Title: The DiNozzo Diaries 2: Dial "M" For Murder
Author: rekkidbraka
Rating: T
Pairings: Tony D. and Ziva D.
Category: Romance; humor; angst
Disclaimer: No infringement intended.
Spoilers: From final two eps. of Season 6
Summary: Sequel to "The DiNozzo Diaries." Special Agent Tony DiNozzo's most private thoughts and desires revealed, chapter by chapter. TIVA. Warning: Intense sexual content in some chapters. No slash.

-------------------- The DiNozzo Diaries 2: Dial "M" For Murder ---------------------

"Boss... It's Tony. Been tryin' to call for a couple hours but you're not pickin' up, so... well, I mean, you... obviously... know... you're... not answering your phone because I'm leaving a message right now. Why would I be doing that if you were answering, right? Hah! Um... yeah. Listen, Boss... will you ... uh ... will you just gimme a call when you get this message? I really need to talk to you. Got something kinda big to tell you and you're gonna wanna..."

Nice, Anthony. Great job. Gibbs' phone just hung up on you. And that message was so McLame that McLame-O himself would say it was McLame.

And no word from Ziva. Nothing. Zippo. NADA. Ahhhh... it's great having a soulmate. Best thing that ever happened to me. Life is but a dream.

Been a great day. Where the hell's that nurse? I need drugs.

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"Who else knows?"

"Only you. And, of course..."

"Yeah. I got it. Nobody else? You sure about that?"

"I am sure of nothing at this point, Gibbs. But I have told no one else."

"Not even Tony?"

"No. He cannot know. Not until the right time."

"You're takin' a real risk there, Ziva."

"Yes, I know that. What choice do I have?"

"Rock or a hard place, looks like to me."

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Doctor just came by for the daily poke 'n' prod. Says the old brain's doin' good; the face, all the important stuff's lookin' fantastic. Yeah, tell me something hundreds of chicks HAVEN'T already said, Doc. Chest's still gettin' there. But I had a bunch of x-rays and MRIs done and I'm healing on schedule. Actually, way ahead of schedule. Doc said he's never seen anyone take a bullet to the chest like I did and bounce back so fast. Well, what can I say? The DiNozzo men are a hardy breed... It's in our genes. Hey, I got the Italian blood just like him so...

"DiNozzo! You look like hell."

"Callen... You look like... YOU."

"Must be feeling better. Couple weeks ago you couldn't have picked me outta a lineup."

"You were in a lineup? And how was Italian jail? Make any new boyfriends there? Or just catch up with some old ones?"

"Nice... Real nice. Heh... You're gonna be fine. Ziva was a mess when she didn't know if you were gonna pull through."

"Yeah, she told me. Chicks tend to freak when the guy they're crazy about gets shot up and beaten into a coma. I guess you could call it overdramatic but, me, I think it's kinda sweet seeing as how..."

"Tony, I'm not the enemy. We're on the same side. I was hoping you were gonna be OK, too. Trust me; I've been there -- shot up like that -- and I know it's hell, man."

"If we're such pals, why are you always hitting on my girlfriend? Not exactly a Hallmark way to say 'I care'..."

"Force of habit. What can I say? No excuse, man. That's one hell of a hot woman you got there. Damn... I'm sorry, DiNozzo. Won't happen again. You got my word."

"Ahhh, if I wasn't with Ziva I'd have done the same thing. It's our curse, Callen -- we're chick magnets. They want us and we want them. Even if they're with another guy. It's the nature of the beast."

"Then I celebrate my inner beast."

"Damn straight."

"A terrible cross to bear, DiNozzo."

"Oh, the price we pay for being irresistible."

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"It's me. NO, things are NOT going according to plan! Doctor Benoit remains in hospital in Rome. The surgeons are keeping her comatose via drugs to hasten her healing from the ... unfortunate incident that befell her at her hotel. There's been no word of any improvement in her condition. Frankly, I'd consider that GOOD news for our purposes. Yes, well, that's YOUR opinion. There is, however, the matter of another problem that's arisen, thanks to the doctor's inability to control her impulses. NCIS wishes to transport the good doctor back to the States for her alleged role in attempting to off an old flame. Well, it's important because he's one of their senior NCIS agents. And he had a major hand in bringing down La Grenouille. She's not forgotten that -- nor forgiven. That, too, has proven problematic... just as the Haswari affair was. Benoit is as much of a liability to us now as her father became and... no, I do NOT see why... You've not had the pleasure -- or, rather, the sheer frustration -- of dealing with her and her... proclivities. I have and I've quite tired of it, frankly. Well... I understand your thinking but on that particular point, we'll have to agree to disagree, I suppose. Oh yes, I will report with word of the doctor's ... continued recovery. And with an update on how I've handled the other issue. No worries on that; I'll take care of it quickly -- in the usual manner. No witnesses, of course. But I will need a potential cover story. Are you willing to provide? ... Then all should be well."

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DAMMIT, Gibbs! PICK UP, for God's sake!

"Shouldn't you be gettin' your beauty sleep, DiNozzo?"

"Boss! Been trying to call you all day! Left you..."

"... seven messages. First one got cut off."

"Yeah. Why didn't you call back?"

"Been busy."

"NCIS stuff?"

"Yep."

"With Ziva?"

"Past your bedtime, Tony. Get some rest so you can get outta here and get back to work yourself. See ya tomorrow."

"Boss? You seen Ziva tonight? She hasn't been by since you left earlier and... she's not taking my calls. We ... we kinda ... had a fight. Sorta."

"Work it out."

"You didn't answer me."

"You really wanna know?"

"Not sure."

"Then you don't wanna know."

"Boss... I lied. Ziva wasn't with me this morning. I didn't see her until just before you came by today. I don't know where she was most of the day. I'm sorry I lied when I backed her up but I didn't want her getting in trouble with you for..."

"... lying to me?"

"Yeah."

"So you lied to me to cover for Ziva lying to me."

"Yeah."

"Been there, done that. With Jen in the field."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Won't happen again, Boss. I really am sorry. I'm just worried about Ziva. She's not acting like herself. I can't do anything to help her but... Boss?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you? Keep an eye on her? I know she went after Jeanne once. I don't want her ruining everything in her life just to get revenge on my ex. It's not worth it. And that's not... Ziva."

"You got it. On one condition, DiNozzo."

"Anything, Boss."

"Next time you lie to me -- DON'T."