Court Martial II
2178 – Arcturus Stream/Arcturus/Arcturus Station
Inside the Quartermaster's office the Alliance News Network was boasting about the Battle of Torfan, and my heroic charge which completely annihilated the batarian mercenary gang. The Hero of Elysium. Survivor. Ruthless. Humanity's best hope. They also indicated that now the Terminus Systems were in a power struggle to claim the power vacuum, the Batarian Hegemony was remaining silent about the son of a distinguished viscount, being named leader of the Quasar gang.
We obtained a three-bunk room in the barracks from the Fifth Fleet Quartermaster, who was more than willing to assist with my unusual request, given my name recognition. At this point, there was scantily anyone in the Alliance who hadn't heard about what happened on Akuze, which only added to the notoriety I had received for my part in the Skyllian Blitz, and now Torfan was added to the prestigious list of high-profile missions. I knew that I was developing a reputation for getting Marines killed to get the job done no matter the cost—which wasn't far from the truth when put so bluntly.
Once settled into our room, I took a seat at the desk and began reviewing more ancillary information about the Battle of Torfan. I wanted to know all there was, and to figure out why there wasn't a warning against using incapacitating agents in the mission dossier. Without a flag of precaution to the atmospheric elements, troops have no way of knowing that standard equipment is advised against…in fact, it's a wonder that there weren't more reported casualties from KO-78, given our data on all known turian colony atmospheric compositions, there was something suspicious about its omission.
Riley and Mackenzie watched extranet vids while I worked, sharing stories about their experiences on Torfan, where they had done tours of duty, just making small-talk. I wasn't trying to pay attention, but I overheard Mackenzie mention that she was at the Blitz, so I turned to interject, "How come you never mentioned to me that you were there?" I asked.
Her eyes showed surprise and disappointment, "Guess it never came up, Ma'am. I was a turret operator on the orbital security station, and worked mostly with scanners, trajectory calibrations, and tech-munitions. It was kind of embarrassing that we were completely disabled, while you were down there beating the green off the batarians. All we could do was sit on our asses, read the reports, and watch the vids." She explained.
It pained me to hear that she was ashamed of her mission, because she believed it paled to my own experience, and I stood to approach her, "I don't ever want you to discount your service again, Chief. Do I make myself clear?" She stood at attention at the inflection in my voice, "I've seen you in action, you would have done the same as me if our roles were reversed. Sometimes it's the luck of the draw that takes us to the battle. No matter the situation, we should be thankful that we lived to fight another fight, because we might not be so lucky next time."
"Aye-aye, Ma'am." she saluted, unwavering to my bellow, but hopefully relieved to know that I respect all contributions to the fight, even when others only care about the blood, guts, and glory.
"As you were, Chief Mackenzie." I ordered, before turning back to my desk.
I heard Chief Riley suck her teeth, "I was meaning to try and get the LT to loosen her starched skivvies a bit. What do you say, Mack?"
"I'm staying out of that one." She replied coarsely.
I stopped short of my desk and postulated, Am I really a starched hardass? I think she needed to hear that her service is important regardless of what her job was… I suppose my delivery could have been more gentle, but these are Marines dammit… Okay, maybe I do need to lighten up. I turned to them again, Mackenzie straightened up preparing for another ass chewing, but glanced at Riley with hope that I wasn't coming for her this time, and Riley playfully cocked her head, in preparation for my short-temper.
I forced a smile to stretch my lips, "You know, maybe that's exactly what we need to do. These Alliance-issued skivvies have been chafing my ass for a while now."
They passed looks at each other in disbelief, "That's the spirit, Shepard! Let's get out of here, and light this place up!" Riley laughed, as she jumped up, and swaggered to the washroom to freshen up and change into formal attire.
Mackenzie was still sitting there. I hope I wasn't too hard on her, I thought, and decided to take Riley's empty chair, "Mackenzie, you're a damn good Marine. The best on my team, and that's why I picked you to personally escort me while I'm under investigation. I hope you understand the importance of taking pride in your achievements, no matter how small they seem to be. There have been times in my career, when I wished that my troops had been so unlucky that they were bored on a station somewhere…because they would still be alive, and able to laugh, love, and pursue their dreams for another day."
