! One minute I actually feel good and it's great and I'm open and happy. Then something or someone has to ruin it, and I'm curling back in this zen shell. It's all I know, I want to find a way out… but no one lets me. This isn't who I want to be, the person in the mirror that looks back at me is not what I want to become. But I just can't help it. Can I?

The last two sentences stared him down, burning into his brain. He traced them over and over again with his pen, making them bold; when he looked back on this, he'd want to look back and remember that was important to him.

When he wrote, everything was blocked out. That was the only thing to help clear his conscience, to give him that peace that he needed. It was his way of speaking, but no one would ever see these personal thoughts of his. Donna knew he needed that, that's why she bought it for him, she said it was for him to write lyrics, but they both knew he'd use it for his own private stuff. It was really nice of her, it was one of the best Christmas presents he had ever gotten, actually.

"Aww look!" Hyde heard someone call, then watched as a hand smacked down on his notebook page. He quickly shut the notebook and glanced up, eyes matching the face to the voice; Alex… some kid he never talked to, but gave some people problems. "Steven Hyde's a loser, he's got no candy! Nobody likes him!" The sound of people laughing filled his ears, and he pursed his lip, eyes narrowing.

"What do you want?" He mumbled, flicking the pen in his hand.

"What is that?" Alex asked, taking the black notebook out of his hand. Hyde's heart skipped and he reached up for it; Alex grinned and lifted it above his head. "Is this a diary? Hey, Steven has a diary!"

"It's Hyde, and that's not a diary," Hyde growled, standing up out of his seat, jaw set. "Give it back," he warned the slightly taller boy, who just chuckled.

"Let's see…" Alex flipped open to one of the pages, and Hyde closed his eyes as he saw the boy's eyes scan the paper. "Oh, perfect! 'Sometimes, I can't stand myself; who I am, where I live, my life, my mom… anything! Sometimes I just want to hurt someone, or hurt myself, I wish my mom could find some way to just die… I wish I'd never been-"

Hyde pulled back his fist and felt his knuckles collide with Alex's jaw. With his left hand, he punched his stomach, and the whole room gasped in horror at what happened before them. Alex collapsed to the ground, the notebook next to him, and Hyde trembled with anger, his eyes tearing up from the fury; thankfully no one could see.

"Steven Hyde! Go to the office, NOW!" Mrs. Shinsky cried. Hyde gulped and bent down to grab his notebook, and set it back in his desk.

"He started it," He mumbled, lowering his head as he made his way out of the classroom.

Hyde was swimming in his mind again. What had gone through his system? Why was he always beating up people now? It seemed to be the best way to get it through the dumbass kids' heads. No one listened to him when he spoke, he needed his fists to do what his words couldn't. It killed him, he didn't want to be like his father; it was unavoidable though. Maybe Bud went through the same thing as a kid; maybe Bud had been abused, maybe he didn't have a way to talk. Hyde felt the acidic taste as he realized he was sympathizing, maybe empathizing with his asshole of a father. That just wasn't do-able. He couldn't be anything like that bastard, or his mother, either. He had to stop this violence, calm his anger, find other ways to deal with problems, he couldn't just wail at peoples' heads his whole life; it would get him in a whole lot of trouble.

No one ever listened to him. They always blamed him for everything, even if he wasn't in the room. Just because he was raised wrong didn't mean he was a 'bad kid' who everyone could blame. It wasn't like Alex was innocent, yet he'd cry and say Hyde was writing something about him, and then got mad at Alex and punched him. It's how things always went. Ever since… he didn't even remember when his trouble making days had began. How had he gotten this branding?

Taking a deep breath, Hyde entered the principal's office and walked passed the secretary who watched as he knocked on Mr. Carter's door. Hyde saw Mrs. Shinsky rush in the room, with Alex, who was crying and clutching his stomach. They made their way into the nurse's office, and before they entered the room, Alex flipped him off. He shook his head in anger and rested his head against the wall.

'This is bullshit,' he thought, wanting to punch the wall or himself.

