Jack
He's lying on his bed, moaning at his best friend, David. He's just been turned down again by his dream woman—for the third time. He says, "I told her that I don't smoke or drink. She told me to loosen up."
David smothers his laugh in a Diet Coke. "You walked right into that one, Jack. Your lungs probably look like tar and you're the biggest alky I know!"
Jack glares.