Her eyes sparkled as she studied my expression, "Thanks Lieutenant Shepard. That means a lot coming from you…I guess you've lost a lot of Marines in winning those hellish battles. I believe in you."
I felt that familiar steely pang in my chest at the lives lost under my orders, but swallowed the heavy memory down before it could fight its way up, "That's right, and don't forget it." I forced a humored response off the cuff to ease the tension.
A smile crept at the corner of her mouth, "You got it, LIEUTENANT It's an honor to serve." she placated.
"Alright Mackenzie, we're off duty. Call me Shepard." I offered as a gesture of camaraderie, which I rarely extended to anyone under my command up to that point.
She glanced down, "Thanks, but I think I'll stick with Lieutenant for now…" she hesitated but followed up with "after I get a few drinks in me, I may take you up on it, though."
For the evening, I decided on my short black dress and matching obsidian earrings that I had carved with my tactical knife on one of my first missions on a volcanic colony, where we were stuck for a week with nothing to do but standby and wait for our target to come out of hiding. Anyway, they complemented my hair and were my go-to for this particular ensemble by making my emerald eyes stand out in contrast—it helps to know your strengths, you know, for situational awareness and all.
I felt satisfied that I looked appropriate for making an appearance in the diplomatic wing of the station. If I was going to be rubbing elbows with some of the Alliance's most influential, I had to look the part. Riley appeared to have a better handle on the Arcturus than I did, and it gave me pause to wonder just exactly what her service record looked like. I knew she had to be impressive in order to get a slot in N-School, but never really bothered to ask about it...with neither her, nor anyone that I had served with lately for that matter.
She led us directly up to the diplomatic deck, to a club that required a clearance to enter. As she had 'coincidentally' predicted, our N-class was sufficient-enough to get in, and also secured passage for Mackenzie. The establishment was loud, but not obnoxiously-so. It was much more welcoming for conversation than a standard night club, which is understandable for the needs of diplomats. The tables were polished metal, they weren't large but adequate to hold several drinks and datapads, and they contrasted pleasingly against the black and navy-blue decorum;
"You seem to know Arcturus really well, Riley. I've been here at least three different times, and barely know my way around." I observed in effort to make small talk, trying to get to know this Marine who went out of her way for me.
Mackenzie arrived to the table with three drinks for us, sat them down, and Riley took a large drink of a green-colored cocktail, "That's what happens when you spend four years here."
I leaned forward intently, "You did a tour here?"
"You catch on quick, eh Shepard? When I finally got off Earth, 84th Combat Squadron with First Fleet was my first assignment. I was an infiltrator on a Military Police task force that defends the Arcturus Station, so I spent my first four years here. For my second tour, I put in for a transfer to the 6th Expeditionary Unit to get more ground work—I guess there's something about having terra firma under my feet that just makes me feel more at ease. Anyway, I saved some asses on a few colonies, beat the crap out of a few slavers, and got some of the right kind of attention to get my application pushed through to N-School, and well, you know the rest." She explained, taking another swig of her drink, and leaned against the back of her chair. "I would ask about your service too, Shepard, just for conversation…but the vids and recruitment posters kind of tell it all for you."
I shifted in my seat at that last part, and the annoyance must have been written on my face because she followed it up with "Don't get me wrong, you're fucking awesome, but I don't want to reopen old wounds, just to hear the gritty details that were spared from the reports and the public."
I was thankful for that, most never asked about what really happened in my service record, but occasionally someone would be brazen enough to try to dig for details. I had gotten used to it as time has passed, but it was all still very fresh in my mind. Only 15 months had passed since Akuze, and the acridness still burned through my senses at just the thought.