His teacher reappeared and glanced at him momentarily, before knocking viciously on Mr. Carter's door. Hyde watched as the door opened, he thought it was funny that when he knocked it was ignored, and she stepped inside the office for a brief moment.

"Steven, please come in." Mr. Carter ordered, he reluctantly followed suit. He sat down in the chair that sat across from his large desk; he felt like he was about to be interrogated. "Mrs. Shinsky says that you hit Alex Richardson multiple times until he fell down, is this true?" Hyde sighed softly and nodded.

"Yes, but-"

"And you know hitting other students, no matter what reason you did it, is against all school rules."

"I know, but-"

"Everyone saw you hit him, Steven. Whatever provoked it, it doesn't matter. You could have handled it differently, but you didn't. You chose violence, Steven, and you're suspended until Monday."

"But, Mr. Carter, I can-"

"I'm calling your mother." His principal finished, picking up the phone. Hyde sighed inwardly and folded his arms on his chest.

"Whatever," he mumbled, eyes staring vacantly at the floor.

This was insane; Alex played the innocent, hurt child who antagonized the situation. And Hyde was being suspended for this? It was no use to call his mom, either. She wouldn't care about his suspension, and she wouldn't answer any phone either, she was 'working'. This day was playing out its part well; when he has a day picked out to hate, it truly comes back to bite him in the ass, and it already tormented him enough as it is.

"Hi, Mr. Bower, this is Old Main's principal; Mr. Carter. I was calling to speak to Edna Hyde, about her son, Steven." Hyde raised his eyebrows; she actually went to work for once? His stomach dropped at the thought; she would be in a really bad mood then. When she'd find out she would have to pick him up from school because he was suspended, she'd-

"Ms. Hyde, please calm down," Mr. Carter coaxed over the phone, Hyde scoffed, that would do no good whatsoever. "It's just until Monday, and-" he paused, Hyde could hear her shrill voice yelling at Mr. Carter over the phone. "Yes, you need to pick him up as soon as you can. Thank you, buh-bye." Hyde's principal hung up the phone and took a deep breath, looking very flustered. If he thought that was bad, Hyde couldn't wait until she was actually here, for once.

"Your mom is on the way to get you, Steven. You may go back to the classroom and get your homework and textbooks for the remainder of the week." Hyde scoffed at what Mr. Carter said and stood up out of the uncomfortable metal left the room in silence, mind drawn to a blank. He couldn't believe how unfair all of this was, and yet he was being blamed for everything. no one bothered to ask his side of the story; he had no voice.

Three hours later, Hyde, Eric, Donna and Kelso were gathered in Eric's basement; all of them having a small conversation during the commercials between Bewitched, Hyde only watched it for Samantha. Hyde's ears were still ringing from the car ride home with his mom, who was about ready to kill him right then and there when she got into the principal's office. He didn't even listen to her shout at him, he just knew when she was talking about him because her voice raised in that way that sounded like a screaming, dying cat. His friends were all curious with what happened, and he had told them the full story with as little details as possible, just the important information.

"I can't believe you got suspended," Eric mumbled, Hyde shrugged his shoulders and took another sip from his root beer.

"Yeah, it's cool though. I don't have to go to school til Monday, I can just sit around and do whatever, man," He replied, knowing that wouldn't be the way things would be for him. But he'd say it so his friends didn't worry about him. Kelso gasped and his eyes widened in shock, which confused Hyde because they all knew his brothers have had many suspensions.

"Uh! No way, that is AWESOME! I wanna get suspended!" he cried, Hyde chuckled and shook his head at his friend, eyes turning back to the television.

"Well, Hyde, it will go on your permanent record, and that won't look good for college," Donna reminded him, he scoffed and raised his eyebrows at her.

"So?" Hyde and Kelso asked in unison.

