A/N: Sorry sorry sorry for taking so long to update, shame on me, really! I wrote a draft to this chapter while I was still in Vasa, and I could've sworn I packed it before I left, but apparantly not, and now I can't get into my apartment until August. So, I had to rewrite this chapter as best I could using my memory, which can be painfully selective. I'm not completely satisified about this, and as soon as I get hold of the draft, I'll make whatever changes needed to make myself like this chapter as much as I liked the draft.

Disclaimer: ASP owns the Gilmore Girls characters. We don't own the rights to "Born to Run" either, because that would mean that we'd be Bruce Springsteen. Which we're not (promise!). But we own Cammie, that's something at least!

Wendy let me in, I wanna be your friend, I wanna guard your dreams and visions…

It was midnight, and he was back to listening to Springsteen. Though Jess knew all too well just how cliché it was to listen to Springsteen and go all deep and touchy-feely, he couldn't help it. Tomorrow, his novel would go to print, and listening to Springsteen, the music that in some ways had been the very beginning of it all, seemed inevitable. And right now, not tying the lyrics to Rory was inevitable too. It was perfect. If only she had come with him that night, who knows what could have been. He would have been (still was?) the American reject hero in jeans and t-shirt, and she was Wendy, the dream, the girl, his second half. Once again he tormented himself with thinking why they couldn't just work out like that nameless protagonist and his Wendy. He wanted to be her friend, he knew what she wanted, what she dreamed of, what she was…

And it had all gone to hell. The reasons were as obvious as they were painful, and he knew all too well why he should not think too much about Rory. She was his achilles heel, his soft spot, and what had he done? Written a book just to get over her? Yeah, right, there was a recipe for utter failure if there ever was one.

Jess twisted and turned on his couch, trying to find sleep, but not succeeding. It was as if he could hear the alarm clock in Matt and Chris's room tick. One more second wasted. It had all been a waste of time and effort, and of course he had to be the one to throw it all away. Not that Rory had been completely without blame. She clearly wanted him, but why did she keep trying to turn him into Dean and adapt him to Stars-freaking-Hollow? She left Dean because that giant had been an overbearing jackass.

Wow. "Sounds like somebody you know?" Jess thought to himself.

He turned once again, trying to find a comfortable position on the knurly couch, and told himself that he was just flipping out because of the printing tomorrow. His novel, his own words would go to print and, holy crap, people might actually read it. The incoherent scrawls on a $1.50 legal pad, born out of restlessness, California sun, Lily and blue had turned into something tangible, or at least they would turn into something he could actually touch. The concept of him being a published author never ceased to amaze him. And it scared the living shit out of him.

"Jess?"

Too busy trying to control his rushing thoughts, Jess hadn't heard the door to Jake and Regg's room open, and Reg's whisper carried amazingly clear over the silent room.

"You awake?" Reg whispered.

Jess pondered trying to fake sleep. His current mindset was in no way suitable for a late night talk with Reg of all people. Maybe he was being paranoid, but Jake and Reg seemed to be acting kind of weird when they were around him, especially since they had decided on outsourcing the printing. Matt and Chris had laid down the facts, and told the others about a smaller printing firm just a couple of blocks away that would print their stuff without skinning them in the process. Though not entirely happy about it, Jake and Reg both agreed that this would be the best option to go with if they wanted to keep the business going. So it was decided that they would switch to the new printing firm after Jess's book was printed. Jess had no idea why they were soo persistent with having his book be the last to go to print at HQ. It wasn't like the godawful printers there held some sort of sentimental value to him. For that very reason, he didn't contest the matter either. How would it matter anyway? So long as his novel got printed he was happy, and he tried to push away the paranoid thoughts about Jake and Reg trying to nail him for something. Seeing as Jake had been after his kneecaps since day one, and Reg had that mysterious lady friend, so he wasn't "all there" most of the time, Jess figured he couldn't be in any immediate danger.

He sighed and sat up straight on the couch turning to face Reg, who was standing just outside the door to his and Jake's room.

"Does seem that way," he replied, trying to at least sound a bit tired, though he was wide awake.

"Trouble sleeping?" Reg asked, moving a bit closer.

"Something like that…"

"Nervous about the printing?"

"Something like that…" Jess repeated, running his hand through his messy hair.

"You wrote a great book, Jess, there's nothing to get nervous about," Reg told him encouragingly, though Jess imagined Reg was holding back an "is there?"