"Thank you for that, Riley. I imagine it must have been exciting pulling a security detail on the most important station in the galaxy." I added, "I've always been the opposite when it comes to feet on the ground. Being a Spacer and all, serving on a ship or a station was just as common as a colony, so it's really all the same to me." I then turned to Mackenzie, "What about you, Mack? Besides Elysium, what's your story?"
She shrugged, "Nothing nearly as cool as being a Spacer, but I guess it was the next best thing. I was born on a colony called Arvuna, it was mostly covered in water, so we all lived on ships. The planet was chock-full of Palladium, but it had to be mined, and that's where the colonists came in. I learned to hunt out of necessity, because fish were breakfast, lunch, and dinner, not to mention the wildlife was prone to eating us, so naturally it made sense that I would go high-speed for soldier-class." She said proudly, but hesitated on the following words, "I hated abandoning the colony to join the Alliance, but it is a family tradition. We go 10 generations back with the Navy and Marines, and everyone who was able to, has served for at least one tour of duty. Turns out I had a knack for it, and ended up staying, and this makes my 2nd tour as well. I love the pride in putting on the uniform, and doing something that leaves an impact so much bigger than me." She took a swallow of her blue cocktail and winced as it burned its way down her throat, "I guess it gets in your blood, and becomes a part of you. I barely remember who I was before the Marines, and I don't think I could go back to it now."
Her words rang true to me as well…whoever I was when I joined is long-gone, transformed into a finely-tuned, well-conditioned, war-fighting machine—for better or worse.
It felt good getting to know my crew members, the incredible people who are putting everything on the line to answer their call of duty, at my orders. I always took the time to know my troops…at least I did before things sort of went to hell. Who were these people behind the uniform? What is their history, their likes, and dislikes? What motivated them to take my orders and risk sacrifice of their lives for the mission? If nothing else came from the aftermath of Torfan, at least I got back in touch with who I am at my core, and what it is that makes me the woman, not just the Marine, who in the face of annihilation with its steely gaze holding me in its sights, stand unwavering to send it back to the hell it came from. Riley and Mackenzie were exactly what I needed for that, though I didn't realize it when I casually selected them for this assignment, nor for the majority of this assignment, but I couldn't have been more right in hindsight.
Riley showed us the sights and attractions that most people visit on Arcturus, many of which were just places for people to unwind and let off some steam, but some were clearly for meeting up with intentions to take the party back to a room somewhere. It was nice letting off some steam. We had been on Arcturus for a little over a week, and I was killing time at my desk reviewing some tabloids that had dubbed me the 'Butcher of Torfan' and accused me of being a racist, 'hellbent on stopping only after I've killed the last batarian'. Most articles from Alliance News Network and other media outlets, released propaganda promoting my actions as necessary, and designating me a war hero once again for the people on Earth, and across the galaxy by eliminating the batarian slavers. According to them, I'm the only one willing to do what is necessary to get rid of the evil that threatens peace—never mind that none of it would be possible without the support of my higher-ups, those who actually carry out my orders, and a great deal of calculated luck, I'm just a face and a name to pin it onto.
I was ready to close the terminal and run a few laps for my morning physical exercise, when the ping of my omni-tool alerted that I had received a message.
Lieutenant Shepard - You are to report to room DR-109-7 for a formal hearing at 0900 tomorrow. You will be meeting with Alliance Investigation Division, so be prepared to answer any questions they may have. Their ruling is final if they dismiss the charges, but if they determine that there is evidence to proceed against you, they will refer your case to a Court Martial. Best of luck, and I will see you there. – Admiral Hackett
As I ran the rubber-turf track around the physical conditioning facility with my detail, I informed them about finally having a hearing, which could lead to having some leave time before we have to board the Helsinki again. "Outstanding news LIEUTENANT You can set the record straight, and tell them exactly how it happened. Remind them that without your improvising, we might have walked right into a nest and gotten slaughtered." Mackenzie offered, and in her confidence I felt reassured.
Riley added, "Its only good news, until someone with a vendetta against you, uses your publicized scrutiny to their advantage. Remember any toes you stepped on to get here, Shepard, because they surely haven't forgotten you." She rebuked, followed by a fake cough "Commander Kyle."