"Donna, unlike you, I don't care about my permanent record. It's just a document the government makes up to decide which kids will be the most brainwashed into their society of sheeple. Besides, I'm not going to college," the three rolled their eyes at him, and he didn't see the point in sharing his opinions with them, they always just looked down on them and thought they were ridiculous. But on the outside, he looked cool and zen, like he didn't even notice how they reacted to his statement.

"This Valentine's Day sucked," Eric mumbled, Donna chuckled and Hyde groaned in annoyance; not this Valentine's Day crap again!

"Oh, it wasn't too bad. Kelso, are you going to see Jackie tonight?" Donna asked, Hyde turned to Kelso cautiously.

"Kelso, I thought she fell off the face of the Earth? Oh don't tell me Toto is still around." He barked, God if she came over here today, that would ruin everything... he's just leave and probably not come back for another two weeks. Kelso laughed at him and shook his head. "Damn," he mumbled, picking at his fingers to look busy.

"Yeah, I'm gonna eat supper with her tonight." Eric and Donna nodded, probably thinking that was a good idea, while Hyde just scowled at the lovey dovey crap.

"I got a lot of cards and candy, I didn't know I was popular, it was awesome." Donna piped up, searching through her decorated bag and pulled out a Tootsie Roll. Eric, Hyde, and Kelso glanced at each other momentarily, and grinned at one another after hearing her statement.

"Yeah, you sure are," Kelso prodded, she grinned and looked happy, Hyde hoped she wouldn't find out why she was so popular... she might duct tape herself; Hyde shuddered at the thought.

"Can I have some?" Hyde questioned her, eyeing the bulging paper bag full of candy. Donna furrowed her eyebrows and scrunched her face at him.

"No, you got candy!" Eric made a sharp, almost inhaled hissing noise at Donna and he shook his head. "What?" Donna asked, confused, Hyde lowered his head and chuckled softly.

"No, I didn't." He murmured, playing with his hole-y cuff of his flannel long sleeved shirt. Donna blushed and stared hard at the ground also, while a gradual laughing was heard beside her.

"You-didn't get-candy?" Kelso choked in between fits of laughter, then finally burst into hysterics. Hyde narrowed his eyes. "What a loser."

"Don't-" Eric warned Kelso, but he had already said it. Hyde's expression was placid, trying to fight back the urge to pulverize Kelso.

'This one last time won't hurt anyone...' Hyde thought, and smiled softly.

Everyone was silent, waiting for him to punch Kelso yet he just stayed planted on his chair, watching the show on the TV. He paid attention to Donna, Kelso and Eric yet made it look like he was mesmerized by Bewitched, he was waiting for his friends to act normal again, and turn their attention away from him and Kelso's insult. Only a minute had passed before they averted their eyes to the screen, he thanked himself once again for always wearing his sunglasses; his hard stare against them wasn't even noticed.

Hyde suddenly sprang forward and tackled Kelso, which probably knocked the wind out of him, the two fell on the right side of the couch. Eric squeaked in terror as they landed against his lap, one of Hyde's hands pulling Kelso's shaggy hair, the other punching his sides.

"Hyde! Gerroff me!" Kelso cried, voice muffled by Hyde's shirt, Dona was laughing softly at the two fighting against each other.

They wrestled, trying to fight for dominance now, Kelso lacked defense skills, while Hyde had learned them young. He gripped onto Kelso's shoulders, wanting to just salm him against the floor, hopefully bash his head up. Hyde pushed himself back so they would fall off, then gut punched Kelso so the older boy would collide with the cement floor. When Kelso landed on his back, Hyde hadn't thought of the position he would be in, so he found himself lying on Kelso, chin resting on his chest.

Hyde quickly scrambled off of his friend, eyes widened in horror, and creeped out by how it ended; he wouldn't even be able to look at Kelso for a few days. To make himself look occupied and casual about everything, he flattened out his shirt, and popped his knuckles.

"I'll be… bathroom…" Kelso murmured quickly, dashing up the basement stairs. Hyde felt a mixture of wanting to laugh at the situation they had been in, and throw up about it all at the same time, it was not a good mix. This would be a great burn on Kelso; if only it wasn't Hyde who was the other person. He sat back in his char and took off his sunglasses to wipe off the smudges earned from the fight.

