A/N: Hello! The usual disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter franchise, J K Rowling does. Thank you for the support with reviews and follows and favourites. I hope you enjoy this!

LILY'S P.O.V

Gingerly, I pick up the letter. It appears to feel my presence and shuffles about in my grasp and tries to rise, I let it and it forms a mouth. A little bit like a howler, minus the aggression.

"Dear Miss Lily Evans, we are writing to inform you of an attack on Cokeworth, England. All houses are down to rubble and we recommend that residents find another place of accommodation. There was a Dark Mark above 87 Edwards Street before Ministry officials arrived, Mr and Mrs Evans and Mrs Snape are declared to be dead. The Ministry sends our condolences and sympathy in this hard time. Ministry investigators will arrive in approximately five hours to scan the scene and look for any evidence. We will keep all residents of magical blood informed of any changes, yours sincerely, Amanda Picklesnout, Department of Dark Arts and Defence."

The letter crumples to the floor, my heart along with it. Every fibre of my being rattles. It doesn't seem real, it can't be. Why would the Death Eaters target Cokeworth? Then I get it. They did this to get at me. It's my fault they're dead. I saw them only a few hours ago and now I'll never see them again. What about Spinner's End? Severus's mother. Why would they attack her if Severus is on their side? Maybe he swapped sides. Maybe he is my friend. What if this was what he was warning me about?

"Lily?" Mrs Potter looks at me concernedly.

"I – I need to – I can't…" I can't choke out my words.

I get up and run before they can see my tears. I run up the first two flights of stairs until I find a long hall filled with paintings, chairs and doors to various balconies, I probably would have been amazed by its magnificence if I weren't so wrapped up in my own grief. I hide behind one of the sofas and let the tears fall, I start screaming and can barely catch my breath. This was never supposed to happen. This would never have happened if I'd stayed at home. I could have protected them or done something. Why did I have to be so selfish and stay at the Potters'? Why am I even here? I don't like James Potter and I think the Marauders are a nuisance. This is my entire fault.

They can't be dead. What even is dead? They're gone, but where have they gone? How can life just end? What kind of person can bring it on themselves to end a life? Their lives may have been ended but mine feels at its end as well. Do people take this into account when they kill someone? That every person means something to those around them, every person is connected to others. We, as humans, need those connections. It's in our souls to attach to people, to love. If that is human nature, then Death Eaters cannot be human. You need love to survive, most people do, it's a human thing. Any reasonable human being would never kill another, it would be wrong. That person has a family, a job, a place to be, a life to live. Gone in a matter of seconds. The more I think about it, the shorter life seems to be.

Now I understand what adults mean when they talk about life being short and making the most of it. My parents were young still, they still had loads of life ahead of them. What if tomorrow is my last day? This war makes that possibility an almost certainty. I'm angry, all of a sudden. At the Death Eaters for killing my parents, at Severus for warning me but not actually doing anything about it, for his cowardice, at myself for my selfishness and at He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named for starting the war which will end so many people's lives. I hate them all, myself included.

I start screaming angry words and then I feel my anger wholly dissipate only to be replaced with fear. What will happen next? What if I cannot carry on? What if I crumble away, disintegrate and become wrapped up in myself and my grief? What if I become consumed by it? How do I move on, move forward, find the light in the darkness, the silver lining? What if I turn into a monster?

The anxiety and worry replaces the fear until I transition back to my state of despondency and misery. My screaming becomes harsh, shallow breaths and then sobs. Pitiful, absolutely ridiculous and pathetic, Lily. There are people much worse off than you. Then suddenly, there are arms around me holding me tight.

"Lily?" the voice says.

"Go away. I need to be a-alone."

"No, Lily, you need to breathe," the voice sounds panicked and I try to breathe deeply.

When I finally get my breath back, I start crying, it's more controlled than my screaming and sobbing but it still hurts. The person rocks me and I cry into their shirt.

"It's going to be okay, Lily. I promise you, we'll get through this, you're not alone."

I look up to who has shown me this much kindness. James Potter. I don't even have the heart to tell him to piss off, in fact, I'm oddly glad he's here.

"I don't deserve your kind-heartedness, James. I should have stopped them, I shouldn't have come here, I was being selfish. I could have stopped it. I should have stayed at home –" the words are too much for me to handle.

"Hey, it's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done, if you'd stayed at home, they would have killed you, too. Your parents would want you alive, wouldn't they?"

His words don't really help. I'm not in the mood for him being right. Especially not over something like this. He doesn't speak again, he lets me cry. He doesn't try to offer his condolences or say he's sorry. He just sits there and supports me, which is more than enough. I don't want someone telling me everything happens for a reason, that they're somewhere better, that they're in heaven now or that they pity me. I don't want pity or sympathy. I want to carry on with my life and when people say those things, it stops me form moving on. It makes me think about it all over again, about what I believe happens when you die, where they are, how it happened, souls, heavens, hell and God or Gods. I don't know what to think about any of that, I have time for that when I die. Besides, thinking about it gets me nowhere. You just go round in circles.