I quickened my pace at that unwanted reminder, "Noted, Chief. I don't make a habit of stepping on toes, and I'll let the command sort out what to do with Kyle. I stand by my decisions, and their accordance with rules and regulations."
"Assuming they don't side with him…some people are buying into the whole 'Butcher' story" Riley informed, and continued, "You do know that his brother is on the Parliament, don't you? Kyle is vying for high-command, and any blemish on his record will ruin any chance of that. That's why we're here…"
"I did not know that, but your confidence is truly encouraging, Riley" I dejectedly responded.
"No problem, Shepard. I've been doing a little digging with some old battle buddies around here. Thought you should know before you're side swiped by it," she replied.
Mackenzie injected, "The Alliance definitely won't be doing themselves any favors in ruling against you, but if they do, what then, Shepard? You really inspire people, and humanity needs someone like that to motivate the fight. You make people believe in what we stand for, and also in themselves; that belief gives some people the strength to be better than they would have been on their own."
"I think you're giving me too much credit... The Systems Alliance took advantage of those missions, with massive propaganda, and recruitment campaigns." I modestly rebuked.
"I think Mack has some hero-worship, but you know she's right, Shepard. The Alliance takes advantage of it when someone like you comes along, that's what they're supposed to do. Remember Grissom, Williams, and their like? Well you have your own thunder, and humanity needs to be reminded that we have people like that." Riley retorted.
"Look, it's not likely to happen, but if they ask for my resignation or force me into a discharge, I won't just disappear…maybe there is some work that I could get into on the Citadel" I offered,
That was Anke's dream after the Alliance, but I never gave too much thought about what I would do if I wasn't with the Alliance—and it was just as good an idea as any. I couldn't see myself settling down on a colony somewhere, or getting a regular job with a mining or manufacturing company, and greasing wheels with power-hungry politicians wasn't really something that appealed to me either…I guessed there was always security or mercenary work, a hired gun, but that was more of a fallback plan than a career goal.
They both laughed at my suggestion, "I can't imagine you writing out policies and convincing politicians to adopt them…unless you went in with a heavy-weapons squad and said, 'Sign this or you're going to find out what it feels like to be biotically paralyzed, and shot in the knee with a Carnifex Hand Canon'. Riley bleated between laughs.
"You think it's funny, eh? Maybe I'll start preparing for making policy changes now. 10 kilometers around this track ought to remedy this insubordination, and prepare me for the worst-case scenario that you're ever-so worried about. Step it up Marines, double time!" I maliciously laughed, light-heartedly punishing their lack of confidence in my ability to work behind a desk.
After a thoroughly invigorating morning PT, I spent the rest of the day ensuring that I was prepared for any line of questioning that the board may ask. Now that I knew about Kyle's secret agenda, I realized I was a fall-guy that he intended to use to boost his own career, I had an angle that I could work around. The mission dossier did not warn about interactions with KO-78, even though it is a standard operation procedure to list warnings and implications of equipment with the atmosphere, especially in regard to turian colonies. Without taking special precautions, and independently researching the interactions from the environment with the gas, there was no way to prepare for it—and strategically, taking the time to do that could have cost us the preemptive strike against them.
With the intel available, I could not have made better tactical decisions. In fact, we suffered heaviest casualties with the fighters, who were taken out by the canon fire on the surface, their losses were massive in comparison to the casualties we lost inside the base. My intentions to use non-lethal measures, despite permission to kill on sight, should cast my actions favorably, especially considering we completely eliminated their gang. The facts were on my side, but I was also prepared to get blindsided by anything, just in case there were in fact people who had a score to settle for reasons unbeknownst to me.
"Shepard, you work too hard." Chief Riley commented, she had been working on her own projects, but mostly catching up on vids and books with the down-time. Almost daily she tried to drag me around the station to find entertainment, but this wasn't just R&R for me, so sometimes she was forced to just hang around the barracks while I worked.
"Tomorrow is the day. Are you ready" She asked.