"What just happened?" Donna asked, Hyde shrugged, trying not to hear her, or act like he hadn't.

"That was weird, one second you tackle him and I'm laughing, and then you're on me like a couple of dogs!" Eric cried, Hyde laughed sarcastically, then sent him a dark glare.

"Ha… yeah… hilarious." he mumbled softly, trying to fight against the violent shudders of disgust that wanted to rip through him.

"No, Hyde, seriously, are you okay?" he nodded slowly. "Something had to have happened."

"No!" Hyde barked in defense, then cleared his throat. "I mean, nothing happened, everything is fine. I'm fine and… he's fine." he added quickly, attempting to regain composure. Donna eyed him suspiciously, but shrugged her shoulders; she wasn't going to force it out of him.

"So… in three months, we'll be in middle school, can you believe that?" Eric piped up to fill in the awkward silence.

"Uh, I can't believe I'm going to middle school." Hyde responded honestly, trying to clear his mind, find his zen, and forget what happened with Kelso.

"Oh, Hyde, watch; you're gonna end up being the class valedictorian when we graduate," Donna teased him, he sneered at her and scoffed loudly; hell would freeze over before that would happen.

"Will we all still be friends?" Hyde asked finally; this question had been bugging him for awhile. He had a growing suspicion that as soon as they walked through the junior high doors, they would all gradually grow apart. They would all eventually find their own little groups and cliques; Kelso with the popular kids or jocks, Donna with the smart, creative, but cool kids, and Eric with either the other 'action figure lovers' or the class clowns (Hyde wouldn't call Eric a geek or nerd.) And where would Hyde be? Shoved to the bottom of everything; with the bad kids, the rebels, the outcasts- the kids like him. But he wouldn't really be with them, it's just where everyone would tag him; in reality he'd walk and sit alone, waiting. Waiting for his friends to return, so they could all… be together. In Forman's basement.

"Of course, Hyde, we're all going to be friends til the end, remember?" Donna reassured, he smiled softly and nodded once, hoping that it was true. He didn't want to be full of false hope and empty promises from the people he cared about most; he got enough of that from his parents.

The sudden, loud shriek from Eric broke Hyde's concentration; he turned to find out what caused Eric's freak out, and groaned in annoyance.

"Forman, you have got to be kidding me, man! It's a fucking spider! You haven't eaten anymore of Laurie's mints, have you?" Hyde asked, joking with Eric about the last bit, who looked like he had just seen a ghost. Sighing heavily, he stood up from his chair and walked toward the spider. However, instead of stomping on it like he usually would, Hyde had a better idea. Hyde bent down, his knees popped as he did so, and brushed the black spider into the palm of his hand, and soon enclosed it with his fist, but made sure he wouldn't crush it. Clutching it in his hand, he shook it a couple of times, then tossed the spider at Eric. The loud, high screams filled the room as Eric screamed for his mom; Donna and Hyde laughed maniacally at that.

"That was awful!" Donna choked, wiping the laughter induced tears from her eyes. Hyde grinned with her and shrugged his shoulders.

"He needs to get over that fear, man. They're just bugs." He replied, Donna nodded and looked as if she were deep in thought.

"So… what did happen with Kelso?" Hyde's stomach squirmed at her question.

"Nothin', man," he tried to convince her that, but somehow she could see through that façade. "Fine… he… for some reason found our wrestling… uh… very exciting…" Hyde trailed off, finally allowing the shudders to possess his body. Hyde immediately regretted telling her when she broke down into hysterics once more; maybe he would find this all funny in five years, but right now, she was not allowed to laugh.

"I knew something was up with him. Aww, Hyde, he has a crush on you!" Donna teased, pinching his cheeks for added effect. Hyde swatted at her hands and snapped his head away from her, scowling sourly; which caused her laughing to slowly cease. "I'm sorry… it does suck for you, but that would be a wicked burn." Hyde smirked at that, and gave a tiny half nod.