"Mm-hmm…" he muttered off-handedly, and turned to lie down again.

"Jess?"

He stiffened, almost losing balance when lying down, and he whipped up again.

"Yes?" he replied, a bit annoyed.

"Why don't we know anything about you?" Reg asked, sounding a bit worried.

Great. Jess had hoped that he'd heard that question for the last time. Matt and Chris had tried to milk him for information for the longest time, but finally they had just stopped, and he was glad. He didn't feel like sharing, because sharing was not something he did, and when he did, it almost always ended with him saying too much. Talk is cheap.

"Because it's private. I'm a private person. It's called a private life, you know?"

There was a beat of silence.

"Are you a criminal, Jess?" Reg then asked, and Jess could tell Reg was afraid of what the answer might be.

"No," he said after waiting a sufficiently long time to make Reg sweat.

Yes, a voice in his head said simultaneously. Pickpocketing (back in New York), stealing (Babbette's gnome), lying (to most people), and he was pretty sure that creating a false crime scene was frowned upon by cops who actually had crimes to solve.

"Look," Jess continued. "Nothing good would come out of me telling you my life story while we'd braid each others' hair and listen to the Titanic-soundtrack. Trust me."

"Firm believer in 'ignorance is bliss', I see," Reg commented amusedly.

"They're planning on making me their posterboy," Jess quipped back. "Matt and Chris have already dropped the subject on who I am, where I come from. Matt says it will generate good PR for me to be all mysterious and whatnot. Personally, I think it's the biggest load of bull I've ever heard. I just want to be me without having to get all touchy-feely, okay?"

"Fine." Reg threw up his hands in surrender, and walked into the kitchen.

Jess lied down, and could hear Reg pour himself a glass of water, and then tiptoe back into his room. Close call, and he could only hope Reg would heed his advice and just leave him be. If Reg could get Jake off his case, it would only be a perk. Jess returned to twisting and turning on the couch, and finally fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. His head was full of memories, Rory-related memories, and intertwined with these were suspicion. Reg wanted to know more about him. He wanted to trap him. Jess had tried to conjure up Rory's eyes to find some sort of calm, and it was somewhere along these attempts that he drifted into sleep, Springsteen still playing in his ears.

…baby, I'm just a a scared and lonely rider…

"Rise and shine, cupcake!"

The overly cheery voice could not have come from anyone else but Matt, and Jess found the tone repugnant. He turned over on the couch, burying his head under the pillow, throwing an arm out on the odd chance that it would hit Matt.

"Call me cupcake on more time, and I will make sure you end up as one," he growled from under the pillow, trying his best to ignore the equally cheery presence that Matt seemed to ooze.

"Come on, Jess, it's time to check out from Dreamland," Matt persisted, and Jess wanted to kill the feisty publisher even more.

"Bite me."

It didn't take. With one swift movement, Matt got hold of Jess's cover, and pulled it off of him, and for a moment, the stunt reminded Jess of reality. Harsh, unfair, cold and always ready to bite you in the ass when you least expect it to.

"Matt," Jess said through clenched teeth, head still under the pillow. "If you don't go bug someone else right now I will seriously turn you into a cupcake."

"There is no one else to bug! Everyone else is at work," Matt complained whinily. He was near now, probably somewhere by the coffeetable.

"Go bug Cammie."

"Cammie? You seriously want me to go bug Cammie? Jess, the girl held a vendetta against me and Chris after I smashed her $3 Target coffee mug. And after last week when you and Chris went over to beg for coffee? Believe it or not, I learn from experience."

As Jess had suspected, Cammie did not react well to Chris (and yes, it was mostly Chris) begging for coffee that late. She all but made fire and brimstone rain down upon them. Jess had to pull Chris away from the door so Cammie wouldn't inflict bodily harm, and they walked over to a coffeestand near Black Oak Park for a cup of something that the vendor at least called coffee.

Jess muttered something into the pillow about having lots of evidence pointing to the opposite of what Matt had stated, but if Matt understood his rumbles, he ignored them.

"So, are you ready?"

"For what? Kicking your ass?"

"No, printing your novel!"

"Matt…" Jess heaved himself up into sitting positing, blinking a couple of times before focusing in on Matt, who was sitting on the edge of the coffee table. "It's morning. I'm tired, and by no means a morning person. In what universe ever visited by any Federation officer is it a good idea to wake me up, call me a cupcake and ask if I'm ready to print a book that's scheduled for an afternoon printing?"