I stretched my arms back and over my head, "Ready as I will ever be. They have the same reports in front of them as me, I just hope nobody tries to make this a smear campaign… the Marines who died down there deserve better than that." I answered.
"You deserve better than that too, Shepard. Don't forget it." She quipped.
I forced a dejected smile, the heroics of my actions always paled against the losses I suffered to win…at least it seemed that way for the latter half of my career up to this point.
"There you go again, brooding." She sighed, and walked over to my desk, leaning her shoulder against the wall, "You tried to save those four-eyed, green-skinned, bugs. That's what you fucking do. You're the symbol of humanity's resolve to do the right thing, and you take the hard path, even when alternatives are paved out for you. You've got to stop beating yourself up over what happened…we're Marines, we die, we accepted that as part of the job, and it's nobody's fault but the enemy's. You're not the enemy Shepard, and the real ones sure as hell don't give a damn. The only reason they lose any sleep over dead Marines is when you come for them, because then they have to sleep with one eye open, knowing you won't stop until they've paid their comeuppance."
My lips tightened and my brow creased, "I am well aware of my actions, and what my achievements have done, Chief. I don't need your reminding about what my Marines died for, I know the blood I have on my hands, and that's my business."
She narrowed her eyes, "You're mad. Good! Be mad! Be mad, and kick the shit out of our enemies—those mercs were your enemy, and if you didn't kill them down in that tunnel, they might have regrouped and killed thousands of humans in retaliation. Look, if you want to shoulder the burden of all of the galaxy's problems, that's great, you're in good company. But you're just one person, and you're not God, so quit acting like you have control over everything—sometimes you just have to accept that things are just shit, and carry on, taking the memory of those no longer with us in order to make a better tomorrow." she spoke with passion, the kind that comes from having been there and knowing what pain comes from losing someone dear to you, but I was angry and so very self-absorbed.
I shot to my feet to directly face the insolent woman, "You're out of line, Chief, and treading on thin ice! If you want to make it back to the Helsinki in one piece, you'll watch your fucking mouth." I barked.
"I'm not your enemy, but someone needs to have the intestinal fortitude to remind you of these things, and if I have to take on the role of Sergeant Iron-Nuts, so be it—that's what comrades do. Get out of your head, if not for the Alliance, do it for yourself and that guilt that you're holding onto for dear life. Tomorrow, when they try to string you up, by mind-fucking you on those things under your skin, don't roll over and take that shit, stand up, and fight the man!"
My fists were clenching and my heart was pounding, I wanted to resist the words she was telling me, I wanted to punch her in the face for even suggesting that I move on from the battles that have come to define me…but they're not who I really am…they're my response to a situation. I was seething, but she made sense, I growled and turned to walk away, to be anywhere other than in this room, with these thoughts and feelings.
The door slid open as I attempted to exit, revealing Mackenzie, who had returned from a shopping adventure, but appeared to have been standing outside the door for a moment, oh great, she was eavesdropping.
I puffed, glowering at her to step out of my way, and marched directionless down the hallways and stairways, to put distance between myself, and the consequences of getting in an altercation with my security detail. Do I really brood so much that people notice? If they weren't up my ass 24/7 maybe it wouldn't be a problem. It's none of their damn business what burdens I choose to bear. It's none of their fucking business about anything that I do. All they need to worry about is following fucking orders. She was out of line. Who does she think she is to speak with me that way!? Were my initial thoughts, but the longer I dwelled on it, the more I came to realize that nobody really had my genuine interest like that since… Anke never held back to tell me what she thought about my bullshit. That's what friends do…what comrades do. Have I really lost my way so far to not even recognize a life saver when it is thrown at me?
Shame stabbed my chest in a pang that caused me to stop in my tracks, and I leaned against the wall of a hallway. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I let a deep sigh, I was wrong to get so pissed. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about my peers looking out for me like that, but maybe I should be thankful. I guess it pushed some buttons that I didn't know I even had. I might have if I let anyone close enough to keep me on my toes…because I couldn't allow anyone back into the space that she filled…not even remotely. I pushed myself off the wall I looked back toward the direction I came from, I should apologize.