We must have sat there for a long time because when James took my hand and pulled me up, I felt stiff. I stride on down the hall, James catches up with me.

"Where're you going to go now?" he asks. I consider him.

"To my room, I'll clean myself up and then I think I'll go for a walk."

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asks. I shrug.

"I certainly wouldn't stop you, just bear in mind that I'm not feeling brilliantly sociable at the moment."

"Don't worry," he grins. "I've dealt with Padfoot when he's had a hangover. You can't be worse than that."

I smile, despite myself before running to my room. When I open the door, I find myself immersed in a wonderful white and pale blue room. The white curtains cover a large window which looks out on the garden, the bed is white painted metal with powder blue sheets and white pillows, the carpet is a light cream, the wardrobe, dresser and side-table are all white painted wood. I am awestruck. The Potters did this for me? I remember my old room, completely cleared out and replaced with Petunia's stuff. God, what about Petunia? I should find her, ask about the funeral. Where will I stay? I doubt Petunia would want em to stay with her and I don't want to live in a house with Vernon.

I push the thoughts from my mind – I'll deal with them later. I unzip my trunk and change into my favourite jeans (the ones I bought with my mother) and a green blouse (Petunia's gift to me one Christmas). I then wipe my face, let my hair down, grab my wand and run down the stairs to meet James.

James smiles broadly when he sees me. I can't help grinning back. He always manages to make me feel better somehow. He gives off a sort of aura which instantly makes me feel happy, giddy almost.

JAMES' P.O.V

I'm worried about Lily but I'm also angry. We never got round to planning revenge on the Death Eaters but this is even more of an incentive to hunt them down. The war is approaching fast, I can feel it. The anticipation of blood shed and loss. I couldn't be more ready. Lily bounds down the stairs, her hair loose. She is the most beautiful person I've ever seen. My heart aches slightly. Her blouse hugs her tightly and I can't help staring slightly.

I think about all she's lost and I feel the anger rise again. I don't want to comfort her, I want to put it right. I want to get out there and try to heal her pain.

"Are you ready?" she inquires.

"Yeah."

We leave before anyone tries to follow us. I lead us down a path which leads into a woodland. It's not dark and creepy like the Forbidden Forest, but light and full of life. Lily and I walk in silence for a while.

"You broke up with Lacy," she says finally.

"I did."

"Why?"

"You seem curious, Evans. Not jealous, are you?" the question genuinely intrigues me.

"Of Lacy? No way, she had to put up with you," she says and I smile.

"Not for long though," I sigh.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"Don't be, I didn't really like her."

"Then why?"

"Hell if I know, maybe I wanted to get your attention," the truth is a gamble but maybe it could work.

she stops and stares at me. I blush.

"What?" I say, uncomfortable.

"Nothing, but why would you want to get my attention?"

"Well… we kind of had a few moments last year and I thought something would happen. We've been through a lot and then after you went to the hospital wing because of Severus' spell… Well nothing really happened. There were times when I thought I knew what you were thinking and then other times I had no clue. So I started dating again, it was the only way you'd pay any attention to me. I had some advice and I've stopped bullying first years and I don't pick on people anymore. I don't know…"

"I don't know what to say, James."

"Sorry, it was stupid. I'm being ignorant to other people's problems again, aren't I?"

"No! James, you had my attention way before you started dating. At first, I didn't really like you and I thought you were an arrogant twit with a way too big an ego. But after a while, I kind of warmed to you. It's just… I don't think I could handle a relationship. I'd mess it up somehow. Like I messed up with my parents and Petunia, my friendship with Severus and God knows what else."

"You didn't mess any of that up, Lily."

"I did, and I hate the world but I can't hate it. Loads of the people I love are still here and yet I feel like the world is a complete mess."

"It takes a great deal of courage to see the world in all its tainted glory, and still to love it."

"Oscar Wilde," she says, surprised.

"Yeah, you like Oscar Wilde?"

"Yes! I didn't know wizards read Muggle stuff."

"They don't, not really. It's just, Oscar Wilde was so funny and yet so truthful at the same time. Wow, I didn't think you were into stuff like that."

"Oh."

We fall into a comfortable silence.

"James, can I tell you something which has been bothering me for ages?"

"Sure."

"I've been waiting for you to kiss me again and you never did, why?"

"Oh," I shift uneasily. "I didn't think you wanted to." That's not the real reason, I think. I didn't because I thought she's kill me if I did.

"Boys," she rolls her eyes.

She turn to face me and kisses me deeply.

LILY'S P.O.V

The kiss warms me up and somehow, I know how I'm going to carry on. I know what I have left to fight for.