Matt was quiet for a moment, before answering:

"I guess this would qualify as one of those 'it seemed like a good idea at the time'-moments, huh?" he then solemnly mused, scratching his chin.

"That would be an understatement. Now give me my cover back, bugger off and don't ever take it upon yourself to wake me ever again."

Matt threw back the cover and shuffled off into his and Chris's room. Jess slumped down, pulled the cover over and plugged in his earbuds. His Springsteen-playlist was over, and Metallica blared out of the earbuds, lulling him into sleep.

He dreamed of Stars Hollow. How it might have been if he hadn't royally screwed it up. If he had let Rory change him. It was a sugarcoated, obnoxious picture that should have activated his upchuck-reflex, but part of him… liked it. No skulking, getting suspicious glances from people (meaning Taylor). No more unnecessary fights and misunderstandings (meaning Rory). No more secrets (meaning... everybody). It would have been a Jess that could've gotten accepted and lived out his troublesome years in a quirky town with a girl that loved him, an uncle who took him in when his mother couldn't handle him and a town that was as zany as there could be. And he would've been okay.

He awoke at two, feeling like there was a hole in his stomach. He should've hated dreaming about that medical experiment. He should've locked the dream away in the same box he kept Rory in. He should've hated himself for not doing it.

He couldn't.

Jess called out for Matt, but apparantly, Matt had left the building. Without thinking, Jess picked up his cell, punched 3 on speed dial, and waited.

"Yeah, Luke's," came his uncle's brisk voice.

He panicked. He wanted to hang up. He probably should hang up.

"Luke," he instead said, trying to keep his emotions in check.

"Yeah, who is this?"

Jess swallowed hard.

"It's Jess."

Silence. Jess figured he must've stunned Luke pretty good by calling.

"Ceasar!" Luke then yelled. "Take over, would ya?"

Jess smirked. He'd heard that line enough time to know Ceasar would spaz out.

"Call me again in one minute," Luke then told him, and unceremoniously hung up on him.

He knew why. Luke would sprint up the stairs and guard the phone upstairs like a hawk. He didn't even have to tell Jess to call the home number, he still knew it. He lazily counted the seconds it would take for Luke to get upstairs, then added some extra, just to mess with him. He found Luke's home number and pressed Call.

"What took you so long?" Luke answered after the first tone. Same old Luke. No greeting, no smalltalk.

"You said one minute," Jess replied with a smirk.

"Don't get cute, Jess, where are you? Are you in trouble?"

"Would it surprise you immensly if I said I wasn't in trouble?" he sighed.

"Frankly, it would. And don't get evasive with me, where are you and why are you calling?"

"I'm in Philly and…"

"In Philly?" Luke immediately interrupted. "I thought you were in California with Jimmy?"

"I was there," Jess replied, and walked over to the kitchen where he sat down on a chair. "I left a couple of months ago."

"Jimmy kick you out?"

"I left on my own accord. I even said goodbye, just so you know."

"Why did you go to Philly?" Luke asked, curiosity in his voice.

"It was there," Jess rebutted. "Could we skip the inquisition now?"

"I'm not the one calling out of the blue here, Jess."

"I know, but you're seriously channeling your inner Spanish inquisitor. Could we just… talk?"

"Fine," Luke gruffed at the other end. "So, you're in Philadelphia?"

"I am. I'm living with a couple of guys here, it's pretty good. I've been working at a coffee shop, but I'm on temporary leave or something, 'cause the owner's been remodeling the place."

Jess couldn't help but smile at the similarities between the two of them. He knew Luke had been a pretty good athlete in his days, and he could probably have gone on to college with a scholarship. For some reason or another, Luke got stuck in Stars Hollow with the diner, much like Jess had gotten entangled in Philly and Cammie's coffee shop.

"That's… good, I guess. How was California?"

"Hot. Lots of hippies… and dogs. Jimmy was okay. He's got a girlfriend and a daughter."

"He spawned again?" Luke asked, surprised.

"Her name is Lily, the kid I mean. Really smart. She likes to hide in cupboards to read. Jimmy's living with her mother, Sasha. She keeps him in check, I guess."

Luke hummed at that revelation.

"I'm getting married," he then suddenly blurted out.

"What?" Jess exclaimed. His uncle, getting married? Who..?

"Lorelai," he then added, realizing just who could be adventurous enough to marry Luke.

"Yeah. She proposed."