Shamefully, I turned to retreat back to the barracks, where I would deliver an apology to Riley. When I arrived however, I was greeted by Mackenzie, and Riley was nowhere to be found. "She went down to the NCO Club to let off some steam, she will be back soon. Don't worry, she said she would drink one for you." Mackenzie said, setting her data pad down on the table beside her to give me her full attention.
"That's fine. Thank you Mackenzie." I said curtly, crossing my arms and leaning against the wall, contemplating what I would do next.
"Lieutenant Shepard, do you mind if I speak freely?" Mackenzie asked.
I sighed, "Everyone else has been, so you may as well go ahead."
"Thank you, Ma'am. I overheard some of what Riley was telling you, and she's right, but so are you. I can see how easy it is for us to get caught up in your heroism, it's everywhere we turn, and working with you, we see it every day. But we've never been there, even if some of the things we've done in our careers have been harrowing, we're not you, and this is your career. It's been a privilege to serve with you, and no matter what happens tomorrow, I think you should just stay true to yourself. Getting pissed will just give them ammunition, and showing remorse will let them see your weakness, but I've spent just about every minute with you for the last two weeks, and you've got this. You were a professional, stand by it, and the facts will fall into place." She said plainly, but with some reservation, knowing my response could have lasting effects on her service.
I nodded my head at her remarks, "I appreciate the insight, Mackenzie." I looked back to my terminal and decided I should prepare my final statement, "I guess should get back to work."
"I'm here if you need me, Lieutenant." She offered and picked up her data pad to resume reading.
I couldn't sleep very well that night, even though I went to bed early, I tossed and turned, plagued by the sights and smells of the battles that won't let me rest. A new and plaguing thought kept creeping into my mind, maybe retribution is finally catching up with me for all the lives sacrificed on my orders. Do I even deserve the freedom to continue with this after all that I've done? Each time that thought came to me, I felt searing rage at the demons that my mind was mustering to challenge me. I won't go out like this; I've come too far be defeated with the stroke of a pen, and the demons of my memories.
Around 0430 I resigned my efforts for sleep and woke Mack and Riley for morning PT, then at 0600 we came back to get cleaned up to prepare for the hearing. The mood was anxious, but we hid it well. At 0830, in our dress blues, we headed for DR deck to the board room, where I found my place in front of a bench with six chairs. I was greeted by Admiral Hackett of the Helsinki, and Captain Anderson of the Tokyo, who were both there to provide their testimony on the battle. I recognized Anderson from the Star of Terra ceremony, he of course remembered me as well, and he had apparently earned a promotion since our last encounter. Commander Kyle was sitting alone in the rear of the room to provide his own testimony, having made himself a pariah. That's what happens in the military, either you're with us or you're against us.
When the hearing began, I opened with my statement, and explained my actions with accuracy and understanding, not passing blame but refusing to accept anything more than my share of it. I made certain to remind the hearing panel of the unfortunate consequences of failure to update Alliance intelligence documents, and how it may have been avoided if we had kept our end of the peace treaty with the turians.
The brass gave their shining testimony, and then we all listened to the audio evidence from my team's comms, finally they heard Commander Kyle's interpretation of the events. It was a clear case of an unfortunate accident, and everyone in the room knew that looking too deeply into it could result in a diplomatic issue with the turians. Under normal circumstances, Kyle's unit—my unit—would have gotten a pat on the back, some ribbons for meritorious duty, and the whole thing would have been just another day on the job, but he shot himself in the foot with his petty bullshit.
The hearing panel dismissed the charges, and I was sent on my way. Riley and Mackenzie were relieved of their guard duties, and allowed to enjoy what was left of shore leave. Later that week, we received notification that Commander Kyle had resigned his post, unable to withstand the loss of life on Torfan. As a departure package, he was promoted to Major and given a few awards that would help him along should he pursue a career in politics, or something of the like.