"I s'pose," he grumbled, running his hand through his hair.

"Hey, uh… Hyde? Now that we're alone, I wanted to give this to you quick. I'm sorry about your… day." Donna murmured, handing him an envelope written with his name in cursive.

"…Thanks, Donna," he stammered, turning it over to tear it open, yet saw she had written 'read when you're alone' by the seal; his heart skipped a beat.

Hyde sat on the curb of 7th Avenue four hours later, staring down at his feet, the snow lightly falling. Why hadn't it been like this last year? Why had it been so cold? He couldn't think about that now, it was over and done with, nothing could change it.

His fingers fumbled over the envelope Donna had given him, he figured now was a good enough time to read it, he was alone, anyway. With shaking hands, he used his jagged fingernails to tear open the seal and he pulled out the piece of notebook paper and took a deep breath before reading.

Dear Hyde,

It's crazy how long we've all been friends, huh? I've known you since I was five years old, unlike Eric and Kelso, I wasn't really all that afraid of you, or intimidated, I should say. I saw you just like them, but they thought you were tougher, which you are, but… you know what I mean. You're someone I can talk to about a lot of things I don't feel comfortable talking about with anyone else, I don't know what that means, but I value that in you. It's like you really do care about what I feel and what I have to say, and you don't judge me by my opinions, either.

I know you hate emotional mushy stuff, but this isn't really like that. You're my closest friend, and I know things are hard for you, especially around this time of year… especially today. But don't listen to what people say; including your mom. You know half the time she isn't in her right mind, and she isn't upset with you, she's upset with herself. You don't have to listen to what everyone else expects you to become; be yourself, don't fall in line with what they predict. I don't want that for you and I know you don't either.

We're all going to grow up and be as close to each other as we are now, if not even closer. We're going to have so many adventures and tons of memories, but I'm glad I have these with you. You're a great person, Steven Hyde. I don't want to ever lose you, and I don't plan on ever seeing that happen in my life, either. We're always going to be friends, and just remember that me and Eric and Kelso, we're never gonna leave you. We're always gonna be there for you.

With love,

Donna

2/14/72

He wasn't sure how to feel after reading that; he hadn't heard anything like that about him before; how could she see so much in him? It was Donna though, he had to remember that, she saw a lot of things in people that no one ever suspected. He felt a smile tug at his lips and he sighed, tucking the letter away in his pocket after folding it back up properly. How could a girl make him feel this way? He didn't want this, she didn't know what that meant to him, and she probably never would. Those were some of the kindest words anyone had ever told him, and it made him just want to laugh and smile for eternity.

But then a pain filled his heart as he looked around his setting, his feet covered two inches in falling snow, the 7th Avenue sign glaring its evil eyes at him, giving him a constant reminder of that fatal day. Would she leave, just like Chris? He never meant to lose Chris, or even Bud, yet they had both found ways of slipping from him? What if she didn't know of her sudden absence from him? What if she….

Hyde shook his head and cradled it in his lap, feeling the tears fall. He couldn't think about that, especially not tonight, when he was being haunted by the events of four years ago. How could that much time already slip away? It only seemed like yesterday, the cold and numb, the ache he felt… so exhausted.

Hyde's chest tightened as tears welled in his eyes, he took a deep, shaky breath and blinked back the waterworks, he wouldn't cry, here or now or anytime. He turned the sky, saw the snow flakes gliding beautifully down from the sky, yet he hated it, hated all of winter, especially how magnificent the crystals could look; they took away the most important thing to him. He saw a few stars gleaming in the sky and he whimpered, letting a tear fall down his cheek.

"Chris… I-I'm sorry," he whispered, burying his head in his hands, shoulders shaking with the silent sobs he couldn't hold back any longer. He knew that this was his secret; no one remembered the exact day, not even his mother; and yet the February the 14th tore at his heart every year, making a deeper wound in his heart, in his mind, and in his soul.