"She proposed? What, she bent down on one knee and asked for your hand?"

"No, Jess, she asked me, in an upright position, if I wanted to marry her, and I said yes."

"Okay. Congratulations, when's the wedding?"

Jess could almost hear Luke squirming back in Stars Hollow. Something was wrong with this picture.

"Lorelai won't set a date yet," his uncle finally replied with some difficulty.

"Why?"

"It's nothing…"

"Please, like any woman wouldn't be obsessed with setting a date, what's wrong?"

"Lorelai and Rory had a sort of falling out, and Rory's now living with her grandparents."

"What? She did what?"

"It happened a couple of weeks ago, they had a big fight, and Rory moved in with Emily and Richard after that, and Lorelai won't set a date before she and Rory have made up."

"She's living with them? Like, actually living with them?"

"That's what I've heard," Luke confirmed. "I don't know if either one of them is happy, but I'm hoping this is gonna blow over soon, 'cause Lorelai is definitely not happy."

Jess was stunned, almost beyond stunned. Rory was living with Emily and Richard? What the hell had happened? As far as he could remember, she respected her grandparents, but enough to go live with them? And the fight with Lorelai? Sure, they had fought a bit when he was around (and the fights usually involved him in some way or another), but he'd never thought they could fight this hard. What had happened after he left?

"Jess…" Luke began, but both he and Jess got interrupted when the door to the Philly-apartment swung open.

"Good, you're awake!" Matt exclaimed, as he kicked off his shoes, and dumped his messenger bag by the door.

"Who's that?" Luke asked, hearing Matt in the background.

"Someone," Jess replied, his head spinning with ideas to end this without neither Luke nor Matt getting to know too much.

"Who are you talking to?" Matt wondered as soon as he saw Jess was on the phone.

"Someone," Jess repeated, feeling panic rise in his chest. "Look, I gotta go, I've got… stuff to handle," he told Luke.

"Jess…" Luke began, but he got interrupted again.

"Bye."

Jess hung up quickly, and tossed away the phone.

"Who was that?" Matt asked again, and walked up to him.

"None of your business. Where have you been?"

"Out…"

"Matt, stop screwing around, where have you been?"

"Fine, just don't freak out," Matt relented, and walked back to the door and began rummaging around in the messengerbag. "I called in the cavalry…"

"What did you do? Anything that begins with 'I called in the cavalry' cannot end good," Jess said pointedly, looking grumpily at Matt.

"Fine. I called the guys and told them to meet me at HQ when they had their lunchbreaks. This turned out pretty good, since Chris has his lunchbreak at noon, while Reg has his half past twelve and Jake can pretty much take a break when he wants to…"

"Get to the point, Matt!"

"They came over, and…" Matt pulled something out of the bag, and returned to Jess, handing him something.

That something turned out to be a book, after a quick glance.

"You brought me a book?"

Then he figured it couldn't be just any book, they knew he was well-read, and this had to be something special. He looked down at the book again, and it felt like someone had socked him on the nose.

It was his book. The black cover and the white font, the title with his name under it was screaming at him. He had to check the cover, the back cover, the inside to make sure this was really his book, his words. They had printed him.

"Surprise..?" Matt said, clearly unsure about how Jess was taking this.

It was a surprise, all right. He was… He couldn't even decide what he was. Pissed off because Matt couldn't wait another few hours, and had to rope in the others just to get this done. He was awestruck at how amazingly good it felt to have The Subsect in his hands. It was proof, it was there, it was real. He knew exactly how it began, how it twisted and turned, how it ended.

"We only printed five copies to begin with," Matt continued, when Jess didn't answer. "We'll print more later today so you can be part of that too, but I… well, we wanted to give you this. The first book is always the most memorable, both for us and the author, and since you live with us, we wanted to surprise you, or, well, thank you, because you've really helped us with the business, Jess. Jess?"

Jess still didn't reply. He felt as if all air was being sucked out of the room and absorbed into the book. Without saying a word, he walked out of the apartment, leaving Matt yelling for him.

A/N: Dramatic end, I know, but that's life. I felt that this was a good moment for Jess to call Luke (since Jess clearly indicates he's been talking to Luke prior to "Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out") and get to know what's going on at home. The Gilmore-verse timeline is sort of confusing (since the episode where Lorelai proposed was aired in May, and the following episode where Luke agrees to marry her was aired in September, and they probably didn't stand in the gazebo for three months), but I'm trying my best to work around the quirky jumps.

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